Friday, June 14, 2024

Bonking Bone Bombards Bonny Broadstairs – Disgraced Sex Fiend Tory Peter Bone’s Lover To Stand In East Thanet

Matthew Steeples suggests the General Election is going “bonkers in Broadstairs” after the Tories replace “bionic man” Craig Mackinlay with the lover of the disgraced sex fiend Tory Peter Bone as their candidate in East Thanet; elsewhere, petulant ‘popstar’ Holly Valance may throw her hat in for Reform in Basildon and Billericay

  • After “sepsis survivor” ex-UKIPer turned Tory Craig Mackinlay MP announced he would not be standing in the newly created East Thanet constituency, it looked to be a shoe-in for lobbyist and Labour candidate Polly Billington in the forthcoming General Election 2024.
  • Rumours subsequently circulated that Reform UK’s Nigel Farage might return to the area to run again after he came second for UKIP in South Thanet in 2005; his candidacy in a seat that includes Broadstairs, Margate and Ramsgate would certainly have put the cat amongst the pigeons.
  • Farage’s decision to instead run in Clacton returned a definite lead to Billington, but now the Tories have thrown North Northamptonshire based Helen Harrison into the ring; she is the lover of the disgraced ex-MP sex pest Peter Bone – a menace who was found to have “indecently exposed himself” to a male aide.
  • Elsewhere in Basildon and Billericay, Donald Trump loving pop singer and ex-‘Neighbours’ actress Holly Vallance is rumoured to be announcing her run for Reform UK in spite of her billionaire hubby Nick Candy being a one-time Tory donor turned Labour supporter.
  • The General Election of 2024… The ‘Holly and Polly Show’… You just couldn’t make it up!

Update – 6pm BST, 07/06/24 – There’ll be no ‘Holly and Polly Show’ as Holly Valance Candy has decided not to stand in Basildon and Billericay due to it being “very difficult logistics wise” yet there still could be a ‘Polly and Bone’ show on one of Broadstairs’ beaches yet.

‘Bonny Broadstairs by-the-sea’ isn’t somewhere you’d associate with voters venting, but prior to today’s 4pm deadline for submitting a nomination to be a candidate in the 2024 General Election, here is a place that has already seen a fair few political rumblings during this particular campaign.


First, on the very afternoon ‘Fishy-No-Longer-So-Dishy Rishi’ turned into ‘Soppy Sunak’ as he was drenched in a downpour as he announced that the poll would be held on American Independence Day, 4th July, the Member of Parliament for the area, Craig Mackinlay JP, returned to a “hero’s welcome” in the House of Commons.


Mackinlay, a former deputy leader of UKIP and Conservative MP for South Thanet between 2015 and 2024, was unprecedentedly clapped in to the House of Commons that day after surviving a quadruple amputation of both his legs and arms following an infection of sepsis.


Subsequently, given his ill-health, Mackinlay unsurprisingly decided to announce his decision not to stand and in doing so effectively gave theLabour wannabe for his constituency, a lobbyist and senior advisor at Hanover Communications named Polly Billington, a freer-run than even she was already anticipating.


Now listed as a seat in which Labour are on a 92% chance of winning against the Tory’s 8% chance and where the rest of the parties don’t either register according to the Electoral Calculus website, East Thanet Conservative Association decided to pull a very strange move. They opted to chose a North Northamptonshire councillor, Helen Harrison, as their candidate at a “packed meeting” on 2nd June.


Snapped with Mackinlay in a photo shared on Instagram, Harrison termed the Conservative she wished to replace a “brave man” and told local newspaper The Isle of Thanet News:


“Craig and I share many beliefs. We both campaigned to leave the European Union, in fact I founded Grassroots Out, the second largest Leave campaign. And, like Craig, I was part of Leave Means Leave. I am concerned about the rush to achieve net zero at great cost to ordinary people who cannot afford it. I ran the Back Boris Tour in 2019, which was an integral part of a campaign to get Boris as our Prime Minister to deliver Brexit.”


“I am living in the constituency and will be buying a house locally. As your MP, not only will I hold weekly surgeries and be available to all residents, but you will also likely bump into me in the supermarket or high street.”


“My plan will be to set up a listening campaign. I will listen to the people of East Thanet… I will listen, campaign and deliver… I will always remember that I am East Thanet’s representative in Westminster and not Westminster’s representative in East Thanet.”


Harrison – who recently spectacularly failed to get elected in a by-election in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire where Labour wiped the floor with her – failed to elaborate as to whether she’d be bringing her “longtime partner” of “years” Peter Bone with her. Bone, voters will recall, will go down in history as an ex-Conservative MP who “exposed himself to an aide and physically struck him,” according to The Independent.


