Lettuce & Jam – Which’ll end up having lasted longer? The Liz Truss lettuce or Meghan Markle’s jam?

As meddling minx Meghan Markle gets mocked about her jaunt into jam and loopy lettuce-loathing loon Liz Truss gets mocked about bumbling like a buffoon about her book, Samantha Markle speaks exclusively to ‘The Steeple Times’ about her soppy, self-centred sister

In comments to The Steeple Times last week, Samantha Markle shared a most sensible set of sentiments about her half-sister, the Duchess of Sussex marrying into the royal family.

In remarks sent via WhatsApp messenger, this wise and witty author and screenwriter shared her thoughts about the ongoing sagas caused by the outrageous behaviour of the drip Prince Harry and his mendacious menace wife, the wicked wench formerly known as Meghan Markle. Samantha Markle spoke for many and observed:

“I knew this was all just by design from the beginning… I hate to say it, but had everyone listened to me from the beginning, we would not be where we are today in the world with this madness.”

“If you really think about it, if it could all be unraveled and had people listened to me and had Harry listened to Prince William about not being hasty, things would be different now.”

Now, just days later and yet again proving herself as a self-centred, self-serving, self-publicist, the Duchess of Sussex has again made it all about herself and bizarrely brought out her own ‘brand’ – if this supposedly homemade muck could even be termed such – of jam.

Issued as a “limited edition” of just 50 jars, the sister-in-law of Prince William’s “American Riviera Orchard” strawberry offering was described as a “soft launch” and “so sweet” by the usually acerbic Perez Hilton. The pots were supposedly gifted to “influencers” – a group of bizarre beings deservedly mocked by Miriam Margolyes yesterday when she asked: “What the f**k is that?” – including someone with just 7,459 Instagram followers named Tracy Robbins and someone else slightly more popular with 560,000 Instagram followers from Argentina named Delfina Blaquier. We doubt any of you will have heard of one, let alone both of these Botoxed brainboxes.

Of the gooey gloop, Robbins gushed: “I absolutely love this jam so not sure I’m sharing with anyone, thank you M!” before cringeworthily crafting: “Breakfast, lunch and dinner just got a little sweeter.” Blaquier, the wife of one of the dopey dunce Prince Harry’s few remaining “pals,” polo player Nacho Figeraus, sordidly “slathered the sweet stuff on a piece of toast alongside strawberries and a cheese plate” and said: “Strawberry jam makes me happy and I am your jam.”

Meanwhile elsewhere, she-who-lasted-less time than an iceberg lettuce in serving just 49 days in office, the shortest-lived Prime Minister in modern history, The Rt. Hon. Liz Truss MP, has been doing the media circuit also. Clutching a copy of a banal book she’s allegedly written yet could not hold the correct way around or the correct way up, Truss has come out in support of Donald Trump and in favour of abolishing the United Nations.

Which of these two tepid twerps will reach their best before dates first? A confirmed betting man would be at a loss even and would avoid any kind of wager on ‘Bizzy Lizzy’ and ‘Mucky MeGain.’

Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples and watch his current nightly show on YouTube at 8.30pm daily.

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What’s the truth about the stories that abound about the Duchess of Sussex?

• In November 2021, the duchess was forced to apologise to the Appeal Court in London for making a misleading statement in her privacy case against The Mail on Sunday’s publishers.
• Her very own father, Thomas, has called out her many untruths about him and others again, again and again.
• Of her claiming having got married the day before she actually did, Mr Markle stated: “Lying about the archbishop? How can you say: ‘We’ve been married three days before we got married’? Her lies are so obvious, I don’t know why she says them.”
• Her very own half-sister, Samantha Markle, who is currently continuing a defamation case against her, has called her out as a liar on multiple occasions also. It has been proven that the duchess’s claim that she hasn’t seen her sibling in over 20 years was untrue given a photo of the pair together 14 years ago proves quite to the contrary.
• Her very own half-brother, Thomas Jr., said of her: “I told Prince Harry, I think she’s going to ruin your life. She’s very shallow… She’s a phony, a bully, a jaded, shallow, conceited woman.”
• The wife of Prince Harry has been called out on multiple occasions for spinning stories against other members of the royal family, most especially the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
• Staff who’ve worked for her have complained that she is a bully and investigations into this remain ongoing.
• The Duchess of Sussex is a known manipulator of the press and paparazzis and it has been claimed that she’ll “twist the truth” to get any headline she wants.
• Questions remain as to how many times she’s actually been married in total. Some say twice, some say thrice.
• What’s the truth about Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland? Is this clearly equally manipulative woman an honest and decent citizen or is she a jailbird who has spent time in the clink?
• Did the ‘Montecito Meddler’ meet Prince Andrew or Prince Harry first? Rumours abound that she could have spent time and holidayed with the former as long ago as 2001 and that her claim to have no prior knowledge of the royal family until 2016 is just utter baloney.
• “Would you trust this woman with a bargepole?” is something often asked of this money motivated minx.