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MOVERS & SHAKERS

Stick A Sock On

Matthew Steeples criticises ‘The Telegraph’ for suggesting men can wear loafers without socks According to this morning’s Telegraph, “2020 is the...

Moron of the Moment – Christabel Milbanke

Annoying pest Christabel Milbanke is confirmed as a fruitcake and someone best avoided Christabel Milbanke claims to be able to “amplify...

A Pickled Apology

That Michael Barrymore is willing to apologise to Sir Richard Branson but not the family of the late Stuart Lubbock is telling

Boobed by Judy

Bra flasher Judy Finnigan labelled “sexist” by her very own husband during a discussion about naked women in saunas Potbellied pisshead...

Justice by Email

Since she cannot be physically found, alleged madam and daughter of ‘Bouncing Bob’ Ghislaine Maxwell has now been served by email

The Phil & Matt Show

Phillip Schofield filmed smoking shisha with his alleged ex-lover Matt McGreevy (and pictured in bed thereafter); another image shows the pair together...

SchofieldLite

‘Politicalite’ suggest Phillip Schofield orchestrated his ‘mass coming out’ after a former ‘This Morning’ runner had gone to the press about a...

Mr Childish

As son of convicted criminal Sam Palmer is branded ‘Mr Obnoxious’ in the ‘Mail on Sunday,’ we suggest he’s actually ‘Mr Childish’...

Andy’s Antics Analysed

Jeremy Clarkson rightly suggests that Prince Andrew should do two things: Shut up and bugger off Just as alleged abuse victim...

EXCLUSIVE – Oh Randy, Oh Randy Andy

‘The Times’ allows a most curious notice to appear on its ‘Register’ page; Could it have been cryptically penned by Ghislaine Maxwell...

Angry Anth’

Flake botherer Anthea Turner swings into action to resolve a row with her magic mushroom loving fiancé at Heathrow Airport Life...

The Megaphone Maniac

Lunatic from London caught shouting “stop reproducing!” through a megaphone in Oxford; Danny Shine previously got prosecuted for shouting about masturbation

Hero of the Hour – Laurence Fox

Actor Laurence Fox has most unjustifiably been condemned for calling out the ‘MegExit’ saga as “boring” and nothing to do with racism

The Parson with Nine Pussies

Matthew Steeples takes a look at the life of a vicar who gave services with his nine cats in tow, the Reverend...

The Wit of Woolf

‘The Steeple Times’ remembers the late, great Woolf Gander A businessman who travelled widely across across the globe, Woolf Gander was...

Hero of the Hour – Giles Coren

Giles Coren is to be saluted for refusing to put up with harassment from the supporters of the left-wing scumbag Owen Jones

Heroes & Villains – The Best & The Worst People of 2019

‘The Steeple Times’ chooses the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and...

Christmas Card of the Year

Sir Benjamin Slade excels himself with an amusing Christmas card celebrating himself (maybe) finally finding an other half Sir Benjamin...

Moaning Moron Michael

Delusional deranged ‘entertainer’ Michael Barrymore yet again shamefully cracks an inappropriate joke about death Sadly, Michael Barrymore is alive, but it...

It is NOT “It is what is it is’

The use of the ghastly phrase “it is what it is” has rightly been condemned On Tuesday, The Guardian published a...

The Duchess is a Dork

That the Duchess of York claims the Jeffrey Epstein scandal to be “nonsense” sums up how much of an out of touch...

Wally of the Week – Nathan Thursfield

Healthcare worker who wants “the Katie price look” Nathan Thursfield is proven to be nothing but an utter nutter A regular...

The Cheque Doesn’t Lie

The release of a photograph of a cheque from Prince Andrew to Monique Giannelloni provides further evidence of his sordid ways

Lookout! It’s Lizzie…

Prince Andrew must be toast; when knicker flasher Lizzie Cundy leaps to your defence, you know your days must be numbered

Hero of the Hour – Lorraine Kelly

Matthew Steeples lauds “mad as hell” Lorraine Kelly in spite of her speaking in “Gorbals gobbledygook”; here is a woman who has...

Poor Beatrice

In the downfall of The Duke of York, the nation seems to have forgotten Princess Beatrice’s impending state-funded marriage When Princess...

Where’s Mucky Maxwell?

‘The Steeple Times’ reveals news about the alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell that is yet to reach the British press; this mucky woman...

Thanks Tamara!

Matthew Steeples thanks Tamara Ecclestone for giving him so much attention (at a time when her dear little daddy is trying to...

Guttered Anthea

Anthea Turner’s “berserk” convicted offender fiancé spotted “trawling roads” doing community service after biting a policeman This morning, The Sun shared...

Moron of the Moment – Vanessa Feltz

Tyre tractor like Vanessa Feltz yet again proves herself to be one of the most irritating people in Britain Voted one...

BoJo’s Body Double

American lookalike of Boris Johnson emerges; it turns out he’s very rich and the beau of the socialite Denise Rich As...

Bonkers Bedfellows

If Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman is dating the car crash that is Lindsay Lohan, he must be bonkers; the truth is...

Do One Dawn

“Napkin slapper” Dawn Ward again proves herself to be a common degenerate in using the phrase “do one” Telling some to...

Carrie’s Curious Contacts

The Steeple Times reveals some of the curious people Boris Johnson’s squeeze Carrie Symonds previously associated with – a past that includes...

Crackpot Cliff Cutout

Cliff Richard shares his bizarre views about Brexit, losing friends, speaking to himself and liking being addressed by his title just as...

Lowbrow Lizzie

Rugby star Danny Cipriani to sue ageing desperado WAG Lizzie Cundy’s publishers over her tawdry claims about bedding him There’s lowbrow...

A Trump Hole

In sharing images of herself digging a hole at the White House yesterday, Melania Trump gave rise to theories about what she...

Eating for Elephants

Matthew Steeples hosts a dinner to raise funds for the International Fund for Animal Welfare’s elephant conservation work at Granger & Co....

Monster of the Moment – Unsexy Vegan

Californian freak who wants to be president and changed his name to ‘Sexy Vegan’ exposed as a dog rapist Hansel Marion...

Anth’ Swings Into Action

Will Anthea Turner’s chum Lizzie Cundy be joining her to swing into action with a Cadbury’s Flake at her forthcoming nuptials?

Mopping Up

One of the world’s highest paid actresses ludicrously asks for an electric mop on her wedding registry; this mucky madam plainly wants...

Quotes of the Week – 21st September 2019

A selection of amusing and odd remarks from the media classes including ones from Benjamin Butterworth, Lady Colin Campbell, Gemma Collins, John...

Effing Hunniford

‘Inglorious’ Gloria Hunniford yet again proves herself to be anything but the ‘national treasure’ she so often claims to be There...

It’s NOT Hilarious

As Michael Barrymore is branded “hilarious” and a “novelty” as he makes his TV comeback, we suggest there is no “comic impact”...

Me, Me, Me

Self-obsessed ‘MeGain’ refers to herself an astonishing 38 times during a speech to launch her overpriced fashion line The Duchess of...

Loudmouth Lizzie

Desperado Lizzie Cundy yet again proves she’ll do anything to get herself on the telly in calling the Duchess of Sussex “manipulative”

Potty Lottie

Lowbrow lavatory frisker and all-round irrelevance Lottie Moss yet again makes a fool of herself by desperately selling fake news to ‘The...

Meg’s Murky Mess

Matthew Steeples suggests Thomas Markle is right to call out his daughter’s antics for what they are: Ridiculous ‘MeGain’ (AKA The...

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