The blithering buffoon that is Boris Johnson and the randy rotter that is Prince Andrew should do the decent thing… Disappear from public view forever and get a room together with their weird wack job wives
Boris Johnson can’t help telling porkie pies and nor can the Duke of York. Equally, the pugnacious pair of them have a problem with keeping their members in their pants and with each of them in frankly boiling hot water right now, it is time for them to both simply go.
Whilst Johnson clearly told falsehoods about going to a bring-your-own-bottle (BYOB) gathering that was clearly a “party” and not a “work event,” as he cretinously claimed in the House of Commons on Wednesday, Prince Andrew’s problems before a New York judge increased significantly also yesterday. This occurred simply because of the same traits shared by these two twerps – sheer arrogance and a complete lack of moral compasses.
Neither ‘Randy Andy’ nor ‘Buffoon Boris’ needed to end up where they have, but neither mouse-not-men have the nous to see when common sense needs to prevail and equally both are guided by rotten, ridiculous women.
In ‘Farting Fergie’ – a woman described in The Sunday Telegraph last weekend by an ‘insider’ as a spendaholic for whom “it doesn’t matter how much money she has, it just seems to slip through her fingers” – the queen’s supposed “favourite son” has a noose round his neck.
Condemned elsewhere by the usually anything but spot on the mark acerbic pen of Amanda Plattell in the Daily Mail on Saturday as a “cling-on… life sentence” just for her presence, whilst the toesucking lover that is the former Sarah Ferguson is a well-meaning yet totally incapable simpleton, Johnson’s appendage is actually a far more dangerous deviant.
It is now time for these four freaks to take the only option left to them… Disappear from public view forever and get a room. They say “birds of a feather flock together” and in Andy, Boris, Carrie and Fergie, there’s most definitely one of those.
Boris Johnson and Prince Andrew (pictured together along with Prince Harry, Prince Michael of Kent, Carrie Symonds and the Duchess of Sussex) are birds of a feather. They both like younger women and they both behave like buffoons.Yesterday, television presenter and ‘Queen of Gorbals Gobbledygook’ Lorraine Kelly OBE amusingly tweeted: “Well Boris Johnson will be most grateful to Prince Andrew for taking the heat off.” In due course, their roles will certainly reverse.Last April, in spite of likely facing having to pay a settlement of what could amount to as much as £10 million to Virginia Giuffre (née Roberts), the Duke of York treated himself to a new motor, a £220,000 Bentley. How does someone with no tangible or credible source income afford such and how did he has live-in ex-wife afford to buy an £18 million ski chalet also?Equally and displaying the same traits, one has to ask if it is right that Boris and Carrie Johnson were able indulge in £27,000 of takeaways from Daylesford Organic and wallpaper at £840 a roll as part of their £200,000 makeover of their grace and favour flat in Downing Street. Ordinary people are rightly outraged at their Marie Antoinette-like antics of another couple clearly living beyond their means.For once in her sorry existence, Amanada Platell got it right in suggesting Prince Andrew is already living a “life sentence” in being stuck with his dimwitted dope of an ex-wife last Saturday in her ‘Daily Mail’ column: “Some legal experts say the very least Prince Andrew can expect is social exile, being stripped of his royal title and forced to sever all his military connections. Surely still living with his cling-on ex-wife Fergie is a life sentence for any man?”Prince Andrew has been reduced to having the likes of anti-democracy supporting Bernie Ecclestone – a man who once said he’d take a bullet for President Putin and lauded Adolf Hitler for “get[ting] things done” – round for dinner at his crib (presumably Sloppy Giuseppe’s from Pizza Express, Woking were served). That he keeps such company speaks volumes as to his clear decline in popularity in more dignified social circles in the wake of the death of his one-time ‘bestie,’ croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.Carrie Johnson describes Henry Newman as “one of my four favourite people” whilst her hubby Boris labelled him “one of my three musketeers.” That this couple rely on people suspected as a leaker is one thing, but that this former PR peddler also worked for Oceana, a charity with clear links to the incarcerated mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell is quite something else.
Simpleton Sarah, Duchess of York “pauses” her unsurprisingly unpopular ‘Fergie & Friends’ YouTube channel as her increasingly friendless husband continues to face sexual assault allegations in New York
Sarah, Duchess of York – a wack job woman who has never confirmed whether she actually ever repaid the loan she took from the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – predictably made a prat of herself when she returned from the £18 million ($24.5 million, €21.6 million or درهم90.1 million) ski chalet she currently co-owns.
Asked at Heathrow Airport about the ongoing legal case against her non-sweating, Pizza Express loving (with no witnesses of any kind, naturally) ex-husband (with whom she continues to live rent free), ‘The Duchess of Dim’ simply responded: “Onwards and upwards.” She did so, it seemed, without a care in the world about the embarrassment she and her increasingly friendless rotten sidekick have caused the royal family in general and the Queen in particular and she did so in her typically childlike fashion.
Now – perhaps on the advice of the likes of PR prattlers such as the disgraced ex-head honcho of Bell Pottinger James Henderson – the lover of a bit of toesucking mother of Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie has decided to “pause” her daily updates of content to her YouTube channel, Fergie & Friends.
Aired to just 42,500 subscribers – a surprisingly miniscule number given her alleged “regal stature” – 543 videos have been uploaded to Fergie & Friends since its inception in July 2016. On it, this wayward wastrel has bizarrely banged on about banal subjects that have included bathtub teddies, farting, grizzly itches, monsters and pig’s up noses and she’s backed this up with ridiculous remarks to media commentators on other occasions such as: “I found consolation in sausages.”
