Saturday, July 13, 2024

Pointless Madeley

Richard Madeley admits his career to have been “pretty pointless” yet claims being compared to Alan Partridge is “unfair”

Just as alleged mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell is about to go on trial, one of her apologists, alleged champagne shoplifter Richard Madeley is thankfully being temporarily taken off air from Good Morning Britain.


Thus set to be removed from having the ability to stick his cloven hooves in the proverbial over the trial of ‘Bouncing Bob’s’ deviant daughter as he’ll be isolated in the hellish confines of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!, Madeley yesterday gave an “exclusive” interview to the MailOnline’s Ellie Phillips yesterday in which he finally admitted the truth about himself.


Declaring his career in “entertainment television” to have been “pretty pointless,” the 65-year-old also addressed being compared to Alan Partridge. He “insisted”:


“It is unfair… I honestly don’t care at all – it’s actually quite funny. It’s part and parcel of the job I do.”


“Judy and I started out on This Morning which isn’t really hard news. I don’t go to warzones, I do popular television, which on the whole is pretty pointless, it’s just entertainment. It doesn’t mean you’re remotely important or interesting.”


‘If people wanna take what I say – a quip or a comment – and compare me to Alan Partridge, good luck to them. I think some quotes are often taken so ludicracy out of context that it’s a bit unfair.”


Elsewhere, in a separate feature also in the MailOnline, the ‘Modern Day Dorian Gray’s’ clearly equally raunchy son-in-law, retired rugby player James Haskell, 36, tawdrily revealed he “approaches sex like a competitive sport” and claimed “you want to be sex, don’t you?”


Going further, quite unnecessarily, Ruck Me author Haskell shared:


“I’m having a good go at trying to be better. There’s a lot of people out there having a lot of bad sex. I want to improve on it.”


“If you’re lucky enough to see some progress in your performance and get some good reviews, why would you not carry on improving?”


Whatever will this tawdry, pointless pair be talking about next? Smashed-off-her-skull well-known boob flasher Judy’s bedroom antics?



Judy Finnigan - Richard Madeley - boozing
‘Moneybags Madeley – a clearly pointless man who has netted £300,000 a year to present ‘Good Morning Britain’ from December as well as £200,000 to appear in ‘I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!’ – and Finnigan are often pictured out boozing. Often, ‘Mummy Finnigan,’ as looks a little beyond pissed.
James Haskell sex
“Pretty Pointless” Madeley’s “beefcake” son-in-law James Haskell revealed he approaches sex with his wife “like a competitive sport,” but “isn’t sure he’s very good at it” to the ‘MailOnline’ yesterday.

‘Pointless Madeley’s’ Finest Moments

On his son’s wedding

“There’s been so much angst about it… It’s been so choppy, but, yes, he got married and now we’ve got a daughter-in-law.”


Of his daughter, Chloe Madeley

“Sorry Chloe, but you were an accident and you know it!”


Of his son-in-law, rugby player James Haskell

“James is huge… Chloe brought him home quite early on… The downstairs hall went dark like a total eclipse.”


Of his wife, Judy Finnigan

“She’s my right arm.”


Of his wife being accused of being an alcoholic and him being accused of being a wife beater

“We’d gone away for a week to Cornwall with our children, and the mobile went in the car.”


“It was our bosses at Granada saying a terrible rumour was being put around that you’re in a self-help institution for men who batter their wives because you’ve beaten Judy, that Judy’s in a drying-out clinic and that the children are in care. We were in the f**king car.”


“We tracked it to the source… A particularly poisonous person. He’d leaked these smears and they were never published because we would have cleaned up in a libel case. But the one thing that lingered like a piece of floating sewage is this thing that Judy drinks. And she doesn’t.”


In conversation with President Clinton

“I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent.”


Of women

“I’ve never met a single woman who’s happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I’ve never met her.”


Of his personal abilities (aside from being “pretty pointless”)

“In real life, I bring, I’m quite a peace maker – certainly within the family and friends. When things get tense I’m good at calming things down.”


“That’s one of the things that I’ve got. I’m good at lowering the temperature when things get heated. I don’t think I’m gonna get confrontations in there.”


Of what other people think of him (aside from them considering him “pretty pointless”)

“I don’t worry about what people think.”


