Matthew Steeples suggests Prince Harry’s revolting revelations about his “todger” to be inappropriate given he moved to the US to become a more “private” person
It has become clearer and clearer in recent days that Prince Harry doesn’t understand the concept of “public” and “private.” Whilst this renegade royal moved to America in 2016 as he and his wicked wastrel wife supposedly didn’t want to be “public” anymore, their inability to remain “private” in the time since is proof that here are a mendacious pair of meddlers with no concept that with “rights” come “responsibilities.”
Turning to another “private member” mentioned in his memoirs Spare – of which every single member of the public I’ve spoken with since their release has responded with words to the effect of: “Please SPARE us anymore from that drip” – this morning, the Daily Mail’s Richard Eden shared a retweet that included a clip of the Duke of Sussex reading aloud from his tittle-tattling tome.
In his tweet – captioned “Have a listen to this clip, if you dare… #PrinceHarry #Spare #royal” – Eden tellingly selected a tweet by a former Penguin Random House book editor named Dominic Wakeford.
In that tweet, Wakeford – whose former employers, of course, are the publishers of Spare – wrote: “This book is a Freudian nightmare.” The tweet has, to date, been shared some 5,000 times and liked by over 56,000 accounts and in it, a 0:33-second clip read by King Charles III’s second son is included.
Prince Harry shockingly shares:
“My penis was oscillating between extremely sensitive and borderline traumatised. The last place I wanted to be was Frostnipistan.”
“I’d been trying some home remedies including one recommended by a friend. She’d urged me to apply Elizabeth Arden cream. ‘My mum used that on her lips. You want me to put that on my todger?’ ‘It works Harry, trust me.’”
“I found the tube and the minute I opened it, the smell transported me through time. It felt as if though my mother was right there in the room and I took a smidge and applied it down there.”
Responding, one member of the Twitterati observed: “He’s thinking of his mother as he applies the cream to his nether regions. My God, he really is a tuppence short of a shilling and what bright spark thought this was worthy of inclusion? I’m certain Harry expected the sympathy vote, but he comes across as stark raving mad!”
Another added of the former Meghan Markle’s puppet’s product placement attempt: “For years, Elizabeth Arden has been my trusty companion. I can never feel the same about it EVER again. I mean, I knew it was a cure, but…”
Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party.
Pictured Top – The world has reacted to the Duke of Sussex’s first ‘book’ by mocking him mercilessly. Aside from mocking him up as a “colossal tit,” this randy royal’s raging romps have been shot down by booksellers also. In Swindon, a “cheeky” retailer named Bert’s Books displayed ‘Spare’ next to a copy of Bella Mackie’s ‘How To Kill Your Family” in what Sky News termed a “light-hearted nod to his allegations against the royal family.”