Friday, July 30, 2021
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MOVERS & SHAKERS

A Distraction Disgrace – ‘Christian B’ Cleared

As Christian Brueckener is cleared of the abduction of the “German Madeleine McCann” Inga Gehricke, we again slam the use of the distraction technique.

A Brolly Wally

“Britain’s most troublesome brolly” goes to auction on eBay after its wally owner nearly gets shot by armed police whilst carrying it.

Fergie Goes Potty

Sarah, Duchess of York gets overexcited about a potty on YouTube, yet fails to address what went on in mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell’s bathtub in 2001.

Monster of the Moment 2021 – Merelize van der Merwe

Giraffe slaying monster Merelize van der Merwe posed with its heart after being given the chance to slay one as a Valentine’s Day present.

Heirless – Hair Horror

As wicked witch Ghislaine Maxwell complains about losing her hair and being “forced to clean a shower with a broom,” her ‘bestie’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter for all the wrong reasons.

Southend Sexual Shed Scandal

Southend councillor gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”

Mystery Meg

‘Daily Star’ hilariously mocks the Duchess of Sussex and in doing so turns her into ‘Mystery Meg’ Yesterday, the Daily Mail’s Richard Eden tweeted to share the best of the coverage of the former Meghan...

Moron of the Moment 2021 – Anthea Turner

Chocolate bar chomper Anthea Turner swings into action to trend on Twitter after banging on about obesity and coronavirus.

Farting Fergie

Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.

Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Pauline Bridge

82-year-old granny Pauline Bridge gets up at 5am daily to deliver newspapers on her bicycle; she’s quite the contrast to bicycling pensioner and funeral crasher Theresa Doyle.

Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements

Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol.

Modest Madeley (And ‘Mummy’ Finnigan)

Alleged shoplifter and ‘modern day Dorian Gray’ Richard Madeley attempts to convince ‘Mirror’ readers that his relationship with alleged old soak ‘mummy’ Judy Finnigan is “normal.”

Mendacious Maker-Up Maxwell

Latest document unsealing in Ghislaine Maxwell case reveals the mucky madam to be mendacious and someone who makes things up.

Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung

Fashion fruitcake Alexa Chung arrogantly announces that she has no interest in anything other than “endless parties” in “post-pandemic” times.

Word of the Week 2021 – ‘Meghan Markled’

The tedious twerp formerly known as Meghan Markle has had her maiden name turned into both a verb and a noun – go get ‘Meghan Markled.’

Moron of the Moment 2021 – Stephen Bear

Shameless scumbag sex pest and dog abuser Stephen Bear yet again proves himself to be the finest example of all that is wrong in once Great Britain.

Ghastly Ghislaine Goes 50/1

Odds of Donald Trump pardoning mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell move to 50/1 from 3/1 earlier just as Joe Exotic’s supporters start planning a “pizza party” for him.

Theresa The Tea Leaf

Tea leaf Theresa May lookalike goes on the rampage in Hereford and robs a purse; at least she didn’t grab ‘The Donald’s’ hand this time round (or have to share a curry with rotten paedo Rolf Harris).

Hero of the Hour – Andy from Argos

Grimsby resident takes with good humour someone attaching an Argos sign to his house on New Year’s Day whilst journalist reporting story of it goes all Miss Marple.

Wally of the Week – Thomas Dodd (AKA Céline Dion)

That the ‘Mirror’ focused on the non-story of a man changing his name to Céline Dion to start 2021 is beyond ridiculous.

Heroes & Villains – The Best & The Worst People of 2020

‘The Steeple Times’ chooses the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t.

Getaway Ghislaine

As two victims of Jeffrey Epstein do deals with his estate, will mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell now getaway from the charges against her?

Distraction Dawn

Deranged dope Dawn Ward uses the ‘distraction technique’ by quitting ‘Real Housewives of Cheshire’ as she faces a trial for racism and cocaine possession.

Moron of the Moment – Alexa Chung

Self-declared “human” Alexa Chung’s fashion business unsurprisingly flops; the “stuck-up socialite’s” company is supposedly very deservedly “in tatters.”

Wally of the Week – Mike Alan

“International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman.”

Tempestuous Teenage Swarm Savages SW3

Swarm of tempestuous teenagers descend on Brompton Road, SW3 and end up in a maskless face-off with 200 police officers.

