Monday, May 27, 2024

Lettuce & Jam – Which’ll end up having lasted longer? The Liz Truss lettuce or Meghan Markle’s jam?

As meddling minx Meghan Markle gets mocked about her jaunt into jam and loopy lettuce-loathing loon Liz Truss gets mocked about bumbling like a buffoon about her book, Samantha Markle speaks exclusively to ‘The Steeple Times’ about her soppy, self-centred sister

In comments to The Steeple Times last week, Samantha Markle shared a most sensible set of sentiments about her half-sister, the Duchess of Sussex marrying into the royal family.

In remarks sent via WhatsApp messenger, this wise and witty author and screenwriter shared her thoughts about the ongoing sagas caused by the outrageous behaviour of the drip Prince Harry and his mendacious menace wife, the wicked wench formerly known as Meghan Markle. Samantha Markle spoke for many and observed:

“I knew this was all just by design from the beginning… I hate to say it, but had everyone listened to me from the beginning, we would not be where we are today in the world with this madness.”


“If you really think about it, if it could all be unraveled and had people listened to me and had Harry listened to Prince William about not being hasty, things would be different now.”


Now, just days later and yet again proving herself as a self-centred, self-serving, self-publicist, the Duchess of Sussex has again made it all about herself and bizarrely brought out her own ‘brand’ – if this supposedly homemade muck could even be termed such – of jam.


Issued as a “limited edition” of just 50 jars, the sister-in-law of Prince William’s “American Riviera Orchard” strawberry offering was described as a “soft launch” and “so sweet” by the usually acerbic Perez Hilton. The pots were supposedly gifted to “influencers” – a group of bizarre beings deservedly mocked by Miriam Margolyes yesterday when she asked: “What the f**k is that?” – including someone with just 7,459 Instagram followers named Tracy Robbins and someone else slightly more popular with 560,000 Instagram followers from Argentina named Delfina Blaquier. We doubt any of you will have heard of one, let alone both of these Botoxed brainboxes.


Of the gooey gloop, Robbins gushed: “I absolutely love this jam so not sure I’m sharing with anyone, thank you M!” before cringeworthily crafting: “Breakfast, lunch and dinner just got a little sweeter.” Blaquier, the wife of one of the dopey dunce Prince Harry’s few remaining “pals,” polo player Nacho Figeraus, sordidly “slathered the sweet stuff on a piece of toast alongside strawberries and a cheese plate” and said: “Strawberry jam makes me happy and I am your jam.”


Meanwhile elsewhere, she-who-lasted-less time than an iceberg lettuce in serving just 49 days in office, the shortest-lived Prime Minister in modern history, The Rt. Hon. Liz Truss MP, has been doing the media circuit also. Clutching a copy of a banal book she’s allegedly written yet could not hold the correct way around or the correct way up, Truss has come out in support of Donald Trump and in favour of abolishing the United Nations.


Which of these two tepid twerps will reach their best before dates first? A confirmed betting man would be at a loss even and would avoid any kind of wager on ‘Bizzy Lizzy’ and ‘Mucky MeGain.’


Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples and watch his current nightly show on YouTube at 8.30pm daily.


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Meghan Markle with Samantha Markle
Sisters together in happier times; the jam flogger (pictured right) is now getting flagged up for her latest attempt to profit from her marriage into the royal family. One member of the public quite rightly asked on social media: “Is it right for the daughter-in-law of the King to be selling her soul to sell fifty pots of bloody effing jam?”
Meghan Markle American Riviera Orchard jam
American Riviera Orchard is the ‘brand’ the Duchess of Sussex is attempting to launch. That she cannot even get the labels to stick on to just 50 bottles of jam properly is proof enough that this is a ‘brand’ that won’t exactly be considered a threat to Tiptree, Hartley’s or Bonne Maman.
Liz Truss lettuce
The most disastrous PM the Conservative Party has ever selected, Liz Truss, lasted 49 days in office; she got very upset about the comparison to a lettuce lasting longer than her and she must be absolutely irate that there is even a Wikipedia page celebrating “the lettuce ‘victorious’ over Truss.” Of the mockery, Truss herself raged: “I don’t think it’s funny, I just think it’s puerile.” In response, the ‘Daily Star’ called her “fun sponge Liz.”
Meghan Markle jam Liz Truss lettuce mockery
The mere suggestion that Meghan Markle “likely made the 50 jars of jam she sent to friends ‘with her own hands using ingredients from Montecito’ as part of the very soft focus launch of American Riviera Orchard in an attempt to highlight the brand ‘rather than herself,’ claims expert” were met with derision; Liz Truss’s antics regarding the lettuce had been met with similar mockery in the autumn of 2022 with mockups such as this (pictured right).
Liz Truss Meghan Markle food
Neither women look exactly ‘at home’ in the kitchen; which is a more likely Julia Child and which is a more likely Nigella Lawson?
Meghan Markle Queen Liz Truss King Charles
The late distinguished and dignified Queen Elizabeth and the distinguished and dignified current King Charles have never looked comfortable being pictured with either the repugnant and rotten Liz Truss or the repugnant and rotten Duchess of Sussex. One has to wonder why; the two mentioned formerly clearly were of sound judgement.
Meghan Markle bananas
When the wicked wastrel and alleged “yacht girl” formerly known as Meghan Markle handed out bananas with patronising notes written on them, she was deservedly derided. What on earth else did this nasty nutcase expect would have occurred?
Meghan Markle Tignanello The Tig blog
‘MeGain’ used to blog about her supposed favourite wine, Tiganello. Now, with the launch of her new American Riviera Orchard ‘brand,’ one has to wonder if she’ll also be launching her own tipple also. The public hope not given it’d likely be as acid and acerbic as her own rotten persona.

