It seems “Carrie doesn’t live here anymore” has become the likely fate of Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s currently missing wine chucking puppet mistress as “Where is Carrie Johnson?” trends on Twitter.
Aside from showing audacity in wearing shoes featuring the words ‘Never Complain’ and ‘Never Explain’ after her ex-husband’s £12 million payout to a woman he claimed to have never met, isn’t it time that Sarah, Duchess of York confirms if she ever paid the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein back?
Matthew Steeples suggests those moaning that Ghislaine Maxwell’s trial should have been covered by the media in the same way as Johnny Depp’s libel suit do not understand the differences between the two cases; there is simply no “conspiracy” or “cover-up” going on here.
The appointment of the PR peddling pillock Omid Scobie to ‘Royal Executive Editor’ at ‘Yahoo! News’ is just yet another own goal by the wicked wench formerly known as Meghan Markle; it is time this sop was simply told to “sod off!”
That “Alan Partridge-esque” Martin Brunt feels it necessary to continue banging on about the Madeleine McCann case is just proof of how truly ridiculous this rotten toerag really is.
ITV1’s ‘The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe’ is a must watch; it recasts the narrative of the 2002 disappearance of John Darwin and shows his wife as an under the thumb woman manipulated into fraud – just as said 71-year-old fraudster has supposedly headed off to Ukraine to fight.
As the ‘Daily Mail’ claims to share new ‘bombshell’ revelations suggesting Ghislaine Maxwell herself a victim of abuse, we remind them that this story is nothing new and abused to abuser should not be allowed as her excuse.
That taker of loans from paedophiles and reader of books about farting Sarah, Duchess of York thinks she can get away with keeping £225,000 in tainted cash shows her yet again as nothing but a total berk.
After her attempt to get a retrial was rightly rejected and the BBC’s ‘House of Maxwell’ reveals that she used to make ‘miaow’ noises at her late father, it is now time for the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell to give up and to also do the right thing – name names and finally tell the truth.
That the fool Prince Andrew and his feckless live-in ex-wife were prepared to accept £1.3 million from a Turkish conman illustrates how low their moral compasses truly are.
Whilst privacy obsessed yet decidedly public when for profit Prince Harry won’t be attending his grandfather’s memorial, his now disgraced uncle Prince Andrew surprisingly will be rocking up for this public occasion.
Matthew Steeples slams the vindictive campaign against YouTube sensation Sadie Quinlan – known as ‘Yankee Wally’ – by the mendacious ‘Sussex Squad’ groupies led by PR peddlers Omid Scobie and Christopher Bouzy and helped along by a bashful ‘BuzzFeed News’ busybody named Ellie Hall.
Revolving doors are at work… As it is revealed mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell has a lawyer in common in Bobbi Stermheim with croaked paedo Jeffrey Epstein’s one-time quadruple killer cellmate Nicholas Tartaglione, the controversial associate and lawyer Alan Dershowitz gives up his lawsuit against Netflix whilst the aristocrat Clemmie Hambro expresses agreement with a headline of “Queen abandons sex creep Andrew!”
As noxious nitwit Lady Victoria Hervey sticks her oar in over Ukraine, fellow Epstein-Maxwell associate and feckless fruitcake Sarah, Duchess of York heads off to the USA to try and rake in more wonga; shame on these pointless prattling profiteers.
Could the Duchess of Sussex’s half-sister Samantha Markle prove to be her ultimate nemesis? ‘Yankee Wally’ Sadie Quinlan most definitely thinks so.
Matthew Steeples asks: “Given that both Jeffrey Epstein and Jean-Luc Brunel have been ‘suicided,’ will Ghislaine Maxwell now cough up the names of any of her co-conspirator sex abusers?”
As Prince Andrew’s notches on the bedpost non-counter Michael Wynne-Parker talks of their “wild times” bedding birds, we suggest the randy royal might do better to silence his chirping chums including ‘Lady Herpes’ also.
Party pest and piffle peddling pillock Lady Victoria Hervey vanishes from Twitter; the mouthy moron likes to criticise others, yet clearly can’t take criticism herself.
Matthew Steeples questions the murky motives of those questioning the authenticity of THAT 2001 photo of Prince Andrew, Virginia Roberts and Ghislaine Maxwell; it is time that the personal profiteer Lady Victoria Hervey was called out for the fake that she is and it is time to remind the public that it is Ghislaine Maxwell and her avaricious associates who’ve actually been exposed for faking photos.
