As Prince Andrew loses yet more responsibilities, quits social media and plunges deeper into debt, we suggest he turns to one of his last remaining chums, the notoriously noxious skinflint Bernie Ecclestone
Prince Andrew used to like to go out on the razzle dazzle. Though he claimed he didn’t sweat in any location, he definitely went to Tramp, he possibly went to Pizza Express (Woking branch) and he most definitely went very enthusiastically to parties with little girls at the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s New York mansion. More recently, he even went down with the kids and got into social media, but yesterday that came to an end also with the closure of his Twitter and Instagram accounts.
Now with Richard Eden of the Daily Mail reporting further bad news in the form of his Urramoor Limited firm “plunging £200,000 into debt” this morning, the rotter that is ‘Randy Andy’ and his spenadholic simpleton wife ‘Farting Fergie’ clearly are going to find it harder to afford to engage and entertain others.
Mind you, given this dastardly, dopey duo believe everyone else should pay for them and pay out big style, our advice to them is simple: Why don’t you ring the old skinflint Bernie Ecclestone? He’s probably the last one willing and just about able to drag his sorry self round to bring you a nice Sloppy Giuseppe. They could discuss the respective merits of Hitler and Putin whilst they’re at it; they, after all, didn’t put up with the plebs either.
Planning ahead for the first time in her existence, the Duke of York’s live-in ex-wife paused her YouTube channel, ‘Fergie & Friends,’ last week. Given she no longer is bothering to uploaded to her paltry 42,500 subscribers, she could perhaps move her focus away from talking about farting, grizzly itches and monsters and spend more time looking for yellow stickered bargains in Waitrose Belgravia. TV suppers for two are this cretinous couple’s likely only way of seeing out the end of their days.In a post on social media this week, podcaster Lisa Tait reminded the Duke of York of his 2015 email to Ghislaine Maxwell about Virginia Roberts. In it, he stated: “Let me know when we can talk. Got some specific questions to ask you about Virginia Roberts.” Strangely, in 2019, the Queen’s supposed favourite son claimed to have no memory of Miss Roberts and no recollection of posing with his chubby fingers in the now infamous photograph on the landing in Maxwell’s Kinnerton Street house on 10th March 2001. Very odd that he rather conveniently doesn’t remember that social occasion, very odd that.“Make new friends, but keep the old; the new are silver, the old are gold” is something that hasn’t quite worked out at the House of York. Stripped of his honours, the Duke of York could turn to people like Stuart Hall, Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein, but all three turned out to be sexual predators. The first’s out of jail and in location unknown so that might be hard, the second is rotting in the clink and the third has croaked. “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”‘Simple Sarah’ and ‘Angry Andy’ could also turn to Ghislaine Maxwell, but she’s currently rather incoveniently incarcerated. They do have the options of the “Chanel-clad” Baroness Meyer, but she’s probably busy post-charity-tinpot-banging pompously pontificating in the House of Lords and then there is the disgraced ex-Bell Pottinger honcho James Henderson. They do say “people’s choices of friends reflect their own characters” and this lot certainly are a very curious mirror one could argue.After another of ‘Randy Andy’s’ equally stupendously stupid chums Lady Victoria Hervey appeared on ITV to defend him – she ridiculously remarked: “‘At the end of the day, he’s only a man, and he’s male, right? I don’t think anyone can expect him to just be a monk in a monastery” – Twitter users quite rightly mocked and condemned her. In a tweet, one user suggested her to be “swiftly becoming the new Paul Burrell.” Perhaps the Duke of York and Sarah, Duchess of York should move this ‘Twit Girl’ into Royal Lodge, Windsor. In exchange for free lodgings, Lady Victoria could be put to work doing hoovering (of the domestic variety).
Lady Victoria Hervey’s latest airing to share irrelevant claims about Ghislaine Maxwell simply show her lack of connection with the real story; this tedious twerp ought to now learn the art of silence
Lady Victoria Hervey is like herpes. She’s just something nobody in their right mind would want to have and in her appearance on last night’s Ghislaine, Prince Andrew and the Paedophile this washed-up wastrel yet again stuck her never welcomed cloven hooves straight into the proverbial.
Supposedly – according to her, but not confirmed by him – a short-lived lover of non-sweating Prince Andrew and rejected as “too old” – according to her, but not confirmed by him – by the since croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, Lady Victoria Hervey is better known for having had a “drunken” threesome with Mel B and her then husband Stephen Belafonte. She’s also known for getting her kit off and cavorting topless on yachts, but what this blonde bimbo most certainly isn’t is an expert worthy of quoting about current affairs.
In reeling this airhead out as one of her main sources on the 45-minute long ITV show, presenter Ranvir Singh well and truly scraped the bottom of a very murky barrel and produced a show that was deservedly condemned as “not in-depth” by The Guardian and nothing but a “rehash with nothing new to add” by The Telegraph subsequently this morning.
Going further and giving the documentary just 2 out of 5 stars as a rating, The Telegraph’s arts and entertainment editor Anita Singh added:
“What else could explain the presence of Lady Victoria Hervey, a Nineties socialite who has given several interviews about her friendship with Maxwell and whose contribution here extended to defending the Prince’s desire for female company after his divorce: ‘At the end of the day, he’s only a man, and he’s male, right? I don’t think anyone can expect him to just be a monk in a monastery.’ Presenter Ranvir Singh couldn’t do much with the well-worn material… This story deserves more serious treatment.”
Correctly, responding to an article by the Daily Mail, ‘Shane from Spain’ rightly hit-the-nail-on-the-head when he queried: “’Young and naïve’ becomes ‘older and stupid’ and trying hard to stay relevant! What is up with this woman? If she really had anything to add, she would have been on the witness list. Vile person seeking 15 minutes more attention.”
Elsewhere yesterday prior to the documentary airing, Lady Victoria Hervey appeared on Lorraine and offered – with her trademark twerp “you knows” and “ums” and “ers” – yet more drivel about her “former friends” Epstein and Maxwell. She opined:
“To be honest, urm, I think [Ghislaine] was, urm, a victim. I mean she is a victim and she was a victim that then became, urm, the accomplice, urm, as her role changed in that relationship when they were no longer together. You know, urm, she switched sides, urm, one would say. But, urm, I do see her as a victim as well.”
“Yeah, at the time, you know, I was really, you know, the It Girl of London. On the social scene, everyone knew me. I was at, you know, every dinner, event, so it was kind of a plus having me on her list, you know, of people to invite. It sort of probably kept it more interesting, you know, for all of the men, you know, she was entertaining.”
“I had fun, I guess, at the time and I was so naïve and people in my social situation that were really young, of course, we were going to get taken advantage of. You know, models got taken advantage of all the time. We were just a sort of pretty face to have to entertain people, but you know, erm, I was definitely one of the luckier ones and I’m, erm, aware of that.”
“For me, it just seemed like fun at the time… The early 2000s, you know, people wanted Ghislaine and Jeffrey for their events, you know.”
“I did follow some of the trial, but, you know, I was a bit disappointed as I don’t think we really learnt anything new and I feel there was kind of a lot of detachment from it because there were no actual cameras allowed and so no one’s even really seen pictures of her.”
“Like, you know, it’s just been sketches and she hasn’t named, you know, any new names yet and I’m hoping for the people involved, for a lesser jail sentence, it’s possible she will start giving out some names. I, erm, don’t think we’re quite we’re there yet with the jury members as well.”
Concluding and frankly not adding much to the narrative of this sordid story, Lady Victoria opined:
“[Ghislaine] unfortunately now is a scapegoat. There’s no one else to blame, so unfortunately for her, like, she is being taken down, erm, for what he’s done as well – which, well, you know, is not quite as fair as it could be, but that is the situation that she’s in right now.”
“She was really quite private about a lot, but obviously, you know, I mean, they were good friends and you can just tell by the body language when you see people who are good friends, you know, you know.”
“Erm, but, erm, I do not know about the sentencing, how many years they are going to give her.”
