Capreolus Club Canned – A Salute To Jason Atherton For Banning Sick Goat Slayers
After a successful and swift campaign by ‘The Steeple Times,’ chef Jason Atherton is to be saluted for doing the right thing and banning the sickening goat slaying Capreolus Club from his premises; it is time these barbarians were banned full-stop.
Five Famous Coffee Drinkers – From Bach to Britney
Coffee addict David G. Lennox examines the stories of five famous coffee drinkers – including J. S. Bach and Britney Spears.
Heroine of the Hour 2022 – 103-Year-Old June Spencer CBE
That 103-year-old June Spencer, as Peggy Wooley, has lasted 72 years as a character in BBC Radio 4’s ‘The Archers’ is something to be celebrated.
Getting Our Goat II – Chef Jason Atherton To Welcome Barbarian Goat Slaying Capreolus Club
As the UK goat slaughtering Capreolus Club swap swanky Mark’s Club for Jason Atherton’s Berners Tavern, we condemn the latter for welcoming such barbarians to their premises.
EDITORIAL
Editorial comment from Matthew Steeples
Hiding In Plain Sight – ITV Documentary On Evil Abuser Rolf Harris
As it is announced that ITV are to air a documentary on the Aussie abuser Rolf Harris titled ‘Hiding in Plain Sight,’ Matthew Steeples reminds readers of how evil this nonagenarian nonce truly is.
Is Brazen Barclay Really Broke? Sir Frederick Barclay Claims Poverty Whilst Sporting The ‘Simon Cowell-Look’
Matthew Steeples asks: “Is brazen Simon Cowell wannabe Sir Frederick Barclay really broke or is he pulling the other one in an attempt not to pay his ex-wife Hiroko?”
£1 Million Reward For A Letter From Yorkshire Ripper
Matthew Steeples asks: Is British plc chairman Dickie Bingham having a laugh in offering a reward of £1 million reward for a crocodile skin briefcase he left on a tram that contained amongst other things a letter from the Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe?
THE ROLL CALL
A list of influence
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Editorial comment from Matthew Steeples
Hiding In Plain Sight – ITV Documentary On Evil Abuser Rolf Harris
As it is announced that ITV are to air a documentary on the Aussie abuser Rolf Harris titled ‘Hiding in Plain Sight,’ Matthew Steeples reminds readers of how evil this nonagenarian nonce truly is.
Is Brazen Barclay Really Broke? Sir Frederick Barclay Claims Poverty Whilst Sporting The ‘Simon Cowell-Look’
Matthew Steeples asks: “Is brazen Simon Cowell wannabe Sir Frederick Barclay really broke or is he pulling the other one in an attempt not to pay his ex-wife Hiroko?”
£1 Million Reward For A Letter From Yorkshire Ripper
Matthew Steeples asks: Is British plc chairman Dickie Bingham having a laugh in offering a reward of £1 million reward for a crocodile skin briefcase he left on a tram that contained amongst other things a letter from the Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe?
Luxury and the arts
‘Island of Hope’ – Bull Sand Fort Sells For 880% Above Guide
Once planned as an ‘Island of Hope’ for detoxing drug addicts, derelict Bull Sand Fort in the Humber Estuary sells at auction for 880% above its £50,000 guide price.
A Miniature Downton – £10.5 Million Poston Court
“Stately home in miniature” Poston Court could become the most expensive small country estate ever sold in Herefordshire; is it worth £10.5 million?
The Return of the Topper
Matthew Steeples talks to Martin Ellis Jones of Hetherington Hats about the return of the ‘topper’ as real-life drama returns to Royal Ascot in June 2022.
A ranked assembly of individuals of note along with details of their achievements and quirks
Big Zuu (Birth Name – Zuhair Hassan)
A rapper and grime MC turned TV star of ‘Big Zuu’s Big Eats,’ Zuhair Hassan is an example of a youngster with infectious positivity and great talent. A modern-day Keith Floyd in the making.
Ken Smith (AKA ‘The Hermit of Treig’)
After having been attacked and left for dead aged 26, Derbyshire born Ken Smith found solace in the Scottish Highlands and has lived as a hermit for around 46 years in a cabin that is 27 miles from the nearest settlement. He lives off the land and has 70 gallons of hooch on the go and “wants everyone to be merry” when he dies.
Dr Margaret McCollum (AKA ‘Mrs Mind The Gap’)
Voice of “mind the gap” on London’s Northern Line underground service’s widow Dr Margaret McCollum got him back there.
The snakes and ladders of society
Heroine of the Hour 2022 – 103-Year-Old June Spencer CBE
That 103-year-old June Spencer, as Peggy Wooley, has lasted 72 years as a character in BBC Radio 4’s ‘The Archers’ is something to be celebrated.
