Friday, December 9, 2022

Local Loons

Not Rockin’ Sir Cliff Richard – Creepy, Christian Crooner’s Christmas 2022 Album Panned

One-time friend of paedophile Rolf Harris gets panned for his ‘rendition’ of ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree’; Sir Cliff Richard gets called out as a “dinosaur” singing “boring rubbish” reports Matthew Steeples.

Horror In The Hamptons… 2020 Coronavirus Crisis Ransackings v 2022 Cost-Of-Living Crisis Riots in This Ritzy Resort

Whilst the Hamptons was the scene of “bidding wars” and “supermarket spats” over £275 bottles of Chablis during the 2020 coronavirus crisis, it’s become the scene of socialites being arrested in “wife beaters” for assaulting “glampin’ workers” in the 2022 cost-of-living-crisis.

Glued To Grimsby – News Tends To Stick In This Grim Fishing Port

As the story of a man who glued himself to a desk in a NatWest in Grimsby is declared “breaking news,” we delve into some other odd things that have gone on in this decidedly grim fishing port; they include it being the birthplace of the ‘Neighbours’ actress who played the bumptious busybody Mrs Mangel and home to the scissor stabber who used to be dresser to Sarah, Duchess of York.

Hero of the Hour 2022 – ‘Derek’ The Doncaster Jackdaw

As residents of a village near Doncaster call a jackdaw named ‘Derek’ “horrible” and a “menace,” Facebook’s ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ group unsurprisingly tear these nasty NIMBYs apart.