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Author: Matthew Steeples

February 26, 2020

With Friends Like These…

by Matthew Steeples

That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the diminutive skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached ‘Randy Andy’ has never been considered capable of carefulness in his choice of company, but in opting to have one of the stingiest billionaires on the planet round for a spot of dinner (and … Continue reading “With Friends Like These…”

February 25, 2020

Cash, Rocket and a Madam

by Matthew Steeples

Why won’t the Cash & Rocket ‘charity’ answer a simple question about their past participant, the madam to a paedophile Ghislaine Maxwell? Last year, prior to disappearing off the face of the planet in the wake of the Jeffrey Epstein-Prince Andrew scandal, Ghislaine Maxwell participated in the Cash & Rocket London-Monte Carlo ‘charity’ car rally … Continue reading “Cash, Rocket and a Madam”

February 24, 2020

A Pickled Apology

by Matthew Steeples

That Michael Barrymore is willing to apologise to Sir Richard Branson but not the family of the late Stuart Lubbock is telling In November 2012, Sir Richard Branson tweeted: “OK. Who’s got a tattoo they have lived to regret?” Amongst the first to respond was Michael Barrymore (AKA Michael Parker), the disgraced entertainer and roller-around-on-the-floor … Continue reading “A Pickled Apology”

Non-Policing a Lambo

by Matthew Steeples

James Stunt calls out the police over their inaction against those who sold his plainly illegally destroyed Lamborghini without his permission Thanks to Theresa May as the most useless Home Secretary in history, the police have no resources. Proof of the consequences has yet again been provided in the form of the total inaction of … Continue reading “Non-Policing a Lambo”

February 23, 2020

McGee Magic

by Matthew Steeples

“The Lovely Debbie McGee” hits a new low in appearing in adverts for a crappy kitchen makeover company (with captions across her cleavage) The late Caroline Aherne (AKA Mrs Merton) made an utter fool of the dimwitted bimbo Debbie McGee in 1997 when she mockingly asked: “What, first, Debbie, was it that attracted you to … Continue reading “McGee Magic”

February 22, 2020

Boobed by Judy

by Matthew Steeples

Bra flasher Judy Finnigan labelled “sexist” by her very own husband during a discussion about naked women in saunas Potbellied pisshead Judy Finnigan returned to daytime telly yesterday.   In a slot on This Morning – the show she long ago co-hosted with her ‘Dorian Gray of entertainment-like’ husband Richard Madeley (prior to his hands … Continue reading “Boobed by Judy”

February 21, 2020

A Cottage or a Cage?

by Matthew Steeples

Knightsbridge ‘cage’ in an underground car park for sale for the same price as a 6 bedroom former farmhouse in 1 acre in Scotland In Kincardineshire, you’ll get a 4,090 square foot 19th century farmhouse that has most recently been used as a hotel for £375,000 ($484,000, €448,000 or درهم1.8 million). In Ennismore Gardens, Knightsbridge, … Continue reading “A Cottage or a Cage?”

Calling Out A Creep

by Matthew Steeples

Cousin of Prince Andrew speaks with the FBI about alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s involvement in the Jeffrey Epstein case The Duke of York’s very own cousin has called the FBI about what she knows about the Epstein case according to Sebastian Shakespeare in the Daily Mail this morning.   Speaking to the columnist, Christina Oxenberg, … Continue reading “Calling Out A Creep”

February 20, 2020

Gassed in a Gothic Box

by Matthew Steeples

‘Gothic box’ in Chelsea where theatrical designer Sophie Fedorovitch was accidentally gassed to death for sale for £2.95 million Nicky Haslam wrote fondly of 22 Bury Walk – commonly known as “the Gothic Box” – in his memoirs Redeeming Features. Of what he terms a “romantically dotty little folly,” he recalls spending “one of the … Continue reading “Gassed in a Gothic Box”

Damp Chips

by Matthew Steeples

Moaning granny complains to local newspaper about being treated like “trailer trash” after being “forced” to eat chips in the rain Joanne Leaman – a chav-like woman resembling something like Vicky Pollard from Little Britain – took her children, grandchildren and friends to a café named Cheeky Monkeys in Newcastle-under-Lyme for cones of £1.25 chips … Continue reading “Damp Chips”

