Sunday, February 25, 2024

Glued To Grimsby – News Tends To Stick In This Grim Fishing Port

As the story of a man who glued himself to a desk in a NatWest in Grimsby is declared “breaking news,” we delve into some other odd things that have gone on in this decidedly grim fishing port; they include it being the birthplace of the ‘Neighbours’ actress who played the bumptious busybody Mrs Mangel and home to the scissor stabber who used to be dresser to Sarah, Duchess of York

‘Grimbarians’ – the decidedly dopey denziens of Grimsby – have a habit of doing curious things. Aside from being the place where the crackpot crazy dresser to Sarah, Duchess of York turned stabber Jane Andrews grew up and supposedly again has resided since leaving the clink (and is hopefully kept well clear of scissors, cricket bats and kitchen knives), it’s a place, as The Steeple Times reported in January 2021, where a resident named Andy found an Argos sign attached to his house on New Year’s Day that year.


Reported on at the time by the clearly on-the-ball, always-got-a-breaking-news-story-on-the-boil GrimsbyLive, Andy told the rag: “I’m keeping it up though I think, it is a bit funny isn’t it? I might just treat it as a bit of a late Christmas present.” He amusingly concluded: “I’ll have to set up my own click and collect.”


Noted as being home to a legendary P.E. teacher named Amy Monkhouse, who the BBC describe as having “won numerous titles in the world of bowls,” Grimsby was also where the actors John Hurt and Vivean Gray – better known as ‘Mrs Mangel’ in Neighbours – were born. Now, this once thriving fishing port – which was home at one time to Maxine Carr, the sidekick of the Soham murderer Ian Huntley – is once again on the map and this time its notoriety is set to stick because of a bit of glue.


Featured yesterday in the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ after becoming “breaking news” in, you’ve guessed it, the fount of all knowledge that is GrimsbyLive came a vital story titled: “Man glues himself to desk in Grimsby NatWest bank. His wife has been watching on from the side.”


Written by not one but two journalists, Luke Green and James J. Turner, this clearly vitally important piece of reporting emphasised the seriousness of what had occured and continued:


“At around 3pm this afternoon (Thursday, November 17th), a man reportedly glued his arm to a table in the bank on Victoria Street. Officers from Humberside Police are already on the scene dealing with the matter.”


“It’s not yet known why the man has done this although it is believed to be linked to some sort of dispute with the bank. Witnesses say his unimpressed wife has been watching on from the side.”


Going further and clearly realising the vital need for updates on this ‘serious situation,’ Green and Turner audaciously added:


“One man said: ‘I was very surprised to see him glued there, it’s not what I thought.’ Another customer said: ‘I didn’t realise that’s what had happened, that’s not what I expected.’”


GrimsbyLive has contacted Humberside Police and NatWest to find out more.”


“This is a live blog. Follow the latest updates in the blog below…”


Hold the front page; there’s someone glued to it.


Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party (and nor was any glue was used in its creation).