The ‘aristoprat’ once said of the taxi driver turned money funnel Jeffrey Epstein: “He was a very charismatic man.” Of herself, she once actually rightly said something correct in remarking: “I suddenly thought, I’m just Victoria Hervey… Horrible.”Lady Victoria Hervey likes to party with anyone who’ll bring her attention. Pictured here with Daniel Lismore, this washed-up wastrel woman should stop trying to profit on her long since forgotten time with Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. She was not a victim of either of them and if she were so important to this case, why wasn’t she called as a witness?Lady Victoria Hervey’s decision to talk about having a sordid threesome with a known wifebeater and his victim wife speaks volumes as to where her moral compass lies.Lady Victoria Hervey would now do well to stick to hanging around with washed-up wannabes like Christabel Milbanke and disgraced television presenter Angus Deayton.
Classic clangers from privileged pillock and former ‘It Girl’ Lady Victoria Hervey
Described by the by-contrast lovely, late fellow ‘It Girl’ Tara Palmer-Tomkinson as “unpleasant” and “a right snob,” here is a woman who has come out with some of the most stupid statements ever. They include:
“I am Lady Victoria Hervey – it doesn’t get more British than that.”
“I don’t want to make enemies.”
“Fuck BLM [Black Lives Matter].”
“I’m not going to lie, I never wear [a face mask]… I storm out of any shop [that asks me to put one on].”
“[I used to sell PPE at the start of the pandemic]… But I did a little pivot [and stopped]… I was selling it to hospitals, not to people out walking their dogs or shopping.”
“[Asked: ‘Would you ever take the Covid vaccine?’]… No way! It’s a personal thing, and my mother’s had hers, but at my age I really believe in natural immunity.”
“It’s completely hyped! The biggest worldwide conspiracy that ever happened.”
“[It’s] Bill Gates’ goal to bring out this vaccine to depopulate the world… I’m not going to be a lab rat.”
“Unless it’s champagne, I can’t handle it.”
“I’m an A-list celebrity and this is a C-list party.”
“I was the It Girl of London. On the social scene, everyone knew me. I was at every dinner event.”
“If you were on the social scene in the 90s, and you were not in [Maxwell’s] address book, then you didn’t exist.”
“I do have a day job.”
“I was pretty much used as bait.”
“I was young and naïve.”
“My career always goes much better when I haven’t got a man.”
“A baby is easy – you hand them over to a nanny!”
“I’m kind of into star signs and I want my baby to have a sign that’s compatible with mine. It’s to plan though… We’ll just have to see… We’ll do the embryos and then I’ll figure out which month I’d like the baby to be born.”
“[Of having six of her eggs frozen at a cost of £11,000]: I had a friend who was going to be my sperm donor. He was going to be involved in my child’s life, but as a friend, not a partner. And I was supposed to be pregnant now. But then Covid happened, which was a big blow, but looking back I’m really grateful I didn’t do it with that person.”
“I’m not stupid. I’m not a dumb model.”
“[I aim to become] the next Kate Winslet – but with class.”
“I have had four past lives, three of them as a man. I was a composer in 17th-century Paris, I made materials in India and in Ancient Greece I was a famous politician. In Ancient Egypt I was keeper of the oils for the Pharaoh’s wife, and I love oils so it all kind of fits.”
“I feel I’ve aged 100 years in lockdown. I’ve had Botox, of course.”
“What annoys me is when these families have got like 12 children and we’re paying for these kids… They work out that they make more money being on the dole than having a job, they just laze around.”
“The real irony of this is that the poor get poorer and the rich get richer.”
“Travelling is in my blood, and so is liking luxurious things and spending.”
“I haven’t given up on men, there are a few of them around, but I keep leaving every city I meet them in.”
“Everyone from Europe wants to buy houses in LA.”
“I was too old for Jeffrey Epstein… [He seemed] very charming… He was a very well-liked guy.”
“I’m not one of those kind of girls, I don’t like going to dinners with ten models invited… I was very young and impressionable, Jeffrey was a very charismatic man.”
“Epstein and Clinton were like brothers.”
“Prince Andrew was the son of the Queen of England. Americans love that. Jeffery loved that. Bill Clinton loved that.”
“Ghislaine and Jeffrey were like Batman and Robin.”
“I haven’t seen [Ghislaine Maxwell] since September [2018] at a friend’s baby shower… I don’t think anyone is going to find her. She’s gone far away. She’s a bit like a James Bond character. She’s quite a unique person and I don’t believe anyone is going to find her… I don’t think we will ever see her again, it’s going to be like Robert Maxwell continued; she will continue that family mystery.”
“[Of the now notorious 2001 picture of Prince Andrew, Ghislaine Maxwell and Virginia Roberts]: Yeah, that was stupid.”
“I had no idea what was going on [with Jeffrey Epstein]… It’s extraordinary it’s the case, it’s a wild story.”
“I suddenly thought, I’m just Victoria Hervey… Horrible.”
Lady Victoria Hervey’s interview with Lorraine Kelly wasn’t exactly riveting or revealing. Frankly it would have been better if she simply hadn’t turned up.
Lady Victoria Hervey’s latest airing to share irrelevant claims about Ghislaine Maxwell simply show her lack of connection with the real story; this tedious twerp ought to now learn the art of silence.
Comments about over-privileged pillock Lady Victoria Hervey from MailOnline readers
“Lady Victoria getting her five minutes of fame.”
“Vile.”
“This woman will do anything to be in the limelight as if anyone’s going to listen to a word she says using this opportunity to have another five minutes of fame”
“Socialite, or in shortened version, leech.”
“Socialite! Euphemism for ‘I have done nothing with my life other than go to parties paid for by other people! Job, work! How dare you use such vile and unpleasant words in my presence. You should be grateful that I’ve turned up!’”
“An empty airhead seeking attention. 24 and naïve? I do not think so. Terrible interview.”
“The landed gentry doing this type of interview is a very bad idea.”
“ANOTHER example of our entitled upper classes… CRAP.”
“How is this woman always 44 years old? … She’s at least 54 years old… She has been 44 for the past 20 years… 44? She’s at least 49… 44 + VAT… 44? And the rest!”
“Oh no, it’s her again… Scurvy Hervey, the sailor’s call her. Below decks, she smells like Portsmouth at low tide, they say, and she’s been plumbed more often than Kentish Knock. Stay away boys, stay away.”
“Been round the block more than a New York cab.”
“Not ageing well… Skeletal… Knees don’t lie… Awful figure, looks like my ironing board.”
“Gormless… Deluded old nobody… What the hell does this pointless woman do?”
“Absolutely stuck up her own behind.”
“Starting to think she is a bloke… I thought he’d transitioned? … That’s some lunchbox. Is she a he?”
“This is the type of woman that would drive Macron wild.”
“Please seek urgent medical help.”
“Plank of wood springs to mind.”
“No wonder she’s alone and childless… She’s got the body of a scrawny old woman.”
“A life on earth with no reason. She would have been eaten and regurgitated in the wild.”
“She always seems to be alone… Mel B disagrees.”
“Bone idle woman. Doesn’t know what work is… Idle rich… Get a job you sponger… Has she ever worked a day in her pointless life?”
“She’s not the sharpest tool in the shed is she?”
“She’s talking her way into big trouble this one. She’s obviously not that bright, talking like this on national television.”
The blithering buffoon that is Boris Johnson and the randy rotter that is Prince Andrew should do the decent thing… Disappear from public view forever and get a room together with their weird wack job wives
Boris Johnson can’t help telling porkie pies and nor can the Duke of York. Equally, the pugnacious pair of them have a problem with keeping their members in their pants and with each of them in frankly boiling hot water right now, it is time for them to both simply go.
Whilst Johnson clearly told falsehoods about going to a bring-your-own-bottle (BYOB) gathering that was clearly a “party” and not a “work event,” as he cretinously claimed in the House of Commons on Wednesday, Prince Andrew’s problems before a New York judge increased significantly also yesterday. This occurred simply because of the same traits shared by these two twerps – sheer arrogance and a complete lack of moral compasses.
Neither ‘Randy Andy’ nor ‘Buffoon Boris’ needed to end up where they have, but neither mouse-not-men have the nous to see when common sense needs to prevail and equally both are guided by rotten, ridiculous women.
