Telly Box Twerps

As the Duchess of Sussex supposedly turns 41, pundits question whether this is yet another example of her “convenient truths” and suggest she could actually be now aged 45.

Former Las Vegas stripper attempts to auction drippy Prince Harry’s black underpants for the ludicrous sum of £800,000; who on earth would want these soiled goods?

As he faces a court showdown with Virginia Roberts Giuffre, Ghislaine Maxwell apologist Alan Dershowitz gets deservedly snubbed by his now former friend Larry David.

As the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are slammed as “hypocrites” and “liars,” they perform another “PR stunt” in announcing a forthcoming speech on Mandela Day.

As mendacious mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell is set to rot in the clink for 20 years, her mouthy mucker mate Prince Andrew may be arrested by the FBI.

As Ghislaine Maxwell’s former business partner Jemma Kidd takes part in a car rally that raises money for victims of sex trafficking, we again call out the ridiculous vanity project of rich-not-robust women that is Cash & Rocket.

‘Missing’ Madeleine McCann £14 million investigation takes a bizarre new twist with still not charged supposed suspect Christian Brueckner set to have his thighs examined It has been more than 15 years since Madeleine McCann...

Hypocritical Duke and Duchess of Sussex deserve condemnation for indulging in £320,000 worth of private jet flights for their Jubilee trip; just who paid for these unwanted wastrels’ travels remains unknown.

MeGain’s nodding dog PR peddler Omid Scobie claims “clownery” forced him to delete a tweet deemed by many “hateful” to a 4-year-old child, Prince Louis.

As rumours swirl about whether they are still actually living together, Boris Johnson and his puppet mistress Carrie unsurprisingly got booed at Jubilee Service of Thanksgiving.

As it is revealed Carrie Johnson has been abusive to staff at Chequers, perhaps it is time for her to be told: “Carrie Shouldn’t Live Here Anymore;” this demanding wench along with her hapless husband deserve kicking out of all of their grace-and-favour residences ASAP.

Both blubbing bed sh*tter Amber Heard and boring botherer the Duchess of Sussex should be heard less and ignored more; it is time to cancel these woke wazzocks.

As Katie Price is finally forced to face the prospect of jail for breaching a restraining order, we suggest it is time this “gutter slag” grew up.

As Sarah, Duchess of York talks about “standing strong… when the winds get violent,” we again remind this toesucking twerp to answer the question: “Did she ever repay the croaked paedophile Jeffery Epstein?”

As PR peddler for the ‘House of Montecito’ Omid Scobie again “rants” about the royals, all this one-time mate of the not so glamorous glamour model Jodie Marsh does is show himself up.

Mother of God! Law firm give notice that the Duchess of Sussex’s pugnacious PR peddler Omid Scobie has been sent a cease and desist letter and reported to the Metropolitan Police regarding “the harassment, threats and stalking of Sadie Quinlan.”

ITV1’s ‘The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe’ is a must watch; it recasts the narrative of the 2002 disappearance of John Darwin and shows his wife as an under the thumb woman manipulated into fraud – just as said 71-year-old fraudster has supposedly headed off to Ukraine to fight.

In constantly referencing the Duchess of Sussex as “Duchess Meghan,” PR peddler and arse-licker Omid Scobie proves himself anything but an expert on royalty, titles, honours and protocol.

That taker of loans from paedophiles and reader of books about farting Sarah, Duchess of York thinks she can get away with keeping £225,000 in tainted cash shows her yet again as nothing but a total berk.

That the fool Prince Andrew and his feckless live-in ex-wife were prepared to accept £1.3 million from a Turkish conman illustrates how low their moral compasses truly are.

The unwanted gift that keeps on giving Richard Madeley, as is always to be expected, sticks his cloven hooves in the proverbial yet again after asking guest to “define what a woman is” and suggesting Will Smith had “a moment of flawed humanity.”

Matthew Steeples slams the vindictive campaign against YouTube sensation Sadie Quinlan – known as ‘Yankee Wally’ – by the mendacious ‘Sussex Squad’ groupies led by PR peddlers Omid Scobie and Christopher Bouzy and helped along by a bashful ‘BuzzFeed News’ busybody named Ellie Hall.

