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MOVERS & SHAKERS

Happily Poor

“Lotto lout” Michael Carroll’s reaction to becoming utterly broke will surprise   Howard Hughes once said: “Money can’t buy happiness” and then someone else later added:...

Manic Meghan

The ‘modern day Mrs Simpson,’ the Duchess of Sussex’s, behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic; she needs to learn to control herself or she will...

Is That The Chinese Takeaway?

A tribute to Clive Swift, better known as Richard Bucket in the classic sitcom ‘Keeping Up Appearances’   Some might say: “They don’t make television like...

Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy

Ben Fogle and Judy Finnigan are our most worthy Wallies of the Week   Two of the most irritating people to inflict misery on our screens...

Fishwife Ferne

Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards   Ferne McCann and chucking things seem to go...

Awarding a Pun

Rat-like party crasher David Pun puts in an appearance at the ‘Mayfair Times’ Awards at Claridge’s   Last night, at Claridge’s, blagger and ligger David Pun...

A Knightsbridge Nuisance

‘The Steeple Times’ highlights Knightsbridge’s worst nuisance neighbour; meet hotel and leisure fund manager Jochen Schaefer-Suren   Jochen Schaefer-Suren clearly is someone with a passion for...

The Collapse of Chelsea Character

Matthew Steeples celebrates the nicknames of Chelsea’s characters but regrets that the area itself is rapidly being stripped of the very character that made...

Moron of the Moment – Prince Harry

With his marriage to the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle, Prince Harry has morphed into an utter bore   Prince Harry used to be a...

The People of 2018

The Steeple Times selects the best and worst people of the year past and the ones that’ll be missed   Today, as we wish our readers...

Brash Beatrice

Has ‘Tatler’ magazine lost the plot? They’ve named Princess Beatrice one of their “best dressed of the year”   Princess Beatrice is well-known for her fashion...

The Flaws of Ferne

Ferne McCann yet again shows herself to be nothing but a vile opportunist; she should be taken off our screens   Ferne McCann undoubtedly proved herself...

(Not So) Mad Friday

‘Mad Friday’ thankfully calmer than ever in Chelsea reports Matthew Steeples   Last year, as I walked across the Royal Borough in the evening of the...

Yuletide Stunt

James Stunt shares his views on his ex-wife and her family, Lord Rothermere and others who’ve caused him ill – be prepared to be...

Wally of the Week – Tom Harwood

Petulant child Tom Harwood makes a nuisance of himself on ‘Politics Live’ after previously claiming he can singlehandedly defeat ISIS and making comparison of...

Wally of the Week – Charlie Casely-Hayford

Charlie Casely-Hayford (“who?” may you ask) has to be the prat of the century   Old Harrovian and “most influential black in the UK” (according to...

Tweet of the Week – Lewis Goodall

Sky News’ Lewis Goodall provides not one but two of the best tweets of the week   Sky News political correspondent Lewis Goodall – famous for...

Bog Room Ben

That Ben Fogle shared his views on “bathroom style” speaks volumes to where he is positioned in society   Yesterday, in The Sunday Times, television presenter...

Wally of the Week – Richard Madeley

Richard Madeley once again proves himself a complete prat in remarks about autism on ‘Good Morning Britain’   Richard Madeley isn’t a man, he’s simply a...

Wally of the Week – Richard Madeley

Richard Madeley once again proves himself a complete prat in remarks about autism on ‘Good Morning Britain’   Richard Madeley isn’t a man, he’s simply a...

Pun Parties With Police

David Pun arrested at a party in London   Last night in Mayfair, David Pun was arrested in full view of invited guests. Cuffed and taken...

Overheard – 22nd October 2018

Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’   Mobile Arabs An Arab sat outside a shisha café on Brompton Road told her friend:...

Murky Stirring

The Duchess of Sussex attempts to morph into a modern day Mary Berry   Mary Berry is annoying enough but now, it seems, there could be...

Stunt About Town

James Stunt admits to failing to snare a lady he describes as “a true thoroughbred”   A man capable of getting just about whatever he wants,...

The Talented Tinker

Actor Dudley Sutton – AKA ‘Lovejoy’s’ Tinker – passes away aged 85 shortly after giving an interview lauding the NHS   The talented actor and regular...