Elsewhere, in The Sunday Telegraph three days ago, ‘Randy Andy’s’ guffawing chum Camilla Tominey surprisingly turned on the couple. In an article titled: “Inside the financially perplexing world of Prince Andrew,” the associate editor declared: “Some might say they are on a slippery slope” and added: “The couple, who still live together at Royal Lodge, Windsor, despite divorcing in 1996, have continued to behave like frontline royals, even though those days are long behind them… Just how are Andrew and ‘Fergie’ still affording their jet-set lifestyle?”
Sarah, Duchess of York not only likes a pork sausage, she seems incapable of accepting that the clear porkies being told by her increasingly friendless ex-husband are bringing utter shame on the royal family.Whilst her the increasingly lonely, friendless ex-husband she bizarrely still lives with can count only the likes of the skinflint coffin dodger Bernie Ecclestone amongst the mates who he could invite round for a Sloppy Giuseppe pizza fest, Sarah, Duchess of York made friends when she appeared in ‘Friends’ in a cameo of 1998. Of this ‘InStyle’ remarked: “Fergie was so nervous ahead of her scene that Matt LeBlanc ran lines with her and Matthew Perry (who wasn’t in the scene) stood by for support while they filmed.”“With friends like these, who’d need enemies?” should most definitely be asked of the increasingly friendless duo the Duke of York and Sarah, Duchess of York. Pictured here variously with convicted paedophile trio Stuart Hall, Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein.When your friends and close associates number convicted and incarcerated mucky madam sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell, Chanel shoe loving ex-charity tin banger turned pontificating peer Catherine Meyer and disgraced PR prattler James Henderson, you surely must know you are bang in trouble. Clearly, nobody’s passed such a message to Sarah, Duchess of York.On Thursday 20th August 1992, the ‘Daily Mirror’ shared what they called “the pictures they didn’t want you to see.” In them, a topless Duchess of York was shown having her toes sucked in the South of France by a Texan millionaire named John Bryan. Of the incident, the ‘Mirror’ later reported: “Royal writer Richard Kay claimed in the ‘Daily Mail’ that he received a message via pager from Princess Diana the night before the photos hit the newspaper stands. Diana’s message was simple: ‘The redhead’s in trouble.’”
Sarah, Duchess of York’s most ridiculous remarks
“One of the worst headlines said 82% [of the population] would rather sleep with a goat than Fergie. It’s never left me.”
“They tried to put the little redhead in a cage.”
“I have been in the gutter.”
“As long as it is hot, wet and goes down the right way, it’s fine with me.”
“With every smell, I smell food. With every sight, I see food. I can almost hear food. I want to spade the whole lot through my mouth at Mach 2. Basta!”
“We all sit round the table and eat together. Andrew and I believe in total parent unity. We’re best friends.”
“I would quite like to go on Dancing With The Stars. I would like somebody to teach me to tango. I do know the show and my children would be so proud of me.”
“I met [Prince Andrew] when I was 12, and I said: ‘I’m going to marry him.’”
“I left my marriage knowing I’d have to work. I have.”
“I didn’t want a divorce, but had to because of circumstance.”
“I wish we’d never got divorced. He and I both wish we’d never divorced, but we did. I wish I could go back and be the bride again, but I can’t.”
“I felt that I ostracised myself by my behaviour, by the past, by living with all the regrets of my mistakes, that I sort of wore a hair shirt and beat myself up most of the day thinking and regretting why did I make such a mistake. Why have I made so many mistakes?”
“You look at the devil in the face, which you do. Then you forgive, and you say: ‘OK, I’ve made almost a mistake that will never be forgotten,’ and forgive.”
“I was so out of control with desperation… I was looking for quick fixes in the places I wouldn’t normally look… I’ve been a huge overtrusting, idiotic, stupid woman that went to look for the perfect situation, and that’s all I can say really.”
Sarah Ferguson has a habit of making an utter berk of herself when she puts herself in front of any camera; she has the capability to make a fool of herself in utterly any situation, in fact.
Prince Andrew’s most ridiculous remarks
“I could have worse tags than ‘Airmiles Andy’ – although I don’t know what they are.”
“People say to me: ‘Would you like to swap your life with me for 24 hours? Your life must be very strange.’ But, of course, I have not experienced any other life. It’s not strange to me.”
“There’s a slight problem with the sweating because I have a peculiar medical condition which is that I don’t sweat or I didn’t sweat at the time and that was… was it… yes, I didn’t sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenalin in the Falkland’s War when I was shot at and I simply… it was almost impossible for me to sweat. And it’s only because I have done a number of things in the recent past that I am starting to be able to do that again. So, I’m afraid to say that there’s a medical condition that says that I didn’t do it so therefore…”
“We can’t be certain as to whether or not that’s my hand on her whatever it is, left… left side … [of the photograph with Virginia Roberts] Nobody can prove whether or not that photograph has been doctored but I don’t recollect that photograph ever being taken.”
“I went [to Jeffrey Epstein’s house] with the sole purpose of saying to him that because he had been convicted, it was inappropriate for us to be seen together. And I had a number of people counsel me in both directions, either to go and see him or not to go and see him and I took the judgement call that because this was serious and I felt that doing it over the telephone was the chicken’s way of doing it. I had to go and see him and talk to him.”
“[Jeffrey Epstein’s house] was a convenient place to stay. I mean I’ve gone through this in my mind so many times. At the end of the day, with a benefit of all the hindsight that one can have, it was definitely the wrong thing to do. But at the time I felt it was the honourable and right thing to do and I admit fully that my judgment was probably coloured by my tendency to be too honourable but that’s just the way it is.”
“I’ve always been told I was extremely well behaved as a kid.”