February 18, 2020

Raging Rose

by Matthew Steeples

Hull woman complains to local newspaper about a mural that she believes features someone fondling Jesus’s genitals Where most people see a mural featuring “hardworking” local people “going about their everyday lives in times gone by,” Rose White sees demons, Jehovah’s Witnesses and the “abuse of children.”   In comments to Grimsby Live, the Hessle … Continue reading “Raging Rose”

February 17, 2020

Justice by Email

by Matthew Steeples

Since she cannot be physically found, alleged madam and daughter of ‘Bouncing Bob’ Ghislaine Maxwell has now been served by email As lawyers for Annie Farmer, a woman who accuses Jeffrey Epstein of sexual assault, have been unable to physically locate Ghislaine Maxwell, they have now managed to persuade a judge to allow them to … Continue reading “Justice by Email”

February 16, 2020

The Phil & Matt Show

by Matthew Steeples

Phillip Schofield filmed smoking shisha with his alleged ex-lover Matt McGreevy (and pictured in bed thereafter); another image shows the pair together in photograph taken at a school Phillip Schofield has most certainly manipulated most people into thinking he’s a national treasure. He’s cried on the telly box and most recently orchestrated a ‘coming out’ … Continue reading “The Phil & Matt Show”

Taking The Flack

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests that both the press and the legal system have a lot to answer for in the wake of the death of Caroline Flack The media created her and the media took her away. Caroline Flack, in spite of plainly being a very troubled lady in other regards, was most definitely destroyed by … Continue reading “Taking The Flack”

February 15, 2020

A Peeved Pensioner

by Matthew Steeples

Angry granny Mary Ingamells contacts press to complain about finding a piece of wood in a tin of Tesco carrots and peas; she can also still feel a piece of orange in her throat that was there when she was two Friday was plainly a slow news day at the News & Star with The … Continue reading “A Peeved Pensioner”

February 14, 2020

Morons of the Moment – Mortimer and Jacqueline Sackler

by Matthew Steeples

Self-entitled drug flogging billionaires Mortimer and Jacqueline Sackler were rightly roasted by ‘Guest of a Guest’ for their (latest) bleating email Mortimer D. A. Sackler is a spoilt berk from a family who have galleries named after them. This drip and his ghastly oik of a wife, Jacqueline, hang out with royalty and are part … Continue reading “Morons of the Moment – Mortimer and Jacqueline Sackler”

February 13, 2020

SchofieldLite

by Matthew Steeples

‘Politicalite’ suggest Phillip Schofield orchestrated his ‘mass coming out’ after a former ‘This Morning’ runner had gone to the press about a supposed relationship whilst he was a teenager Phillip Schofield has truly milked his ‘coming out.’ Criticised yesterday by Matthew Parris in The Times for behaving badly towards other gay men in hiding his … Continue reading “SchofieldLite”

Epstein’s Fat Cat

by Matthew Steeples

Fat cat banker and Barclays CEO Jes Staley under investigation over his links to the late paedophile Jeffrey Epstein This morning, Barclays has been forced to reveal that its controversial CEO Jes Staley is being investigated over his links to the now (allegedly) dead paedophile and late friend of Prince Andrew, Jeffrey Epstein.   In … Continue reading “Epstein’s Fat Cat”

February 12, 2020

A Tale of Two Lukes

by Matthew Steeples

Luke Johnson is wrong to urge consumers to embrace alcohol free spirits whilst Luke Jones was right to urge them to love martinis Under Luke Johnson’s reign Patisserie Valerie collapsed. He claimed the experience of masterminding the destruction of a business that employed 3,000 people “shattered [his] self-belief.” Oh diddums for the poor lamb.   … Continue reading “A Tale of Two Lukes”

A Double Shot or Not?

by Matthew Steeples

Did Sheila Caffell shoot herself once or twice or was she murdered by her bother Jeremy Bamber? New evidence is revealed On the eve of the final episode of ITV’s White House Farm airing, fresh doubt has been raised as to whether Sheila Caffell was the victim of murder or whether she was the perpetrator … Continue reading “A Double Shot or Not?”

