Wednesday, October 5, 2022
HomeMOVERS & SHAKERSTelly Box Twerps

Telly Box Twerps

The Age of ‘MeGain’ – Is The Duchess of Sussex Really 41 Today?

As the Duchess of Sussex supposedly turns 41, pundits question whether this is yet another example of her “convenient truths” and suggest she could actually be now aged 45.

Knickers In A Twist – Harry’s £800k Pants – Royal Underpants For Auction

Former Las Vegas stripper attempts to auction drippy Prince Harry’s black underpants for the ludicrous sum of £800,000; who on earth would want these soiled goods?

Dershowitz Ditched – Larry David Snubs Alan Dershowitz

As he faces a court showdown with Virginia Roberts Giuffre, Ghislaine Maxwell apologist Alan Dershowitz gets deservedly snubbed by his now former friend Larry David.

Mandela & MeGain – Duke & Duchess of Sussex trend on Twitter as hypocrites and liars

As the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are slammed as “hypocrites” and “liars,” they perform another “PR stunt” in announcing a forthcoming speech on Mandela Day.

Not So Arresting Andy – Prince Andrew Could Be Next FBI Arrest Target

As mendacious mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell is set to rot in the clink for 20 years, her mouthy mucker mate Prince Andrew may be arrested by the FBI.

Cash, Rockets & Mucky Madams 2022

As Ghislaine Maxwell’s former business partner Jemma Kidd takes part in a car rally that raises money for victims of sex trafficking, we again call out the ridiculous vanity project of rich-not-robust women that is Cash & Rocket.

A Thigh Too Far – Latest Twist In £14m Madeleine McCann Saga

‘Missing’ Madeleine McCann £14 million investigation takes a bizarre new twist with still not charged supposed suspect Christian Brueckner set to have his thighs examined It has been more than 15 years since Madeleine McCann...

Hypocrite Harry’s Jubilee Jet

Hypocritical Duke and Duchess of Sussex deserve condemnation for indulging in £320,000 worth of private jet flights for their Jubilee trip; just who paid for these unwanted wastrels’ travels remains unknown.

Scobie’s Childish Clownery Backfires

MeGain’s nodding dog PR peddler Omid Scobie claims “clownery” forced him to delete a tweet deemed by many “hateful” to a 4-year-old child, Prince Louis.

Booing Boris V Cooing Carrie – Johnsons Booed

As rumours swirl about whether they are still actually living together, Boris Johnson and his puppet mistress Carrie unsurprisingly got booed at Jubilee Service of Thanksgiving.

Chequer-ed Carrie – PM’s Wife Treats Staff Appallingly (Again)

As it is revealed Carrie Johnson has been abusive to staff at Chequers, perhaps it is time for her to be told: “Carrie Shouldn’t Live Here Anymore;” this demanding wench along with her hapless husband deserve kicking out of all of their grace-and-favour residences ASAP.

Meg & Amber – A Pugnacious Pair Of Woke Wazzocks Who Should Be Heard Less

Both blubbing bed sh*tter Amber Heard and boring botherer the Duchess of Sussex should be heard less and ignored more; it is time to cancel these woke wazzocks.

Restraining Poundland Pikey Pricey 2022 – Katie Price Faces Jail

As Katie Price is finally forced to face the prospect of jail for breaching a restraining order, we suggest it is time this “gutter slag” grew up.

Farting Fergie Gets Wind

As Sarah, Duchess of York talks about “standing strong… when the winds get violent,” we again remind this toesucking twerp to answer the question: “Did she ever repay the croaked paedophile Jeffery Epstein?”

The Montecito Meddler – Omid Scobie Strikes Again

As PR peddler for the ‘House of Montecito’ Omid Scobie again “rants” about the royals, all this one-time mate of the not so glamorous glamour model Jodie Marsh does is show himself up.

Mother of God! Omid Scobie’s Headed Down The Nick

Mother of God! Law firm give notice that the Duchess of Sussex’s pugnacious PR peddler Omid Scobie has been sent a cease and desist letter and reported to the Metropolitan Police regarding “the harassment, threats and stalking of Sadie Quinlan.”

The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe

ITV1’s ‘The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe’ is a must watch; it recasts the narrative of the 2002 disappearance of John Darwin and shows his wife as an under the thumb woman manipulated into fraud – just as said 71-year-old fraudster has supposedly headed off to Ukraine to fight.

It’s NOT “Duchess Meghan”

In constantly referencing the Duchess of Sussex as “Duchess Meghan,” PR peddler and arse-licker Omid Scobie proves himself anything but an expert on royalty, titles, honours and protocol.

Feckless Farting Fergie’s Flatulent Failings

That taker of loans from paedophiles and reader of books about farting Sarah, Duchess of York thinks she can get away with keeping £225,000 in tainted cash shows her yet again as nothing but a total berk.

Funding A Fool

That the fool Prince Andrew and his feckless live-in ex-wife were prepared to accept £1.3 million from a Turkish conman illustrates how low their moral compasses truly are.

Moron of the Moment 2022 – Richard Madeley

The unwanted gift that keeps on giving Richard Madeley, as is always to be expected, sticks his cloven hooves in the proverbial yet again after asking guest to “define what a woman is” and suggesting Will Smith had “a moment of flawed humanity.”

Bring Back ‘Yankee Wally’ – The Duchess of Sussex’s nemesis should NOT be cancelled

Matthew Steeples slams the vindictive campaign against YouTube sensation Sadie Quinlan – known as ‘Yankee Wally’ – by the mendacious ‘Sussex Squad’ groupies led by PR peddlers Omid Scobie and Christopher Bouzy and helped along by a bashful ‘BuzzFeed News’ busybody named Ellie Hall.