What’s the truth about the stories that abound about the Duchess of Sussex?

  • In November 2021, the duchess was forced to apologise to the Appeal Court in London for making a misleading statement in her privacy case against The Mail on Sunday’s publishers.
  • Her very own father, Thomas, has called out her many untruths about him and others again, again and again.
  • Of her claiming having got married the day before she actually did, Mr Markle stated: “Lying about the archbishop? How can you say: ‘We’ve been married three days before we got married’? Her lies are so obvious, I don’t know why she says them.”
  • Her very own half-sister, Samantha Markle, who is currently continuing a defamation case against her, has called her out as a liar on multiple occasions also. It has been proven that the duchess’s claim that she hasn’t seen her sibling in over 20 years was untrue given a photo of the pair together 14 years ago proves quite to the contrary.
  • Her very own half-brother, Thomas Jr., said of her: “I told Prince Harry, I think she’s going to ruin your life. She’s very shallow… She’s a phony, a bully, a jaded, shallow, conceited woman.”
  • The wife of Prince Harry has been called out on multiple occasions for spinning stories against other members of the royal family, most especially the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
  • Staff who’ve worked for her have complained that she is a bully and investigations into this remain ongoing.
  • The Duchess of Sussex is a known manipulator of the press and paparazzis and it has been claimed that she’ll “twist the truth” to get any headline she wants.
  • Questions remain as to how many times she’s actually been married in total. Some say twice, some say thrice.
  • What’s the truth about Meghan’s mother Doria Ragland? Is this clearly equally manipulative woman an honest and decent citizen or is she a jailbird who has spent time in the clink?
  • Did the ‘Montecito Meddler’ meet Prince Andrew or Prince Harry first? Rumours abound that she could have spent time and holidayed with the former as long ago as 2001 and that her claim to have no prior knowledge of the royal family until 2016 is just utter baloney.
  • “Would you trust this woman with a bargepole?” is something often asked of this money motivated minx.

Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. Happy, rich and free. Huge congrats to Meghan and Harry: Invictus games, Sentebele, Travalst, CIO of Better-Up, Spare’s paperback edition in Oct, new podcast on all platforms, two new netflix series, producing Meet Me at the Lake, ( my favorite book)😃, ARO, Markle v Markle dismissed with prejudice, 14 million pound home in sunny Montecito. What a way to fall!😃. Miss your YouTube videos. Any plans to resume them?

  2. Ted Sarandos, CEO of Netflix, “Harry and Meghan was the highest viewed documentary ever.” We are pleased with the deal we made. They’re controversial but controversy sells.” Suits was the highest streamed show in 2023.The BBC just purchased the series. nypost- “Prince Harry’s Spare is fastest-selling nonfiction book of all time.” He made 27 million from the hardcover edition and will make millions for the paperback release. The lazy and parasitic royal family are a disgrace. Adulterous queen and pedo Andrew. Living off working class Brits. #Down with the Crown! #Workshy Willy. #Abolish the monarchy!

  3. This is hilarious! Somebody needs to tell that nutty woman that strawberries are NOT grown in an orchard. Never fear Mrs. Robbins, your strawberry vomit jam is safe.. The cabbage patch kids can have it. Bless their hearts.

    #WhereAreTheSussexKids??? #AfricanParks#BakaLivesMatter
    #AmericaAbsolutelyAdoresCatherine,princess of Wales

  4. Is SM a credible and close source for personal information on MM? Let’s review what Markle v. Markle revealed about their “relationship.” Court records revealed they have met ONCE in the 24 years MM has been a legal adult. Has anyone seen more than one adult pic of them together? A video of them together has adults. The court also found, “No email, text messages, letters, birthday cards exist between the two parties.” Judge Honeywell concluded MM’s statement of “no relationship” to be “substantially true.” DNA doesn’t determine knowledge on a person. Meghan wisely NEVER allowed SM into her inner adult circle. Markle v Markle was a case that relied heavily on credibility and SM lost this case THREE times. Judge Honeywell, “The plaintiff’s altering of the defendant’s statement (CBS transcript changed) was fatal to her case.” Rasmussen v Winrock LLC and State of New Mexico v. Rasmussen were also lost based on credibility. SM and her barrister, “We plan to call Princess Kate in the appeal. Is that a credible statement of fact when U.S. courts DON’T allow for new witnesses? Or is this a shameful and inept attention seeking stunt on a frivolous case? Judge Honeywell, “This case defies Florida’s defamation law and the first amendment” of the Constitution of the U.S. Both sides should be allowed in a free press exchanged.

