Saturday, February 24, 2024

Not Rockin’ Sir Cliff Richard – Creepy, Christian Crooner’s Christmas 2022 Album Panned

One-time friend of paedophile Rolf Harris gets panned for his ‘rendition’ of ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree’; Sir Cliff Richard gets called out as a “dinosaur” singing “boring rubbish” reports Matthew Steeples

“It’s Cliffmas time” cringeworthily croaked The Scotsman’s Fiona Shepherd before giving the latest from “seasonal specialist” Sir Cliff Richard just two out of five stars for his Christmas With Cliff album. She opined: “One doesn’t like to speak ill of a legend but the eternal teenager is now sounding his age.”


During an appearance on the BBC’s Saturday Kitchen last week as part of his PR peddling rounds, an over-Botoxed berk this publication has often branded a “creepy Christian crooner” (the Christian part is included because he continually bangs on about his religious tendencies and not because I have any anti-Christian bias), predictably yet again raged that he doesn’t receive enough airtime. “Pathetic,” he later raged to Newstalk Breakfast of the royalty payments he rakes in and then moaned that younger, fresher talent gets too much attention.


Going further on Saturday Kitchen, the ever boastful 82-year-old shared also that John Lennon had once told him that he was “the best thing ever to happen to British music.” Sadly, as has been the case since the Beatle’s December 1980 assassination, the late Mr Lennon has not been available to confirm or deny Sir Cliff’s ridiculous claim that “before [me] there was nothing worth listening to in British music.”


Online, unsurprisingly, this laughable loon was called out over his latest nonsense. On Twitter, one suggested Sir Cliff looked “disturbed” whilst another added “his rockin’ is ridiculous.” If you do decide to join the 45,000 who’ve watched the ‘official video’ on YouTube, as they used to say on the BBC’s Crimewatch, “don’t have nightmares, do sleep well.”


Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party.


Pictured Top – Sir Cliff literally, as one observer remarked, “killing” the song ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree.’ He “crucified it,” they quite rightly concluded.


Scaring the public seems to be on the agenda for Sir Cliff Richard this Christmas. With a face destroyed by Botox and an overexposure to sunbeds and Bajan beaches, here is a sight that would be enough to have put even the Bernard Matthews off his turkey nosh-up.
Cilla Black funeral
Scaring the public at is something he’s done regularly and repeatedly before; an example comes in the form of his August 2015 rendition of ‘Faithful One’ at Cilla Black OBE’s funeral. The faces of the priests to the left of him (as he attempted to ‘sing’ in a manner more suited to an appearance on ‘Top Of The Pops’) are telling of their disgust at his discourteous behaviour in a house of worship.
The shocking moment this one-time friend of the paedophiles Rolf Harris and Sir Jimmy Savile wrecked a funeral was captured in video and will horrify anyone who ever watches it.
In the past, Harry Rodger Webb, as he was born, has spared no chance to get his top off. Clearly believing himself to be a sex symbol, the ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ and ‘Saviour’s Day’ singer finally, to the relief of the public, decided to spare the world from any more sights of his Botoxed body in 2021 and we hope he will keep it that way.
Loose Women
In November 2016, “Peter Pan of Pop” Sir Cliff Richard revealed that he “cried on his kitchen floor” and announced: “I was weeping, it was just like a deep well. And I got a message from someone that said no hole is deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” In the same year, of his calendar sales, he pompously prattled: “Mine leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre.”
Wine Gordon Ramsay
Sir Cliff’s associations with the wines he produces have not always proved fruitful either. In 2006, appearing on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘The F-Word,’ the then 75-year old had a meltdown during a blind tasting. After sipping one unnamed offering, the crackpot Christian crooner announced: “That’s rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that. It’s tainted, it’s insipid, it tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that.” Ramsay, then 49, responded by remarking: “Cliff, that’s your wine.” The singer is said to have answered: “Young man, go f**k yourself.”
Jimmy Savile
Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile.
Sir Cliff Richard Lord Boothby
Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Lord Boothby.
Rolf Harris
Sir Cliff Richard OBE with his ‘friend,’ the convicted, sadly still living paedophile Rolf Harris.
John McElynn
Sir Cliff Richard with his “long-term companion,” a former Roman Catholic priest named John McElynn. In his 2009 autobiography, the ‘singer’ remarked: “It has been so rare for me to find friends I know like me for myself, I am not always the best judge of character.” Going further, the goody-two-shoes added: “I’ve never wanted to trash a hotel room. My band always used to say, Cliff never trashes a hotel room. When he goes in, he usually cleans up, hoovers, checks the curtains are straight. I can’t imagine anything more childish than trashing things, which is what a lot of rockers did.”
One of Sir Cliff Richard’s worst attempts at making ‘music’ – which one critic slammed more accurately as “nauseous noise” – came in the form of ‘Rise Up’ four years ago. It was universally panned and in response the “star” complained that radio stations were being “unfair” in not giving him airtime. He’s not given up repeating that rant ever since.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. Like your adopted position Matthew. Never liked the bloke myself or his self indulgent, narrow, myopic ‘bornagainism-ness’. An insult to the Universe’s methinks. Only time to scan the article at the moment, did you mention the Elm Avenue attendances? Bon Noel (or actually for the fuller credit/historiography at/for this time of year Bon Mithra/Horus).

  2. Good Lord..
    and Mariah Carey wants to be made the only legal ” Queen of Christmas”…because she sings about it .. crooners’ are fighting for their right to croon this season. Thank God for Gregorian Chants.

  3. I’ve never liked Cliff Richard. Something very wrong with that bloke. And I’m sure Mathew remembers ‘Kitty’ at those pedo parties. Funny how he never married.

  4. Sorry I made 2 mistakes so here’s the correct response.

    Why do you speak so negatively about Cliff Richard? despite the fact that his innocence was proven in 2018, people still don’t believe him, unbelievable. Cliff Richard is a very good singer and a likeable personality who does a lot of good for charities and has a few of his own. And about his new Christmas CD “Christmas with Cliff” I think he is very good and especially for an 82 year old singer and of course you will hear that in his voice but he still sounds very good despite that. People now speak more positively about him.

    • “A very good singer”… Hmmm… Have you actually allowed your ears to be polluted by “Rise Up” for example.

      “People now speak more positively about him” … Not that I know of.

  5. You don’t have to like someone, but speaking so ugly about Cliff Richard I think you’re very ashamed. And you wonder why he never got married it was because he thought his career was more important, and by the way he’s had quite a few girlfriends in the past.

  6. “Always treat others as you would like them to treat you” Socrates
    PS l don’t personally know Cliff Richard but boy, do l know you and people of your type. You rubbish half the people you know and grovel to the rest.

    • Your Instagram is evidence enough. You do like a secondhand quote and a half – “It’s not how old you are but it’s how you are old” -Jules Renold. Next.


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