The Steeple Times

Category: Telly Box Twerps

  • Her Heart for an Epstein

    Her Heart for an Epstein

    As she parades for profit with her dodgy debut novel ‘My Heart for a Compass,’ why isn’t Sarah, Duchess of York getting asked about whether she ever repaid the loan she took from the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein?

    Not content with making a total berk of herself by bizarrely banging on about flatulence in February 2021 and blaming the late Diana, Princess of Wales for giving her verrucas previously, Sarah, Duchess of York has yet again gone and done it again.

     

    Currently on a publicity parade to promote her debut novel Her Heart for a Compass – which she co-wrote with “a veteran Mills & Boon writer” – Sarah Ferguson has been slammed on social media this morning for “gushing” that her non-sweating, Pizza Express loving ex-husband Prince Andrew is a “great person.”

     

    Derided as “disgusting” and “tawdry” for returning to her profiteering ways, ‘Farting Fergie’ claimed in an exclusive interview with The Sun that writing “the novel gave her a chance to delve into her past and address her younger, troubled self.” In features elsewhere, the book was branded “boring,” a “slog” and “insipided.”

     

    This self-declared “luckiest girl in the world” and a woman best known for having her toes sucked by an American lover, declined to be interviewed by the Guardian – most likely due to the fact that they are one of the few mainstream media titles to diligently delve into the saga of her mates Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.

     

    Having already penned 77 other books – most of which were unsurprisingly panned – it’d surely be better if Sarah, Duchess of York wrote next about something people would want to learn about her. She could begin, in true Mrs Merton fashion, by answering the question: “What was it that first attracted you to the multi-millionaire paedophile Epstein?” and then continue by answering as to whether she ever repaid the money she took from this dodgy deviant.

     

    Reviews of ‘My Heart for a Compass’

    “Underwhelming… I was bored by Fergie’s book.”

    Hannah Betts for The Telegraph.

     

    “A rather sexless affair… More slog than seduction.”

    Sarah Ditum for The Times.

     

    “Tosh… The language is a kind of parody.”

    Melanie McDonagh for the Evening Standard.

     

    “Bridgerton this is not.”

    Alison Flood for the Guardian.

     

    “[A] blizzard of clichés… I spent much of the book absolutely melting with terror, gripped by a fear that any minute now, Fergie was going to dive right in and write a panting sex scene, complete with peeling britches, horsey noises and God knows what… It never ends. Faced with the horror of an empty page, Sarah the author becomes a human geyser of gush, an unstoppable tornado of words.”

    Jan Moir for the Daily Mail.

     

    Sarah, Duchess of York Ghislaine Maxwell fart book
    Whatever she does and wherever she goes, childlike Sarah, Duchess of York gets herself into hot water. Whether be it posing for pictures with the incarcerated alleged trafficker of young women Ghislaine Maxwell or making Instagram shows about books on farting, this tawdry twerp just cannot help herself. ‘Fergie’ would do best to learn one thing: The art of silence (but of course that’s about as likely as happening as witnessing Katie Hopkins praising immigrants).
    In an interview with ‘The Telegraph’ about ‘My Heart for a Compass’ the renegade ex-royal referenced how the heroine of her novel ends up in New York. She did not comment on what her ex-husband got upto there whilst staying with Jeffrey Epstein after the latter got out of prison.
    In May 2018, Sarah Ferguson showed her true colours when she stormed out of an interview with ’60 Minutes Australia’ whilst being asked questions she didn’t like. We again remind readers that this wacky woman has never given a decisive answer as to whether she repaid a loan she took from the late paedophile financier Jeffrey Epstein.
  • Omid’s Epilogue

    Omid’s Epilogue

    In the wake of Omid Scobie adding an epilogue to ‘Finding Freedom,’ Nikolay Kalinin calls him out yet again as a childish prat

    In the time since The Steeple Times exposed the Duke and Duchess of Sussexes’ PR peddler Omid Scobie as nothing but a marauding mouthpiece, he surprisingly went rather quiet. Unfortunately, now, this tall tale teller is now back with yet another announcement that honestly no one could actually give two hoots about.

     

    Just a year after launching his blabbering book, Finding Freedom – which the soppy ‘Sussex Squad’ attempted to make popular by mass-writing positive reviews of – Scobie announced that it will now receive a new epilogue that will detail the couple’s “move to California (and) the various philanthropic and business endeavours the Sussexes have been involved with since their move and what’s to come with Archewell Productions.”

     

    In addition to that, the addition will address the impact of the Duke of Edinburgh’s demise on the couple and “the continuous challenges the couple face regarding privacy and the British press.” Hold your noses for yet more self-serving gibberish is most definitely set to follow.