Arse v Ass – Amusing John O’Hara Letters For Sale
Bonhams to sell amusing letters from “alcoholic crank” and author John O’Hara that examine the difference between “arse” and “ass;” of his work ‘BUtterfield 8’ Elizabeth Taylor once raged: “I think it stinks!”
The Age of ‘MeGain’ – Is The Duchess of Sussex Really 41 Today?
As the Duchess of Sussex supposedly turns 41, pundits question whether this is yet another example of her “convenient truths” and suggest she could actually be now aged 45.
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Food, drink and fine dining
Five Famous Coffee Drinkers – From Bach to Britney
Coffee addict David G. Lennox examines the stories of five famous coffee drinkers – including J. S. Bach and Britney Spears.
Wally of the Week 2022 – Bombastic Bully & Bore Jack Monroe
In patronising the poor, bombastic bully and bore Jack Monroe yet again shows her truly nasty colours; here is a pontificating pillock who helps utterly nobody (apart from her not-so-sorry self).
Wonderful Wise Waitrose – Supermarket Sensibly Scraps Best-Before Dates On 500 Fresh Products
In scrapping best-before dates on 500 fresh products, Waitrose has seen sense and will help reduce food waste; they should be saluted, but what will ‘went-off-at-birth’ Waitrose-hater Owen Jones have to say?
From playing the field to buying a team
Capreolus Club Canned – A Salute To Jason Atherton For Banning Sick Goat Slayers
After a successful and swift campaign by ‘The Steeple Times,’ chef Jason Atherton is to be saluted for doing the right thing and banning the sickening goat slaying Capreolus Club from his premises; it is time these barbarians were banned full-stop.
Getting Our Goat II – Chef Jason Atherton To Welcome Barbarian Goat Slaying Capreolus Club
As the UK goat slaughtering Capreolus Club swap swanky Mark’s Club for Jason Atherton’s Berners Tavern, we condemn the latter for welcoming such barbarians to their premises.
Moron of the Moment 2022 – Richard Madeley Insults A Lioness
As TV twerp and alleged tealeaf Richard Madeley patronises a member of the England ‘Lionesses,’ we call on GMB to fire this utterly reprehensible ratbag.
The economy, politics and current affairs
Moron of the Moment 2022 – ‘Angry Man’ Owen Jones
In attacking Waitrose customers, batshit bonkers rent-a-gob Owen Jones just yet again proves himself Britain’s ultimate irritating ‘angry man.’
Morse, Maxwell & Oxford – Ghislaine Maxwell’s Secretary Sues
Oxford born former secretary of Ghislaine Maxwell sues ‘Miami Herald’ journalist Julie K. Brown for defamation; actress Emmy Tayler, daughter of a retired Oxford professor, perhaps should have been in ‘Inspector Morse’ instead of getting involved with the mucky madam.
Revenge – Meghan Markle v Tom Bower 2022
Is Tom Bower’s latest tome ‘Revenge: Meghan, Harry and the war between the Windsors’ actually going to be that revealing? Will it truly pull any punches or is it just a rehash of old news?
The comings and goings of the entrepreneurial classes
Ocean Profiteering – Greedy Grabber Fergie Sinks In Sea Like Greedy Groper Ghislaine
Yet again, simpleton Sarah, Duchess of York shows herself as out-of-touch with public sentiment by banging on about her incarcerated mucker Ghislaine Maxwell’s favourite cause – protecting the oceans.
‘Headmaster Harvey’s’ Back – Kinky Harvey Proctor Gets Job Back
As the former “kinky MP” Harvey Proctor gets his job back with the Duke of Rutland, we remind readers of his history supporting apartheid, caning young men “for being naughty” and connections to mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell.
A £100k Carrie Cover-Up – Why Was PM’s Wife Considered For Top Job Despite No Relevant Experience?
The BBC, MailOnline and The Times ought to explain why they don’t want to discuss Carrie Johnson and alleged corruption at the heart of government; that the PM thought he could get the state to pay his now wife £100,000 per annum is an outrage and the cover-up over it should be called out as such.
Science, technology and gadgets
Off With His Head!
As Carrie Johnson continues to be nicknamed ‘Carrie Antoinette,’ she could buy a Napoleonic bone model of a guillotine and shout out “Off with his head!” about her enemies instead of gyrating to Abba with her groupies in her Downing Street flat.
We Have All the Time in the World… Well, We Do If You Have £25k Spare
Pair of limited edition Omega James Bond Seamaster diver watches featuring ‘We Have All the Time in the World’ and the Bond coat of arms to be auctioned.
Ronaldo’s New Clothes
Online equivalent of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’ set to occur at Bonhams today with auction of £900,000 NFT of Cristiano Ronaldo.