February 11, 2020

Deport Rotten Rolf

by Matthew Steeples

As a deportation flight leaves for Jamaica, Twitter users have rightly angrily reacted asking why the paedophile Rolf Harris was not sent back to Australia after his release The disgraced Australian ‘entertainer’ (if you can call this creep such) Rolf Harris is also a convicted paedophile. He was released from jail in May 2017 after … Continue reading “Deport Rotten Rolf”

February 10, 2020

Mr Childish

by Matthew Steeples

As son of convicted criminal Sam Palmer is branded ‘Mr Obnoxious’ in the ‘Mail on Sunday,’ we suggest he’s actually ‘Mr Childish’ also Yesterday in the Mail on Sunday, Charlotte Griffiths quite rightly branded a moronic ex-used car salesman turned hanger-on to the coattails of the very wealthy daughter of another former used car salesman … Continue reading “Mr Childish”

February 9, 2020

Oh Good Grief!

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests the fuss about Phillip Schofield “coming out” as gay is nothing but a storm in a teacup This week, “the silver soufflé” that is Phillip Schofield – someone who is little other than a frothy presenter of trivial daytime telly – came out as gay. The reaction? Acres of column inches analysing … Continue reading “Oh Good Grief!”

February 8, 2020

Andy’s Antics Analysed

by Matthew Steeples

Jeremy Clarkson rightly suggests that Prince Andrew should do two things: Shut up and bugger off Just as alleged abuse victim Virginia Roberts suggested Prince Andrew should hear “the sound of shackles tied round his ankles on the way to the tower” instead of bells, Jeremy Clarkson has this morning used his column in The … Continue reading “Andy’s Antics Analysed”

More Matters of Marmalade

by Matthew Steeples

The debate over marmalade making and longevity continues in the ‘Guardian’ with a letter from a 74-year-old In the Guardian, the correlation of marmalade making and longevity continues in their letters pages.   The latest:   My husband will be 89 in July and I will be 74 in August. We have just booked a … Continue reading “More Matters of Marmalade”

February 7, 2020

The Baloney of Barrymore

by Matthew Steeples

Michael Barrymore’s bizarre rant prior to Channel 4’s documentary about the death of Stuart Lubbock proves him a lying maniac; the crazed nutjob has now also blocked ‘The Steeple Times’ During the screening of Barrymore: The Body in the Pool, the television personality India Willoughby announced to her 38,000 followers on Twitter: “I find Michael … Continue reading “The Baloney of Barrymore”

February 6, 2020

A Cottage With A Catch

by Matthew Steeples

Victorian country cottage in picturesque rural setting in East Sussex for sale for less than a new BMW 3 series saloon A brand new BMW 3 series saloon will set you back approximately £35,000 ($45,000, €41,000 or درهم167,000), but for the same sum you could buy a Victorian cottage in 0.103 acres in a “pleasant … Continue reading “A Cottage With A Catch”

February 5, 2020

A Cut-Price Gulbenkian

by Matthew Steeples

Rolls-Royce owned by eccentric tycoon Nubar Gulbenkian expected to sell for just £30,000 in spite of £200,000 spent on restoration to date Last August, we reported on a Mercedes-Benz 600 sedan complete with a “Jimmy Savile-esque” double bed that was sold in Paris by RM Sotheby’s. It was originally adapted for the bon viveur Nubar … Continue reading “A Cut-Price Gulbenkian”

February 4, 2020

Death by Mixed Grill

by Matthew Steeples

Brewers Fayre steak, gammon, fried eggs, chicken breast, pork sausage, chips, onion rings, grilled tomato and peas combo kills woman; five other gruesome culinary deaths A Welsh woman named Karen Hopkins – not a relative of the especially unctuous Katie Hopkins one can likely assume – choked to death at the ultimate provider of food … Continue reading “Death by Mixed Grill”

Shame on Michael Barrymore

by Matthew Steeples

Michael Barrymore belittles the father of the late Stuart Lubbock by taking to Instagram to join those mocking the new investigation into the murder as “parasites” Michael Barrymore is a man with no heart. Aside from no doubt encouraging Twitter to suspended Terry Lubbock, the father of the man who died in his swimming pool, … Continue reading “Shame on Michael Barrymore”

Britain’s Cheapest Freehold?

by Matthew Steeples

Waterfront property in Wisbech, Cambridgeshire heads to auction for an extraordinarily low price A property – if you can call it such – that extends to approximately 129.17 square feet in Wisbech, Cambridgeshire on the 20th February.   Described as a “flying freehold with [an] inaccessible room” wedged between two buildings, the 16th century space … Continue reading “Britain’s Cheapest Freehold?”