Facts & Feckless Fergie

As birdbrained Sarah, Duchess of York goes on a moneymaking tour in America, this debtor to croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s tweet about her thoughts on “facts” come back to bite her in her not so regal arse.

MeGain’s Nemesis – Her Very Own Sister

Could the Duchess of Sussex’s half-sister Samantha Markle prove to be her ultimate nemesis? ‘Yankee Wally’ Sadie Quinlan most definitely thinks so.

“Wild Times” With ‘Randy Andy’

As Prince Andrew’s notches on the bedpost non-counter Michael Wynne-Parker talks of their “wild times” bedding birds, we suggest the randy royal might do better to silence his chirping chums including ‘Lady Herpes’ also.

Vicky Vanishes – Lady Victoria Hervey Quits Twitter

Party pest and piffle peddling pillock Lady Victoria Hervey vanishes from Twitter; the mouthy moron likes to criticise others, yet clearly can’t take criticism herself.

Delusional Drip Tells Workers To Meditate

In telling companies to give their workers time to meditate when they should be working, Prince Harry shows himself as nothing but a delusional drip.

From ‘TwIt Girl’ to ‘InstaIdiot’ – Lady Victoria Hervey

Dumber than dumb non-entity Lady Victoria Hervey morphs from ‘TwIt Girl’ to ‘InstaIdiot’ in a series of Instagram posts about her mucky madam mate Ghislaine Maxwell; she charmingly labels one victim she doesn’t even know a “complete whore” and another she claims to actually know a “drug addict slut and a f*ck up.”

Curtains For Randy Andy

As a former Buckingham Palace employee reveals that “spoilt” Prince Andrew made her run up four flights of stairs to shut his curtains whilst he sat next to them, we suggest it’s now curtains for him.

Not So Social Randy Andy

As Prince Andrew loses yet more responsibilities, quits social media and plunges deeper into debt, we suggest he turns to one of his last remaining chums, the notoriously noxious skinflint Bernie Ecclestone.

Moron of the Moment 2022 – Lady Victoria Hervey

Lady Victoria Hervey’s latest airing to share irrelevant claims about Ghislaine Maxwell simply show her lack of connection with the real story; this tedious twerp ought to now learn the art of silence.

Buffoon Boris & Rotten Randy… Get A Room!

The blithering buffoon that is Boris Johnson and the randy rotter that is Prince Andrew should do the decent thing… Disappear from public view forever and get a room together with their weird wack job wives.

Friendless Fergie

Simpleton Sarah, Duchess of York “pauses” her unsurprisingly unpopular ‘Fergie & Friends’ YouTube channel as her increasingly friendless husband continues to face sexual assault allegations in New York.

Poundland MeGain – Duchess of Sussex Goes Bananas

In spite of her victory over ‘The Mail on Sunday’ all the Duchess of Sussex will be able to do with her winnings is afford a trip to Poundland; £1 ‘MeGain’ better now also watch out for metaphorical banana skins.

Heroes & Villains 2021 – The Best & Worst People of 2021

‘The Steeple Times’ chooses our Heroes & Villains 2021; the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t.

Keep His Kit On Cliff

Sanity reigns as Sir Cliff Richard announces “he would no longer be able to pose topless” and will thankfully keep his kit on instead.

Deluded & Deviant – ‘Farting Fergie’ & ‘Randy Andy’

For once Dan Wootton got it right in condemning ‘Randy Andy’ and ‘Farting Fergie’ as “deluded… self-centred… gauche… disgraced public figures.”

Lowbrow Lindsay Lohan Reaches A New Low

When you thought lowbrow loser Lindsay Lohan couldn’t go any lower, the ‘celebutard’ predictably delivers.

Moron of the Moment – Amanda Platell

Paedophile and sex offender apologist Amanda Platell’s claims that the BBC “conned” her into an interview about the royals are beyond laughable.

What Meghan Wants, Meghan Gets (Or Doesn’t)

Is the era of “what Meghan wants, Meghan gets” well and truly over for the demanding and devious Duchess of Sussex?

Pointless Madeley

Richard Madeley admits his career to have been “pretty pointless” yet claims being compared to Alan Partridge is “unfair.”

Busy MeGain

Duchess of Sussex claims to be “too busy” to see the Queen at Christmas just as she’s advised to drop case against ‘Mail on Sunday’ after “forgetting” various email exchanges.

Maxed-Out Murky Meg

Maxed-out Duchess of Sussex provides proof that greed ain’t really that good and in telling “untruths” about THAT letter illustrates how warped her moral compass truly is.

Moneybags Madeley’s £500k Pay Day

Alleged shoplifter turned moneybags man Richard Madeley can certainly now afford to actually pay for Krug champagne after landing a £500k pay day with ITV.

Duchess of Pork Puts A Pig Up Her Nose

Sarah Ferguson – better known as the Duchess of Pork – makes a prat of herself trying to stick a pig up her nose, but still has failed to confirm whether she repaid the loan she took from the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

Wally of the Week 2021 – Diane Abbott MP

In claiming “Jeremy [Corbyn] is always right” the ultimate dumbo Diane Abbott MP yet again shows herself as an utter berk.

Tweet of the Week – Mocking Madeley

Alleged shoplifting tellybox twerp Richard Madeley is turned into a lookalike of inept comedy character broadcaster Alan Partridge.

The Disgraceful Drips

Nikolay Kalinin on the disgraceful drips that are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex meddling in world politics and humanitarian crises.