     

    This move contradicts previous claims made by ‘royal expert’ Duncan Larcombe that the updated edition will feature an “extremely telling” chapter about the rift between Prince Harry and the royals that will result in “no chance of a reconciliation ever.”

     

    While most claims from ‘royal experts’ are often decidedly dubious, it is important to mention that it has only been a year since the original version was published. Why is it then that Scobie and his squad of prattlers already feel it necessary to update the book with an epilogue? Couldn’t ‘MeGain’ and ‘Hapless Hazza’ just have had him post a series of simple blog posts, perhaps, instead?

     

    Then again, it’s likely that hardly anyone will buy the book even in its updated form, considering that just five months after the original edition of Finding Freedom went on sale, several of its copies were spotted on sale for 99p – a huge step down from the original price of £20, which was too high already for no good reason.

     

    Once again, I would point out to Scobie that his attempts to silence the likes of ‘Yankee Wally’ are certainly not going going down well with anyone and would add that his latest antics just confirm his very much deserved status as a thoroughly childish prat. It is time that this silly, little boy did one thing: Learnt the art of silence.

     

    Omid Scobie Finding Freedom
    Scobie’s latest update to ‘Finding Freedom’ transparently shows him as a desperado hanging onto the coattails of the deservedly disliked deviant duo that is the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. He does himself n favours with his audacious antics.
    Yesterday, Scobie took to Twitter to moan that people were “triggered” by what he described as “inaccurate reports” about the edits to his book.
    Bizarrely, in recent days, this pointless pillock has also banged on about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Is there anything this busybody can resist prattling about?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNIci5ttNCo
    The cringeworthy addition will supposedly document “Meghan’s emotional healing journey from losing a child to the birth of their daughter” and will no doubt allow Scobie to yet again try and portray the wicked wastrels that are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex as victims. They are, in fact, anything but.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb0x3FB8qcE
    In a video shared on YouTube this week, it was suggested that “when the novelty wears off, Prince Harry will realise that he is a lost soul… And Meghan will be portrayed as a villain.” That is certainly true and whatever Omid Scobie thinks, he won’t be able to change that.
  • Get Hateful Hopkins Out Of ‘Ere

    Get Hateful Hopkins Out Of ‘Ere

    That hateful Katie Hopkins has been deported from Australia isn’t surprising; her behaviour does highlight her hypocrisy

    In January, the self-declared “biggest bitch in England” Katie Hopkins joined the going nowhere political party that is UKIP; in July, she got kicked out of Australia.

     

    Whilst many will sympathise with Hopkins’ dislike for following rules relating to coronavirus that they consider overly authoritarian, in breaching her hotel quarantine in Australia, this mouthy meddler actually exposed herself as a hypocrite given she so regularly tells immigrants to follow the rules of the countries they move to.

     

    Of her deportation and arrival back in Britain last night, Sky News reported:

     

    “Touching down at Heathrow overnight, the far-right commentator said ‘it’s nice not to wear a mask again’ before stepping into black Mercedes and being driven away.”

     

    “In a now-deleted post on Instagram, which is one of the only social media platforms Hopkins has not been banned from, she wrote: ‘You may ‘deport’ the Hopkins. But you cannot silence the truth. We will fight to TAKE BACK our freedoms.’”

     

    Today we join those in Britain saying anything but thanks to the people Australia; we’d rather you’d kept this ketamine taking, money motivated and utterly batshit bonkers woman. Please, anyone, anyone anywhere: Help save the British public from this noxious nuisance and get ‘Hateful Hopkins’ once again out of ‘ere.

     

    Katie Hopkins sex in a field
    Amongst the many lowpoints of moralising-without-morals-herself Katie Hopkins’ life was the moment she got caught having sex with a married man in a field. Of this, she shamelessly remarked: “Mark was a married man and yes I stole him. I stole my first husband as well – get over it.”
    Deservedly banned from Twitter and most other social media platforms, Katie Prince was brilliantly duped into accepting a fake award that labelled her a c*nt by YouTubers Josh Pieters and Archie Manners in January 2020.

    Some of Katie Hopkins’ most outrageous moments:

    On people with dementia:

    “Dementia sufferers should not be blocking beds. What is the point of life when you no longer know you are living it?”

     

    On Ramadan:

    “Ramadan typically brings a spike in violence in Middle East. I get grumpy when I don’t eat – but I don’t blow things up. Religion of peace?”

     

    On ginger haired children:

    “Ginger babies. Like a baby. Just so much harder to love.”