February 3, 2020

A Matter of Marmalade

by Matthew Steeples

Readers of the ‘Guardian’ share their amusing stories correlating longevity and marmalade During the last month, the Guardian has published a series of letters about old people and marmalade.   Amusingly, in them, the correspondents reference how much of the fruit preserve they have made recently and how long they think they’ll last.   They … Continue reading “A Matter of Marmalade”

A Cut Price Mucky Motor

by Matthew Steeples

Asking price for the hideously coloured ex-Katie Price ‘Barbie Rosa’ pink Range Rover slashed; no mention made by sellers as to whether it’s been cleaned up On her uppers and allegedly struggling to keep her now infamous “mucky mansion” in Horsham, West Sussex, Katie Price’s former pride and joy, her now repossessed 2016 Land Rover … Continue reading “A Cut Price Mucky Motor”

January 30, 2020

Draconian Drinking

by Matthew Steeples

Brexit bore Tim Martin, chairman of Wetherspoons yet again shows himself to be a draconian drip; what will this nutty nuisance ban next? On Monday, the deranged dimwit Tim Martin, chairman of the J. D. Wetherspoon pub company, announced: “Many of our customers are keen to celebrate Brexit.” Speaking of tariffs, the nutty know-all added: … Continue reading “Draconian Drinking”

January 29, 2020

A Wishy Washy Washup

by Matthew Steeples

Boris Johnson’s launch of a range of limited edition tea towels celebrating Brexit sums up the damp deal he’s “achieved” perfectly That the Conservative Party have resorted to peddling ‘Got Brexit Done’ tea towels to celebrate Brexit is pure comedy – especially given they cannot even deliver them until 10 days after ‘Brexit Day’ on … Continue reading “A Wishy Washy Washup”

January 25, 2020

Name & Shame – Fergie’s (Fat) Farm

by Matthew Steeples

Sarah, Duchess of York should be ashamed of her latest attempt to profit from her (former) royal status Sarah, Duchess of York (AKA ‘Fergie’) just cannot help herself. When not describing her former husband’s links to the late paedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s activities as “nonsense,” this toe-sucking wench spends her days grubbily seeking out commercial ventures … Continue reading “Name & Shame – Fergie’s (Fat) Farm”

January 24, 2020

Angry Anth’

by Matthew Steeples

Flake botherer Anthea Turner swings into action to resolve a row with her magic mushroom loving fiancé at Heathrow Airport Life isn’t always a bed of roses for ‘Princess Tippy Toes’ (AKA ‘F**k I Used To Be Famous’ Anthea Turner) and this morning’s Mirror revealed yet another botch up by this hectoring harpy.   Spotted … Continue reading “Angry Anth’”

January 23, 2020

Portered Art

by Matthew Steeples

Charming hidden artist’s studio next to Chelsea Football Club for sale A 794 square foot one bedroom raised ground floor apartment complete with a space now used as an art studio in Fulham Road, SW6 has recently been placed for sale.   Situated within Chelsea Studios, a hidden enclave artistic community founded by an Italian … Continue reading “Portered Art”

January 22, 2020

Food Fury – Tezza The Steak Terror

by Matthew Steeples

Angry supposedly homophobic ex-Labour councillor contacts his local newspaper to rant about buying supposedly rotten meat in Morrisons There are people with too much time on their hands and then there’s Terry Lawton from Tollesby, Teesside.   Featured in an article in Teesside Live on Monday by one Samuel Jones, the former Labour and independent … Continue reading “Food Fury – Tezza The Steak Terror”

The Megaphone Maniac

by Matthew Steeples

Lunatic from London caught shouting “stop reproducing!” through a megaphone in Oxford; Danny Shine previously got prosecuted for shouting about masturbation Self-declared “very naughty boy” (though he’s well north of fifty in terms of his years) Danny Shine claims he was prosecuted for saying “masturbate” in public in 2018. He now goes around shouting through … Continue reading “The Megaphone Maniac”