“If you’re a man it is a positive act to have sex with somebody. You have to … take some sort of positive action and so therefore if you try to forget it’s very difficult to try and forget a positive action and I do not remember anything.”
“It’s slightly complicated for people to grasp the idea of a head of state in human form.”
And finally, stating the bloody obvious: “Today is reality. Yesterday is history.”
In spite of her victory over ‘The Mail on Sunday’ all the Duchess of Sussex will be able to do with her winnings is afford a trip to Poundland; £1 ‘MeGain’ better now also watch out for metaphorical banana skins
This morning, The Guardian’s redoubtable media editor Jim Waterson ran a story titled: “Meghan to receive just £1 from Mail on Sunday for privacy invasion.”
In the article, Waterson revealed that the “newspaper [and its sister website MailOnline] accepts defeat” and “will pay the Duchess of Sussex just £1 in damages for invading her privacy by publishing a private letter she had sent to her father.”
Analysing this Pyrrhic victory for what it truly is – most especially given the catastrophic reputational damage the former Meghan Markle has done not only to her birth family, the family she has married into and to the institution that is the royal family – en-route to her “success,” media lawyer Mark Stephens told Waterson of the “weakness” in her case. He remarked: “It does show that the curation of her reputation was an area where she had effectively invaded her own privacy.”
Whilst The Mail on Sunday will also have to cover a “substantial part” of the Duchess of Sussex’s costs and pay also a “confidential sum in damages for copyright infringement,” the £1 given to ‘Mendacious MeGain’ – a woman forced to apologise to the Appeal Court for “making misleading statements” during the case – will pay for only one thing; a little something at Poundland.
Equally, whilst the Duchess of Sussex might view this to be a victory over Britain’s biggest newspaper and a victory in her meddling mind for what she sees as “right over wrong,” she has actually made a catastrophic error. Forevermore, the press will be after her and they’ll never cease in their desire for revenge. The dominant half of ‘Ginge and Cringe’ needs now watch out for the metaphorical banana skins she’ll find constantly in front of her; they’ll be ready and waiting for her to slip on.
In February 2019, “wannabe Mother Teresa” Duchess of Sussex – a woman whose drip of a husband once remarked: “What Meghan wants, MEGHAN GETS!” – wrote patronising messages on bananas that were to be given to prostitutes. Responding, Piers Morgan cried out: “Meaningless, scorn-inducing guff” and now those banana skins may come back to metaphorically bit this clear fruit loop in the bum after she decided to up her antics in her war against the media machine.
Of her claiming having got married the day before she actually did, Mr Markle stated: “Lying about the archbishop? How can you say: ‘We’ve been married three days before we got married’? Her lies are so obvious, I don’t know why she says them.”
Her very own half-sister, Samantha, has called her out as a liar on multiple occasions also. It has been proven that the duchess’s claim that she hasn’t seen her sibling in over 20 years was proven untrue when a photo of the pair 13 years ago emerged.
Her very own half-brother, Thomas Jr., said of her: “I told Prince Harry, I think she’s going to ruin your life. She’s very shallow… She’s a phony, a bully, a jaded, shallow, conceited woman.”
The former Meghan Markle has been called out on multiple occasions for spinning stories against other members of the royal family, most especially the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
Staff who’ve worked for her have complained that she is a bully and investigations into this remain ongoing.
The Duchess of Sussex is a known manipulator of the press and paparazzis and it has been claimed that she’ll “twist the truth” to get any headline she wants.
Questions remain as to how many times she’s actually been married in total. Some say twice, some say thrice.
In April 2020, self-declared “celebrity branding expert” and author of ‘The Kim Kardashian Principle: Why Shameless Sells (and How to Do It Right)’ Jeetendr Sehdev remarked: “The Meghan and Harry brand has always been very disruptive. They’re going to show us all a different way in which royal family members can live. The closest comparison to Meghan and Harry will be the Obamas and what they’re actually doing, I mean they’ve created an entertainment entity where they’re producing documentaries and I think that will be a similar route that Meghan and Harry can certainly take.” Mr Sehdev clearly has neglected to consider the negative effect the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s war with the media will have in helping them reach such a position; he could be onto something with his title “shameless” however.In July 2021 – following on from his appearance on the ITV documentary ‘Harry & William: What Went Wrong?’ – so-called “royal finance expert” David McClure tweeted: “Harry and Meghan will have to generate a lot of money as their overheads run to an estimated £4 – 5 [million per annum] when you include security, lawyers, managers and PRs.” Frankly, the money generated from ‘MeGain’s’ Pyrrhic £1 victory and the bonus from the damages won’t go far in helping with that.Where’s PR peddler and author of ‘Finding Freedom’ Omid Scobie when you actually bloody need him? In recent weeks, seriously sycophantic Scobie’s media appearances spouting deranged drivel about the situation between ‘Ginge and Cringe’ and their relatives have done his so-called ‘bestie’ nothing but harm.
Matthew Steeples explains what’s next for convicted mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell as she faces a second trial and sentencing
All’s looking far from rosy in ‘Maxwell House’ and though the siblings of the now convicted criminal sex offender Ghislaine Maxwell have been using their @RealGhislaine Twitter account to bleat about how her conviction shows “the deep flaws in the US justice system,” they’ve unsurprisingly garnered little sympathy.
