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MOVERS & SHAKERS

Potty Lottie

Lowbrow lavatory frisker and all-round irrelevance Lottie Moss yet again makes a fool of herself by desperately selling fake news to ‘The...

Meg’s Murky Mess

Matthew Steeples suggests Thomas Markle is right to call out his daughter’s antics for what they are: Ridiculous ‘MeGain’ (AKA The...

Wally of the Week – Ben Fogle

Ben Fogle yet again shows himself to be utterly off his merry rocker in blabbering on about ‘hopepunk’ and comparing himself to...

Dawn Boobs (Again)

Creosoted creature Dawn Ward snapped in fetish gear after encouraging her poor child to have a boob job­­ Dimwitted Dawn Ward...

The List That Many Would Rather Be Missed

‘The Steeple Times’ obtains the Epstein-Maxwell contact book; it makes for very interesting reading That Jeffrey Epstein knew just about everyone...

Pigeon Bernie

Bernie Ecclestone finally finds himself some ‘friends’; Prince Charles talks to plants, Bernie Ecclestone talks to pigeons Most people consider city...

Anth’s August Antics

That three newspapers chose to run a story about ‘f**k, I used to be famous’ Anthea Turner finding a toyboy is proof...

With Friends Like These…

Ghislaine Maxwell’s relationships with sexual deviants were not limited to just Jeffrey Epstein; she was previously linked to former MP Harvey ‘Whacko’...

With Friends Like These…

That Prince Andrew decided to share his birthday with the diminutive skinflint Bernie Ecclestone shows the new low he has reached

Amazing Profanity

John Newton of ‘Amazing Grace’ fame was the world’s most accomplished swearer In a most fascinating letter to The Times yesterday,...

Name & Shame – The Garden Grabber

Fulham window box stealer is made famous on Twitter A pesky woman who made error of taking a window box from...

Borwick Binned

Kensington Conservatives bin ivory loving Lady Borwick in favour of local socialite and Brexiteer ‘Flicka’ Buchan Lady ‘Call Me Victoria’ Borwick...

Moron of the Moment – Ambar Zohra

Pavement pest Ambar Zohra is a young lady who needs a bar of soap in her mouth and her scooter confiscated

Name & Shame – Soly Zadeh

Soly Zadeh, an artist who disgracefully failed to honour his commitments to an animal conservation charity named and shamed Soly Zadeh,...

Don’t You Know Who I Am?

Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later...

Siddiqi Out-Sherlocked

Twitter troll and all-round oddity Tariq Siddiqi loses £5 million case against Sherlock Holmes Limited and others Late last month a...

Basement Journalism

That Spencer Matthews was described on Sky News as a “royal relative” is just yet another example of shoddy journalism We...

Victoria’s Escort

Wannabe politician (again) Lady Borwick shares a snap of herself with a onetime male escort to “mature ladies” Benjamin Duncan

America’s Black Hole

The pardoning of Lord Black by President Trump sums up the morally bankrupt hole that is now America The pardoning of...

Wally of the Week – Sharmadean Reid

‘Beauty entrepreneur’ Sharmadean Reid proves herself to be a bit of a berk; she is another fine example of the “we love...

The Carpetbagging Copycat

The Duchess of Sussex gets mocked on social media after “stealing” James Stunt’s ‘iconic dressing gown look’ to introduce her newly arrived...

Don’t be a mug, vote Toby Jug

That the late Lord Toby Jug’s approach to politics make more sense than we’ve currently got says a lot about where we...

The Overdue Duchess

‘Murky Mucky’ mucks up yet again; is there anything the Duchess of Sussex is capable of getting right? With rumours about...

Tubby Toff and Prattish Posh-Boy Unite

That a ‘Made in Chelsea’ twerp named ‘Toff’ has been spotted with a convicted criminal and ex-aide to Nigel Farage is nothing...