January 21, 2020

Name & Shame – Buska Patriot

by Matthew Steeples

The thugs that filmed themselves attacking Steve ‘Stop Brexit Man’ Bray should be prosecuted On Saturday in Westminster, vile thugs attacked Steve ‘Stop Brexit Man’ Bray.   Shouting: “He hits his wife” and “she’s f**king gorgeous, I’d do her” at a lady in the company of the anti-Brexit campaigner, the potty-mouthed cowards then stole Bray’s … Continue reading “Name & Shame – Buska Patriot”

Timing Bamber

by Matthew Steeples

New evidence about movements inside White House Farm on the evening of the massacre there raises new questions about Jeremy Bamber’s conviction This morning the Mirror splashed its front page with an exclusive about Jeremy Bamber. Featuring the headline: “New evidence gives me ultimate alibi for White House Farm massacre,” the “sensational claim” relates to … Continue reading “Timing Bamber”

January 20, 2020

Blue Baloney

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples calls out the PR stunt that is ‘Blue Monday’ for what it really is – banal baloney Today is supposedly ‘Blue Monday.’ It is the “day of the year when the UK is collectively feeling the lowest” according to the doom-mongering oracle of depression that is the Daily Mail and it is all … Continue reading “Blue Baloney”

January 19, 2020

Hero of the Hour – Laurence Fox

by Matthew Steeples

Actor Laurence Fox has most unjustifiably been condemned for calling out the ‘MegExit’ saga as “boring” and nothing to do with racism Laurence Fox rightly dared to suggest that the whole ‘MegExit’ saga has nothing to do with “racism” and also suggested Labour should not choose its leader on the basis of what sex they … Continue reading “Hero of the Hour – Laurence Fox”

January 18, 2020

MegExit Ain’t About Brexit

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples condemns London4Europe for ludicrously publishing an article comparing Brexit to the “treatment” of the Duchess of Sussex; the two are frankly mutually exclusive On Friday, London4Europe published a blog article by some named Sharon Leclercq-Spooner that was frankly one of the most ridiculous pieces of drivel I’ve ever read.   In it, Leclerq-Spooner … Continue reading “MegExit Ain’t About Brexit”

January 17, 2020

Bumper Bashing in Belgravia

by Matthew Steeples

This week Belgravia morphed into the scene of some rather dramatic motoring escapades reports Matthew Steeples (and this time it’s nothing to do with the BBC’s ‘The Capture’) Oh so genteel Belgravia is an area of London one would traditionally associate with dowager duchesses and ageing colonels. It is about to be brought to the … Continue reading “Bumper Bashing in Belgravia”

January 16, 2020

Bong Off

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples slams the campaign to raise £500,000 to make Big Ben ‘bong’ to market Brexit as ridiculous and irresponsible “Big Ben’s a clock. It chimes on the hour. So what?” sensibly remarked Adam Boulton on Sky News this morning.   Meanwhile, elsewhere the devious lobbyist-not-a-journalist Isabel Oakeshott took to Twitter to moan that Downing … Continue reading “Bong Off”

Lazy Brady’s U-Turn

by Matthew Steeples

Muckspreader Lady Brady does a U-turn about alleged abuser Sir ‘Shifty’ Philip Green (but then admits she’s often still on the blower to him) ‘Lazy Brady’s’ at it again; this harpy, in fact, simply just cannot help herself.   Aside from attacking people she hasn’t met, like, for example, James Stunt, in her tawdry column … Continue reading “Lazy Brady’s U-Turn”

A Question of Meghan

by Matthew Steeples

The Duchess of Sussex needs to answer a simple question about which member of the royal family she met first A simple question needs to be asked:   Did the then Meghan Markle meet Prince Andrew before she met Prince Harry? Or did she meet the friend of the late paedophile Jeffrey Epstein first?   … Continue reading “A Question of Meghan”

The Parson with Nine Pussies

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples takes a look at the life of a vicar who gave services with his nine cats in tow, the Reverend Robert Hawker Witchcraft, religion and women with cats have long been associated. Be it the cat accompanied Pendle Witches – a collection of unfortunates tried in 1612 mostly at Lancaster and in the … Continue reading “The Parson with Nine Pussies”