In ‘Farting Fergie’ – a woman described in The Sunday Telegraph last weekend by an ‘insider’ as a spendaholic for whom “it doesn’t matter how much money she has, it just seems to slip through her fingers” – the queen’s supposed “favourite son” has a noose round his neck.
Condemned elsewhere by the usually anything but spot on the mark acerbic pen of Amanda Plattell in the Daily Mail on Saturday as a “cling-on… life sentence” just for her presence, whilst the toesucking lover that is the former Sarah Ferguson is a well-meaning yet totally incapable simpleton, Johnson’s appendage is actually a far more dangerous deviant.
It is now time for these four freaks to take the only option left to them… Disappear from public view forever and get a room. They say “birds of a feather flock together” and in Andy, Boris, Carrie and Fergie, there’s most definitely one of those.
Boris Johnson and Prince Andrew (pictured together along with Prince Harry, Prince Michael of Kent, Carrie Symonds and the Duchess of Sussex) are birds of a feather. They both like younger women and they both behave like buffoons.Yesterday, television presenter and ‘Queen of Gorbals Gobbledygook’ Lorraine Kelly OBE amusingly tweeted: “Well Boris Johnson will be most grateful to Prince Andrew for taking the heat off.” In due course, their roles will certainly reverse.Last April, in spite of likely facing having to pay a settlement of what could amount to as much as £10 million to Virginia Giuffre (née Roberts), the Duke of York treated himself to a new motor, a £220,000 Bentley. How does someone with no tangible or credible source income afford such and how did he has live-in ex-wife afford to buy an £18 million ski chalet also?Equally and displaying the same traits, one has to ask if it is right that Boris and Carrie Johnson were able indulge in £27,000 of takeaways from Daylesford Organic and wallpaper at £840 a roll as part of their £200,000 makeover of their grace and favour flat in Downing Street. Ordinary people are rightly outraged at their Marie Antoinette-like antics of another couple clearly living beyond their means.For once in her sorry existence, Amanada Platell got it right in suggesting Prince Andrew is already living a “life sentence” in being stuck with his dimwitted dope of an ex-wife last Saturday in her ‘Daily Mail’ column: “Some legal experts say the very least Prince Andrew can expect is social exile, being stripped of his royal title and forced to sever all his military connections. Surely still living with his cling-on ex-wife Fergie is a life sentence for any man?”Prince Andrew has been reduced to having the likes of anti-democracy supporting Bernie Ecclestone – a man who once said he’d take a bullet for President Putin and lauded Adolf Hitler for “get[ting] things done” – round for dinner at his crib (presumably Sloppy Giuseppe’s from Pizza Express, Woking were served). That he keeps such company speaks volumes as to his clear decline in popularity in more dignified social circles in the wake of the death of his one-time ‘bestie,’ croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.Carrie Johnson describes Henry Newman as “one of my four favourite people” whilst her hubby Boris labelled him “one of my three musketeers.” That this couple rely on people suspected as a leaker is one thing, but that this former PR peddler also worked for Oceana, a charity with clear links to the incarcerated mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell is quite something else.
Simpleton Sarah, Duchess of York “pauses” her unsurprisingly unpopular ‘Fergie & Friends’ YouTube channel as her increasingly friendless husband continues to face sexual assault allegations in New York
Sarah, Duchess of York – a wack job woman who has never confirmed whether she actually ever repaid the loan she took from the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – predictably made a prat of herself when she returned from the £18 million ($24.5 million, €21.6 million or درهم90.1 million) ski chalet she currently co-owns.
Asked at Heathrow Airport about the ongoing legal case against her non-sweating, Pizza Express loving (with no witnesses of any kind, naturally) ex-husband (with whom she continues to live rent free), ‘The Duchess of Dim’ simply responded: “Onwards and upwards.” She did so, it seemed, without a care in the world about the embarrassment she and her increasingly friendless rotten sidekick have caused the royal family in general and the Queen in particular and she did so in her typically childlike fashion.
Now – perhaps on the advice of the likes of PR prattlers such as the disgraced ex-head honcho of Bell Pottinger James Henderson – the lover of a bit of toesucking mother of Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie has decided to “pause” her daily updates of content to her YouTube channel, Fergie & Friends.
Aired to just 42,500 subscribers – a surprisingly miniscule number given her alleged “regal stature” – 543 videos have been uploaded to Fergie & Friends since its inception in July 2016. On it, this wayward wastrel has bizarrely banged on about banal subjects that have included bathtub teddies, farting, grizzly itches, monsters and pig’s up noses and she’s backed this up with ridiculous remarks to media commentators on other occasions such as: “I found consolation in sausages.”
Elsewhere, in The Sunday Telegraph three days ago, ‘Randy Andy’s’ guffawing chum Camilla Tominey surprisingly turned on the couple. In an article titled: “Inside the financially perplexing world of Prince Andrew,” the associate editor declared: “Some might say they are on a slippery slope” and added: “The couple, who still live together at Royal Lodge, Windsor, despite divorcing in 1996, have continued to behave like frontline royals, even though those days are long behind them… Just how are Andrew and ‘Fergie’ still affording their jet-set lifestyle?”
Sarah, Duchess of York not only likes a pork sausage, she seems incapable of accepting that the clear porkies being told by her increasingly friendless ex-husband are bringing utter shame on the royal family.Whilst her the increasingly lonely, friendless ex-husband she bizarrely still lives with can count only the likes of the skinflint coffin dodger Bernie Ecclestone amongst the mates who he could invite round for a Sloppy Giuseppe pizza fest, Sarah, Duchess of York made friends when she appeared in ‘Friends’ in a cameo of 1998. Of this ‘InStyle’ remarked: “Fergie was so nervous ahead of her scene that Matt LeBlanc ran lines with her and Matthew Perry (who wasn’t in the scene) stood by for support while they filmed.”“With friends like these, who’d need enemies?” should most definitely be asked of the increasingly friendless duo the Duke of York and Sarah, Duchess of York. Pictured here variously with convicted paedophile trio Stuart Hall, Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein.When your friends and close associates number convicted and incarcerated mucky madam sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell, Chanel shoe loving ex-charity tin banger turned pontificating peer Catherine Meyer and disgraced PR prattler James Henderson, you surely must know you are bang in trouble. Clearly, nobody’s passed such a message to Sarah, Duchess of York.On Thursday 20th August 1992, the ‘Daily Mirror’ shared what they called “the pictures they didn’t want you to see.” In them, a topless Duchess of York was shown having her toes sucked in the South of France by a Texan millionaire named John Bryan. Of the incident, the ‘Mirror’ later reported: “Royal writer Richard Kay claimed in the ‘Daily Mail’ that he received a message via pager from Princess Diana the night before the photos hit the newspaper stands. Diana’s message was simple: ‘The redhead’s in trouble.’”
Sarah, Duchess of York’s most ridiculous remarks
“One of the worst headlines said 82% [of the population] would rather sleep with a goat than Fergie. It’s never left me.”
“They tried to put the little redhead in a cage.”
“I have been in the gutter.”
“As long as it is hot, wet and goes down the right way, it’s fine with me.”
“With every smell, I smell food. With every sight, I see food. I can almost hear food. I want to spade the whole lot through my mouth at Mach 2. Basta!”
“We all sit round the table and eat together. Andrew and I believe in total parent unity. We’re best friends.”
“I would quite like to go on Dancing With The Stars. I would like somebody to teach me to tango. I do know the show and my children would be so proud of me.”
“I met [Prince Andrew] when I was 12, and I said: ‘I’m going to marry him.’”
“I left my marriage knowing I’d have to work. I have.”
“I didn’t want a divorce, but had to because of circumstance.”
“I wish we’d never got divorced. He and I both wish we’d never divorced, but we did. I wish I could go back and be the bride again, but I can’t.”
“I felt that I ostracised myself by my behaviour, by the past, by living with all the regrets of my mistakes, that I sort of wore a hair shirt and beat myself up most of the day thinking and regretting why did I make such a mistake. Why have I made so many mistakes?”
“You look at the devil in the face, which you do. Then you forgive, and you say: ‘OK, I’ve made almost a mistake that will never be forgotten,’ and forgive.”
