Wednesday, December 28, 2022

Carrie PRs On

The Prime Minister’s puppet mistress Carrie Johnson’s latest PR spin campaign yet again illustrates her deviancy suggests Matthew Steeples

Let’s be frank: Carrie Symonds (AKA ‘Princess Nut Nuts,’ ‘Carrie Antoinette’ and ‘Costly Carrie’) is famous simply for being Boris Johnson’s latest baby mama, but now she’s well and truly upping her antics and most definitely wants a hell of a lot more.


This weekend, this wine chucking wench and one half of ‘The Convenient Catholic Couple’ used the G7 summit to implant not only herself but also her child firmly into a convention where no other politician foisted their brats into the photo ops. Here was a woman with one agenda: Making herself the centre of attention.


In addition, the new Mrs Boris Johnson plainly made a point of getting Downing Street spin doctors to share that she hadn’t actually bought costly clothes, but instead hired them. Was this something the public actually needed to know at an event that was meant to be about discussing global issues? I think not, but Carrie, desperate to rid herself of the ‘Antoinette’ moniker she so deserves after bingeing on expensive Daylesford delicacies, will PR on regardless.


What’s “in” for Carrie Symonds…

  • “Chatty rat” Henry Newman singing ABBA and dancing the tango with this particularly bonkers bestie.


  • Dining dashes to Daylesford (courtesy of ‘Lady Doors To Manual’ Carole Bamford’s credit card).


  • “Borrowed clothing” to suggest she’s “ordinary.”


  • Pushing her child into any photo opportunity possible so as to make a point that her kid is more important than her hubby’s other legitimate and illegitimate brats.


What’s “out” for Carrie Symonds…

  • Anything from “nightmarish” John Lewis. Too “Theresa Maybe Not” for our Carrie, of course.


  • Anything connected with her number one hater, Dominic Cummings, can take a trip to Barnard Castle via a visit to SpecSavers.


  • Anybody who dares to criticise the antics of her out of control dog, Dilyn will make her “go crackers” … Don’t dare make Carrie “furious” with even a single remark – even if the dastardly dog pisses all over a visitor’s handbag.


  • Any talk of her associations with Ghislaine Maxwell and far right ex-boyfriends involved in the Traditional Britain Group.


Carrie Symonds Linda Snell
In December 2020, ‘The Steeple Times’ highlighted: “Whilst Denis Thatcher happily took a back seat and parked himself in a corner with a stiff G&T and Norma Major steered clear of anything to do with curried eggs, Symonds is increasingly showing herself as the Lynda Snell of Downing Street.”
Carrie Symonds Ghislaine Maxwell
Aside from her obsession with attention, the former Carrie Symonds counts working for a charity that was funded by the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell on her somewhat dodgy CV.
Oliver Haiste Carrie Symonds
The then Carrie Symonds with her then boyfriend Oliver Haiste (sometimes spelt ‘Haste’), an alleged hoaxer of fake news about Russia according to the BBC. Of his then “public relations specialist” on-off lover, the ‘Mail on Sunday’ declared: “his own three-year relationship with the young woman at the centre of Britain’s latest political storm involved an electrifying dose of dramatic and often fiery conflict… ‘We had quite a tumultuous relationship,’ he admits today. ‘I found when times were good with Carrie they were great – they were fantastic. When times were bad they were awful. It was a highly passionate relationship. And I don’t mean that in a salacious, physical sense. I mean in terms of emotional context – very emotionally charged. It’s the most up and down relationship I have had,’ Haiste continues, choosing his words carefully. Today, describing their relationship for the first time, he paints an intriguing portrait of a ‘high-octane’ partnership with a woman as passionate as she is intelligent.”
Carrie Symonds drugs
The Prime Minister’s spouse previously dated a man associated with spreading fake news whom was also involved in the Traditional Britain Group – a sick, far right organisation that has expressed a desire to hang Baroness Lawrence, the mother of a murder victim, from a tree. ‘Britain’s 3rd Loose Woman’ also partook in a play where she dressed as a crack whore whilst at university. Is this someone the nation really wants representing it on the world stage?
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. It’s Sid James, Kenneth Williams and Carrie Johnson, starring in, Carrie on Carrie at number 10, with guest star Boris the butler.

  2. Carrie needs to be jailed before she harms someone. She has a history of violently throwing wine glasses so is little Wilfred safe? The authorities should intervene.


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