Greedy Green Goes Red

As ‘The Sun’ quite rightly rebrands Tina Green ‘Lady Greed,’ we join those demanding this creep cough up before Christmas; why should 13,000 families suffer whilst she sits smugly on a £100m yacht? Luxury loving...

Heroine of the Hour – Micheline Stephen

Ninety-year-old daily martini drinker Micheline Stephen of Cupar, Scotland is to be saluted for grabbing a robber and calling him “a wee sh*te.”

The Calamities Carrie On

Ghislaine Maxwell was involved in the charity Carrie Symonds works for; Dominic Cummings’ nemesis also has an ex-lover with links to Russia and the far right, racist Traditional Britain Group.

Sutcliffe Won’t Be Missed

As serial killer Peter Sutcliffe dies, ‘The Steeple Times’ invites readers to submit their nominations for the best and worst people of 2020 – he’ll definitely be joining ‘The Ones Who Won’t Be Missed.”

Bathtub Bonkers

As a poll in ‘The Sun’ reveals 89% of participants do not want to see alleged bathtub shagger Prince Andrew return to public duty, his batshit bonkers ex-wife makes what she calls ‘bathtub teddies.’

Dirty Dawn Can’t Take the Heat of the Coke

Dirty Dawn strikes again – Attention seeker and alleged racist and coke possessor Dawn Ward proves she cannot cope with a bit of truthful press attention.

A Coked-Up Cheshire Cat

Notorious prosecco “gag reflexer” and Sinitta “napkin slapper” Dawn Ward resurfaces; the Cheshire cat has been charged with racial abuse and coke possession Just as everyone rejoiced after believing they’d heard the last of the...

Schofe Banned

As Phillip Schofield’s book is banned from sale in Wales, we ask: “Did the temperamental telly host ‘Schofe’ have another meltdown as a result?” Whilst nobody was surprised when Bangladesh, Egypt, India, Iran, Kenya, Kuwait,...

Mucky Madam Maxwell Unsealed

Matthew Steeples selects some of the most telling and cringeworthy remarks from the newly unsealed 2016 Ghislaine Maxwell deposition.

Wally of the Week – Phillip Schofield

Tempestuous television presenter Phillip Schofield bizarrely claims to have been murdered in a past life because of a debt.

Randy Andy’s Last Stamp

As the Queen stops selling postcards featuring Prince Andrew, an online card printer has started selling ones of the late Jeffrey Epstein’s friend ‘Randy Andy’ with a rather controversial caption.

Sorry Hopkins

After Katie Hopkins was forced to say “sorry” to Finsbury Park Mosque, she should now be sent to where she belongs – social media’s equivalent of Siberia.

Crackpot Cliff Can Still Breathe

‘The Daily Mail’ gets over enthusiastic in sharing news of creepy crackpot crooner Sir Cliff Richard’s new album, ‘Music… The Air That I Breathe’ whilst only 18 fans react on YouTube.

Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns

As Rolf Harris is spotted pounding the pavements in soiled clothing, the public must be reminded that this paedo pest is still nothing but a mucky monster.

Neighbours from Hell

As Priti Patel is slammed by her neighbours as a ‘snitch,’ the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are voted “the famous couple Brits would least like to live next door to” along with Boris Johnson and Kerry Katona.

Mother Maxwell

Matthew Steeples suggests Jeffrey Epstein treated Ghislaine Maxwell like a “mother figure.”

Wally of the Week – Lady Green

BHS bandit Sir Philip Green’s wife’s bleating about being stuck on her yacht in Monaco is nothing but pathetic; Lady Green plainly has no comprehension of how out of touch she truly is with reality.

Wishing Saddam for $20

Silly season stupidity sends Saddam Hussein being “sold” for $20 on Wish.com viral on Twitter.

The Hotel Detective and his Lover

Hotel legend Derek Picot’s novel ‘The Hotel Detective and his Lover’ is a perfect easy read for those wishing to enjoy quirky hotel land.

Mad Maxwell

Ghislaine Maxwell revealed to be not only a mucky madam, but also shown as a woman whom gets mad and bangs tables.

Meddling MeGain

With even the ‘Observer’ turning on the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, it is time for the meddling pair to learn the art of silence With even the Observer’s Catherine Bennett having turned on the...

Ghastly Ghislaine

Ghastly mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell is not doing herself any favours in moaning about her new living arrangements in prison.