“I was so out of control with desperation… I was looking for quick fixes in the places I wouldn’t normally look… I’ve been a huge overtrusting, idiotic, stupid woman that went to look for the perfect situation, and that’s all I can say really.”
Sarah Ferguson has a habit of making an utter berk of herself when she puts herself in front of any camera; she has the capability to make a fool of herself in utterly any situation, in fact.
Prince Andrew’s most ridiculous remarks
“I could have worse tags than ‘Airmiles Andy’ – although I don’t know what they are.”
“People say to me: ‘Would you like to swap your life with me for 24 hours? Your life must be very strange.’ But, of course, I have not experienced any other life. It’s not strange to me.”
“There’s a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don’t sweat or I didn’t sweat at the time and that was… was it… yes, I didn’t sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenalin in the Falkland’s War when I was shot at and I simply… it was almost impossible for me to sweat. And it’s only because I have done a number of things in the recent past that I am starting to be able to do that again. So, I’m afraid to say that there’s a medical condition that says that I didn’t do it so therefore…”
“We can’t be certain as to whether or not that’s my hand on her whatever it is, left… left side … [of the photograph with Virginia Roberts] Nobody can prove whether or not that photograph has been doctored but I don’t recollect that photograph ever being taken.”
“I went [to Jeffrey Epstein’s house] with the sole purpose of saying to him that because he had been convicted, it was inappropriate for us to be seen together. And I had a number of people counsel me in both directions, either to go and see him or not to go and see him and I took the judgement call that because this was serious and I felt that doing it over the telephone was the chicken’s way of doing it. I had to go and see him and talk to him.”
“[Jeffrey Epstein’s house] was a convenient place to stay. I mean I’ve gone through this in my mind so many times. At the end of the day, with a benefit of all the hindsight that one can have, it was definitely the wrong thing to do. But at the time I felt it was the honourable and right thing to do and I admit fully that my judgment was probably coloured by my tendency to be too honourable but that’s just the way it is.”
“I’ve always been told I was extremely well behaved as a kid.”
“If you’re a man it is a positive act to have sex with somebody. You have to … take some sort of positive action and so therefore if you try to forget it’s very difficult to try and forget a positive action and I do not remember anything.”
“It’s slightly complicated for people to grasp the idea of a head of state in human form.”
And finally, stating the bloody obvious: “Today is reality. Yesterday is history.”
In spite of her victory over ‘The Mail on Sunday’ all the Duchess of Sussex will be able to do with her winnings is afford a trip to Poundland; £1 ‘MeGain’ better now also watch out for metaphorical banana skins
This morning, The Guardian’s redoubtable media editor Jim Waterson ran a story titled: “Meghan to receive just £1 from Mail on Sunday for privacy invasion.”
In the article, Waterson revealed that the “newspaper [and its sister website MailOnline] accepts defeat” and “will pay the Duchess of Sussex just £1 in damages for invading her privacy by publishing a private letter she had sent to her father.”
Analysing this Pyrrhic victory for what it truly is – most especially given the catastrophic reputational damage the former Meghan Markle has done not only to her birth family, the family she has married into and to the institution that is the royal family – en-route to her “success,” media lawyer Mark Stephens told Waterson of the “weakness” in her case. He remarked: “It does show that the curation of her reputation was an area where she had effectively invaded her own privacy.”
Whilst The Mail on Sunday will also have to cover a “substantial part” of the Duchess of Sussex’s costs and pay also a “confidential sum in damages for copyright infringement,” the £1 given to ‘Mendacious MeGain’ – a woman forced to apologise to the Appeal Court for “making misleading statements” during the case – will pay for only one thing; a little something at Poundland.
Equally, whilst the Duchess of Sussex might view this to be a victory over Britain’s biggest newspaper and a victory in her meddling mind for what she sees as “right over wrong,” she has actually made a catastrophic error. Forevermore, the press will be after her and they’ll never cease in their desire for revenge. The dominant half of ‘Ginge and Cringe’ needs now watch out for the metaphorical banana skins she’ll find constantly in front of her; they’ll be ready and waiting for her to slip on.
In February 2019, “wannabe Mother Teresa” Duchess of Sussex – a woman whose drip of a husband once remarked: “What Meghan wants, MEGHAN GETS!” – wrote patronising messages on bananas that were to be given to prostitutes. Responding, Piers Morgan cried out: “Meaningless, scorn-inducing guff” and now those banana skins may come back to metaphorically bit this clear fruit loop in the bum after she decided to up her antics in her war against the media machine.
Of her claiming having got married the day before she actually did, Mr Markle stated: “Lying about the archbishop? How can you say: ‘We’ve been married three days before we got married’? Her lies are so obvious, I don’t know why she says them.”
Her very own half-sister, Samantha, has called her out as a liar on multiple occasions also. It has been proven that the duchess’s claim that she hasn’t seen her sibling in over 20 years was proven untrue when a photo of the pair 13 years ago emerged.
Her very own half-brother, Thomas Jr., said of her: “I told Prince Harry, I think she’s going to ruin your life. She’s very shallow… She’s a phony, a bully, a jaded, shallow, conceited woman.”
The former Meghan Markle has been called out on multiple occasions for spinning stories against other members of the royal family, most especially the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
Staff who’ve worked for her have complained that she is a bully and investigations into this remain ongoing.
The Duchess of Sussex is a known manipulator of the press and paparazzis and it has been claimed that she’ll “twist the truth” to get any headline she wants.
Questions remain as to how many times she’s actually been married in total. Some say twice, some say thrice.
In April 2020, self-declared “celebrity branding expert” and author of ‘The Kim Kardashian Principle: Why Shameless Sells (and How to Do It Right)’ Jeetendr Sehdev remarked: “The Meghan and Harry brand has always been very disruptive. They’re going to show us all a different way in which royal family members can live. The closest comparison to Meghan and Harry will be the Obamas and what they’re actually doing, I mean they’ve created an entertainment entity where they’re producing documentaries and I think that will be a similar route that Meghan and Harry can certainly take.” Mr Sehdev clearly has neglected to consider the negative effect the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s war with the media will have in helping them reach such a position; he could be onto something with his title “shameless” however.In July 2021 – following on from his appearance on the ITV documentary ‘Harry & William: What Went Wrong?’ – so-called “royal finance expert” David McClure tweeted: “Harry and Meghan will have to generate a lot of money as their overheads run to an estimated £4 – 5 [million per annum] when you include security, lawyers, managers and PRs.” Frankly, the money generated from ‘MeGain’s’ Pyrrhic £1 victory and the bonus from the damages won’t go far in helping with that.Where’s PR peddler and author of ‘Finding Freedom’ Omid Scobie when you actually bloody need him? In recent weeks, seriously sycophantic Scobie’s media appearances spouting deranged drivel about the situation between ‘Ginge and Cringe’ and their relatives have done his so-called ‘bestie’ nothing but harm.
‘The Steeple Times’ chooses our Heroes & Villains 2021; the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t
Happy New Year to all our readers. Our ‘Heroes & Villains’ list was well received in 2020 and as we move into 2021, we yet again to echo our sentiments from last year and join all celebrating ‘good riddance’ to the monstrous mess that so sadly continued from 2020 into 2021.
May we now all hope that this period of uncertainty is coming towards it end and may we salute the heroic frontline workers who’ve continued to work towards getting a solution to this.
Our Heroes & Villains 2021 list follows, but first we make a special award:
For such amazing dedication and tenacity in his quest to help others, this 24-year-old truly deserves to be commended as not just a hero of the year, but as one of the most remarkable men of the decade. We salute Marcus Rashford and join those lauding him for showing compassion, kindness and decency.
Long may this decent gent continue – but may we also hope that one day soon, a country like Britain stops actually needing to rely on the efforts of such people. It is time in 2022 for our Prime Minister to work towards provide a solution to this crisis, rather than, as it did in 2021, to allow itself to get mixed up in scandals such as ‘Wallpapergate’ and the disgraceful protection of its very own self-serving members like ‘MP for the BVI’ Geoffrey Cox QC and the now money grabbing rather than constituent focused ex-MP Owen Paterson.
HEROES OF 2021
We’ve seen some great people do some wonderful things during 2022 and in the face adversity and strife, it is yet again healthcare heroes who are the ones most deserving of our ultimate respect as they continue to fight to rid us all of coronavirus.