On Monday 3rd January, the @RealGhislaine account announced: “While the jury verdicts have been acclaimed by victims’ groups & commentators as a welcome development in the hunting down of sexual assault perpetrators, this case shows the deep flaws in the US justice system.” If the verdict had gone the other way, you can bet that the account would have been saluting the US justice system instead.69 Stanhope Mews East was the London home of Ghislaine Maxwell between 1989 and 1997. It was also, the Met Police clearly believed at one point, the location of an alleged brothel given the efforts they placed into surveilling it in 1994. The questions now are thus: Why was this investigation stopped and did anyone powerful intervene to force this investigation to be stopped?After her conviction on Thursday last, editor-in-chief of ‘The Steeple Times’ Matthew Steeples shared his thoughts on the case on Twitter. His missive went viral and has been retweeted over 880 times, quote 39 times and liked nearly 3,500 times. In it, he called for the Metropolitan Police to reopen their 1994 investigation into what went on at an alleged brothel at Ghislaine Maxwell’s then home – 69 Stanhope Mews East Mews, South Kensington, London, SW7 5QT. Again today, we call upon Dame Cressida Dick to finally do the decent thing and revisit this matter – even if she did go to the same school and the same college at the same university with ‘Cap’n Bob’s’ decidedly deviant daughter.
Indicative of a collection of cretins with exactly the same kind of arrogance as their late pension pot plundering papa, the Maxwell family decision to go down the route of attacking what they call “deep flaws” rather than accepting the verdict that proves their sister to be a monster just like daddy is perhaps to be expected. It, however, also is deeply flawed and it will not help them as they work towards whatever comes next.
Elsewhere, this morning, I was asked by my rising star actor and friend Haaz Sleiman – best known to date for his roles in The Visitor, NCIS, CSI: Miami, ER, Jack Ryan and Killing Jesus – about whether Ghislaine Maxwell will name other names in this case.
Answering the many other questions I’ve received in this regard also, in short my reply should assist all those with answers on the topic of “what’s next” in this case. It read:
“I doubt she will name anyone yet. She will go through the process of being analysed pre-sentencing – that will take a number of weeks. She is planning an appeal – that will take months. And then there is her second trial (lying under oath) – date to be set.”
“So, for now, given her arrogance and given that her lawyers want this to run and run given they have already made £7 million from her (she is to them a great cash cow), don’t expect that quite yet. It may come, but remember that her father once said: ‘I have a beautiful daughter and she’s just like me.’ I would replace ‘beautiful’ with ‘deviant.’”
I should have also added: “And that’s before we even get to the issue of ‘Randy’ Prince Andrew and what went on on that fateful night of Sloppy Giuseppes at Pizza Express (Woking Branch).”
On Monday 3rd January, ‘Agent A’ shared footage from Ghislaine Maxwell’s webcam. In it, the deviant daughter of ‘Bouncing Bob’ giggled and in ‘Carry On Style’ bizarrely joked: “Hello, hello, Are you playing? … Did you have life jackets on? Was safety part of this?” The person she was speaking to responded: “I’m not going to answer that question. My lawyer has advised me to answer such questions. My wife, in fact, for that matter.” The now convicted sex offender clearly never anticipated the irony of how such words now bite her in her rotten arse.
‘The Steeple Times’ chooses our Heroes & Villains 2021; the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t
Happy New Year to all our readers. Our ‘Heroes & Villains’ list was well received in 2020 and as we move into 2021, we yet again to echo our sentiments from last year and join all celebrating ‘good riddance’ to the monstrous mess that so sadly continued from 2020 into 2021.
May we now all hope that this period of uncertainty is coming towards it end and may we salute the heroic frontline workers who’ve continued to work towards getting a solution to this.
Our Heroes & Villains 2021 list follows, but first we make a special award:
For such amazing dedication and tenacity in his quest to help others, this 24-year-old truly deserves to be commended as not just a hero of the year, but as one of the most remarkable men of the decade. We salute Marcus Rashford and join those lauding him for showing compassion, kindness and decency.
Long may this decent gent continue – but may we also hope that one day soon, a country like Britain stops actually needing to rely on the efforts of such people. It is time in 2022 for our Prime Minister to work towards provide a solution to this crisis, rather than, as it did in 2021, to allow itself to get mixed up in scandals such as ‘Wallpapergate’ and the disgraceful protection of its very own self-serving members like ‘MP for the BVI’ Geoffrey Cox QC and the now money grabbing rather than constituent focused ex-MP Owen Paterson.
HEROES OF 2021
We’ve seen some great people do some wonderful things during 2022 and in the face adversity and strife, it is yet again healthcare heroes who are the ones most deserving of our ultimate respect as they continue to fight to rid us all of coronavirus.
Elsewhere, others have put on extreme shows of courage, broken down barriers and supported those working to expose injustice. We celebrate them all, but our first selection for our Heroes & Villains 2021 list had to be:
WINNER – Richard Ratcliffe
Iranian-British dual citizen Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe has been imprisoned for no good reason in Iran for 19 months. Her husband, Richard Ratcliffe, meanwhile, has never given up hope and his 21-day hunger strike in Westminster in 2021 was illustration of his dedication and courage.
Though the British government has done little to nothing to help him and that the Foreign Secretary has yet to reach a solution is beyond disgraceful, Ratcliffe remains hopeful and in December remarked: “It feels like things are moving and movement is good. My greatest fear is inertia. I always feel it’s shameful, how could it happen, but it did.”
Rose Ayling-Ellis
Aged just 27 and born deaf, Rose Ayling-Ellis has played Frankie Lewis in the BBC One soap EastEnders since 2020. In 2021, she became the first deaf contestant on the channel’s Strictly Come Dancing and went on to win the show’s nineteenth series.
Her victory brought joy to the nation and of her success, award winning deaf and disabled journalist Liam O’Dell remarked: “It goes to show how, with the right support, deaf people can achieve anything… It’s important now that the buzz, passion and momentum generated by Rose’s journey does not dissipate – let’s continue uplifting deaf people!”
