Friday, January 15, 2021

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Latest Editorial from The Steeple Times

MacBook Maxwell – Ghislaine Maxwell demands laptop 7 days per week – Ghislaine Maxwell’s lawyers demand she gets access to a laptop seven days per week; one can assume she’ll expect a ritzy MacBook Pro.

MacBook Maxwell

Moron of the Moment – Shaun Bailey – Out-of-touch Tory wazzock – Pontificating pillock Shaun Bailey proves himself unfit to be Mayor of London after curiously claiming impoverished homeless people can and should save £5,000 to get a home.

Moron of the Moment – Shaun Bailey

Pontificating pillock Shaun Bailey proves himself unfit to be Mayor of London after curiously claiming impoverished homeless people can and should save £5,000 to get a home.
Theresa The Tea Leaf – Theresa May accused of being a tea leaf – Tea leaf Theresa May lookalike goes on the rampage in Hereford and robs a purse; at least she didn’t grab ‘The Donald’s’ hand.

Theresa The Tea Leaf

Tea leaf Theresa May lookalike goes on the rampage in Hereford and robs a purse; at least she didn’t grab ‘The Donald’s’ hand this time round (or have to share a curry with rotten paedo Rolf Harris).
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    EDITORIAL

    Editorial comment from Matthew Steeples

    EDITORIAL

    Help the Homeless in Lockup 3.0

    Matthew Steeples suggests the government has made progress with its decision to help the homeless in the UK during ‘Lockup 3.0’ – but it must go further.
    Read more
    EDITORIAL

    Lockup Lunacy

    Matthew Steeples condemns the government’s slapdash decision to lockup most of Britain (other than estate agents) once again as ludicrous.
    Read more
    EDITORIAL

    Archewell OFF!

    Matthew Steeples suggests the best thing to do with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s Archewell Audio ‘Holiday Special’ on Spotify is to turn it off.
    Read more
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    THE ROLL CALL

    A list of influence

    OBSERVERS

    CAMPAIGNERS

    No. 2 - Barbara Smoker (1923 – 2020)

    A promoter of “causes many of us now take for granted,” Catford born campaigner and humanist activist Barbara Smoker believed in surviving “on her...
    Read more

    No. 1 - Emily Bolton

    CAMPAIGNERS
    A Shackleton Award winning campaigner who “fights miscarriages of justice and demands reform,” practicing solicitor Emily Bolton is married to Reprieve founder and one...

    No. 2 - Jessica Jackson Sloan (born Jessica Hurst)

    CAMPAIGNERS
    Born in Alabama in 1982, Jessica Jackson Sloan has morphed from a high-school dropout with a baby and a drug addict, jailbird husband in...

    No. 3 - Dame Louise Casey DBE, CB

    CAMPAIGNERS
    In 2018, Tony Blair’s former ‘homelessness tsar’ Dame Louise Casey “blasted” Theresa May’s government as anything but “kind.” A former director of Shelter and...

    PERSONALITIES

    CHARACTERS

    No. 1 - Luke Durbin

    Luke Durbin from Hollesley, near Woodbridge went missing aged just 19 after a night out with friends in Ipswich. After after being unable to...
    Read more

    No. 2 - Steve Cotten (AKA ‘Britain’s Grumpiest Landlord’)

    CHARACTERS
    Alongside a cat (yes, a cat) named ‘(Frederick Albert) Hitler’ as his barman, the landlord of the “maddest pub in Britain” Steve Cotten is...

    No. 5 - Alan Holmes (1943 – 1996)

    PERSONALITIES
    Attacked for just £1,000 in his own home in Parkway, Camden, NW1 on Christmas Day 1995, Derry born police mechanic Alan Holmes was left...

    No. 2 - Mike Posner

    PERSONALITIES
    Detroit born singer-songwriter Mike Posner became best known after the remixed version of I Took A Pill In Ibiza went viral. Whilst that single...

    CREATIVES

    CREATIVES

    No. 2 - Susie Steiner

    “I’m sorry I still love him” unabashedly declared author, journalist and “stationary addict” Susie Steiner of Tony Blair on Twitter during the coronavirus lockdown...
    Read more

    No. 1 - Michael Russell (1933 – 2020)

    CREATIVES
    Described in The Telegraph’s obituary of him as a “publisher, wit and author,” Michael Russell is best known for writing the spoof memoirs of...