As birdbrained Sarah, Duchess of York goes on a moneymaking tour in America, this debtor to croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s tweet about her thoughts on “facts” come back to bite her in her not so regal arse.

Could the Duchess of Sussex’s half-sister Samantha Markle prove to be her ultimate nemesis? ‘Yankee Wally’ Sadie Quinlan most definitely thinks so.

As Prince Andrew’s notches on the bedpost non-counter Michael Wynne-Parker talks of their “wild times” bedding birds, we suggest the randy royal might do better to silence his chirping chums including ‘Lady Herpes’ also.

Party pest and piffle peddling pillock Lady Victoria Hervey vanishes from Twitter; the mouthy moron likes to criticise others, yet clearly can’t take criticism herself.

In telling companies to give their workers time to meditate when they should be working, Prince Harry shows himself as nothing but a delusional drip.

Dumber than dumb non-entity Lady Victoria Hervey morphs from ‘TwIt Girl’ to ‘InstaIdiot’ in a series of Instagram posts about her mucky madam mate Ghislaine Maxwell; she charmingly labels one victim she doesn’t even know a “complete whore” and another she claims to actually know a “drug addict slut and a f*ck up.”

As a former Buckingham Palace employee reveals that “spoilt” Prince Andrew made her run up four flights of stairs to shut his curtains whilst he sat next to them, we suggest it’s now curtains for him.

As Prince Andrew loses yet more responsibilities, quits social media and plunges deeper into debt, we suggest he turns to one of his last remaining chums, the notoriously noxious skinflint Bernie Ecclestone.

Lady Victoria Hervey’s latest airing to share irrelevant claims about Ghislaine Maxwell simply show her lack of connection with the real story; this tedious twerp ought to now learn the art of silence.

The blithering buffoon that is Boris Johnson and the randy rotter that is Prince Andrew should do the decent thing… Disappear from public view forever and get a room together with their weird wack job wives.

Simpleton Sarah, Duchess of York “pauses” her unsurprisingly unpopular ‘Fergie & Friends’ YouTube channel as her increasingly friendless husband continues to face sexual assault allegations in New York.

In spite of her victory over ‘The Mail on Sunday’ all the Duchess of Sussex will be able to do with her winnings is afford a trip to Poundland; £1 ‘MeGain’ better now also watch out for metaphorical banana skins.

‘The Steeple Times’ chooses our Heroes & Villains 2021; the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t.

Sanity reigns as Sir Cliff Richard announces “he would no longer be able to pose topless” and will thankfully keep his kit on instead.

For once Dan Wootton got it right in condemning ‘Randy Andy’ and ‘Farting Fergie’ as “deluded… self-centred… gauche… disgraced public figures.”

When you thought lowbrow loser Lindsay Lohan couldn’t go any lower, the ‘celebutard’ predictably delivers.

Paedophile and sex offender apologist Amanda Platell’s claims that the BBC “conned” her into an interview about the royals are beyond laughable.

Is the era of “what Meghan wants, Meghan gets” well and truly over for the demanding and devious Duchess of Sussex?

Richard Madeley admits his career to have been “pretty pointless” yet claims being compared to Alan Partridge is “unfair.”

Duchess of Sussex claims to be “too busy” to see the Queen at Christmas just as she’s advised to drop case against ‘Mail on Sunday’ after “forgetting” various email exchanges.

Maxed-out Duchess of Sussex provides proof that greed ain’t really that good and in telling “untruths” about THAT letter illustrates how warped her moral compass truly is.

Alleged shoplifter turned moneybags man Richard Madeley can certainly now afford to actually pay for Krug champagne after landing a £500k pay day with ITV.

Sarah Ferguson – better known as the Duchess of Pork – makes a prat of herself trying to stick a pig up her nose, but still has failed to confirm whether she repaid the loan she took from the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

In claiming “Jeremy [Corbyn] is always right” the ultimate dumbo Diane Abbott MP yet again shows herself as an utter berk.

Alleged shoplifting tellybox twerp Richard Madeley is turned into a lookalike of inept comedy character broadcaster Alan Partridge.

Nikolay Kalinin on the disgraceful drips that are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex meddling in world politics and humanitarian crises.