Alfie Best
In spite of being of humble origins and leaving school aged just 12, “old school, blood and blisters businessman” Alfie Best has risen to the top and deservedly recently won the ‘Entrepreneur of the Year Award’ at the Signature Awards at the Park Lane Hilton, London.
Described as “the world’s first gypsy billionaire” by the Mirror in August 2021, Wlydecrest Parks chairman and founder Best remarked: “I’m a Romany gypsy. I’m a gypsy through and through and sometimes I pinch myself.”
Generous, flamboyant and the owner of a fleet of helicopters and supercars, Best is the largest residential park and holiday home operator in the UK. He has over 91 parks in the UK alone and is also the owner of East Thurrock United.
Alfie Best, interviewed first by The Steeple Times in April 2017, is someone with tenacity and dedication to hard work. He sets an example to others that if you put in the hours, you’ll get the results and success you desire.
Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, LG, GCVO, CSM, PC
Herself an “avid reader as a child,” the second wife of Charles, Prince of Wales, started what she described as a ‘Reading Room’ that is “inspired by the success of Her Royal Highness’s reading lists shared during the pandemic in 2020” in the last year.”
It has involved everyone from William Boyd and Susan Hill to Kazuo Ishiguro and Hilary Mantel and of why she started it, she herself stated:
“To me, reading is a great adventure. I’ve loved it since I was very small and I’d love everybody else to enjoy it as much as I do. You can escape and you can travel and you can laugh and you can cry. There’s every kind of emotion that humans experience in a book… It has been a lovely way of communicating.”
We urge readers of The Steeple Times to join the 128,000 who’ve already followed this worthy endeavour on Instagram.
Tony Hudgell (AKA ‘Bear’)
Happy New Year Everyone🎉 A message from Tony see you in 2022
Wishing you all health, love and happiness in the year to come 💙
— Tony Hudgell BEM (BCyA) Paula Hudgell OBE (@paula_hudgell) December 31, 2021
In his relatively short life thus far, 7-year-old double amputee and victim of parental abuse as a baby Tony Hudgell has morphed into a courageous changemaker.
This unstoppable dynamo – now adopted by two loving parents and living in West Malling, Kent – is a true “inspiration” and described as someone who “never complains, carries on no matter what is thrown at him – all the challenges, he just gets back up and carries on.”
Nicknamed ‘Captain’ for following in the footsteps of the late Captain Sir Tom Moore, Weller responded to the news by announcing:
“I’m chuffed to bits… It feels absolutely amazing to be honoured by the Queen. My mum told me about the award on Christmas Day and I thought, ‘wow! I am so excited.’”
“It makes me feel magnificent. I love raising money for charity and knowing I have helped other children is a lovely feeling. I am so proud and privileged.”
VILLAINS OF 2021
As could only be expected, many of the usual suspects to be considered villains in the context of our Heroes & Villains listings have behaved appallingly during 2021. Amongst them, towards the top of such a collection, has to be the buffoon that supposedly runs Britain but seems too busy consuming cheese and wine with his puppet mistress wife, Boris Johnson, and the mendacious money grabber the Duchess of Sussex and her sidekick drip of a husband, Prince Harry.
This dastardly duo – quite rightly now known as ‘Ginge and Cringe’ – have caused pain to the Queen at a time when she has lost her stalwart husband and joining them, others consistent in their vileness and ridiculousness must include, as ever, publican Tim Martin for whining about his beloved Brexit causing his profits to slump and the especially moronic media mouthpieces Darren Grimes, Owen Jones and Richard Madeley for their continuing crackpot craziness.
Now, unlike the entirely innocent and wrongly incarcerated Nazanin Zaghhari-Ratcliffe, rightly certain to spend the rest of her days rotting in the clink, mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell (pictured in happier times with her father’s rival, Rupert Murdoch) will never again be called a “socialite.”
This wicked wench will henceforth quite deservedly will forever be labelled a “sex offender” and “sex trafficker” and again The Steeple Times joins those calling for the 1994 Met Police investigation into what went on at the alleged brothel at her Stanhope Mews East mews house to urgently be reopened.
We know that’ll be unlikely to occur whilst her school and university mate Dame Cressida Dick remains in charge and equally, we suspect, the deviant daughter of a murdering pension pot plunderer will not offer up any powerful names of those that so disgustingly ‘enjoyed’ abusing the innocent victims she so willingly passed around.
Shame on her and in 2022 and beyond, may Ghislaine Maxwell forever rot in hell.
Russell Brand
In June 2021, The Steeple Times featured the story of how The Sun excused the unfunny comedian Russell Brand as “quick thinking and a hero” after his German Shepherd dog, Bear, caught a female wallaby “whilst it had its baby in its pouch” and “mauled it to death” in Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire. He should have instead been condemned and most certainly not saluted and at time we remarked:
“If Brand’s dog had attacked sheep or a child – which it quite potentially could do next given it plainly has a clear penchant for blood – would The Sun so easily have leapt to his defence? The hypocrisy of this shocking story is clear and today we call upon the RSPCA and police to intervene before Brand’s dog slaughters something else.”
As far as we are aware, disgustingly, both Bear and Brand remain at large; where the poor wallaby and its baby is buried is, however, unknown.
Gordon Elliott
Racing “blow-in” – given his being the son of a panel-beater and lacking any familial connections to horse racing – Gordon Elliott brought utter disgrace to the sport in March 2021 when he was banned as a trainer for 12 months after being captured on camera sitting on a dead horse whilst on his mobile phone and making a V-sign. Outrageously, this sick scumbag was allowed back into the game just 6 months later and nobody seemed to bat an eyelid.