     

    On ‘Highgella’ Nigella Lawson:

    “A self-confessed drug-taker, spendthrift, and a self-obsessed flirt determined to show other women they were imperfect.”

     

    On tourists stranded in Egypt after the bombing of a Russian airplane:

    “I think if you are going to take your children out from school, which is ridiculous in itself, stick them in a destination that is dangerous, don’t be complaining on my television that you’ve been delayed at the airport, don’t be complaining that you don’t have any information, and don’t be coming back acting like you are a refugee from a war-torn country.”

     

    On Jewish politician Ed Miliband’s wife:

    “Pollsters say Justine [Miliband] is the least popular of the party wives. He might stick her head in the oven and turn on the gas.”

     

    On refugees:

    “Make no mistake, these migrants are like cockroaches. They might look a bit ‘Bob Geldof’s Ethiopia circa 1984,’ but they are built to survive a nuclear bomb. They are survivors.”

     

    On obesity:

    “I don’t really like fat people… Would I employ you if you were obese? No, I would not… If you are obese, you look lazy.”

     

    On suicidal prisoners:

    “They should just kill themselves.”

     

    On the Grenfell Tower tragedy:

    “The biggest victims of Grenfell are the taxpayer.”

     

    Katie Hopkins Instagram
    This morning and now unfortunately for the nation now-back-in-Britain Hopkins took to her verified Instagram account to remark: “I will not relent. I will not back down. I will not apologise. Australians must be set free. #FreeAustralia.”
  • Ginge & Cringe Drink Themselves Silly

    Ginge & Cringe Drink Themselves Silly

    Nikolay Kalinin slams ‘Ginge & Cringe’ (AKA the Duke and Duchess of Sussex) for drinking themselves silly on themselves as their critic ‘Yankee Wally’ is quite rightly restored on social media

    It’s been nearly two years since Netflix and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex signed a deal worth £110 million ($150 million), and also a deal with Spotify worth £37 million ($50 million). In all that time, the couple has produced only one podcast, and have only recently announced their Netflix project, and now they are coming under pressure in the US to “produce the goods.”

     

    According to the Mirror’s royal editor Russell Myers, he expects that soon the bosses at both companies will start becoming suspicious of where their money is going. In a recent article, he stated:

     

    “Where is the content? We have had one podcast so far, and that hasn’t caught the world alight. And they have a promised Netflix show which I’m sure will be fantastic because it’s all about the Invictus Games.”

     

    “But certainly the big bosses at the two streaming giants will be wanting their pound of flesh. And if they are not producing the goods, the big bosses will be wondering where their hard-earned dollars are going exactly.”

     

    The idea that the Sussexes’ efforts are underwhelming is not without solid evidence; for example, the Spotify podcast has only two episodes, and it was only recently that ‘Ginge & Cringe’ hired Rebecca Sananes as head of Archewell Audio, which was responsible for producing the podcast.

     

    In addition to underdelivering when it comes to content, it has recently been reported by Page Six that pointless prattlers Meghan, Duchess of Sussex and David Furnish began working on their Netflix series even before the couple stepped back from royal duties. This contradicts Prince Harry’s claims that such big deals were “never part of the plan,” and that they only did it after being “financially cut off.”

     

    Furthermore, the couple were set to partner up with the now-defunct streaming service Quibi, with a source telling Page Six: “Meg and Jeff actually went to see Harry and Meghan to get them to sign… but it’s no surprise they went for Netflix,” once again contradicting Prince Harry’s weird warblings.

     

    I can respect that the couple are trying to earn some money on their own, but I am suspicious of Prince Harry’s inconsistency, and it makes me wonder: “What other things have the couple stated that are inconsistent with their past actions? “

     

    We can already tell that the couple is not so privacy-loving because of how many times they call out the royal family and bleat to the media. We also know that they were still being financially supported by Prince Charles until the summer of 2020, despite telling Oprah Winfrey that they were left to live off what was left to Prince Harry by the late Diana, Princess of Wales. Today, I ask: “What else are they untruths about?”

     

    The Duke and Duchess of Sussex should really focus on trying to project an honest public image instead of trying to silence people like the crusading commentator ‘Yankee Wally’ – who was quite rightly recently ‘unbanned’ on YouTube – after the efforts of the likes of ‘MeGain’s’ mouthpiece Omid Scobie and his ‘Sussex Squaddie’ friends failed, and then maybe, just maybe the British public will start liking them more.

