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MOVERS & SHAKERS

Victoria’s Escort

Wannabe politician (again) Lady Borwick shares a snap of herself with a onetime male escort to “mature ladies” Benjamin Duncan

America’s Black Hole

The pardoning of Lord Black by President Trump sums up the morally bankrupt hole that is now America The pardoning of...

Wally of the Week – Sharmadean Reid

‘Beauty entrepreneur’ Sharmadean Reid proves herself to be a bit of a berk; she is another fine example of the “we love...

The Carpetbagging Copycat

The Duchess of Sussex gets mocked on social media after “stealing” James Stunt’s ‘iconic dressing gown look’ to introduce her newly arrived...

Don’t be a mug, vote Toby Jug

That the late Lord Toby Jug’s approach to politics make more sense than we’ve currently got says a lot about where we...

The Overdue Duchess

‘Murky Mucky’ mucks up yet again; is there anything the Duchess of Sussex is capable of getting right? With rumours about...

Tubby Toff and Prattish Posh-Boy Unite

That a ‘Made in Chelsea’ twerp named ‘Toff’ has been spotted with a convicted criminal and ex-aide to Nigel Farage is nothing...

A Virile Bentley

Bentley S1 converted into “the world’s poshest pick-up” to be sold at auction; it was created for a “sperm obsessed” Aussie Earl

Munching Mosley spotted Breaking News

Businessman and harsher press regulation supporter Max Mosley spotted reading ‘Breaking News’ in South Kensington On Monday, Max Mosley was...

The Antics of ‘Anth’

That Anthea Turner continues to behave as if she’s a teenage hottie is quite beyond preposterous   Divorcee Anthea Turner – or ‘F**k I used to...

Tarty Alexa

The Daily Mail’s reporting of Alexa Chung’s latest ‘launch’ was utterly cringeworthy; why is she considered to be newsworthy?   The Daily Mail just cannot help...

The Modern Day Marie Antoinette

Matthew Steeples suggests that is wrong that the Duchess of Sussex is being treated as a victim; she chose her path and it is...

Happily Poor

“Lotto lout” Michael Carroll’s reaction to becoming utterly broke will surprise   Howard Hughes once said: “Money can’t buy happiness” and then someone else later added:...

Manic Meghan

The ‘modern day Mrs Simpson,’ the Duchess of Sussex’s, behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic; she needs to learn to control herself or she will...

Is That The Chinese Takeaway?

A tribute to Clive Swift, better known as Richard Bucket in the classic sitcom ‘Keeping Up Appearances’   Some might say: “They don’t make television like...

Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy

Ben Fogle and Judy Finnigan are our most worthy Wallies of the Week   Two of the most irritating people to inflict misery on our screens...

Fishwife Ferne

Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards   Ferne McCann and chucking things seem to go...

Awarding a Pun

Rat-like party crasher David Pun puts in an appearance at the ‘Mayfair Times’ Awards at Claridge’s   Last night, at Claridge’s, blagger and ligger David Pun...

A Knightsbridge Nuisance

‘The Steeple Times’ highlights Knightsbridge’s worst nuisance neighbour; meet hotel and leisure fund manager Jochen Schaefer-Suren   Jochen Schaefer-Suren clearly is someone with a passion for...

The Collapse of Chelsea Character

Matthew Steeples celebrates the nicknames of Chelsea’s characters but regrets that the area itself is rapidly being stripped of the very character that made...

Moron of the Moment – Prince Harry

With his marriage to the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle, Prince Harry has morphed into an utter bore   Prince Harry used to be a...

The People of 2018

The Steeple Times selects the best and worst people of the year past and the ones that’ll be missed   Today, as we wish our readers...

Brash Beatrice

Has ‘Tatler’ magazine lost the plot? They’ve named Princess Beatrice one of their “best dressed of the year”   Princess Beatrice is well-known for her fashion...

The Flaws of Ferne

Ferne McCann yet again shows herself to be nothing but a vile opportunist; she should be taken off our screens   Ferne McCann undoubtedly proved herself...