Ivy Holt
PR pontificating prized pillock Ivy Holt of Media PR is so “highbrow” that we haven’t even got a photo of her – not that we’re bothered; it’d probably break your screens, she’s probably as ugly as sin physically on top of her ugly as sin soul.
This wannabe Brian Basham and fake news muckspreader was called out by The Steeple Times on 1st April 2021 – April Fools’ Day – after she tried to make a mockery of our previous day’s story about the twentieth anniversary of the tragic murder of Stuart Lubbock at the home of the disgraced ‘entertainer’ Michael Barrymore. Shame on her; what an utter disgrace.
Ms Holt (AKA Ivy Elizabeth Barbara Elsby) thought herself clever for sending a press release containing nothing but fake news. When questioned, she claimed that we, instead, were at fault for hurting the feelings of the deranged drug addict Lindsay Lohan. Frankly, this stupid cow and her crappy clients ‘Love Yourself’ ought to have got real. Next!
Rebecca Sabben-Clare
If you were a barrister, you’d most probably abide by the law and be a pillar of the community. Sadly, Rebecca Sabben-Clare of 7 King’s Bench isn’t such a person and after failing to keep her dog on a lead, the result was that her out-of-control beast savagely killed a seal that it managed to get its teeth into.
Sabben-Clare, instead of putting her hands up in shame, then tried to PR her way out of the situation and herself lawyered up. Why the police didn’t prosecute this unfit-to-own-an-animal-of-any-kind barbarian is beyond comprehension.
James Staley (AKA ‘Jes Staley’)
In February 2020, The Steeple Times made reference to an investigation into Barclays CEO Jes Staley (pictured left) in connection to his close connection to the croaked just under a year earlier paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
It took 627 days until anything progressed, but on 1st November 2021, this Boston, Massachusetts born close associate of Ghislaine Maxwell’s ex-lover finally stepped down. The mucky madam, meanwhile, had her Barclays account closed shut down while she was trying to fund her case in February 2020 on the basis of her links to the proceeds of crime.
THOSE WHO’LL BE MISSED
Sadly, as with any year, countless great people pass on into the skies and amongst the many who’ll be greatly missed are are the Queen’s late husband and constant stalwart Prince Philip, the billionaire businessmen Sir David Barclay and Galen Weston OC, CVO, OOnt, footballer Jimmy Greaves, founder of Tramp nightclub Johnny Gold, the Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding, the talk show host Larry King, the actresses Helen McCrory OBE and Una Stubbs, the racehorse trainer Zoe Davison and the Cheveley Park Stud owner David Thompson CBE.
Our twenty-five selections follow, but naturally the winner of the most missed for our Heroes & Villains 2021 list had to be:
WINNER – Archbishop Desmond Tutu OMSG CH GCStJ
A 90-year-old humanitarian, human rights activist and key force in the campaign to end apartheid, this humble South African hero to millions insisted on “no ostentatiousness or lavish spending” for his funeral and that he be given “the cheapest available coffin.”
Of him, via a video message shown at his funeral, Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby, the head of the worldwide Anglican church, remarked:
“Archbishop Tutu lit up the world… that light has lit up countries globally that were struggling with fear, conflict, persecution, oppression, where the marginalised suffered.”
“When we were in the dark, he brought light. For me to praise him is like a mouse giving tribute to an elephant.”
“South Africa has given us extraordinary examples of towering leaders of the rainbow nation with President Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Tutu… Many Nobel winners’ lights have grown dimmer over time, but Archbishop Tutu’s has grown brighter.”
The late Archbishop himself once wisely added: “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse, and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.” He was spot on and with his passing, humanity is all the poorer.
Harry Brant
A “socialite and style setter” according to The New York Times, Harry Brant fulfilled the prophecy of “the good die young” when he was found dead aged just 24 in January 2021.
Son of the industrialist Peter M. Brant and original supermodel Stephanie Seymour, this modern-day “Little Lord Fauntleroy,” as Vanity Fair once called him, “pushed the boundaries on gender stereotype” and released unisex makeup collections with MAC with his brother even in 2015 and 2016.
Of his passing, his family announced in a statement: “He was a creative, loving and powerful soul that brought light into so many people’s hearts. He was truly a beautiful person inside and out.”
John Challis
The Steeple Times interviewed actor John Challis in May 2013. He told us that “mobile phones are a bloody nuisance” and that he loathed the word “gobsmacked.” He spoke of ABBA being his guilty pleasure and his love of the Hotel Splendido in Portofino and though he became best known for playing a conniving car dealer in Only Fools and Horses, he was only meant to be in the sitcom for one episode.
Thrice married and born in Clifton, Bristol, the legend that was John Challis died aged 79 in September 2021. The statement: “Come on, Marlene. Let’s go home and ignore each other for the evening” will sadly now never be heard directly from his lips ever again.
Terry Lubbock
A campaigner to the end for justice for his raped and murdered son, Stuart – a father of two who was killed in the most gruesome manner in March 2001 at the home of the since deservedly disgraced ‘entertainer’ Michael Barrymore – died after a long battle with cancer in September 2021.
Though he never managed to see any of those present at the Roydon, Essex bungalow when his son died, he will forever be remembered for being “mild-mannered” yet having “the heart of a lion.”
Wilbur Smith
Born in Northern Rhodesia in 1933, British-South African novelist Wilbur Smith (pictured with his beloved wife, Niso) had published an astonishing 49 books and sold over 140 million copies by the time he died in November 2021.
Smith was an international household name whose swashbuckling adventure stories gripped readers for over half a century. He covered critical periods including the dawn of colonial Africa, the American Civil War and the apartheid era South Africa and did so with style and panache.