Deservedly disgraced Eurosceptic hardliner Bone – a maniacal menace formerly prone to quoting his now ex-wife Jeanette at PMQs – a House of Commons report found, had “committed many varied acts of bullying and one act of sexual misconduct” against a male member of his staff. The report detailed that aside from grotesque ‘antics’ on other occasions, the then MP for Wellingborough had “dropped his towel and exposed his genitals close to his employee’s face” and went on to expose himself to the complainant in a bedroom they had shared on a work trip in 2013.


Speaking to The Steeple Times earlier today, one Broadstairs local sensibly surmised: “One can only hope Ms. Harrison leaves ‘The Boner’ at home in Northamptonshire. We most definitely don’t need that frothing at the mouth fruitcake ‘frolicking’ in our local hostelries.”


Elsewhere this morning, the Guido Fawkes political blog shared that the former Neighbours actress and Kiss Kiss and Naughty Boy singer Holly Valance “is eyeing a run as a Reform candidate in Basildon and Billericay… The seat that’s seen Tory chair Richard Holden parachuted into.”


Australian-British citizen and wife of Nick Candy – a ‘billionaire’ property developer considered an “Olympic level name dropper” who has flirted with both Boris Johnson’s Tories and Keir Starmer’s Labour – Valance (born Holly Rachel Vukadinović to a Serbian father and a British mother) is already a busy bee on the politics front this month.


Next Friday, after having confirmed herself as a crackpot in claiming the “climate crisis, or lack of, is not a crisis” in February at a “taking back control… freedom” PopCon event with Liz Truss, 12th June, birdbrained Valance is to co-host a ‘Trump 47’ reception and dinner at a venue as yet unknown in London.


‘Mrs Holly Candy,’ as Valance is trumpeted on the official invite, at a gathering where “attendance and contributions [are] strictly limited to U.S. citizens and permanent residents only” are several ambassadors as co-hosts including Duke Buchan III, George Glass and Richard Grenell. Guests of honour will include the endangered species slayer Donald Trump Jr. and his harridan half-wit wife Kimberly Guilfoyle, the ex-wife of Democrat ‘Gavinator’ and 40th governor of California, Gavin Newsom.


The price for a plate to nosh-it-up alongside Mrs Candy? £78,000 per couple. The price for a ‘photo opportunity’? A bargain basement snip for a snap at just £20,000.


Pictured top (left to right) – Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Holly Valance; ‘bionic man’ Craig Mackinlay in Parliament; Mr Mackinlay with ‘replacement’ candidate Helen Harrison; Peter Bone with Harrison, Bone with his now ex-wife “the much quoted” Jeanette and wearing a stupid hat in the House of Commons; Labour candidate for East Thanet, lobbyist Polly Billington.


Editor’s note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples and watch his current nightly show on YouTube at 8.30pm daily.


A message from our editorial team – Thank you for reading this article. We’re more reliant on your support than ever as the shift in consumer habits brought about by coronavirus and the cost-of-living crisis impacts our advertisers. If you haven’t already, please consider supporting our trusted, fact-checked journalism by supporting our work via Patreon.