Elsewhere, others have put on extreme shows of courage, broken down barriers and supported those working to expose injustice. We celebrate them all, but our first selection for our Heroes & Villains 2021 list had to be:
WINNER – Richard Ratcliffe
Iranian-British dual citizen Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe has been imprisoned for no good reason in Iran for 19 months. Her husband, Richard Ratcliffe, meanwhile, has never given up hope and his 21-day hunger strike in Westminster in 2021 was illustration of his dedication and courage.
Though the British government has done little to nothing to help him and that the Foreign Secretary has yet to reach a solution is beyond disgraceful, Ratcliffe remains hopeful and in December remarked: “It feels like things are moving and movement is good. My greatest fear is inertia. I always feel it’s shameful, how could it happen, but it did.”
Rose Ayling-Ellis
Aged just 27 and born deaf, Rose Ayling-Ellis has played Frankie Lewis in the BBC One soap EastEnders since 2020. In 2021, she became the first deaf contestant on the channel’s Strictly Come Dancing and went on to win the show’s nineteenth series.
Her victory brought joy to the nation and of her success, award winning deaf and disabled journalist Liam O’Dell remarked: “It goes to show how, with the right support, deaf people can achieve anything… It’s important now that the buzz, passion and momentum generated by Rose’s journey does not dissipate – let’s continue uplifting deaf people!”
Alfie Best
In spite of being of humble origins and leaving school aged just 12, “old school, blood and blisters businessman” Alfie Best has risen to the top and deservedly recently won the ‘Entrepreneur of the Year Award’ at the Signature Awards at the Park Lane Hilton, London.
Described as “the world’s first gypsy billionaire” by the Mirror in August 2021, Wlydecrest Parks chairman and founder Best remarked: “I’m a Romany gypsy. I’m a gypsy through and through and sometimes I pinch myself.”
Generous, flamboyant and the owner of a fleet of helicopters and supercars, Best is the largest residential park and holiday home operator in the UK. He has over 91 parks in the UK alone and is also the owner of East Thurrock United.
Alfie Best, interviewed first by The Steeple Times in April 2017, is someone with tenacity and dedication to hard work. He sets an example to others that if you put in the hours, you’ll get the results and success you desire.
Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, LG, GCVO, CSM, PC
Herself an “avid reader as a child,” the second wife of Charles, Prince of Wales, started what she described as a ‘Reading Room’ that is “inspired by the success of Her Royal Highness’s reading lists shared during the pandemic in 2020” in the last year.”
It has involved everyone from William Boyd and Susan Hill to Kazuo Ishiguro and Hilary Mantel and of why she started it, she herself stated:
“To me, reading is a great adventure. I’ve loved it since I was very small and I’d love everybody else to enjoy it as much as I do. You can escape and you can travel and you can laugh and you can cry. There’s every kind of emotion that humans experience in a book… It has been a lovely way of communicating.”
We urge readers of The Steeple Times to join the 128,000 who’ve already followed this worthy endeavour on Instagram.
Tony Hudgell (AKA ‘Bear’)
Happy New Year Everyone🎉 A message from Tony see you in 2022
Wishing you all health, love and happiness in the year to come 💙
— Tony Hudgell BEM (BCyA) Paula Hudgell OBE (@paula_hudgell) December 31, 2021
In his relatively short life thus far, 7-year-old double amputee and victim of parental abuse as a baby Tony Hudgell has morphed into a courageous changemaker.
This unstoppable dynamo – now adopted by two loving parents and living in West Malling, Kent – is a true “inspiration” and described as someone who “never complains, carries on no matter what is thrown at him – all the challenges, he just gets back up and carries on.”
Nicknamed ‘Captain’ for following in the footsteps of the late Captain Sir Tom Moore, Weller responded to the news by announcing:
“I’m chuffed to bits… It feels absolutely amazing to be honoured by the Queen. My mum told me about the award on Christmas Day and I thought, ‘wow! I am so excited.’”
“It makes me feel magnificent. I love raising money for charity and knowing I have helped other children is a lovely feeling. I am so proud and privileged.”
VILLAINS OF 2021
As could only be expected, many of the usual suspects to be considered villains in the context of our Heroes & Villains listings have behaved appallingly during 2021. Amongst them, towards the top of such a collection, has to be the buffoon that supposedly runs Britain but seems too busy consuming cheese and wine with his puppet mistress wife, Boris Johnson, and the mendacious money grabber the Duchess of Sussex and her sidekick drip of a husband, Prince Harry.
This dastardly duo – quite rightly now known as ‘Ginge and Cringe’ – have caused pain to the Queen at a time when she has lost her stalwart husband and joining them, others consistent in their vileness and ridiculousness must include, as ever, publican Tim Martin for whining about his beloved Brexit causing his profits to slump and the especially moronic media mouthpieces Darren Grimes, Owen Jones and Richard Madeley for their continuing crackpot craziness.
Now, unlike the entirely innocent and wrongly incarcerated Nazanin Zaghhari-Ratcliffe, rightly certain to spend the rest of her days rotting in the clink, mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell (pictured in happier times with her father’s rival, Rupert Murdoch) will never again be called a “socialite.”
This wicked wench will henceforth quite deservedly will forever be labelled a “sex offender” and “sex trafficker” and again The Steeple Times joins those calling for the 1994 Met Police investigation into what went on at the alleged brothel at her Stanhope Mews East mews house to urgently be reopened.
We know that’ll be unlikely to occur whilst her school and university mate Dame Cressida Dick remains in charge and equally, we suspect, the deviant daughter of a murdering pension pot plunderer will not offer up any powerful names of those that so disgustingly ‘enjoyed’ abusing the innocent victims she so willingly passed around.
Shame on her and in 2022 and beyond, may Ghislaine Maxwell forever rot in hell.
Russell Brand
In June 2021, The Steeple Times featured the story of how The Sun excused the unfunny comedian Russell Brand as “quick thinking and a hero” after his German Shepherd dog, Bear, caught a female wallaby “whilst it had its baby in its pouch” and “mauled it to death” in Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire. He should have instead been condemned and most certainly not saluted and at time we remarked:
“If Brand’s dog had attacked sheep or a child – which it quite potentially could do next given it plainly has a clear penchant for blood – would The Sun so easily have leapt to his defence? The hypocrisy of this shocking story is clear and today we call upon the RSPCA and police to intervene before Brand’s dog slaughters something else.”
As far as we are aware, disgustingly, both Bear and Brand remain at large; where the poor wallaby and its baby is buried is, however, unknown.
Gordon Elliott
Racing “blow-in” – given his being the son of a panel-beater and lacking any familial connections to horse racing – Gordon Elliott brought utter disgrace to the sport in March 2021 when he was banned as a trainer for 12 months after being captured on camera sitting on a dead horse whilst on his mobile phone and making a V-sign. Outrageously, this sick scumbag was allowed back into the game just 6 months later and nobody seemed to bat an eyelid.
Ivy Holt
PR pontificating prized pillock Ivy Holt of Media PR is so “highbrow” that we haven’t even got a photo of her – not that we’re bothered; it’d probably break your screens, she’s probably as ugly as sin physically on top of her ugly as sin soul.
This wannabe Brian Basham and fake news muckspreader was called out by The Steeple Times on 1st April 2021 – April Fools’ Day – after she tried to make a mockery of our previous day’s story about the twentieth anniversary of the tragic murder of Stuart Lubbock at the home of the disgraced ‘entertainer’ Michael Barrymore. Shame on her; what an utter disgrace.
Ms Holt (AKA Ivy Elizabeth Barbara Elsby) thought herself clever for sending a press release containing nothing but fake news. When questioned, she claimed that we, instead, were at fault for hurting the feelings of the deranged drug addict Lindsay Lohan. Frankly, this stupid cow and her crappy clients ‘Love Yourself’ ought to have got real. Next!
Rebecca Sabben-Clare
If you were a barrister, you’d most probably abide by the law and be a pillar of the community. Sadly, Rebecca Sabben-Clare of 7 King’s Bench isn’t such a person and after failing to keep her dog on a lead, the result was that her out-of-control beast savagely killed a seal that it managed to get its teeth into.