In 2018, in his memoir On Leopard Rock, the author recounted his life and remarked he’d had ““tough times, bad marriages … burnt the midnight oil getting nowhere, but it has, all in the end, added up to a phenomenally fulfilled and wonderful life.” Believer in “deep research” Smith concluded: “I want to be remembered as somebody who gave pleasure to millions” and he most certainly will.
THOSE WHO WON’T BE MISSED
It is much harder to choose villains who deserve to be dead than heroes who deserve to be missed given they are all loved by somebody whatever they may have done, but lots of bad guys and gals have gone in 2021 – amongst them mobsters, murderers, rapists and sex offenders.
Those that especially stand out for our Heroes & Villains 2021 list include:
WINNER – Bernard L. Madoff
Having been sent to prison for 150 years, the maximum sentence allowed, on 29th June 2009, Queens, New York born Bernie Madoff died in prison on 14th April 2021.
An individual rotten to his core and the personification of greed this Ponzi schemer stole not only £48 billion ($65 billion), but also left behind a family in ruins. One of his two sons died of cancer, the other committed suicide and to the end this wicked “wizard of lies” and all-round wrong ‘un.
Quite rightly, in June 2020, this fraudster’s request for release on compassionate grounds was denied. His wife, Ruth, continues to deny any knowledge of the fraud in spite of being the long-time keeper of his books.
Michael McKevitt
Founder of the Real IRA Michael McKevitt was the brother-in-law of hunger striking Provisional Irish Republican Army (IRA) hunger striker Bobby Sands.
A County Leith native and eventually expelled from the Real IRA, McKevitt was one of four men found liable for the 1988 Omagh bombing and jailed in 2003 for “directing terroism” between August 1999 and October 2000. He had allegedly planned to assassinate the then British Prime Minister Tony Blair and died following a battle with cancer on 2nd January 2021.
Donald Rumsfeld, 13th and 21st United States Secretary of Defense
Forever more, Donald Rumsfeld’s name will be associated with “the biggest military fiasco in US history, the 2003 invasion of Iraq in pursuit of non-existent weapons of mass destruction, alongside the widespread use of torture that has dogged America’s reputation ever since” according to The Guardian.
A Donald Trump supporter described by Henry Kissinger as “the most ruthless man” he ever knew, the villain Rumsfeld was also labelled the “worst secretary of defense in American history” and a man who “lacked the wisdom to change his mind” by The Atlantic. Many believe this psychopath will burn in hell; they are more than likely right.
Phil Spector (born Harvey Phillip Spector)
Born in The Bronx, New York in December 1939, this clearly talented but totally unsound of mind American record producer, musician and songwriter worked with The Beatles, The Ronettes and Tina Turner.
In 2009, this monstrous twisted drug addict was convicted of the 2003 murder by shooting of the actress Lana Clarkson at his then home, the Pyrenees Castle in Alhambra, California, and sentenced to nineteen years to life in prison. Phil Spector died in the clink in Los Angeles, in January 2021. The world is a better place for this repugnant specimen’s passing.
Raymond Teret (AKA ‘Ugli’ and ‘Ugly Ray’)
Chauffeur to the perverted paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile turned radio DJ, Salisbury born Ray Teret was accused of over thirty offences of sexual abuse and eventually convicted of seven counts of rape and eleven counts of indecent assault in December 2014.
AND FINALLY… A SELECTION OF FIVE AMAZING ANIMALS WHO’VE SADLY LEFT US IN 2021
Some incredible animals spotted doing incredible things have kept us all going in the dark days 2021, but amongst those that sadly passed and are thus included on our Heroes & Villains 2021 list are:
WINNER – Seal named ‘Freddie Mercury’
Though the death of any majestic animal is awful, the way in which an irresponsible barrister (one of our Villains of 2021) named Rebecca Sabben-Clare QC reacted after her “snarling” terrier-cross mauled to death a “defenceless” seal on the River Thames in March 2021 was utterly disgraceful.
‘Freddie Mercury,’ as the seal was nicknamed, shamefully never got justice whilst the reprehensible Sabben-Clare was not even prosecuted. The lesson here is this: If you spot this wicked woman and her deranged dog in 2022, run for the hills.
Racehorse named ‘Galileo’
Aged 23 at the time of his death in July 2021, Galileo was a spectacular Irish Thoroughbred racehorse who ran eight times and won six races including The Derby, the Irish Stakes, the King George VI and the Queen Elizabeth Stakes in 2001. After his retirement, he became one of the most sought after sires of the world with notable offspring including Frankel, Nathaniel, and Anthony Van Dyck.
Minke whale calf named ‘Minnie’
In May 2021, an injured minke whale calf became trapped at Teddington Lock in the River Thames. Stuck sixty miles from the estuary, this poor 13-foot long juvenile – which was named ‘Minnie’ – got stuck in weeds after “running out of river and having nowhere to go.” After a desperate attempt to save the “poor fella,” the unfortunate mammal had to be put down with an overdose of anaesthetic.
Racehorse named ‘Roy Rocket’
With nine 1st places along with two 2nd and six 3rd places at Brighton during his eleven-year life, “Roy’s The Boy,” as he was known was “an incredible horse.” Stubborn to the point he wouldn’t go anywhere else, this favourite of punters even had an octogenarian fan named Iris who forced his trainer, John Berry, to down flasks of gin prior to sending him to post.
Dolphin named ‘Winter’
This female Atlantic bottlenose dolphin was found when she circa two months old tangled in a crab trap line in Mosquito Lagoon, Florida in December 2005. Without circulation to her tail flukes as a result, ‘Winter’ lost her tail and was given a prosthetic replacement. In turn, it allowed her make a complete recovery and become an international star featuring in books, films and Nintendo games even. She died in November 2021 of a twisted intestine.