A Virile Bentley

Bentley S1 converted into “the world’s poshest pick-up” to be sold at auction; it was created for a “sperm obsessed” Aussie Earl

Munching Mosley spotted Breaking News

Businessman and harsher press regulation supporter Max Mosley spotted reading ‘Breaking News’ in South Kensington On Monday, Max Mosley was...

The Antics of ‘Anth’

That Anthea Turner continues to behave as if she’s a teenage hottie is quite beyond preposterous   Divorcee Anthea Turner – or ‘F**k I used to...

Tarty Alexa

The Daily Mail’s reporting of Alexa Chung’s latest ‘launch’ was utterly cringeworthy; why is she considered to be newsworthy?   The Daily Mail just cannot help...

The Modern Day Marie Antoinette

Matthew Steeples suggests that is wrong that the Duchess of Sussex is being treated as a victim; she chose her path and it is...

Happily Poor

“Lotto lout” Michael Carroll’s reaction to becoming utterly broke will surprise   Howard Hughes once said: “Money can’t buy happiness” and then someone else later added:...

Manic Meghan

The ‘modern day Mrs Simpson,’ the Duchess of Sussex’s, behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic; she needs to learn to control herself or she will...

Is That The Chinese Takeaway?

A tribute to Clive Swift, better known as Richard Bucket in the classic sitcom ‘Keeping Up Appearances’   Some might say: “They don’t make television like...

Wallies of the Week – Foolish Fogle and Joyless Judy

Ben Fogle and Judy Finnigan are our most worthy Wallies of the Week   Two of the most irritating people to inflict misery on our screens...

Fishwife Ferne

Reality television ‘star’ and ex-girlfriend of acid thrower Ferne McCann caught hurling drinks at National Television Awards   Ferne McCann and chucking things seem to go...

Awarding a Pun

Rat-like party crasher David Pun puts in an appearance at the ‘Mayfair Times’ Awards at Claridge’s   Last night, at Claridge’s, blagger and ligger David Pun...

A Knightsbridge Nuisance

‘The Steeple Times’ highlights Knightsbridge’s worst nuisance neighbour; meet hotel and leisure fund manager Jochen Schaefer-Suren   Jochen Schaefer-Suren clearly is someone with a passion for...

The Collapse of Chelsea Character

Matthew Steeples celebrates the nicknames of Chelsea’s characters but regrets that the area itself is rapidly being stripped of the very character that made...

Moron of the Moment – Prince Harry

With his marriage to the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle, Prince Harry has morphed into an utter bore   Prince Harry used to be a...

The People of 2018

The Steeple Times selects the best and worst people of the year past and the ones that’ll be missed   Today, as we wish our readers...

Brash Beatrice

Has ‘Tatler’ magazine lost the plot? They’ve named Princess Beatrice one of their “best dressed of the year”   Princess Beatrice is well-known for her fashion...

The Flaws of Ferne

Ferne McCann yet again shows herself to be nothing but a vile opportunist; she should be taken off our screens   Ferne McCann undoubtedly proved herself...

(Not So) Mad Friday

‘Mad Friday’ thankfully calmer than ever in Chelsea reports Matthew Steeples   Last year, as I walked across the Royal Borough in the evening of the...

Yuletide Stunt

James Stunt shares his views on his ex-wife and her family, Lord Rothermere and others who’ve caused him ill – be prepared to be...

Wally of the Week – Tom Harwood

Petulant child Tom Harwood makes a nuisance of himself on ‘Politics Live’ after previously claiming he can singlehandedly defeat ISIS and making comparison of...

Wally of the Week – Charlie Casely-Hayford

Charlie Casely-Hayford (“who?” may you ask) has to be the prat of the century   Old Harrovian and “most influential black in the UK” (according to...

Tweet of the Week – Lewis Goodall

Sky News’ Lewis Goodall provides not one but two of the best tweets of the week   Sky News political correspondent Lewis Goodall – famous for...

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