Polly Billington with Emily Thornberry, Lady Nugee
Labour candidate for East Thanet Polly Billington (pictured with Labour grandee Emily Thornberry – a woman who doesn’t like being addressed as Lady Nugee) worked for the BBC before becoming a SPAD to Ed Milliband in 2010. She has been a Labour councillor in Hackney and has worked as a senior advisor at the PR lobbying firm Hanover Communications. In March 2024, under the banner of “dark money investigations” by ‘Open Democracy’ examined Ms Billington having worn “two hats” as a “lobbyist and parliamentary candidate” in a broader article about “prospective MPs with lobbying day jobs [who] are introducing their clients to senior Labour figures – and boasting about it.”
Nigel Farage Broadstairs 2015
Self-professed “deliverer of Brexit” and all-round bombastic bore Nigel Farage pictured campaigning in Broadstairs on 9th April 2015. Though it was touted he might return to an area of Kent in which he came second in the 2015 General Election earlier this week, he plumped instead to head off to Clacton and thus took away what could have been the one big threat to Labour’s Polly Billington’s chances of success.
Helen Harrison Peter Bone East Thanet Wellingborough
A haggard looking Helen Harrison (pictured left) leaving a building named Ashley Court in Westminster with her haggard looking lover Peter Bone after their affair was revealed; Peter Bone MP in the House of Commons in 2017 wearing a brightly coloured woolen hat; he was “ticked off,” according to ‘The Sun,’ but “sparked giggles among his fellow MPs.” At the time, they added: “He was criticised in 2006 for boosting his ratings by saying, very little, very often” as part of a quest to be in the “top ten most active MPs in Parliament.” Amongst his ludicrous behaviour was to “mention his [then] wife in at least 60 debates since 2005,” the paper also reported.
Helen Harrison Peter Bone East Thanet Wellingborough
The new Conservative candidate for East Thanet, Helen Harrison, will no doubt be out and about pounding the pavements of Broadstairs, Margate and Ramsgate in the coming days and weeks. Whether she will be accompanied by her disgraced sex pest lover – whom she dragged out campaigning with her during the Wellingborough by-election back in January much to the disgust of voters – with her remains to be seen given in March the “qualified physiotherapist” told the ‘Northamptonshire Telegraph’ she was “cross and frustrated” by her “depiction in the media as Bone’s girlfriend.” She later claimed in a “self-penned article” for ‘Conservative Home’ that “she believed she had been the subject of a humiliating sexist campaign designed to discredit her candidacy.” In that feature she whined: “Given the high level of interest in my candidacy, it was unsurprising that the press put considerable effort into trying to unearth information to discredit me. They will have trawled through my social media and looked into my past to find dirt on me. They found none because there is none. That didn’t matter. Being ‘Bone’s girlfriend’ was enough, surely? That description, used repeatedly, was deliberately reductive and degrading. The term ‘girlfriend’ was consciously chosen because it would suggest to readers, listeners, and viewers that my candidacy was illegitimate and that I had been selected simply because of my relationship or to stop him running. Worse, it made me sound inexperienced, and under Bone’s control. With no other information about me being shared, how could any other view be formed? It was also designed to cause outrage… I’m a 51-year-old woman in a committed and settled relationship. Bone and I have been living together for over 5 years. We are partners. I am nobody’s bloody girlfriend!” It must be noted that in the 2024 Wellingborough by-election on 15th February, Helen Harrison saw a -37.6% swing against her. She achieved just 24.6% of the vote and aided a Conservative majority of 18,540 in 2019 be turned into a Labour majority of 6,436; what will Helen Harrison achieve in East Thanet? Something equally laughable?
Holly Valance Nick Candy Lady McAlpine Donald Trump Nigel Farage
Elsewhere, Holly Valance Candy has become increasingly political in 2024 and even attended Nigel Farage’s “surprise announcement” of his Clacton candidacy on Monday. It helps that this bit-part former soap actress has a billionaire husband (pictured here with her left) in the form of the political party flip-flopper Nick Candy (who has supported the Tories and Labour in recent times) and associations with very, very rich people such as the flame-haired Lady McAlpine (centre); in April 2022, Nick and Holly Candy dined with Mar-a-Lago in Florida with Nigel Farage and Donald Trump (pictured right with a photograph of Trump with the North Korean psychopath dictator Kim Jong Un above them). Mrs Candy has praised President Trump as “fabulous” and has also hailed Lee Anderson as “awesome” and supported the blatantly batshit bonkers idea of Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg as a future Prime Minister.
Trump 47 London 12th June 2024 event invite
‘Mrs Holly Candy’ likes to keep an ‘international perspective’ when it comes to politics and is involved in a London dinner to raise funds for the ‘Trump 47’ campaign with Donald Trump Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle. Curiously though the event is limited to “attendance and contributions” that are “strictly limited to U.S. citiznes and permanent residents ONLY,” Australian-English citizen Holly Valance Candy (whose father is Serbian and whose mother is English) has been allowed to be a “host.” One is left asking: How does that work?
The husband of Holly Valance and at-that-time a Tory donor Nick Candy pictured with the failed Tory Mayor of London candidate Shaun Bailey (now Baron Bailey of Paddington) and others at a Christmas party during the now infamous ‘Jingle and Mingle’ lockdown party held during the 2020 lockdown at Conservative Central Office at 4 Matthew Parker Street, London, SW1H 9HQ. Amongst others present was the especially unctuous ‘Red Dress Partygate Pisshead’ Malin Baker Bogue – a “pro-Trump lobbyist” employee of a company named Stonehaven whom once declared: “When I dance, they call me Macarena.”

Candidates confirmed as standing in East Thanet (as of 1pm on Friday 7th June 2024):

Labour – Polly Billington.

Conservative – Helen Harrison.

Green – Steve Roberts.

Liberal Democrats – Jai Singh.

Reform UK – Paul Webb.

Candidates confirmed as standing in Basildon and Billericay (as of 1pm on Friday 7th June 2024):

Labour – Alex Harrison.

British Deomocratic – Christopher Bateman.

Reform UK – Stephen Conlay.

Green – Stewart Goshawk.

Conservative – The Right Honourable Richard Holden (Member of Parliament for North West Durham from 12th December 2019 to 30th May 2024).

Liberal Democrats – Edward Sainsbury.

Candidates confirmed as standing in Clacton (as of 1pm on Friday 7th June 2024):

Liberal Democrats – Matthew Bensilum.

Reform UK – Nigel Farage.

Green – Natasha Osben.

Labour – Jovan Owusu-Nepaul.

Conservative – Giles Watling (former Bread actor and Member of Parliament for Clacton from 8th June 2017 to 30th May 2024 thus far).

Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


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