    No. 1 - Evelyn McHale (1923 – 1947)

    CREATIVES
    Little is known about what drove Evelyn McHale to jump from the Empire State Building and be captured in the “most beautiful suicide ...

    No. 1 - Dame Dorothy Tutin DBE (1930 – 2001)

    CREATIVES
    A resident of a Chelsea houseboat named ‘Undine’ from 1953, Dame Dorothy Tutin was “one of UK’s most versatile actresses” and someone whom “bridged...

    BUSINESS

    BUSINESS

    No. 1 - Penny Streeter OBE (née Penny Stiff)

    A classic ‘rags to riches’ tale is that of Penny Streeter. Born in what was then Rhodesia, this police superintendent’s daughter came to England...
    Read more

    No. 2 - Lawrence Stroll (born Lawrence Strulovitch)

    BUSINESS
    Montreal born “archetypal billionaire,” “fashion mogul” and “Ferrari fanatic” Lawrence Stroll arranged £536 million of funding to save Aston Martin, much of which came...

    No. 1 - Sarah Winchester (née Pardee, 1839 – 1922)

    BUSINESS
    New Haven, Connecticut born Sarah Winchester became one of the wealthiest women in the world after the death of her Winchester Repeating Arms Company...

    No. 2 - Hetty Green (AKA Henrietta Green, ‘The Witch of Wall Street,’ née Henrietta Robinson, 1834 – 1916)

    BUSINESS
    “The greatest miser” and “richest woman in America” during the Gilded Age, Hetty Green lived by the rule of “buy cheap and sell dear.”...
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    EDITORIAL

    Editorial comment from Matthew Steeples

    EDITORIAL

    Help the Homeless in Lockup 3.0

    Matthew Steeples suggests the government has made progress with its decision to help the homeless in the UK during ‘Lockup 3.0’ – but it must go further.
    Read more
    EDITORIAL

    Lockup Lunacy

    Matthew Steeples condemns the government’s slapdash decision to lockup most of Britain (other than estate agents) once again as ludicrous.
    Read more
    EDITORIAL

    Archewell OFF!

    Matthew Steeples suggests the best thing to do with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s Archewell Audio ‘Holiday Special’ on Spotify is to turn it off.
    Read more
    Load more

    OPULENCE & SPLENDOUR

    Luxury and the arts

    OPULENCE & SPLENDOUR

    Lock Him Up 2021!

    Ideal new ‘home’ for likely to be impeached Donald Trump for sale just as he prepares to leave office; it comes with its own jail – the perfect place to “lock him up!”
    Read more
    OPULENCE & SPLENDOUR

    A Christmas Nightmare

    “Mini castle” in Pennsylvania goes on sale in time for Christmas for 512% more than it sold for in 2000 in spite of its decoration being nightmare nasty.
    Read more
    OPULENCE & SPLENDOUR

    Elvis & Epstein’s ‘Dictator Car’

    1969 Mercedes-Benz 600 ‘Dictator Car’ sedan originally owned by Elvis Presley and currently by an Epstein is being sold by auction.
    Read more
    Load more

    THE ROLL CALL

    A ranked assembly of individuals of note along with details of their achievements and quirks.

    No. 1 - Luke Durbin

    CHARACTERS
    Luke Durbin from Hollesley, near Woodbridge went missing aged just 19 after a night out with friends in Ipswich. After after being unable to...
    Read more

    No. 1 - Penny Streeter OBE (née Penny Stiff)

    BUSINESS
    A classic ‘rags to riches’ tale is that of Penny Streeter. Born in what was then Rhodesia, this police superintendent’s daughter came to England...
    Read more

    No. 2 - Steve Cotten (AKA ‘Britain’s Grumpiest Landlord’)

    CHARACTERS
    Alongside a cat (yes, a cat) named ‘(Frederick Albert) Hitler’ as his barman, the landlord of the “maddest pub in Britain” Steve Cotten is...
    Read more
    Load more

    MOVERS & SHAKERS

    The snakes and ladders of society

    MOVERS & SHAKERS

    Theresa The Tea Leaf

    Tea leaf Theresa May lookalike goes on the rampage in Hereford and robs a purse; at least she didn’t grab ‘The Donald’s’ hand this time round (or have to share a curry with rotten paedo Rolf Harris).
    Read more
    MOVERS & SHAKERS