Thanks Alexa

Alexa Chung transitions from “fashion genius” to “fashion designer” and shares her views on Googling and airports; Matthew Steeples asks: “Who’d want to miss...

Picture of the Week – A Bottled Baroness

Racist Marie-Claire, ‘Baroness’ von Alvensleben spotted dashing for sparkling wine as she ‘works the room’ at chi-chi antiques fair   Last night at LAPADA, waiting to...

An Almighty Allsopp

Is the fuss over Kirstie Allsopp smashing up her children’s iPads justified? Or was it actually a very clever publicity stunt on her part?   On...

Bagging Beckham

As Victoria Beckham embraces being a ‘bag lady,’  one could argue she’d simply do best to keep her head inside for good   On the surface,...

The Hypocrite Cliff

Christian crooner Cliff Richard rightly accused of “hypocrisy” after launching his pretentiously titled new album ‘Rise Up’ on the BBC   Cliff Richard likes to have...

Haaz Sleiman – What’s on your mantelpiece?

A 20-question interview with Lebanese-American actor Haaz Sleiman; he has starred in ‘24’, ‘ER’, ‘Killing Jesus’, ‘NCIS’, ‘Nurse Jackie’ and ‘Person of Interest’   The Steeple...

The Arab Arrival

As Knightsbridge’s Brompton Road is invaded by Arabs, The Steeple Times finds that there is both good and bad in their number   Last night, it...

Porn Pest Pun

Gatecrasher David Pun evicted from London hotel for watching porn   Aside from gatecrashing parties and nabbing gift bags, it seems David Pun likes to visit...

Wally of the Week – Noel Edmonds

Matthew Steeples suggests Noel Edmonds’ latest outburst just confirms himself to be a strange, publicity desperate fool   Spiritualist television personality Noel Edmonds is certainly an...

Cliff The Airhead

Crackpot Christian crooner Cliff Richard’s lawyers allude to him owning air   The libel case brought by Sir Cliff Richard – a self-declared “genuine international celebrity”...

Potted Trolls

Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is right to speak out against those of the belief that social media trolls should simply be ignored suggests...

Analysing Borwick

The Cambridge Analytica connection you’ve most likely never heard of; meet The Hon. Thomas Borwick, son of ex-Tory MP Lady ‘Call Me Victoria’ Borwick   The...

#LazyBrady

Matthew Steeples suggests ‘Lady’ Karren Brady of Knightsbridge has shown herself to be nothing but a muckspreader in her latest pathetic opinion piece for...

Stunt Speaks Out

EXCLUSIVE – James Stunt responds to inaccurate press coverage of his forthcoming interview with ‘Tatler’ magazine   Today, in response to various press reports, James Stunt...

Clear The Roads

Irresponsible Volkswagen Polo driver – registration HW06 CWM – needs to be removed from Britain’s roads   Jeremy Clarkson regularly shares the registration plates of irresponsible...

Moron of the Moment – Barbara Woodward

Rich drink driver who could have killed someone but got off unpaid community work because “it would make her feel uncomfortable” Barbara Woodward is...

2017 – The Sinners and The Saints

The Steeple Times chooses the 25 best and 25 worst people of the year past; Brenda from Bristol and the “second rate Delia Smith”...

Class v. Brass

Whilst the Chelsea Arts Club is right to put on a bit of Moulin Rouge this season, Petra Ecclestone’s show next door is nothing...

The Rise of James Stunt

Matthew Steeples suggests James Stunt as a man to watch in 2018   James Stunt was not a man I expected to have much time for...

Mad K&C

Matthew Steeples reports on ‘Mad Friday’s’ arrival in the Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea   Vomit on the pavement and kids pissed on the streets:...

Calendar Cliff

Sir Cliff Richard pompously announces his calendar sales “leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre”   “The Peter Pan of Pop” Sir Cliff...

Happy Buckethead

Lord Buckethead moves on from taking on Theresa May in Maidenhead and records a Christmas song; it’s brilliant   The fabulous Lord Buckethead has done it...

Moron of the Moment – Ferne McCann

Ferne McCann shamelessly attempts to flog £12.95 lip plumping primer on Instagram just as the father of her child is jailed for an acid...

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