As she faces sentencing for sex trafficking, morally bankrupt mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell turns to the words of morally superior Mark Twain; all they really have in common is mutual experience of financial bankruptcy.
As Prince Andrew gets support from the dregs of society in the form of disgraced news baron felon toff Lord Black and washed up wastrel daughter of a criminal twerp Lady Victoria Hervey, we suggest he’s truly scraping the barrel.
Will guffawing gadabout Prince Andrew’s antics in Tramp prove to be his downfall or will his old fellow golf and girl loving mucker Donald Trump come out to “wish him well”?
Dumber than dumb non-entity Lady Victoria Hervey morphs from ‘TwIt Girl’ to ‘InstaIdiot’ in a series of Instagram posts about her mucky madam mate Ghislaine Maxwell; she charmingly labels one victim she doesn’t even know a “complete whore” and another she claims to actually know a “drug addict slut and a f*ck up.”
Former federal prosecutor suggests convicted mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s chances of getting an appeal will have “major hurdles” and will “have to meet a very high standard.”
As a former Buckingham Palace employee reveals that “spoilt” Prince Andrew made her run up four flights of stairs to shut his curtains whilst he sat next to them, we suggest it’s now curtains for him.
As Prince Andrew loses yet more responsibilities, quits social media and plunges deeper into debt, we suggest he turns to one of his last remaining chums, the notoriously noxious skinflint Bernie Ecclestone.
Lady Victoria Hervey’s latest airing to share irrelevant claims about Ghislaine Maxwell simply show her lack of connection with the real story; this tedious twerp ought to now learn the art of silence.
The blithering buffoon that is Boris Johnson and the randy rotter that is Prince Andrew should do the decent thing… Disappear from public view forever and get a room together with their weird wack job wives.
Simpleton Sarah, Duchess of York “pauses” her unsurprisingly unpopular ‘Fergie & Friends’ YouTube channel as her increasingly friendless husband continues to face sexual assault allegations in New York.
That billionaire murderer Robert Durst effectively becomes an innocent man in death is utterly outrageous; that he has defeated justice is ludicrous and the key question now is: “Who gets his fortune?”
Matthew Steeples explains what’s next for convicted mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell as she faces a second trial and sentencing.
‘The Steeple Times’ chooses our Heroes & Villains 2021; the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t.
For once Dan Wootton got it right in condemning ‘Randy Andy’ and ‘Farting Fergie’ as “deluded… self-centred… gauche… disgraced public figures.”
Crowdfunder for documentary supporting alleged mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell fails to sign up a single supporter just as signs go up at her former home about filming and dog pee.
When you thought lowbrow loser Lindsay Lohan couldn’t go any lower, the ‘celebutard’ predictably delivers.
Paedophile and sex offender apologist Amanda Platell’s claims that the BBC “conned” her into an interview about the royals are beyond laughable.
Is the era of “what Meghan wants, Meghan gets” well and truly over for the demanding and devious Duchess of Sussex?
Author Kat Rosenfield’s article suggesting Ghislaine Maxwell won’t get a fair trial and is being unfairly treated is both contemptible and laughable at the same time.
Duchess of Sussex claims to be “too busy” to see the Queen at Christmas just as she’s advised to drop case against ‘Mail on Sunday’ after “forgetting” various email exchanges.
Maxed-out Duchess of Sussex provides proof that greed ain’t really that good and in telling “untruths” about THAT letter illustrates how warped her moral compass truly is.
As rumours circulate that Ghislaine Maxwell will claim to be insane to try to halt her trial, she rightly yet again gets denied bail; will she make it to the mental house?
Sarah Ferguson – better known as the Duchess of Pork – makes a prat of herself trying to stick a pig up her nose, but still has failed to confirm whether she repaid the loan she took from the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
As it is revealed that Melania Trump was nicknamed “Rapunzel,” we again revisit the curious question of whether the former first lady was trafficked to America by Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.
Dinner between Prince Andrew and Jeffrey Epstein is described as being like “Eyes Wide Shut with a twist” and “creepy” by journalist Katie Couric.
In claiming “Jeremy [Corbyn] is always right” the ultimate dumbo Diane Abbott MP yet again shows herself as an utter berk.
Alleged shoplifting tellybox twerp Richard Madeley is turned into a lookalike of inept comedy character broadcaster Alan Partridge.