Sunday, April 21, 2024

Not So Social Randy Andy

As Prince Andrew loses yet more responsibilities, quits social media and plunges deeper into debt, we suggest he turns to one of his last remaining chums, the notoriously noxious skinflint Bernie Ecclestone

Prince Andrew used to like to go out on the razzle dazzle. Though he claimed he didn’t sweat in any location, he definitely went to Tramp, he possibly went to Pizza Express (Woking branch) and he most definitely went very enthusiastically to parties with little girls at the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s New York mansion. More recently, he even went down with the kids and got into social media, but yesterday that came to an end also with the closure of his Twitter and Instagram accounts.


Now with Richard Eden of the Daily Mail reporting further bad news in the form of his Urramoor Limited firm “plunging £200,000 into debt” this morning, the rotter that is ‘Randy Andy’ and his spenadholic simpleton wife ‘Farting Fergie’ clearly are going to find it harder to afford to engage and entertain others.


Mind you, given this dastardly, dopey duo believe everyone else should pay for them and pay out big style, our advice to them is simple: Why don’t you ring the old skinflint Bernie Ecclestone? He’s probably the last one willing and just about able to drag his sorry self round to bring you a nice Sloppy Giuseppe. They could discuss the respective merits of Hitler and Putin whilst they’re at it; they, after all, didn’t put up with the plebs either.


Sarah Duchess of York Waitrose Belgravia
Planning ahead for the first time in her existence, the Duke of York’s live-in ex-wife paused her YouTube channel, ‘Fergie & Friends,’ last week. Given she no longer is bothering to uploaded to her paltry 42,500 subscribers, she could perhaps move her focus away from talking about farting, grizzly itches and monsters and spend more time looking for yellow stickered bargains in Waitrose Belgravia. TV suppers for two are this cretinous couple’s likely only way of seeing out the end of their days.
Prince Andrew Virginia Roberts questions
In a post on social media this week, podcaster Lisa Tait reminded the Duke of York of his 2015 email to Ghislaine Maxwell about Virginia Roberts. In it, he stated: “Let me know when we can talk. Got some specific questions to ask you about Virginia Roberts.” Strangely, in 2019, the Queen’s supposed favourite son claimed to have no memory of Miss Roberts and no recollection of posing with his chubby fingers in the now infamous photograph on the landing in Maxwell’s Kinnerton Street house on 10th March 2001. Very odd that he rather conveniently doesn’t remember that social occasion, very odd that.
“Make new friends, but keep the old; the new are silver, the old are gold” is something that hasn’t quite worked out at the House of York. Stripped of his honours, the Duke of York could turn to people like Stuart Hall, Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein, but all three turned out to be sexual predators. The first’s out of jail and in location unknown so that might be hard, the second is rotting in the clink and the third has croaked. “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”
‘Simple Sarah’ and ‘Angry Andy’ could also turn to Ghislaine Maxwell, but she’s currently rather incoveniently incarcerated. They do have the options of the “Chanel-clad” Baroness Meyer, but she’s probably busy post-charity-tinpot-banging pompously pontificating in the House of Lords and then there is the disgraced ex-Bell Pottinger honcho James Henderson. They do say “people’s choices of friends reflect their own characters” and this lot certainly are a very curious mirror one could argue.
Lady Victoria Hervey Paul Burrell
After another of ‘Randy Andy’s’ equally stupendously stupid chums Lady Victoria Hervey appeared on ITV to defend him – she ridiculously remarked: “‘At the end of the day, he’s only a man, and he’s male, right? I don’t think anyone can expect him to just be a monk in a monastery” – Twitter users quite rightly mocked and condemned her. In a tweet, one user suggested her to be “swiftly becoming the new Paul Burrell.” Perhaps the Duke of York and Sarah, Duchess of York should move this ‘Twit Girl’ into Royal Lodge, Windsor. In exchange for free lodgings, Lady Victoria could be put to work doing hoovering (of the domestic variety).
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. Your articles replace discernment with spite and immature nastiness. Did you pass grade eight or remain in prepubescent dirty smuttiness. You are so jealous of the famous and blind to balance,fairness and truth.So you are an anti monarchist. So argue with facts not on persona level.

    • Our position is non anti the monarchy, but it is anti the disgraceful Duke of York and the disgraceful Duke of Sussex and his disgraceful wife. Now run along and find somewhere to play where you might actually enjoy yourself. Thanks. Next!

      • 😂😂😂😂😂😂
        These people are held up to be better than us when in reality they are far worse. I’m anti monarchy but at the same time of the ‘ nature abhors a vacuum’ opinion.
        Some other narcissistic psychopath would take their place and we can’t have another Tory Blair.

    • I concur !!! This is a Grecian tragedy of epic proportions and should not be mocked. If Andrew is found not guilty he should be handed the monarchy for what he has had to endure

  2. Well, my position is anti the monarchy, it never used to be, but when I see today, these self-entitled twerps and their antics, I’m sure they must be from another planet. Blind royalists like Clare still think they can do no wrong, Clare, please explain to us one item in this whole article that is not fact.
    We have the Duke of York, who is nothing more than a coward, otherwise he would have spoken to the US authorities when asked, and Fergie, his looney tunes ex-wife, who actually tries to convince us her and Andy are still madly in love, and happily living together. Could that be because, she does need somewhere to live and they do live in a 35-bedroom house with 20 odd acres of gardens, and never actually bump into each other? Then we have good old Harry and Meegain who still think they are entitled to everything royal, despite shooting off to Hollywood and wanting nothing more to do with Royal duties. The whole lot of them have a, do as we say, and not as we do attitude, and I think most people are finally waking up to the fact, we no longer live in the Middle Ages, with all this pomp and ceremony, when a large percentage of families are struggling to make ends meet.

  3. I must say I find the ridiculous wealth disturbing. The absurdity of the servants and the idea that each moment of the royals lives is a special event doesnt play well on the present world stage.
    People in the UK are suffering and crowded and hungry ..I cant understand why these people arent ashamed. The Queen herself must feel privately confused about it all.
    Clare, Steeple Times is not the land of the bland …

  4. All he has to do is go to America or China and he can make oodles of dosh there. I don’t think he has anything to worry about


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