Thursday, February 29, 2024

Lowbrow Lindsay Lohan Reaches A New Low

When you thought lowbrow loser Lindsay Lohan couldn’t go any lower, the ‘celebutard’ predictably delivers

In spite of being laughable, loose and a louche loser, Lindsay Lohan has achieved the remarkable feat of coining at least two words in the 35 years that she’s managed to survive thus far on this planet.


Branded the original example of a ‘celebutard’ (a combination of celebrity, debutante and retard) by the New York journalist Michael Musto in 2006, the mucky mess that is Lohan also got herself noticed for having a “horrible, sticky, sweaty” ‘firecrotch’ that “smelt like diarrhea” by “greasy oil heir” Brandon Davis in 2007.


Paris Hilton’s “henchman” and “sidekick” Davis, whom later sported a T-shirt that crudely was emblazoned with the words ‘Team Firecrotch’ was far from alone from having problems with Miss Lohan.


Just one of many examples of someone who had an encounter with this all-round disaster area was a businessman reader of The Steeple Times whom made the mistake of renting his Knightsbridge, London home to Miss Lohan. He came to regret ever meeting her after she left with rent arrears and having trashed the place; another made the mistake of inviting her for drinks at their home – she politely left burn marks all over their rather expensive sofa and allegedly relieved herself there also. Rather conveniently, she never apologised, she never explained and she was quite rightly never invited ever again.


Jailed for 90 days in 2001 and put in rehab in 2008 (and on many other occasions since), this often violent, deranged, on-off druggie trashbag disgustingly claimed the since jailed sex abuser Harvey Weinstein to be innocent in 2017 and bizarrely issued a cryptic yet crazy video on Instagram on April Fools’ Day in 2020 declaring: “I’m back!” Predictably and unsurprisingly, nothing followed.


Now, this weekend this known ‘nutter from the gutter’ ex-Mean Girls ‘star’ took to Instagram, the Daily Mail reports, to announce that she’s got engaged to a Dubai based vice president of Credit Suisse named Bader Shammas.


Referencing this, the paper reported Lohan declared: “My love. My life. My family. My future. @bader.shammas #love” but neglected to say whether the poor chap is of sound mind or whether he’s had his beau-to-be tested at the ‘clap clinic.’ If he had half a brain, he’d run a mile, but clearly this deranged deviant has sadly got her claws well and truly in (yet again). God help him.


Lindsay Lohan engaged to Bader Shammas
The actress took to Instagram at the weekend to announce of her engagement to Bader Shammas: “My love. My life. My family. My future.’ We give it weeks until this Dubai based vice president at Credit Suisse sees sense or gets into an altercation with this washed-up wastrel. Next!
Brandon Davis Team Firecrotch
“Greasy oil heir” Brandon Davis started a “celebutante war” between Paris Hilton and Lohan with his offensive description of the latter’s “nether regions.”
Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman and Lindsay Lohan
In October 2019, the car crash Lohan sought publicity by falsely spreading rumours that she was engaged to the bloodthirsty monster that is Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. This was unsurprisingly never confirmed by the latter party.

The Many Victims Of The Original Celebutard

Here is a total mess of a woman who has racked up many ‘relationships’ in her relatively short life – some of them more turbulent than others. All of them have been used as part of her quest for fame, money and publicity.

Amongst this failed actress, failed musician and failed businesswoman’s conquests have been:


2003 – Aaron Carter

2004 – Wilmer Valderrama

2006 – Stavros Niarchos

2006 – Harry Morton

2008 – Heath Ledger 

2008 – 2009 – Samantha Ronson (her one known female victim)

2013 – Matt Nordgren

2013 – Vikram Chatwal

2015 – 2016 – Egor Tarabasov

2019 – Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman

2021 – Bader Shammas

Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. She’s dumb and she’s cheesy, sure, but she was prostituted to support her vile family at an early age, and still has to recover from that.

    Also, she’s very low hanging ridicule fruit and I honestly think that you’re funnier than that, and I’m fairly certain you’ve dated more than 11 people in your life.
    Punch UP, not down.

    • As I pointed out, she’s cost people I know a LOT of money and damaged their properties. She’s a ghastly publicity whore and self-serving piece of junk. I won’t be swayed on my views on that.

  2. She has a new BeauxHunk.. .and this has you losing sleep at night? This is the NEW LOW? lol.. Sturdy Journalism, to say the least~!


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