Sabben-Clare, instead of putting her hands up in shame, then tried to PR her way out of the situation and herself lawyered up. Why the police didn’t prosecute this unfit-to-own-an-animal-of-any-kind barbarian is beyond comprehension.
James Staley (AKA ‘Jes Staley’)
In February 2020, The Steeple Times made reference to an investigation into Barclays CEO Jes Staley (pictured left) in connection to his close connection to the croaked just under a year earlier paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
It took 627 days until anything progressed, but on 1st November 2021, this Boston, Massachusetts born close associate of Ghislaine Maxwell’s ex-lover finally stepped down. The mucky madam, meanwhile, had her Barclays account closed shut down while she was trying to fund her case in February 2020 on the basis of her links to the proceeds of crime.
THOSE WHO’LL BE MISSED
Sadly, as with any year, countless great people pass on into the skies and amongst the many who’ll be greatly missed are are the Queen’s late husband and constant stalwart Prince Philip, the billionaire businessmen Sir David Barclay and Galen Weston OC, CVO, OOnt, footballer Jimmy Greaves, founder of Tramp nightclub Johnny Gold, the Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding, the talk show host Larry King, the actresses Helen McCrory OBE and Una Stubbs, the racehorse trainer Zoe Davison and the Cheveley Park Stud owner David Thompson CBE.
Our twenty-five selections follow, but naturally the winner of the most missed for our Heroes & Villains 2021 list had to be:
WINNER – Archbishop Desmond Tutu OMSG CH GCStJ
A 90-year-old humanitarian, human rights activist and key force in the campaign to end apartheid, this humble South African hero to millions insisted on “no ostentatiousness or lavish spending” for his funeral and that he be given “the cheapest available coffin.”
Of him, via a video message shown at his funeral, Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby, the head of the worldwide Anglican church, remarked:
“Archbishop Tutu lit up the world… that light has lit up countries globally that were struggling with fear, conflict, persecution, oppression, where the marginalised suffered.”
“When we were in the dark, he brought light. For me to praise him is like a mouse giving tribute to an elephant.”
“South Africa has given us extraordinary examples of towering leaders of the rainbow nation with President Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Tutu… Many Nobel winners’ lights have grown dimmer over time, but Archbishop Tutu’s has grown brighter.”
The late Archbishop himself once wisely added: “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.” He was spot on and with his passing, humanity is all the poorer.
Harry Brant
A “socialite and style setter” according to The New York Times, Harry Brant fulfilled the prophecy of “the good die young” when he was found dead aged just 24 in January 2021.
Son of the industrialist Peter M. Brant and original supermodel Stephanie Seymour, this modern-day “Little Lord Fauntleroy,” as Vanity Fair once called him, “pushed the boundaries on gender stereotype” and released unisex makeup collections with MAC with his brother even in 2015 and 2016.
Of his passing, his family announced in a statement: “He was a creative, loving and powerful soul that brought light into so many people’s hearts. He was truly a beautiful person inside and out.”
John Challis
The Steeple Times interviewed actor John Challis in May 2013. He told us that “mobile phones are a bloody nuisance” and that he loathed the word “gobsmacked.” He spoke of ABBA being his guilty pleasure and his love of the Hotel Splendido in Portofino and though he became best known for playing a conniving car dealer in Only Fools and Horses, he was only meant to be in the sitcom for one episode.
Thrice married and born in Clifton, Bristol, the legend that was John Challis died aged 79 in September 2021. The statement: “Come on, Marlene. Let’s go home and ignore each other for the evening” will sadly now never be heard directly from his lips ever again.
Terry Lubbock
A campaigner to the end for justice for his raped and murdered son, Stuart – a father of two who was killed in the most gruesome manner in March 2001 at the home of the since deservedly disgraced ‘entertainer’ Michael Barrymore – died after a long battle with cancer in September 2021.
Though he never managed to see any of those present at the Roydon, Essex bungalow when his son died, he will forever be remembered for being “mild-mannered” yet having “the heart of a lion.”
Wilbur Smith
Born in Northern Rhodesia in 1933, British-South African novelist Wilbur Smith (pictured with his beloved wife, Niso) had published an astonishing 49 books and sold over 140 million copies by the time he died in November 2021.
Smith was an international household name whose swashbuckling adventure stories gripped readers for over half a century. He covered critical periods including the dawn of colonial Africa, the American Civil War and the apartheid era South Africa and did so with style and panache.
In 2018, in his memoir On Leopard Rock, the author recounted his life and remarked he’d had ““tough times, bad marriages … burnt the midnight oil getting nowhere, but it has, all in the end, added up to a phenomenally fulfilled and wonderful life.” Believer in “deep research” Smith concluded: “I want to be remembered as somebody who gave pleasure to millions” and he most certainly will.
THOSE WHO WON’T BE MISSED
It is much harder to choose villains who deserve to be dead than heroes who deserve to be missed given they are all loved by somebody whatever they may have done, but lots of bad guys and gals have gone in 2021 – amongst them mobsters, murderers, rapists and sex offenders.
Those that especially stand out for our Heroes & Villains 2021 list include:
WINNER – Bernard L. Madoff
Having been sent to prison for 150 years, the maximum sentence allowed, on 29th June 2009, Queens, New York born Bernie Madoff died in prison on 14th April 2021.
An individual rotten to his core and the personification of greed this Ponzi schemer stole not only £48 billion ($65 billion), but also left behind a family in ruins. One of his two sons died of cancer, the other committed suicide and to the end this wicked “wizard of lies” and all-round wrong ‘un.
Quite rightly, in June 2020, this fraudster’s request for release on compassionate grounds was denied. His wife, Ruth, continues to deny any knowledge of the fraud in spite of being the long-time keeper of his books.
Michael McKevitt
Founder of the Real IRA Michael McKevitt was the brother-in-law of hunger striking Provisional Irish Republican Army (IRA) hunger striker Bobby Sands.
A County Leith native and eventually expelled from the Real IRA, McKevitt was one of four men found liable for the 1988 Omagh bombing and jailed in 2003 for “directing terroism” between August 1999 and October 2000. He had allegedly planned to assassinate the then British Prime Minister Tony Blair and died following a battle with cancer on 2nd January 2021.
Donald Rumsfeld, 13th and 21st United States Secretary of Defense
Forever more, Donald Rumsfeld’s name will be associated with “the biggest military fiasco in US history, the 2003 invasion of Iraq in pursuit of non-existent weapons of mass destruction, alongside the widespread use of torture that has dogged America’s reputation ever since” according to The Guardian.
A Donald Trump supporter described by Henry Kissinger as “the most ruthless man” he ever knew, the villain Rumsfeld was also labelled the “worst secretary of defense in American history” and a man who “lacked the wisdom to change his mind” by The Atlantic. Many believe this psychopath will burn in hell; they are more than likely right.
Phil Spector (born Harvey Phillip Spector)
Born in The Bronx, New York in December 1939, this clearly talented but totally unsound of mind American record producer, musician and songwriter worked with The Beatles, The Ronettes and Tina Turner.
In 2009, this monstrous twisted drug addict was convicted of the 2003 murder by shooting of the actress Lana Clarkson at his then home, the Pyrenees Castle in Alhambra, California, and sentenced to nineteen years to life in prison. Phil Spector died in the clink in Los Angeles, in January 2021. The world is a better place for this repugnant specimen’s passing.
Raymond Teret (AKA ‘Ugli’ and ‘Ugly Ray’)
Chauffeur to the perverted paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile turned radio DJ, Salisbury born Ray Teret was accused of over thirty offences of sexual abuse and eventually convicted of seven counts of rape and eleven counts of indecent assault in December 2014.
AND FINALLY… A SELECTION OF FIVE AMAZING ANIMALS WHO’VE SADLY LEFT US IN 2021
Some incredible animals spotted doing incredible things have kept us all going in the dark days 2021, but amongst those that sadly passed and are thus included on our Heroes & Villains 2021 list are:
WINNER – Seal named ‘Freddie Mercury’
Though the death of any majestic animal is awful, the way in which an irresponsible barrister (one of our Villains of 2021) named Rebecca Sabben-Clare QC reacted after her “snarling” terrier-cross mauled to death a “defenceless” seal on the River Thames in March 2021 was utterly disgraceful.