What an idiot
Clear ‘journalist’ in-line for Pulitzer Prize James J. Turner later returned to his groundbreaking feature to add an update. It read: “One woman that came into use the bank said: ‘What an idiot.’” Prophetic.
Evil murderer Jane Andrews (pictured left running with Sarah, Duchess of York in attire not exactly suited to such and pictured right in more recent times looking like what one social media user described as “a right old slapper”) is one of the better-known people to have resided in a town that took its name from a Danish fisherman. After battering her poor partner, Tommy Cressman, to death with his cricket bat and a kitchen knife, she went on the run before residing in London with the self-declared friend of the pompous “red socked fop” tw*t Sir Christopher Meyer, Basia Briggs, during her trial in 2001. Later, after being thrown in the clink for life after her conviction for murder, this wicked woman escaped from East Sutton Park Prison in Kent but did not even get charged with absconding.
Whilst Elton John waxed lyrical about Grimsby in his song – with lines including “there’s nothing to compare with my Grimsby,” “Grimsby, oh, a thousand delights” and “I miss your magic charm” – one visitor remarked of it: “The place just stinks of fish.”
“He who sang in the bathtub as the economy collapsed,” former Chancellor of the Exchequer Norman Lamont, was brought up in the port town whilst “Brexit means Brexit, my deal means a deal” Theresa May visited in March 2019 to declare: “I need the support of those who, like me, voted remain… Leaving with a good deal is much than leaving with no deal… The British people have already moved on… So, let’s get it done.” Unsurprisingly, her tenure as Prime Minister ended just a couple of months later.
Vivean Gray (1924 – 2016) – better known as the actress to have played the gossiping busybody Nell Mangel in ‘Neighbours’ between 1986 and 1988 – was the daughter of a Grimsby fish and chip shop owner. She never married or had any children, lived in Australia for some years from the 1950s onwards and then returned to England to Shoreham-by-Sea, West Sussex where she is said to have “lived a quiet and private life.”
In February 2015, a UKIP politician named Victoria Ayling from the port town responded to a comment from a Green Party member by asking: “What happens when renewable energy runs out?” This clearly dimwitted dunce had previous been slammed after film a video with her husband in which she raged: “We must basically [re]patriate those that shouldn’t be here. That’s not quite policy yet. Maybe I should soften it a bit … OK, send them back… OK, I just want to send the lot back, but I can’t say that.”
Bull Sand Fort Humber Estuary
Clearly though some people do love this town on the Humber Estuary. In July this year, a derelict Second World War sea fort that had been intended for conversion to an ‘Island of Hope’ for detoxing druggies, sold for 880% above its £50,000 guide price and hammered down for £490,000 at a Savills auction.

Twitter reacts to the ‘NatWest Gluer’…

Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. As you say, a lot of grim people have come out if Grimsby. I do hope a lot of letters 2-to-5 have not come out of Scunthorpe. Or dummies out of Dumbarton.
    Any other place names we should be worried about?

  2. You should do a programme about the psycho Jane Andrews with Shaun Attwood or someone else Matthew Steeple. Basia Briggs should have helped the police whilst she lived with her. The family of Tommy Cressman could have been spared so much pain if Basia Briggs had spoken out and told what she later claimed Jane Andrews told her whilst staying with her. I am saddened Basia Briggs did not use her supposed connections, being ‘Mrs Close To Every Royal On The Damned Planet’, to help the Cressman family get closure quicker. I watched the recent programme and the person who spoke out said what Basia Briggs admitted came too late in the day. I am sure Basia Briggs was duped but if she was, it doesn’t say very much about her judgment.

  3. Don’t send anyone from Grimsby to Australia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We’ve got enough problems here Down Under already and please don’t send Basia Briggs back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That book of hers about her mother and ex-husband called Mother Anguished was bloody offensive —- insulting people, sexual shannys, sh*te!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should never have promoted it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shame on Steeple Times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I have always found Briggs woman very rude. Very. Rude. Very. Very. Rude. She should cease being pompous. Allowing a murderer to live with you is a very vile thing to do but if what you say is truthful and right and she liked the Meyers that is even worse. Catherine Meyer is a woman who the Daily Mail man now Richard Eden rightly exposed as a bad, bad woman who liked charity for not great reasons in The Telegraph all those years ago. I have seen Basia Briggs lunching with Richard Eden in Colbert several times – why doesn’t she tell him the truth about Meyer woman and Andrews? The public should be told.

  5. The one who glued himself to the till was probably trying to stay safe from Jane Andrews and Basia Briggs and Victoria Ayling and Maxine Carr and Fergie. It seems these Grimsby connected women are very grim. I’d have done the same on sight of any of them.

  6. Jane Andrews was always lowbrow but her choices of association reflect that. As for Sir Christopher Meyer, he did like to arse lick a little bit much and that is why he no doubt found a friend in such personage and it is no wonder he acquired a second wife of the pecking position lower than a cleaner.

  7. Decidedly dopey?
    You don’t know Grimsby from your own arsehole pal, you’ve never been there have you-this is a pathetic swipe-dated Southern wank FHM style attempt at comedy-stay off the gak would be myt advice. Any town can be subject to a few sniggers, but Gy has got bags of character, some of the people are basic, but its worked hard keeping the nation in fish, which it doesn’t smell of any more as the industry is more or less done for-what a wankmag this page is. Unsubbed.


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