Thursday, April 7, 2022

Farting Fergie

Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein

Somewhat simple Sarah Ferguson – a wack job who still hasn’t declared whether she ever repaid money she took as a loan from the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – took to YouTube this week to read a “scratch and sniff unicorn fart book.”

 

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Whilst well-known as a lover of having her tepid toes sucked in the past, Pizza Express (Woking branch) loving ‘Randy Andy’s’ live-in ex-wife enthusiasm for a book about “emitting wind from the anus” was subsequently described as her showing she’s “ever the working girl” according to the MailOnline’s Claire Toureille.  

 

Fergie’s farts, however, have yet to gain gas and go viral. In spite of a further article by Craig Brown in the Daily Mail which asked if the fruitcake known as the former Meghan Markle would be doing a follow-up fart “30 years from now,” just 835 people have actually bothered to watch this one-time royal bang on about flatulence.

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Famous Farts

Roald Dahl, The BFG

“A whizzpopper!” cried the BFG, beaming at her. “Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?”

 

Ernest Hemmingway, 88 Poems

“Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.

Come let us fart in the home.

There is no art in a fart.

Still a fart may not be artless.

Let us fart and artless fart in the home.”

 

Robert Rinder

“I can smell a liar like a fart in a lift!”

 

Farting Fergie – What will Her Majesty The Queen make of Sarah, Duchess of York’s decision to share stories with the world via YouTube about farting?
Farting Fergie – Sarah Ferguson reads a book about farting on YouTube – Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.
Farting Fergie – In February 2018, the ‘Mirror’ reported that: “The Queen once got accused of farting loudly and trying to blame it on the horses.” They remarked: “The Queen is probably one of the last people on earth you can imagine farting in public. Not only would it be mortifying to accidentally let rip while meeting her subjects, the whole world would soon get to know about it.”
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Farting Fergie – Sarah Ferguson reads a book about farting on YouTube – Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.
Farting Fergie – ‘Fergie’s’ non-sweating ex-husband Prince Andrew was widely mocked after claiming to distinctly remember a visit to Pizza Express in Woking on the day he allegedly had sex with the then teenage Virginia Roberts, now Giuffre, in 2001. During his juggernaut crashworthy interview with Emily Maitlis in November 2019, he remarked: “I was with the children and I’d taken Beatrice to a Pizza Express in Woking for a party at I suppose four or five in the afternoon. And then because the duchess [Sarah Ferguson] was away, we have a simple rule in the family that when one is away the other is there.” Whether he actually attended has since been disputed and whether he actually consumed pizza and whether it caused him to fart remains still unknown.
Farting Fergie – Sarah Ferguson reads a book about farting on YouTube – Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.
Farting Fergie – On Thursday 20th August 1992, the ‘Daily Mirror’ shared what they called “the pictures they didn’t want you to see.” In them, a topless Duchess of York was shown having her toes sucked in the South of France by a Texan millionaire named John Bryan. Of the incident, the ‘Mirror’ later reported: “Royal writer Richard Kay claimed in the ‘Daily Mail’ that he received a message via pager from Princess Diana the night before the photos hit the newspaper stands. Diana’s message was simple: ‘The redhead’s in trouble.’”
Farting Fergie – Sarah Ferguson reads a book about farting on YouTube – Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.
Farting Fergie – Sarah, Duchess of York pictured with the since incarcerated Ghislaine Maxwell at an opening party at Asprey in 2003. It remains unknown as to whether ‘Fergie’ ever repaid a loan from the mucky madam’s now croaked boss Jeffrey Epstein, but this week a New York court threw out mendacious Maxwell’s bid to keep her 2016 testimony about sex toys sealed.
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Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.

2 COMMENTS

  1. The age-old question of origin and the response of “He who denieth it supplieth it” would be rendered obsolete if the audible warning became good manners. It should become something “done in the best possible taste.”

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