Of alleged mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell

“The sharks are circling; they smell blood in the water… Cynics would say the [FBI] agency is playing a long game, seeking to sway the minds of jurors in advance of Maxwell’s trial next year… Innocent until proven guilty? That honourable credo is in shreds.”


“Firstly, consider the conditions under which Ms Maxwell is being held. They are truly grim… It would take a heart of stone not to feel empathy for another human being suffering what amounts to mental torture. To coin a phrase: you wouldn’t treat a dog like that.”


“But it’s not sadism, or premature punishment ahead of a verdict. No; there’s calculated purpose behind this pitiless regime. But, here’s another prediction… it will. They’re trying to break her.”


Of his television career

“Pointless… Not remotely important.”


“Judy and I started out on This Morning which isn’t really hard news. I don’t go to warzones, I do popular television, which on the whole is pretty pointless, it’s just entertainment. It doesn’t mean you’re remotely important or interesting.”


Of being compared to Alan Partridge

“It’s unfair… I honestly don’t care at all. It’s actually quite funny. It’s part and parcel of the job I do.”


“If people wanna take what I say – a quip or a comment – and compare me to Alan Partridge, good luck to them. I think some quotes are often taken so ludicracy out of context that it’s a bit unfair.”


Of being accused of making gaffes

“If the gaffe thing was as frequent and as serious as is sometimes written about, I wouldn’t have a job. I would’ve been out of work a long time ago.”


“I’m not going to get into a defensive crouch about it, but sometimes I read these things that I’m supposed to have said in the past, and I just didn’t say them. There’s nothing you can do about them.”


“It’s a bit like seagulls following a trawler, you just have to live with them.”


“So, I actually don’t think that I make gaffes nearly as often as people tease me about, which is fine. I don’t mind. So, no, I’m not too bothered. I’ve done thousands and thousands of hours of live television and I’ve never been sued for libel.”


Of his decision to go on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!

“Judy didn’t do back handsprings up the stairs.”


“It’s a big dipper… It’s a bit like going to a great big party with silly forfeit games, and that’s how I’m regarding it.”


On elephants

“So, are you telling me elephants are not born evil?”


To a man crying after paramedics saved his life

“Stop crying! This is supposed to make you happy! Anyway, after the break, the biggest dog in the UK. And he really is big. Don’t miss it!”


Showing sympathy for people who died in quicksand in Morecambe Bay

“Yes, what an awful way to die.”


In Nostradamus-like fashion on coronavirus and lockdowns

“We are being duped… [They are trying to] put the fear of God into the public. A great reckoning is coming.”


“There’s no point in running away and hiding from the virus.”


“We must learn to live with coronavirus.”


“If I had a bell, I would ring it… Only 59 people who have been double vaccinated and without any other serious underlying health problems, died from COVID, out of 50,000 deaths in England, this year.”


“I have to say that the majority of people are surprisingly forgiving [to government representative Steve Barclay], and are actually saying that they understand that the reason for some of the mistakes wasn’t malpractice but scientific ignorance – we didn’t know enough… But on the whole, you seem to be getting away with it – as far as our viewers are concerned.”


Of visiting St Paul’s Cathedral aged eight

“I just froze and had to be carried out.”


Of old women skipping

“There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping.”


Of wanting to be black

“I hope when I’m reincarnated I come back black because you age better.”


To Keira Knightley

“Can we get some make up please, get Keira looking like a crack whore, she’d make a good crack whore.”


Of an autistic teenager

“The thing with Daniel [Wakeford, a ‘star’ on Channel 4’s ‘Undateables] is, he has autism but is very intelligent and as we can see extremely talented. Has Daniel always been autistic?”


To a caller

“I understand you have a little lad of 12. Is it a boy or a girl?”


Richard Madeley Ched Evans Judy Finnigan
Judy Finnigan’s decision to defend footballer Ched Evans – jailed for 5 years in 2012 for allegedly raping a 19-year-old – on ‘Loose Women’ in October 2014 shocked the nation. Responding at the time, Katie Russell, of Rape Crisis England and Wales remarked: “Judy Finnegan’s comments are really unfortunate and could potentially cause some hurt and distress to the many survivors of sexual violence who will inevitably have been watching ‘Loose Women’ and who will read and hear her views reported.”
Whilst ‘Dorian Gray-esque’ Richard Madeley is best known for helping himself to champagne in supermarkets, his wife Judy Finnigan will be forever remembered for flashing at an awards ceremony in 2000.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


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