  5. Just for the record: MM win and lost record- 7 wins vs 0 losses in court. SM’s record is 0 wins vs 5 losses in court. 😒

    • We stand with Samantha Markle. She is a delightful, decent lady and quite the contrast to her grifting, grim sister mendacious menace MeGain.

    • Samantha Markle has always been spot on about her mendacious sister.
      In terms of finances, Netflix was a development deal so the income to Harkles was far less than trumpeted. and the book’s sales first have to pay back the advances. if you look at the Archewell published financial statements ,there was a miniscule amount of revenue raised. The Lemonada deal has been postponed. I think the two new Netflix projects–polo and cooking–have not been officially taken up by Netflix. They are in development
      The Harkles face a dismal future. Harold’s trust fund clearly cannot pay the lavish life style of these two –if they are still living together and their earnings from Netflix , book ( after advance paid back), Spotify ( which called them f—ing grifters) fall short of what is needed to maintain the style to which TW has. accustomed herself.
      Meanwhile they grow increasingly irrelevant and embarrassing by the day. Will somebody please buy Meghan a hairbrush and iron?

      • Whoa. Ann, try not to confuse the vicious squad with facts. Lady C’s latest book has some very interesting info. Any NORMAL mother would have pictures galore. In America they take newborn pics for the parents.. Mrs Frosty todger has to be the strangest parent around. Also,IF there ARE children in her care,that also seems very neglectful as a parent. Yes,she needs a hair brush & an iron. She must really think she is irrestible. Mattie the 👹 child. Anywho,your post was very well written. ^^^^

  6. Hello there Sir Matthew!! Agree with you 100%. Samantha is the real deal. Oh & YES, Congrats to our gorgeous Catherine,Princess of Wales. Just read King Charles 3rd has bestowed a new title on her on Prince Louis’s birthday.
    Everyone knows Samantha has won big in the court of public opinion.


  7. Just wanted to add this. We all know 💩 sells about as well .. Actually 💩 is useful & serves legitimate purposes. Poor poor pitiful meme has probably never had an original thought of her own!!


    • MeGain needs to be sent to the funny farm. They key should be thrown away once she’s safely locked away. She clearly is mentally unhinged.

      • Matthew,
        Meghan is the only Markle without an arrest record. SM guilty of child abuse. Dailymail-“Meghan Markle’s brother arrested and charged with holding a gun to girlfriend’s head.” USA Today- ” Meghan Markle’s dad gets restraining order against him.” An 80 year old man threatening to “kill” someone. Sounds perfectly normal to me.

        • Please take your #SussexSquad trolling elsewhere. You are not welcome here. Further comments will be marked as spam, so don’t waste your ludicrous airbrained bonce on trying. Pip pip and bog ‘orf.

  8. “Delightful and decent.” Her family might disagree. Ashley Hale-“I stopped talking to her, some people you can’t reason with.” That’s her daughter. Noelle Rasmussen- “She should have never been a mother, she would spit, kick ,punch at me. I wasn’t allowed to go to school. She was crazy.” That’s another daughter.Roslyn Markle, her own mother testified against her in her child abuse case. Finally, not sure she should be giving out marital advice: New York Post- “Meghan Markle’s brother-in-law charged with domestic violence.” This was the same man charged with helping her abuse her daughter,and she continued to live with him? She still lives with her abuser.Harry was right to ignore this complete stranger. # We love you Meghan.

    • You clearly are as crackpot crazy as MeGain, Susan. You’ve obviously drunk a hell of a lot of Kool Aid. The Markle family are decent people; the Ragland family are the ones deserving of an investigation. Doria Ragland’s problems with the law need exposing further; filth and scum.

  9. Matthew,
    You didn’t provide any evidence that what her own mother and children have said are lies. SM lost her child abuse case. The court chose to believe her daughter. “Allegations of physical and mental abuse substantiated against Samantha Rasmussen and Mark Phillips.” Where are the lies? Where are the lies from her children and mother?? Please point them out?

  10. Sir Matthew, I was going to offer to buy you a pair of boxing gloves to fight the sewer squad propaganda machine. Welp,looks like you’re doing perfectly fine all by .yourself. Need we remind them their fairy godless mother megain & hazza are #1 in trying to shut down free speech? Perhaps we could buy some cheese to go with their whines.😂



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