January 11, 2020

The Dark Sun

by Matthew Steeples

James Stunt exposes ‘The Sun’ for nefariously hacking his YouTube account reports Matthew Steeples Last night in Belgravia, James Stunt logged into his YouTube account in the presence of his friend Helena Robinson and myself. Bizarrely he discovered that he was not alone there.   Aside from his own iPhone telephone device, listed on screen … Continue reading “The Dark Sun”

January 10, 2020

The Wit of Woolf

by Matthew Steeples

‘The Steeple Times’ remembers the late, great Woolf Gander A businessman who travelled widely across across the globe, Woolf Gander was born in 1937 in London Hospital and sadly died just before Christmas. A father of three – Beverley, Andrew and Adam – and a grandfather of three – Olivia, George and Victoria – Woolf … Continue reading “The Wit of Woolf”

January 9, 2020

MeGain Flies Commercial

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples joins those condemning the ‘Modern Day Mrs Simpson’ and her under-the-thumb hubbie ‘Prince Halfwit’ Today is the Duchess of Cambridge’s birthday, so naturally – as she always just has to do – the Duchess of Sussex opted most selfishly to upstage her.   Aside from repeatedly portraying her sister-in-law as some kind of … Continue reading “MeGain Flies Commercial”

January 8, 2020

Hero of the Hour – Giles Coren

by Matthew Steeples

Giles Coren is to be saluted for refusing to put up with harassment from the supporters of the left-wing scumbag Owen Jones Giles Coren predicted that the insufferable idiot Owen Jones might get a peerage in Corbyn’s resignation honours on the 31st December. He suggested that this self-serving obnoxious bore might become a “fat old … Continue reading “Hero of the Hour – Giles Coren”

January 6, 2020

‘My’ Oh ‘They’

by Matthew Steeples

That “they” has been named “word of the decade” about sums up how our use of language has sunk into the abyss The cringeworthy “[I’ve endured] a lifetime of being at war with my gender” singer Sam Smith – a “person” known for singing frankly the worst Bond movie theme known to man, Writing’s on … Continue reading “‘My’ Oh ‘They’”

January 5, 2020

Moron of the Moment – Sami Raja

by Matthew Steeples

Fraudster Sami Raja’s use of Instagram to flaunt his luxury lifestyle whilst on the run provides proof of his all-round arrogance Sami Raja stole £2.4 million ($3.2 million, €2.8 million or درهم11.5 million) from 130 elderly victims. He was convicted and jailed for eight years, but has never served a single day as he went … Continue reading “Moron of the Moment – Sami Raja”

January 3, 2020

Raising a Toast to Ginuary

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests readers avoid ‘Veganuary’ and instead take up ‘Ginuary’ this month ‘Veganuary’ is all the rage at the moment. Articles about it abound and the blessed pest, the-ex-she turned somebody-of-undefined sex (‘Gender X’ or whatever ‘it’ is now), Jack Monroe was even given a slot to bang on about it on Radio 4’s … Continue reading “Raising a Toast to Ginuary”

December 31, 2019

A Whitewash over ‘White House Farm’?

by Matthew Steeples

Jeremy Bamber and his legal team call on ITV to postpone screening their forthcoming drama series ‘White House Farm’ Just as Freddie Fox revealed he “decided against contacting the real-life Jeremy Bamber” and announced he’ll be “leaving it up to the audience to decide whether or not Bamber is guilty,” the convicted familial serial killer’s … Continue reading “A Whitewash over ‘White House Farm’?”

Moron of the Moment – Jordi Casamitjana

by Matthew Steeples

Sacked League Against Cruel Sports employee Jordi Camamitjana is the personification of crazy for seeking to have “ethical veganism recognised as a protected philosophical belief” Jordi Casamitjana believes in what he calls ‘T-shirting.’ He always wears clothes that feature vegan slogans, only dates fellow vegans and, according to The Times, “refuses to catch buses in … Continue reading “Moron of the Moment – Jordi Casamitjana”

December 30, 2019

A Castle of Commerce

by Matthew Steeples

Penthouse in “the cathedral of commerce” that is the Woolworth Building in New York for sale for £60 million in spite of just being a raw space Boldly described by developers Alchemy Properties as “the most extraordinary penthouse in Tribeca’s history,” a six-storey penthouse in what was the tallest building in the world between 1912 … Continue reading “A Castle of Commerce”