‘Freddie Mercury,’ as the seal was nicknamed, shamefully never got justice whilst the reprehensible Sabben-Clare was not even prosecuted. The lesson here is this: If you spot this wicked woman and her deranged dog in 2022, run for the hills.
Racehorse named ‘Galileo’
Aged 23 at the time of his death in July 2021, Galileo was a spectacular Irish Thoroughbred racehorse who ran eight times and won six races including The Derby, the Irish Stakes, the King George VI and the Queen Elizabeth Stakes in 2001. After his retirement, he became one of the most sought after sires of the world with notable offspring including Frankel, Nathaniel, and Anthony Van Dyck.
Minke whale calf named ‘Minnie’
In May 2021, an injured minke whale calf became trapped at Teddington Lock in the River Thames. Stuck sixty miles from the estuary, this poor 13-foot long juvenile – which was named ‘Minnie’ – got stuck in weeds after “running out of river and having nowhere to go.” After a desperate attempt to save the “poor fella,” the unfortunate mammal had to be put down with an overdose of anaesthetic.
Racehorse named ‘Roy Rocket’
With nine 1st places along with two 2nd and six 3rd places at Brighton during his eleven-year life, “Roy’s The Boy,” as he was known was “an incredible horse.” Stubborn to the point he wouldn’t go anywhere else, this favourite of punters even had an octogenarian fan named Iris who forced his trainer, John Berry, to down flasks of gin prior to sending him to post.
Dolphin named ‘Winter’
This female Atlantic bottlenose dolphin was found when she circa two months old tangled in a crab trap line in Mosquito Lagoon, Florida in December 2005. Without circulation to her tail flukes as a result, ‘Winter’ lost her tail and was given a prosthetic replacement. In turn, it allowed her make a complete recovery and become an international star featuring in books, films and Nintendo games even. She died in November 2021 of a twisted intestine.
THANK YOU AND ALL THE BEST FOR 2022
All at The Steeple Times would like to thank everyone who has contributed suggestions to our list of the Heroes & Villains 2021. Most have expressed that they would rather not be named so we shall respect that, but all their contributions are greatly appreciated.
May we end by wishing you and yours great times and prosperity in 2022 and may this, for us all, be a much better year.
Cheers and happiness galore and do send your suggestions for the heroes and villains of 2022 to us at [email protected] as the year progresses.
Sanity reigns as creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard announces “he would no longer be able to pose topless” and will thankfully keep his kit on instead
During an especially soppy saga in April 2020 in which Sir Cliff Richard OBE got hot and bothered about radio stations being “unfair” and “snubbing” his crappy crooning, this Christian crackpot demanded his tiresome tunes be played “once a day for two weeks.” Quite understandably, he didn’t get what he wanted.
In response, at that time, the response to the “held together by Botox” ‘singer’ from one commentator was: “I’m surprised he isn’t like his music – dead already” and now, this morning, The Guardian are finally reporting some better news about this bombastic bore.
In a report that primarily focused on the self-declared “genuine celebrity” 81-year-old having sold more 2022 music calendars than Harry Styles, Kylie Minogue, Little Mix and Taylor Swift, but actually “slipped” from seventh place in overall sales to eleventh in the Calendar Club charts, it was also revealed that “Sir Cliff had informed potential buyers that he would no longer be able to pose topless for calendars.” One immediate response was simply: “Thank bloody God, our eyes are saved.”
Doing one last distasteful turn with little-to-nothing on in his 2022 “offering,” according to the paper, the August shot features Sir Cliff “in only swimming trunks while raising a glass to the camera from the comfort of a swimming pool.” Thankfully, if he sticks to his word, there’ll be no more of that muck in the 2023 edition, though with printed calendar sales slumping just like those of printed diaries, will it even get produced?
Such news has no doubt left Sir Cliff – a wack job warbler perceived to be a “national treasure” by some but loathed by others for his connections to criminals like the late murderer Kray twins, the late paedophile Lord Boothy, the late paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile and the amazingly still just about alive paedophile Rolf Harris – with only one option: Taking a very long summer holiday and returning to creepily crying on his kitchen floor.
Pictured top: Sir Cliff Richard OBE – a moralising moaning Minnie who’ll henceforth thankfully keep his kit on – with his Australian child abuser ‘friend,’ the convicted paedophile Rolf Harris.
In the past, Harry Rodger Webb, as he was born, has spared no chance to get his top off. Clearly believing himself to be a sex symbol, the ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ and ‘Saviour’s Day’ singer has finally, to the relief of the public, decided to spare us from anymore sights of his Botoxed body. Thank the Lord.In November 2016, “Peter Pan of Pop” Sir Cliff Richard revealed that he “cried on his kitchen floor” and announced: “I was weeping, it was just like a deep well. And I got a message from someone that said no hole is deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” In the same year, of his calendar sales, he pompously prattled: “Mine leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre.” Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile.Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Lord Boothby.Sir Cliff Richard with his “long-term companion,” a former Roman Catholic priest named John McElynn. In his 2009 autobiography, the ‘singer’ remarked: “It has been so rare for me to find friends I know like me for myself, I am not always the best judge of character.” Going further, the goody-two-shoes added: “I’ve never wanted to trash a hotel room. My band always used to say, Cliff never trashes a hotel room. When he goes in, he usually cleans up, hoovers, checks the curtains are straight. I can’t imagine anything more childish than trashing things, which is what a lot of rockers did.”Sir Cliff’s associations with the wines he produces have not always proved fruitful. In 2006, appearing on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘The F-Word,’ the then 75-year old had a meltdown during a blind tasting. After sipping one unnamed offering, the crackpot Christian crooner announced: “That’s rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that. It’s tainted, it’s insipid, it tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that.” Ramsay, then 49, responded by remarking: “Cliff, that’s your wine.” The singer is said to have answered: “Young man, go f**k yourself.”
Sir Cliff Richard’s recent attempts at making ‘music’ – which one critic slammed more accurately as “nauseous noise” – came in the form of ‘Rise Up.’ It was universally panned and in response the “star” complained that radio stations were being “unfair” in not giving him airtime.
Another shocking moment for this one-time friend of the paedophiles Rolf Harris and Sir Jimmy Savile came in the form of him treating the funeral of Cilla Black like a pop concert. The faces of the priests to the left of him (as he attempted to ‘sing’ in a manner more suited to an appearance on ‘Top Of The Pops’) are telling of their disgust at his discourteous behaviour in a house of worship.
For once Dan Wootton got it right in condemning ‘Randy Andy’ and ‘Farting Fergie’ as “deluded… self-centred… gauche… disgraced public figures”
Yesterday afternoon in the MailOnline, for once, the usually “deeply unpleasant” Dan Wootton actually had his finger on the pulse.
In an opinion piece titled: “If Fergie’s fairy-tale romance with Andrew endures it’s because they are two of the most deluded and self-centred individuals on the planet (with apologies to Meghan),” Wootton raged of deluded deviant Prince Andrew and his loopy live-in ex-wife Sarah, Duchess of York: “You are both disgraced public figures who have ended up back in each other’s lives by necessity and little else.”
Continuing and though somewhat generously describing ‘Farting Fergie’ as “more naïve than nasty; more silly than snide,” Wootton concluded:
“If Fergie REALLY loves Prince Andrew, she only has two choices.
“Insist he flies to New York immediately and cooperates with the FBI, come what may.”
“Or pack him off to a tiny cottage where he costs the Royal Family and taxpayers nothing and where he can quietly conduct charity work out of the public gaze without embarrassing his poor mother further.”
“But, once again, this gauche pair will put maintaining their own extravagant lifestyles ahead of anything else. And live unhappily ever after in disgrace.”
Pictured top – Sarah, Duchess of York looking like a fool for a segment on her joke of a YouTube channel, ‘Fergie & Friends’ (left) and her equally cringeworthy ex-husband Prince Andrew mocked up as Jimmy Savile (right).
