Thursday, February 22, 2024

The Convenient Catholic Couple

Matthew Steeples demands to know why Boris Johnson was able to marry his puppet mistress in a Catholic cathedral given he’s already had two wives prior and highlights the wine chucking wife’s deviancy also

Ahead of lauding it over world leaders and their spouses at the forthcoming 47th G7 summit at the shameful disgrace that is the tree killing Carbis Bay Hotel next week, the wicked wench formerly known as Carrie Symonds pulled off a bit of ‘distraction technique’ excellence by marrying the man she’d previously chucked a lot of red wine at, her pointless puppet Boris Johnson, last weekend.


The former Miss Symonds and now 3rd Mrs Boris Johnson – whom ought not to be called Britain’s ‘1st Lady’ but instead Britain’s ‘3rd Loose Woman’ – is anything but suitable to represent our nation at such an event. This scarlet woman, ‘Princess Nut Nuts,’ has a shameful past and aside from working at a charity funded by the currently incarcerated mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell, also starred in a play about the occultist Satanist Aleister Crowley whilst at university.


Decidedly deviant and also romantically involved with supporters of the far-right Traditional Britain Group – whom have expressed a desire to hang Baroness Lawrence, the mother of the victim of a racist murder, from a tree – prior to hooking up with money taker Jennifer Arcuri’s ex-bonker, the present (for how long, God only knows) Mrs Johnson’s union in a Catholic cathedral has also quite rightly attracted widespread criticism.


At a time when the general public haven’t been able to celebrate nuptials with many guests, how was it that Boris Johnson and his now wife were able to party with extras and how also could a man with two previous unions be able to pass them off as “invalid” and thus effectively heartlessly deny the existence of the children of those marriage in addition?


Whilst both Johnson – who was most definitely a confirmed member of the Church of England whilst at Eton, yet married in a Catholic ceremony last weekend – and his new wife were again laughably lauded by Daniel Johnson in Unherd on Tuesday as “deserving our congratulations, not our brickbats,” the majority of the public are left asking: “How can this sleazy oik and his 3rd concubine be allowed to so shamelessly profiteer whilst getting away with wrecking everybody else’s lives also?”


‘The Convenient Catholic Couple’ are a disgrace to our nation and after embarrassing us all before those attending the G7 summit next week, it’s surely time they finally did the decent thing: Disappear to Siberia and take their shitty Lulu Lytle decorations with them.


Boris Johnson Carrie Symonds drunk drugs
The Convenient Catholic Couple – Boris Johnson and his new merry wife, Carrie, are a pair of dangerous deviants. When they’re not wasting money on dodgy décor from Lulu Lytle, they’re bingeing on frightfully expensive food from ‘Lady Doors To Manual’ Carole Bamford’s ritzy Daylesford.
Catholic Boris Johnson Carrie Symonds sacrifice
The new Mr & Mrs Johnson’s wedding day photo showed a woman who looked like she was about to become a sacrifice. Meanwhile, the clown Prime Minister sported a tie that he’d previously worn whilst in the company of his ex-wife and another of his luscious lovers, Jennifer Arcuri, also.
Jennifer Arcuri
One has to wonder how Boris Johnson’s former shagging partner Jennifer Arcuri feels about his new union.
Carrie Johnson third lady
On Twitter, many mocked the union of Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds for exactly what it was: A comedy of errors and a prime example of the use of the distraction technique at a time when once Great Britain is facing the impending potential horrors of the Indian and Nepalese variants of COVID-19.
Carrie Symonds drugs
“Is this woman suitable to be Britain’s 1st lady?” is a question the public are quite rightly asking.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. My interpretation of Catholic canonical law..
    •Carrie (named after the Stephen King heroine from 1976 horror film?) has never been married, is thus entitled to be married in Catholic church.
    •Boris baptised Catholic. Being later confirmed as Anglican won’t count in RC theological law. He’s Kaflik! First marriage annulled. Second marriage wasn’t in RC church and therefore doesn’t count as valid RC marriage.
    • So, assuming they both made full, honest, sincere confessions (glad I wasn’t the priest who had to listen to that little lot), and are entering the marriage in a state of grace, they are fully entitled
    to marry in Catholic church.
    Civil law – divorces etc totally secondary to RC canonical law.
    Frightening, innit?

  2. I don’t think it particularly frightening probably hypocritical but Canon Law has no relevance to common law and why should/would it?
    Everybody anyway understand Johnson has no moral compass


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