Matthew Steeples salutes Jeremy Clarkson for expressing honest thoughts about the deviant Duchess of Sussex (and especially for causing the soppy snowflake that is ‘MeGain’s mouthpiece Omid Scobie to have a moronic meltdown as a result)
They say a “grifter’s gotta’ grift” and now that Omid Scobie’s been given another book deal courtesy of his ever-awful antics on behalf of his puppet mistress, the Duchess of Sussex, this PR peddling pillock had to yet again get his noxious knickers in a twist.
This time, Jeremy Clarkson – a man who may have finally found a subject of common ground with his love-hate rival Piers Morgan – wrote in The Sun of how much he loathes the meddling menace formerly known as Meghan Markle.
In his weekly column, Clarkson raged:
We all know in our heart of hearts that Harold Markle is a slightly dim but fun-loving chin who flew Apache helicopter gunships in Afghanistan and cavorted around Las Vegas hotel rooms with naked hookers.
But then along came Meghan, who obviously used some vivid bedroom promises to turn him into a warrior of woke.
And now it seems that she has her arm so far up his bottom, she can use her fingers to alter his facial expressions.
I actually feel rather sorry for him because today he’s just a glove puppet with no more control over what he says or does than Basil Brush.
Meghan, though, is a different story. I hate her.
Not like I hate Nicola Sturgeon or Rose West. I hate her on a cellular level.
At night, I’m unable to sleep as I lie there, grinding my teeth and dreaming of the day when she is made to parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant, “Shame!” and throw lumps of excrement at her.
Everyone who’s my age thinks the same way.
But what makes me despair is that younger people, especially girls, think she’s pretty cool.
They think she was a prisoner of Buckingham Palace, forced to talk about nothing but embroidery and kittens.
That makes me even angrier. Can’t they see everything that’s happening is so very obviously pre-planned.
Leave the UK. Blame the royals. Do an interview with Oprah.
Get Basil Brush to write a book. Do a Netflix series — which should have been called A Woman, Talking Bollocks.
I can see it clearly. The studied pauses. The mock incredulity.
And the B-movie, soap-actress, quivery-voiced, more-in-sorrow-than-anger stories that are so obviously claptrap.
Do you really think she would have entertained a move to New Zealand? That’s 13 hours away from everything.
Responding on Twitter to a feature most definitely designed to stir-up the woke wazzocks of this world, the clearly very much unamused Finding Freedom ‘author’ and fake news muckspreader Scobie – whose next tittle-tattling tome, Endgame, will be speedily headed to the bargain basement bucket after publication on the 1st August 2023 – continued his ongoing attacks on the Queen Consort. Without using a question mark, the possibly 41-year-old (possibly older) ‘writer’ enquired:
“Would that be the same Jeremy Clarkson was at a private Christmas party with Camilla, the Queen Consort earlier this week (alongside guests including a Mail editor and Piers Morgan).”
Following up later, in a further muddled missive, the onetime clubbing chum of the lump of junk that is Jodie Marsh painfully prattled:
“Timewasters trying to pop up in my mentions saying Clarkson and the Queen Consort are not friends. The man literally spoke about their close friendship on ITV’s cooperative Camilla’s County Life documentary four months ago. Bye.”
Paraphrasing something Jeremy Clarkson once said of Piers Morgan back in December 2012, today we conclude: “Americans. It took us 35 years to get rid of Prince Harry. Please don’t send him or his wicked wife back and whilst you’re at it take in the rabid ratbag Omid Scobie along with the man who paid £12 million to a woman he’d supposedly never met, Prince Andrew. You can have his feckless wife, Fergie, as a ‘Brucie bonus’ given it’s Christmas. Thank you ever so much, thank you kindly.”
Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party. Follow Matthew Steeples on Twitter at @M_Steeples.
Pictured Top – Jeremy Clarkson brews beer and fools about on farms; he enjoys life and doesn’t take things too seriously. Omid Scobie, meanwhile, is simply an eternal misery and an arselicker of a mendacious meddler loathed by millions.