Revoke The Quiet Knight

by Matthew Steeples

‘The Steeple Times’ urges readers to join the 180,000 people who’ve signed a petition demanding Iain Duncan Smith not be knighted When Iain Duncan Smith famously announced that “the quiet man is here to stay and he’s turning up the volume” at the Conservative Party conference in 2003, everybody rightly turned off.   Now news … Continue reading “Revoke The Quiet Knight”

December 28, 2019

Brazen Bigoted Baroness’ Boxing Day Baloney

by Matthew Steeples

Bigoted ‘baroness’ Marie Claire von Alvensleben, famed for rolling around on the floor with disgraced TV star Michael Barrymore, spotted bargaining (unsuccessfully) in the Queen’s grocers Convicted racist, drunk and bedraggled-pissed-up-lying-on-the-floor with he-who’s-yet-to-explain-a-death-in-swimming-pool Michael Barrymore, Marie Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben pushed the boat out (or supposedly desired to do so) on Boxing Day.   Normally … Continue reading “Brazen Bigoted Baroness’ Boxing Day Baloney”

Anth’ Swings into Hyde Park

by Matthew Steeples

Publicity loving Anthea Turner and policeman biter fiancé “giggled like teens” as they “hit the rides” at Winter Wonderland on Boxing Day Like Tarzan in the jungle, ‘Princess Tippytoes’ Anthea Turner has swung into action yet again this Christmas.   With the MailOnline this morning somewhat laughably sharing news as a “PICTURE EXCLUSIVE” (and yes … Continue reading “Anth’ Swings into Hyde Park”

December 27, 2019

A Kimono Too Far

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples suggests the reaction to Jolyon Maugham’s somewhat ill-thought tweet about killing a fox (whilst wearing a kimono) to be ludicrous at a time when thousands freeze on our streets On Boxing Day, Jolyon Maugham tweeted about killing a fox trapped in his hen house with a baseball bat in his garden in central … Continue reading “A Kimono Too Far”

December 26, 2019

Matesong

by Matthew Steeples

Kylie Minogue cheerfully attempts to lure “Brexit-weary” Brits to Australia as part of an advertising campaign Australia may be sadly burning and its premier might have put his foot in the proverbial by shockingly heading off on holiday, but ‘Down Under’ they’re eternally cheerful it seems.   With news that the pint-sized, pint-pulling pop star … Continue reading “Matesong”

December 25, 2019

Christmas Card of the Year

by Matthew Steeples

Sir Benjamin Slade excels himself with an amusing Christmas card celebrating himself (maybe) finally finding an other half Sir Benjamin Slade, Bt. can always be relied upon to amuse.   Whether he’s on ITV1’s This Morning describing how he’s looking for a “castle trained breeder” (to provide him with an heir) or filming videos of … Continue reading “Christmas Card of the Year”

Dr II Poo

by Matthew Steeples

Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen spotted with a lavatory related numberplate in Chelsea There’s tasteless and there’s lavatorial humour.   A Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen spotted on the Kings Road in Chelsea last week was seen complete with a truly tacky numberplate. It read: “Dr II Poo.”   Class.   Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes Twitter: @SteepleTimes  

December 23, 2019

Anth Gets “A Bit Silly”

by Matthew Steeples

Scrooge-like Anthea Turner patronises the public yet again and announces she’ll be serving chicken rather than turkey this Christmas “Hardly on the breadline” Anthea Turner likes excess. This anything but frugal self-publicist’s marital homes included a £10 million, 57-acre estate in Surrey and a £5 million, 6 bedroom ski chalet in Megève, France. They may … Continue reading “Anth Gets “A Bit Silly””

December 20, 2019

Moaning Moron Michael

by Matthew Steeples

Delusional deranged ‘entertainer’ Michael Barrymore yet again shamefully cracks an inappropriate joke about death Sadly, Michael Barrymore is alive, but it seems he’s not so well.   Unlike poor Stuart Lubbock, who was found dead in very strange circumstances in his swimming pool (after which said ‘entertainer’ ran away before an ambulance had even arrived … Continue reading “Moaning Moron Michael”

