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Not So Social Randy Andy

Prince Andrew Pizza Express social media Bernie Ecclestone

As Prince Andrew loses yet more responsibilities, quits social media and plunges deeper into debt, we suggest he turns to one of his last remaining chums, the notoriously noxious skinflint Bernie Ecclestone

Prince Andrew used to like to go out on the razzle dazzle. Though he claimed he didn’t sweat in any location, he definitely went to Tramp, he possibly went to Pizza Express (Woking branch) and he most definitely went very enthusiastically to parties with little girls at the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s New York mansion. More recently, he even went down with the kids and got into social media, but yesterday that came to an end also with the closure of his Twitter and Instagram accounts.


Now with Richard Eden of the Daily Mail reporting further bad news in the form of his Urramoor Limited firm “plunging £200,000 into debt” this morning, the rotter that is ‘Randy Andy’ and his spenadholic simpleton wife ‘Farting Fergie’ clearly are going to find it harder to afford to engage and entertain others.


Mind you, given this dastardly, dopey duo believe everyone else should pay for them and pay out big style, our advice to them is simple: Why don’t you ring the old skinflint Bernie Ecclestone? He’s probably the last one willing and just about able to drag his sorry self round to bring you a nice Sloppy Giuseppe. They could discuss the respective merits of Hitler and Putin whilst they’re at it; they, after all, didn’t put up with the plebs either.


Planning ahead for the first time in her existence, the Duke of York’s live-in ex-wife paused her YouTube channel, ‘Fergie & Friends,’ last week. Given she no longer is bothering to uploaded to her paltry 42,500 subscribers, she could perhaps move her focus away from talking about farting, grizzly itches and monsters and spend more time looking for yellow stickered bargains in Waitrose Belgravia. TV suppers for two are this cretinous couple’s likely only way of seeing out the end of their days.
In a post on social media this week, podcaster Lisa Tait reminded the Duke of York of his 2015 email to Ghislaine Maxwell about Virginia Roberts. In it, he stated: “Let me know when we can talk. Got some specific questions to ask you about Virginia Roberts.” Strangely, in 2019, the Queen’s supposed favourite son claimed to have no memory of Miss Roberts and no recollection of posing with his chubby fingers in the now infamous photograph on the landing in Maxwell’s Kinnerton Street house on 10th March 2001. Very odd that he rather conveniently doesn’t remember that social occasion, very odd that.
“Make new friends, but keep the old; the new are silver, the old are gold” is something that hasn’t quite worked out at the House of York. Stripped of his honours, the Duke of York could turn to people like Stuart Hall, Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein, but all three turned out to be sexual predators. The first’s out of jail and in location unknown so that might be hard, the second is rotting in the clink and the third has croaked. “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”
‘Simple Sarah’ and ‘Angry Andy’ could also turn to Ghislaine Maxwell, but she’s currently rather incoveniently incarcerated. They do have the options of the “Chanel-clad” Baroness Meyer, but she’s probably busy post-charity-tinpot-banging pompously pontificating in the House of Lords and then there is the disgraced ex-Bell Pottinger honcho James Henderson. They do say “people’s choices of friends reflect their own characters” and this lot certainly are a very curious mirror one could argue.
After another of ‘Randy Andy’s’ equally stupendously stupid chums Lady Victoria Hervey appeared on ITV to defend him – she ridiculously remarked: “‘At the end of the day, he’s only a man, and he’s male, right? I don’t think anyone can expect him to just be a monk in a monastery” – Twitter users quite rightly mocked and condemned her. In a tweet, one user suggested her to be “swiftly becoming the new Paul Burrell.” Perhaps the Duke of York and Sarah, Duchess of York should move this ‘Twit Girl’ into Royal Lodge, Windsor. In exchange for free lodgings, Lady Victoria could be put to work doing hoovering (of the domestic variety).
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