     

    Duke and Duchess of Sussex
    GINGE & CRINGE STRIKE AGAIN – This morning, yet again, the couple were quite deservedly slammed with the ‘Daily Mail’ asking: “Is Meghan Harry’s real ghostwriter? Royal aides fear more ‘truth bombs’ and ‘poor me introspection’ as Duke stuns his family by revealing he’s written a Megxit memoir – but ‘DIDN’T tell Charles about the $20m deal.’”
    Omid Scobie
    GINGE & CRINGE STRIKE AGAIN – In recent days, ‘MeGain’s’ go-to mouthpiece Omid Scobie has attempted to make himself out to be a victim of YouTube star ‘Yankee Wally.’ Though she was briefly “silenced” both there and on Twitter, she is back with a vengeance and will continue to call out the collection of twisted twerps that are the ‘Sussex Squad.’
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kJTmJMG-Lc
  • Moron of the Moment 2021 – Richard Madeley

    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Richard Madeley

    As the new Diana, Princess of Wales statue is mocked as looking like him, ‘Dorian Gray of Daytime Telly’ Richard Madeley pathetically claims he got PTSD due to worrying about his son’s wedding

    Normally it’s his boozed-up, ‘mummy figure’ and all-round washed-up wastrel wife Judy Finnigan who makes the headlines for such things as tittie flashing, but, today, motormouthed madman Richard Madeley made headlines in The Sun after ludicrously claiming he “suffered from PTSD after his son’s wedding.”

     

    Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is something defined by the NHS as “anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events” and its causes are listed on their website as such things as:

     

    • Serious road accidents.
    • Violent personal assaults, such as sexual assault, mugging or robbery.
    • Serious health problems.
    • Childbirth experiences.

     

    Though messed-up maniac Madeley soppily suggested worrying about his son’s nuptials had been “so choppy,” his comparison of his situation to such yet again proves this utter nutter to be nothing but a blithering berk. “How very dare he insult those who’ve fought in war zones and survived rape and torture,” commented one especially irate reader in an email to The Steeple Times.

     

    ‘Deranged Dicky’ – Please keep taking your happy pills; you plainly need ‘em, old chap.

     

    Richard Madeley’s ‘finest’ moments

    On his son’s wedding

    “There’s been so much angst about it… It’s been so choppy, but, yes, he got married and now we’ve got a daughter-in-law.”

     

    In conversation with President Clinton

    “I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent.”

     

    Of women

    “I’ve never met a single woman who’s happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I’ve never met her.”

     

    On elephants

    “So, are you telling me elephants are not born evil?”

     

    To a man crying after paramedics saved his life

    “Stop crying! This is supposed to make you happy! Anyway, after the break, the biggest dog in the UK. And he really is big. Don’t miss it!”

     

    In Nostradamus-like fashion on coronavirus

    “We are being duped… [They are trying to] put the fear of God into the public. A great reckoning is coming.”

     

    On lockdowns

    “There’s no point in running away and hiding from the virus.”

     

    Of old women skipping

    “There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping.”

     

    Of wanting to be black

    “I hope when I’m reincarnated I come back black because you age better.”

     

    To Keira Knightley

    “Can we get some make up please, get Keira looking like a crack whore, she’d make a good crack whore.”

     

    Of an autistic teenager

    “The thing with Daniel [Wakeford, a ‘star’ on Channel 4’s Undateables] is, he has autism but is very intelligent and as we can see extremely talented. Has Daniel always been autistic?”

     

    To a caller

    “I understand you have a little lad of 12. Is it a boy or a girl?”

     

    Richard Madeley Ali G
    When Richard Madeley dressed up as Ali G to present ‘This Morning,’ it was later voted “one of the worst moments in television history,” ‘Digital Spy’ reported.
    Richard Madeley dressed as Judy Finnigan
    On another occasion, attention seeking Madeley dressed up as his very own wife. Clearly, this crackpot’s ‘mummy’ issues are genuinely really an issue.
    Richard Madeley Diana Princess of Wales 1
    In recent days, Twitter users – aside from suggesting it as resembling a cross between Theresa May and Sean Bean – have argued that the new Diana, Princess of Wales actually could be of Richard Madeley. No doubt, television’s ultimate twerp will actually be annoyed that it’s not his name on the statue instead; one could imagine a monument to his ‘genius’ in Trafalgar Square potentially also.
    The telly-box twerp is regularly compared to Alan Partridge and can be relied upon to play the fool at the drop of a hat.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcx3FUarNiI&t=1s
    Alleged shoplifter Madeley’s ‘mummy’ wife, Judy Finnigan, is best known for quaffing, flashing her boobs and falling off sofas. In October 2014, she inexcusably defended a footballer later convicted of rape by saying: “The rape wasn’t violent… He didn’t cause any bodily harm to the person… She had far too much to drink.”