I’m sorry, Fergie, your relationship with disgraced Prince Andrew is a “fairytale” in the same way Meghan Markle is a selfless soul who puts others first and always tells the truth. My new @MailOnline column on the latest cringeworthy royal TV tell-all. https://t.co/7CbyriNdaQ
Sharing his ‘MailOnline’ article on Twitter, Dan Wootton declared: “I’m sorry, Fergie, your relationship with disgraced Prince Andrew is a ‘fairytale’ in the same way Meghan Markle is a selfless soul who puts others first and always tells the truth.”Sarah, Duchess of York pictured with the since incarcerated Ghislaine Maxwell at an opening party at Asprey in 2003. It remains unknown as to whether ‘Fergie’ ever repaid a loan from the mucky madam’s now croaked sidekick and lover Jeffrey Epstein.The Queen’s most embarrassing son and his wacky wastrel ex-wife took their children with them when they went to stay on Peter Nygård’s Caribbean island in 2000. Nygård has since been charged with multiple sexual offences against at least 57 individuals in both the United States of America and Canada and accused by two of his own sons of “directing a known sex worker to rape them.”The royal rotters have also been known to associate with other since convicted sex offenders – amongst them (from left to right) disgraced television Stuart Hall, disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein and disgraced financier Harvey Weinstein.On Thursday 20th August 1992, the ‘Daily Mirror’ shared what they called “the pictures they didn’t want you to see.” In them, a topless Duchess of York was shown having her toes sucked in the South of France by a Texan millionaire named John Bryan. Of the incident, the ‘Mirror’ later reported: “Royal writer Richard Kay claimed in the ‘Daily Mail’ that he received a message via pager from Princess Diana the night before the photos hit the newspaper stands. Diana’s message was simple: ‘The redhead’s in trouble.’”Fergie’s’ non-sweating ex-husband Prince Andrew was widely mocked after claiming to distinctly remember a visit to Pizza Express in Woking on the day he allegedly had sex with the then teenage Virginia Roberts, now Giuffre, in 2001. During his juggernaut crashworthy interview with Emily Maitlis in November 2019, he remarked: “I was with the children and I’d taken Beatrice to a Pizza Express in Woking for a party at I suppose four or five in the afternoon. And then because the duchess [Sarah Ferguson] was away, we have a simple rule in the family that when one is away the other is there.” Whether he actually attended has since been disputed and whether he actually consumed pizza remains still unknown.
When you thought lowbrow loser Lindsay Lohan couldn’t go any lower, the ‘celebutard’ predictably delivers
In spite of being laughable, loose and a louche loser, Lindsay Lohan has achieved the remarkable feat of coining at least two words in the 35 years that she’s managed to survive thus far on this planet.
Branded the original example of a ‘celebutard’ (a combination of celebrity, debutante and retard) by the New York journalist Michael Musto in 2006, the mucky mess that is Lohan also got herself noticed for having a “horrible, sticky, sweaty” ‘firecrotch’ that “smelt like diarrhea” by “greasy oil heir” Brandon Davis in 2007.
Paris Hilton’s “henchman” and “sidekick” Davis, whom later sported a T-shirt that crudely was emblazoned with the words ‘Team Firecrotch’ was far from alone from having problems with Miss Lohan.
Just one of many examples of someone who had an encounter with this all-round disaster area was a businessman reader of The Steeple Times whom made the mistake of renting his Knightsbridge, London home to Miss Lohan. He came to regret ever meeting her after she left with rent arrears and having trashed the place; another made the mistake of inviting her for drinks at their home – she politely left burn marks all over their rather expensive sofa and allegedly relieved herself there also. Rather conveniently, she never apologised, she never explained and she was quite rightly never invited ever again.
Jailed for 90 days in 2001 and put in rehab in 2008 (and on many other occasions since), this often violent, deranged, on-off druggie trashbag disgustingly claimed the since jailed sex abuser Harvey Weinstein to be innocent in 2017 and bizarrely issued a cryptic yet crazy video on Instagram on April Fools’ Day in 2020 declaring: “I’m back!” Predictably and unsurprisingly, nothing followed.
Now, this weekend this known ‘nutter from the gutter’ ex-Mean Girls ‘star’ took to Instagram, the Daily Mail reports, to announce that she’s got engaged to a Dubai based vice president of Credit Suisse named Bader Shammas.
Referencing this, the paper reported Lohan declared: “My love. My life. My family. My future. @bader.shammas #love” but neglected to say whether the poor chap is of sound mind or whether he’s had his beau-to-be tested at the ‘clap clinic.’ If he had half a brain, he’d run a mile, but clearly this deranged deviant has sadly got her claws well and truly in (yet again). God help him.
The actress took to Instagram at the weekend to announce of her engagement to Bader Shammas: “My love. My life. My family. My future.’ We give it weeks until this Dubai based vice president at Credit Suisse sees sense or gets into an altercation with this washed-up wastrel. Next!“Greasy oil heir” Brandon Davis started a “celebutante war” between Paris Hilton and Lohan with his offensive description of the latter’s “nether regions.”In October 2019, the car crash Lohan sought publicity by falsely spreading rumours that she was engaged to the bloodthirsty monster that is Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. This was unsurprisingly never confirmed by the latter party.
The Many Victims Of The Original Celebutard
Here is a total mess of a woman who has racked up many ‘relationships’ in her relatively short life – some of them more turbulent than others. All of them have been used as part of her quest for fame, money and publicity.
Amongst this failed actress, failed musician and failed businesswoman’s conquests have been:
2003 – Aaron Carter
2004 – Wilmer Valderrama
2006 – Stavros Niarchos
2006 – Harry Morton
2008 – Heath Ledger
2008 – 2009 – Samantha Ronson (her one known female victim)
In September 2019, bitter broad Platell turned to belittling black people by claiming “blacking-up” was just a bit of fun and that when she did it she was only “chided” by her father because she’d taken “his last tin of shoe polish.” Now, today, in the wake of her appearance on the BBC’s The Princes And The Press she’s now claiming Amol Rajan “utterly conned” her.
“Clearly, being party to such a calumny was not what I signed up for when I submitted myself to at least two hours of filmed conversation… I should have known better… I’m deeply ashamed to be associated with The Princes And The Press and feel let down by Amol Rajan, who I believe misled me” raged Platell in her Daily Mail column this morning.
The former press secretary to William Hague turned poison pen failed, however, to share how much she’d been paid to participate in both the first episode – which aired on Monday – and the second which follows on 8th December. In doing so, this ridiculous ranter showed herself as just one thing: An utter bloody berk.
Pictured top – Amanda Platell with her “old friend” Rolf Harris. In 2014, ‘Two Little Boys’ singer Harris was sentenced to five years and nine months in prison on twelve counts of indecent assault on female victims and stripped of the many honours he’d been awarded during his career.
Platell is a fan of both the convicted Australian paedophile Rolf Harris and his off-the-scale weird chum Sir Cliff Richard.She has also ludicrously come out in support of the “I’m a naughty Tory” MP turned convicted sex offender and groper Charlie Elphicke’s sentence having been reduced. Ludicrously of the disgraced politician and his replacement as MP for Dover (whom just happens to be his very own wife, Natalie), Plattell remarked: “I cannot help wondering whether, had Elphicke not been a high-profile Tory MP, he would have been treated so harshly. My worry is that this disproportionate punishment feeds into the notion that all women are victims who live in constant fear of sexual assault, and all men villains. We are not, they are not. And a woman such as Natalie Elphicke who stands up against such blatant injustice should be applauded, not pilloried.”Amol Rajan was condemned by the angry Australian as having “conned her” and “reduced [her two hours of contributions to his programme] to less than two minutes of selective quotes.” She claimed “I was being used to bolster Meghan’s case” and added she was “misled” and “badly treated.”In addition to penning puerile poison for the ‘Daily Mail,’ here is a woman with a penchant for appearing on television to share her nonsense. In her column today, this haranguing harpy also asked: “Is there anything that can’t be blamed on global warming?”, had a pop at Prince Charles, celebrated his “friend” Richard Madeley’s “heartache” for his ‘pissed-up’ wife Judy Finnigan and claimed the British economy to be “booming” and life to be “almost back to normal.” Just another day in the life of a truly nasty piece of toerag…
