Wednesday, February 28, 2024

Poundland Pinching Pest Out – Sex Pest Chris Pincher Resigns As An MP

As the grubby groper Chris Pincher resigns as an MP, this sex pest bizarrely pens a crass column in which he laments times passed when “life was to be lived and not loathed”

A ‘Poundland sex fiend’ best known for “arse squeezing” at the tony Carlton Club in London’s ritzy St James’s has finally done the decent thing and resigned.


The Right Honourable Chris Pincher, the 53-year-old now former Member of Parliament for Tamworth, groped two men in the private members’ club on the night of 21st June 2022.


Parliament’s Independent Expert Panel subsequently found that the associate of Boris Johnson and former minister exhibited behaviour that “was completely inappropriate, profoundly damaging to the individuals concerned, and represented an abuse of power.” They added that he had “touched [one of] his victim’s bottom before moving his hand to touch and squeeze the witness’s testicles, which lasted for a few seconds.”


Formally announcing his resignation today and triggering a by-election in the process, the disgraced Tory stated:


“I have said already that I will not stand at the next general election. However, following the Independent Expert Panel’s decision I wanted to talk to my office team and family.”


“I do not want my constituents to be put to further uncertainty, and so in consequence I have made arrangements to resign and leave the Commons.”


Concluding in typically cowardy custard fashion, Pincher concluded:


“Tamworth is a wonderful place and it has been an honour to represent its people. I shall make no further comment at this time.”


Shockingly and in spite of the scandal surrounding him, in the August-September issue of The Critic magazine, Pincher has been given space to share his views. In an article about Alvis cars, the ‘trouser department sex pest’ shared his view that “owning an Alvis has never been for tight wallets or shallow pockets” and then whined:


“They are beautiful cars, redolent of an age when motoring meant adventure, freedom and fun, long before we all began to fret about the future and flog our friends and ourselves for daring to show some spirit and enjoy the day. It was a better time when life was to be lived not loathed. Boris Johnson would suit an Alvis.”


It is unknown if Pincher remains a member of the Carlton Club or if he actually himself owns an Alvis, but what is most definitely for sure is that this grubby groper will go down in history as one of the key reasons for the fall of Boris Johnson as Prime Minister.


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Chris Pincher Twitter
Christopher Pincher has now revised his Twitter account and states himself to be “formerly” the Member of Parliament for Tamworth. He’ll simply now go down in history as nothing but another filthy Tory scumbag.

Other Tory twerps who’ll go down in history as ‘Sex Pests’ (at the very least)…

Now ex-MP Neil Parish will forever just be remembered at for watching ‘tractor porn’ whilst sitting in the Chamber of the House of Commons. This creepy farmer turned Tory will go down in history as a grubby, skid-mark on parliamentary history. Mr Parish laughably claimed later that what he had done was “very immoral” but not illegal; he argued that he’d actually been looking at Class Dominator tractors, a brand of combine harvesters.
Another person who thought she could make the House of Commons a “sexual area” was Sally Bercow, the wife of the now former Speaker, John Bercow. She is pictured here in their home within the Palace of Westminster clad in nothing but a sheet. That she went on to have an affair with her own husband’s cousin, Alan Bercow, about says all that needs to be said.
In April 2022, the Conservative MP for Somerton and Frome, David Warburton, was accused of sexually harassing three women. He was subsequently admitted to a psychiatric hospital, pictured in a photograph with lines of what looked like cocaine and was also revealed to have taken a loan of £150,000 from a Russian businessman through a Seychelles company without declaring it. This member of Mensa was subsequently suspended from the Tories awaiting the outcome of an Independent Complaints and Grievance Scheme (ICGS) investigation into allegations of harassment and drug abuse.
Another decidedly dodgy MP still in the House of Commons is Rob Roberts. The Member for Delyn “acted inappropriately after he sought to engage in a relationship with a male member of his staff,” according to a report in May 2021. This former “financial planner” was elected as a Conservative, but still shockingly sits as an independent to this day, but has now “separated” from his wife Alexandra Roberts supposedly.
In April 2022, Tory MP Imran Ahmad Khan was jailed for groping a 15-year-old boy in 2008. He was expelled from the Conservative Party and resigned as an MP. He subsequently appealed, but failed to convince anyone that he was anything but a nonce in December 2022.
The ultimate examples in Tory sex pest scum are Charlie Elphicke – a now convicted, ex-MP and sex offender – and his wicked, immigrant hating scumbag wife, Natalie Elphicke. That the Conservatives gave this woman her criminal husband’s seat to make her own speaks volumes as to how the once great political party of Margaret Thatcher feels about making monsters pay for sex crimes.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. Where would we all be without the sex lives of MPs to entertain us?
    Interesting to see what the bye election brings. I assume the Tories will be totally routed.


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