    Hero of the Hour – Andy from Argos

    Grimsby resident takes with good humour someone attaching an Argos sign to his house on New Year’s Day whilst journalist reporting story of it goes all Miss Marple.
    Read more
    MOVERS & SHAKERS

    Wally of the Week – Thomas Dodd (AKA Céline Dion)

    That the ‘Mirror’ focused on the non-story of a man changing his name to Céline Dion to start 2021 is beyond ridiculous.
    Read more
    Load more
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    TIPPLE & FARE

    Food, drink and fine dining

    TIPPLE & FARE

    A Chelsea Essential

    Management of Fulham Road Italian The Chelsea Corner share their anger at the British government with protest posters against Lockup 3.0 and restaurants being branded “non-essential.”
    Read more
    TIPPLE & FARE

    Dry January 2021 CANCELLED

    At a time of lockup lunacy in early 2021, the last thing we need is the marketing nonsense that is ‘Dry January’ forced upon us; instead, celebrate #DryGinuary.
    Read more
    TIPPLE & FARE

    Pampered Peers Prattle About Avocados

    Avocados and a “lack of British chefs in the kitchens” get the goat of out-of-touch British peers just as Norman Fowler calls for their numbers to be cut.
    Read more
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    THE SPORTING LIFE

    From playing the field to buying a team

    THE SPORTING LIFE

    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Karren Brady

    Poundland muckspreader Karren Brady desperately seeks attention by bleating that men are “sexist” against her; Lady Brady brought up a story from years ago proving she has utterly nothing new to say.
    Read more
    THE SPORTING LIFE

    Runners & Riders – Welsh Grand National 2020

    ‘The Steeple Times’ examines the tipsters’ selections and offers a couple of options for the rescheduled Welsh Grand National 2020 at Chepstow – as well as a 66/1 each way option with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 place possibilities at Kempton.
    Read more
    THE SPORTING LIFE

    Hippo Harridan 2021 – Larysa Switlyk

    Not content with butchering bears, barbarian bitch Larysa Switlyk headed to Africa to harm hippos; this harridan must be stopped and banned from Instagram also.
    Read more
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    THE FOG

    The economy, politics and current affairs

    THE FOG

    Moron of the Moment – Shaun Bailey

    Pontificating pillock Shaun Bailey proves himself unfit to be Mayor of London after curiously claiming impoverished homeless people can and should save £5,000 to get a home.
    Read more
    THE FOG

    Bombastic Basham Bashes Back

    Brian Basham, PR peddler for mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell, suggests ‘Hunting Ghislaine’ podcast host John Sweeney is a drunk and someone he “despises.”
    Read more
    THE FOG

    Grotesque Ghislaine Grubbily Groans

    As grotesque Ghislaine Maxwell is deservedly denied bail, PR peddler Brian Basham bizarrely drones on about China and “show trials” whilst author Don Winslow references the pressure now placed on Donald Trump.
    Read more
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    BRAINSTORM

    The comings and goings of the entrepreneurial classes

    BRAINSTORM

    Sorry is the Shiftiest Word

    ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s sister tells him to man up and say sorry over the Arcadia collapse debacle; the chubby chump will likely ignore her.
    Read more
    BRAINSTORM

    Blow-Up The Donald 2021

    Auction to blow-up Donald Trump in 2021 commences online for charity; the opportunity to implode is expected to sell for £375,000 and porn star Stormy Daniels is trying to get involved.
    Read more
    BRAINSTORM

    Jobsworth Jenrick Props Up Property

    Jobsworth Robert Jenrick announces estate agents CAN take potential virus spreaders into peoples’ homes even in Tier 4 lockdown areas; a QUARTER of donations to the Tory party come from the property sector.
    Read more
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    THE WIRE

    Science, technology and gadgets

    THE WIRE

    MacBook Maxwell

    Mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s lawyers demand she gets access to a laptop seven days per week; one can assume she’ll expect a ritzy MacBook Pro.
    Read more
    THE WIRE

    Erecting a C(l)ock

    WARNING: EXPLICIT – Chi-chi auction house auction smutty Benny Hill-esque novelty automotive clock; it’ll be erecting a lot of interest.
    Read more
    THE WIRE

    A Defender Desk

    As more and more people work from home, how about an unusual desk? Jaguar Land Rover have made one out of a Defender and it’ll set you back a pretty penny.
    Read more
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