Monday, February 26, 2024

Poundland MeGain – Duchess of Sussex Goes Bananas

In spite of her victory over ‘The Mail on Sunday’ all the Duchess of Sussex will be able to do with her winnings is afford a trip to Poundland; £1 ‘MeGain’ better now also watch out for metaphorical banana skins

This morning, The Guardian’s redoubtable media editor Jim Waterson ran a story titled: “Meghan to receive just £1 from Mail on Sunday for privacy invasion.”


In the article, Waterson revealed that the “newspaper [and its sister website MailOnline] accepts defeat” and “will pay the Duchess of Sussex just £1 in damages for invading her privacy by publishing a private letter she had sent to her father.”


Analysing this Pyrrhic victory for what it truly is – most especially given the catastrophic reputational damage the former Meghan Markle has done not only to her birth family, the family she has married into and to the institution that is the royal family – en-route to her “success,” media lawyer Mark Stephens told Waterson of the “weakness” in her case. He remarked: “It does show that the curation of her reputation was an area where she had effectively invaded her own privacy.”


Whilst The Mail on Sunday will also have to cover a “substantial part” of the Duchess of Sussex’s costs and pay also a “confidential sum in damages for copyright infringement,” the £1 given to ‘Mendacious MeGain’ – a woman forced to apologise to the Appeal Court for “making misleading statements” during the case – will pay for only one thing; a little something at Poundland.


Equally, whilst the Duchess of Sussex might view this to be a victory over Britain’s biggest newspaper and a victory in her meddling mind for what she sees as “right over wrong,” she has actually made a catastrophic error. Forevermore, the press will be after her and they’ll never cease in their desire for revenge. The dominant half of ‘Ginge and Cringe’ needs now watch out for the metaphorical banana skins she’ll find constantly in front of her; they’ll be ready and waiting for her to slip on.


Duchess of Sussex bananas
In February 2019, “wannabe Mother Teresa” Duchess of Sussex – a woman whose drip of a husband once remarked: “What Meghan wants, MEGHAN GETS!” – wrote patronising messages on bananas that were to be given to prostitutes. Responding, Piers Morgan cried out: “Meaningless, scorn-inducing guff” and now those banana skins may come back to metaphorically bit this clear fruit loop in the bum after she decided to up her antics in her war against the media machine.

Can anyone solve a problem like ‘MeGain’?

  • In November 2021, the duchess was forced to apologise to the Appeal Court in London for making a misleading statement in her privacy case against The Mail on Sunday’s publishers.
  • Her very own father, Thomas, has called out her many untruths about him and others again, again and again.
  • Of her claiming having got married the day before she actually did, Mr Markle stated: “Lying about the archbishop? How can you say: ‘We’ve been married three days before we got married’? Her lies are so obvious, I don’t know why she says them.”
  • Her very own half-sister, Samantha, has called her out as a liar on multiple occasions also. It has been proven that the duchess’s claim that she hasn’t seen her sibling in over 20 years was proven untrue when a photo of the pair 13 years ago emerged.
  • Her very own half-brother, Thomas Jr., said of her: “I told Prince Harry, I think she’s going to ruin your life. She’s very shallow… She’s a phony, a bully, a jaded, shallow, conceited woman.”
  • The former Meghan Markle has been called out on multiple occasions for spinning stories against other members of the royal family, most especially the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
  • Staff who’ve worked for her have complained that she is a bully and investigations into this remain ongoing.
  • The Duchess of Sussex is a known manipulator of the press and paparazzis and it has been claimed that she’ll “twist the truth” to get any headline she wants.
  • Questions remain as to how many times she’s actually been married in total. Some say twice, some say thrice.
  • “Would you trust this woman with a bargepole?” is something often asked of this money motivated minx.

Jeetendr Sehdev Shameless Meghan Markle
In April 2020, self-declared “celebrity branding expert” and author of ‘The Kim Kardashian Principle: Why Shameless Sells (and How to Do It Right)’ Jeetendr Sehdev remarked: “The Meghan and Harry brand has always been very disruptive. They’re going to show us all a different way in which royal family members can live. The closest comparison to Meghan and Harry will be the Obamas and what they’re actually doing, I mean they’ve created an entertainment entity where they’re producing documentaries and I think that will be a similar route that Meghan and Harry can certainly take.” Mr Sehdev clearly has neglected to consider the negative effect the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s war with the media will have in helping them reach such a position; he could be onto something with his title “shameless” however.
David McClure
In July 2021 – following on from his appearance on the ITV documentary ‘Harry & William: What Went Wrong?’ – so-called “royal finance expert” David McClure tweeted: “Harry and Meghan will have to generate a lot of money as their overheads run to an estimated £4 – 5 [million per annum] when you include security, lawyers, managers and PRs.” Frankly, the money generated from ‘MeGain’s’ Pyrrhic £1 victory and the bonus from the damages won’t go far in helping with that.
Omid Scobie
Where’s PR peddler and author of ‘Finding Freedom’ Omid Scobie when you actually bloody need him? In recent weeks, seriously sycophantic Scobie’s media appearances spouting deranged drivel about the situation between ‘Ginge and Cringe’ and their relatives have done his so-called ‘bestie’ nothing but harm.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. What’s with the age question? Is she 40 or 43? A goat or a rooster? Has anyone been able to inspect the records of her birth?

  2. Do NOT send this broad Down Under!!!!!!!!!!!! We’ve got enough problems with filthy immigrants and we definitely don’t want this non-entity!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is polluting everything she touches with her woke ways and I think she should be locked up with the clearly mentally challenged husband in The Tower!!!!!!!!!!!! Lock them up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lock them up now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. She’s gotta get past Border Security first!…DJOKOVIC, world No.1 tennis player seems to be having a bit of a problem…his Visa’s been cancelled!…Wouldn’t it be hilarious if Megamotor Mouth was refused entry?!!..😂🤣😂🇦🇺

  4. Actually, Cringe (we all know that’s the cleaned up version of her nickname, right?) is in exalted company with her one quid “contemptuous damages”. Remember Dr Dering who sued in 1964 for being mentioned as a war criminal in Leon Uris’s book? He got a ha’penny, the lowest form of currency at the time. And good old Lady Dockery, I wish I could say we don’t make them like that any more, got a ha’penny when she sued for being accused of using “naughty words”. Halcyon days.

  5. MugGain could buy a mug in Poundland. She’s already married a f***er mug so she may as well have one. Perhaps she could have his face laminated onto it for a few extra pennies.

  6. For pity’s sake, leave the poor philanthropic woman alone. She’s already promised to donate her victory payment to charity and that is so fucking admiralty.

  7. I bet you’ll feel so fucking ashamed when she donates her £1 to support this rag and Helps Journalism to Remain Honest & Independent. She makes a difference to the world today.
    You ungrateful bastards.


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