Thursday, February 22, 2024

Foot-In-Mouth Monster Fergie

Matthew Steeples suggests Sarah, Duchess of York ought not to be banging on about monsters at a time when the Duke of York faces a civil suit over sexual abuse

Whilst her grasping plonker of a husband ‘Randy Andy’ attempts to fight off a civil suit over his alleged sexual abuse of Virginia Roberts in America, Sarah, Duchess of York took to YouTube yesterday to share a bizarre and somewhat inappropriate video about monsters.


Resembling a clapped-out cleaner off Coronation Street rather than a regal royal,  ‘Fergie’ decided to make what she called “monster drinks” and began her 3:48-minute ramble by asking her audience: “Are you ready for your monster drink?”


Continuing and clearly either over-refreshed on hooch or simply just off her not so merry rocker, the mindless lover of having her toes sucked childishly added:


“Yummy, yummy, yummy… The monsters are in Greece… Wizz, wizz, wizz bang, whoopse doo… We’re so spooky… Come and play monsters.”


Clearly getting no sensible advice from the PR peddler James Henderson or any other advisors available to her and the ex-husband she strangely still lives with, this wack job woman – whom it must be remembered answered: “No comment” when asked if she’d repaid money she’d taken from the late paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – would today do well to do the sensible thing and that is to learn the art of silence.


Observing past performance, however, ‘Foot-In-Mouth Fergie’ is incapable of such, but surely now is the time for someone to step in and kindly remind her and her sidekick that when you’re in a hole, it’s best to stop bloody digging.


The Weird Words of “Greedy” and “Needy” Sarah, Duchess of York

“They tried to put the little redhead in a cage.”


“I have been in the gutter.”


“As long as it is hot, wet and goes down the right way, it’s fine with me.”


“With every smell, I smell food. With every sight, I see food. I can almost hear food. I want to spade the whole lot through my mouth at Mach 2. Basta!”


“We all sit round the table and eat together. Andrew and I believe in total parent unity. We’re best friends.”


“I would quite like to go on Dancing With The Stars. I would like somebody to teach me to tango. I do know the show and my children would be so proud of me.”


“I met [Prince Andrew] when I was 12, and I said: ‘I’m going to marry him.’”


“I left my marriage knowing I’d have to work. I have.”


“I didn’t want a divorce, but had to because of circumstance.”


“I wish we’d never got divorced. He and I both wish we’d never divorced, but we did. I wish I could go back and be the bride again, but I can’t.”


“I felt that I ostracised myself by my behaviour, by the past, by living with all the regrets of my mistakes, that I sort of wore a hair shirt and beat myself up most of the day thinking and regretting why did I make such a mistake. Why have I made so many mistakes?”


“You look at the devil in the face, which you do. Then you forgive, and you say: ‘OK, I’ve made almost a mistake that will never be forgotten,’ and forgive.”


“I was so out of control with desperation… I was looking for quick fixes in the places I wouldn’t normally look… I’ve been a huge overtrusting, idiotic, stupid woman that went to look for the perfect situation, and that’s all I can say really.”


Sarah Ferguson toe sucking John Bryan
Prone to creating cringeworthily embarrassing situations at every turn, Sarah Ferguson will forever be remembered for that toe sucking incident. Her grubby attempts to grab money also do this childlike car crash utterly no favours.
Sarah Ferguson with Ghislaine Maxwell
Spendthrift Sarah, Duchess of York has previous when it comes to banging on about monsters, as we reported in September 2020. Meanwhile, whilst she and Prince Andrew continue to bring shame on the royal family with their antics, their clearly close chum Ghislaine Maxwell rots in jail protecting them from taking responsibility for their very own actions.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. She’s bloody pathetic, and obviously had one too many G and Ts, you would think she would learn to keep a low profile like her defacto, but she just can’t help herself.

  2. ”I was looking for quick fixes in the places I wouldn’t normally look… I’ve been a huge overtrusting, idiotic, stupid woman that went to look for the perfect situation, and that’s all I can say really.”

    IF she can come out with something like this, she should be having a serious chat with herself about never, ever learning anything.

  3. The most disgusting part of the toe sucking picture is that in addition to being topless, her two small children were playing just a few feet away. Such decision-making skills!


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