(Not So) Mad Friday

‘Mad Friday’ thankfully calmer than ever in Chelsea reports Matthew Steeples   Last year, as I walked across the Royal Borough in the evening of the...

Yuletide Stunt

James Stunt shares his views on his ex-wife and her family, Lord Rothermere and others who’ve caused him ill – be prepared to be...

Wally of the Week – Tom Harwood

Petulant child Tom Harwood makes a nuisance of himself on ‘Politics Live’ after previously claiming he can singlehandedly defeat ISIS and making comparison of...

Wally of the Week – Charlie Casely-Hayford

Charlie Casely-Hayford (“who?” may you ask) has to be the prat of the century   Old Harrovian and “most influential black in the UK” (according to...

Tweet of the Week – Lewis Goodall

Sky News’ Lewis Goodall provides not one but two of the best tweets of the week   Sky News political correspondent Lewis Goodall – famous for...

Bog Room Ben

That Ben Fogle shared his views on “bathroom style” speaks volumes to where he is positioned in society   Yesterday, in The Sunday Times, television presenter...

Wally of the Week – Richard Madeley

Richard Madeley once again proves himself a complete prat in remarks about autism on ‘Good Morning Britain’   Richard Madeley isn’t a man, he’s simply a...

Wally of the Week – Richard Madeley

Richard Madeley once again proves himself a complete prat in remarks about autism on ‘Good Morning Britain’   Richard Madeley isn’t a man, he’s simply a...

Pun Parties With Police

David Pun arrested at a party in London   Last night in Mayfair, David Pun was arrested in full view of invited guests. Cuffed and taken...

Overheard – 22nd October 2018

Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’   Mobile Arabs An Arab sat outside a shisha café on Brompton Road told her friend:...

Murky Stirring

The Duchess of Sussex attempts to morph into a modern day Mary Berry   Mary Berry is annoying enough but now, it seems, there could be...

Stunt About Town

James Stunt admits to failing to snare a lady he describes as “a true thoroughbred”   A man capable of getting just about whatever he wants,...

The Talented Tinker

Actor Dudley Sutton – AKA ‘Lovejoy’s’ Tinker – passes away aged 85 shortly after giving an interview lauding the NHS   The talented actor and regular...

Thanks Alexa

Alexa Chung transitions from “fashion genius” to “fashion designer” and shares her views on Googling and airports; Matthew Steeples asks: “Who’d want to miss...

Picture of the Week – A Bottled Baroness

Racist Marie-Claire, ‘Baroness’ von Alvensleben spotted dashing for sparkling wine as she ‘works the room’ at chi-chi antiques fair   Last night at LAPADA, waiting to...

An Almighty Allsopp

Is the fuss over Kirstie Allsopp smashing up her children’s iPads justified? Or was it actually a very clever publicity stunt on her part?   On...

Bagging Beckham

As Victoria Beckham embraces being a ‘bag lady,’  one could argue she’d simply do best to keep her head inside for good   On the surface,...

The Hypocrite Cliff

Christian crooner Cliff Richard rightly accused of “hypocrisy” after launching his pretentiously titled new album ‘Rise Up’ on the BBC   Cliff Richard likes to have...

Haaz Sleiman – What’s on your mantelpiece?

A 20-question interview with Lebanese-American actor Haaz Sleiman; he has starred in ‘24’, ‘ER’, ‘Killing Jesus’, ‘NCIS’, ‘Nurse Jackie’ and ‘Person of Interest’   The Steeple...

The Arab Arrival

As Knightsbridge’s Brompton Road is invaded by Arabs, The Steeple Times finds that there is both good and bad in their number   Last night, it...

Porn Pest Pun

Gatecrasher David Pun evicted from London hotel for watching porn   Aside from gatecrashing parties and nabbing gift bags, it seems David Pun likes to visit...

Wally of the Week – Noel Edmonds

Matthew Steeples suggests Noel Edmonds’ latest outburst just confirms himself to be a strange, publicity desperate fool   Spiritualist television personality Noel Edmonds is certainly an...