A One Off

by Matthew Steeples

One-of-a-kind 2012 Aston Martin shooting brake for sale for a staggering sum; it comes with all needed to build more examples Aston Martins are the preserve of James Bond and the super-rich, but for someone with especially deep pockets a one-of-a-kind example could make for the perfect present this Christmas.   Based on the Rapide … Continue reading “A One Off”

December 18, 2019

A Wary Eye

by Matthew Steeples

Matthew Steeples reflects on the losing campaign he supported in the 2019 General Election and what will come next; here he gives ten outtakes from the result This morning on Adam Boulton’s All Out Politics on Sky News, Matthew Paris confirmed what all remainers already knew in stating: “We lost.” He then added: “And now … Continue reading “A Wary Eye”

December 17, 2019

Tittle Tattle Tosspot Towning

by Matthew Steeples

James Stunt responds to yet another nonsensical interview by the peddler of junk Ian Towning and confirms the ratbag as a prat who knows zilch about art In response to a badly written and appallingly researched article in the MailOnline yesterday about a Monet painting he owns, businessman James Stunt took to Instagram to call … Continue reading “Tittle Tattle Tosspot Towning”

A Bonkers Priced Box

by Matthew Steeples

Box seating twelve people at the Royal Albert Hall for sale for the same price as a 15,000 square foot ‘castle’ in County Durham A box at the Royal Albert Hall has gone on sale for the same price as a 15,000 square foot, Sir John Soane designed ‘castle’ in County Durham.   Capable of … Continue reading “A Bonkers Priced Box”

Closure & Clifford

by Matthew Steeples

The inquest into the paedophile monster Max Clifford’s death in prison reveals that even whilst locked up he lived the high-life; those that enabled him in the clink have questions to answer For the victims of the monstrous remorseless paedophile Max Clifford (whom likely included a 12-year-old girl in Spain beyond his British victims even), … Continue reading “Closure & Clifford”

December 16, 2019

A Newspaper for Nowt

by Matthew Steeples

Alaska newspaper offered for sale; the “unbeatable price” of $0 provides indication of the decline of the printed press Yesterday, The Guardian reported that a man who’d bought a local newspaper in the Klondike Gold Rush national historic park in April is now trying to offload it for absolutely nothing.   Larry Persily, described as … Continue reading “A Newspaper for Nowt”

Pugin & Panic

by Matthew Steeples

Pugin designed 14,000 square foot mansion with two panic rooms for rent in Liverpool; its décor leaves a lot to be desired but it does come with a beer pump A gaudily decorated Grade II* listed mansion in Childwall, Liverpool complete with not just one, but two panic rooms has been placed on the rental … Continue reading “Pugin & Panic”

December 15, 2019

A Hell of a House

by Matthew Steeples

Section of Knightsbridge church conversion for sale for 5,000% more than it sold for in 1998 or 450% more than it fetched in 2003; this £55 million property is more hellish than homely In October, The Guardian reported on a play about a school being performed at a church in Knightsbridge. In it “disadvantaged and … Continue reading “A Hell of a House”

December 14, 2019

An Electric Mansion

by Matthew Steeples

Victorian New York state mansion in the area where the world’s first execution by electric chair occurred goes on sale for just £37,000 in spite of being tax assessed for a far higher sum “Vegetable peddler and known alcoholic” William Kemmler (1860 – 1890) was the first person in the world to be legally executed … Continue reading “An Electric Mansion”

The Duchess is a Dork

by Matthew Steeples

That the Duchess of York claims the Jeffrey Epstein scandal to be “nonsense” sums up how much of an out of touch fruitcake she truly is As it is suggested that the alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell may actually be hiding out in witness protection, that the Duchess of York has claimed in an interview that … Continue reading “The Duchess is a Dork”

December 11, 2019

Five of the Best – Moments from the 2019 General Election

by Matthew Steeples

Five highlights from the fallout of Boris Johnson’s attempt to “Get Brexit Done” ‘Mrs Piece of Toerag’ Nobody actually got to the bottom of who the woman who called ‘Bosie The Clown’ a “dirty piece of toerag,” but here was a woman who truly eclipsed the hearts of the nation. Brenda from Bristol and Gillian … Continue reading “Five of the Best – Moments from the 2019 General Election”

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