THANK YOU AND ALL THE BEST FOR 2022
All at The Steeple Times would like to thank everyone who has contributed suggestions to our list of the Heroes & Villains 2021. Most have expressed that they would rather not be named so we shall respect that, but all their contributions are greatly appreciated.
May we end by wishing you and yours great times and prosperity in 2022 and may this, for us all, be a much better year.
Cheers and happiness galore and do send your suggestions for the heroes and villains of 2022 to us at [email protected] as the year progresses.
Sanity reigns as creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard announces “he would no longer be able to pose topless” and will thankfully keep his kit on instead
During an especially soppy saga in April 2020 in which Sir Cliff Richard OBE got hot and bothered about radio stations being “unfair” and “snubbing” his crappy crooning, this Christian crackpot demanded his tiresome tunes be played “once a day for two weeks.” Quite understandably, he didn’t get what he wanted.
In response, at that time, the response to the “held together by Botox” ‘singer’ from one commentator was: “I’m surprised he isn’t like his music – dead already” and now, this morning, The Guardian are finally reporting some better news about this bombastic bore.
In a report that primarily focused on the self-declared “genuine celebrity” 81-year-old having sold more 2022 music calendars than Harry Styles, Kylie Minogue, Little Mix and Taylor Swift, but actually “slipped” from seventh place in overall sales to eleventh in the Calendar Club charts, it was also revealed that “Sir Cliff had informed potential buyers that he would no longer be able to pose topless for calendars.” One immediate response was simply: “Thank bloody God, our eyes are saved.”
Doing one last distasteful turn with little-to-nothing on in his 2022 “offering,” according to the paper, the August shot features Sir Cliff “in only swimming trunks while raising a glass to the camera from the comfort of a swimming pool.” Thankfully, if he sticks to his word, there’ll be no more of that muck in the 2023 edition, though with printed calendar sales slumping just like those of printed diaries, will it even get produced?
Such news has no doubt left Sir Cliff – a wack job warbler perceived to be a “national treasure” by some but loathed by others for his connections to criminals like the late murderer Kray twins, the late paedophile Lord Boothy, the late paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile and the amazingly still just about alive paedophile Rolf Harris – with only one option: Taking a very long summer holiday and returning to creepily crying on his kitchen floor.
Pictured top: Sir Cliff Richard OBE – a moralising moaning Minnie who’ll henceforth thankfully keep his kit on – with his Australian child abuser ‘friend,’ the convicted paedophile Rolf Harris.
In the past, Harry Rodger Webb, as he was born, has spared no chance to get his top off. Clearly believing himself to be a sex symbol, the ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ and ‘Saviour’s Day’ singer has finally, to the relief of the public, decided to spare us from anymore sights of his Botoxed body. Thank the Lord.In November 2016, “Peter Pan of Pop” Sir Cliff Richard revealed that he “cried on his kitchen floor” and announced: “I was weeping, it was just like a deep well. And I got a message from someone that said no hole is deep that God’s love is not deeper still.” In the same year, of his calendar sales, he pompously prattled: “Mine leaves David Beckham standing” and makes Kylie Minogue’s look “meagre.” Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile.Sir Cliff Richard with the late paedophile Lord Boothby.Sir Cliff Richard with his “long-term companion,” a former Roman Catholic priest named John McElynn. In his 2009 autobiography, the ‘singer’ remarked: “It has been so rare for me to find friends I know like me for myself, I am not always the best judge of character.” Going further, the goody-two-shoes added: “I’ve never wanted to trash a hotel room. My band always used to say, Cliff never trashes a hotel room. When he goes in, he usually cleans up, hoovers, checks the curtains are straight. I can’t imagine anything more childish than trashing things, which is what a lot of rockers did.”Sir Cliff’s associations with the wines he produces have not always proved fruitful. In 2006, appearing on Gordon Ramsay’s ‘The F-Word,’ the then 75-year old had a meltdown during a blind tasting. After sipping one unnamed offering, the crackpot Christian crooner announced: “That’s rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that. It’s tainted, it’s insipid, it tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that.” Ramsay, then 49, responded by remarking: “Cliff, that’s your wine.” The singer is said to have answered: “Young man, go f**k yourself.”
Sir Cliff Richard’s recent attempts at making ‘music’ – which one critic slammed more accurately as “nauseous noise” – came in the form of ‘Rise Up.’ It was universally panned and in response the “star” complained that radio stations were being “unfair” in not giving him airtime.
Another shocking moment for this one-time friend of the paedophiles Rolf Harris and Sir Jimmy Savile came in the form of him treating the funeral of Cilla Black like a pop concert. The faces of the priests to the left of him (as he attempted to ‘sing’ in a manner more suited to an appearance on ‘Top Of The Pops’) are telling of their disgust at his discourteous behaviour in a house of worship.
Matthew Steeples previews ‘Who Is Gatsby Randolph?’ and finds it not only refreshingly raucous, but also proof that anyone can achieve their dream
In England, we have party crashers like David Pun – a bow tie wearing blaggart who pretends to own Harvey Nichols, but actually lives in a bus shelter in Hammersmith. Freakish toerags like him and the bigoted berk Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben pollute events, hoovering up canapés and nabbing gift bags with audacity and awfulness, but in Hollywood there’s a marvelous man who has got the art of getting into the Vanity Fair Oscars after-party down to a fine art.
London’s leading liggers, amongst them bow tie wearing David Pun (right) and convicted racist Marie-Claire, ‘Baroness’ von Alvensleben (left, with disgraced ‘entertainer’ Michael Barrymore), flash business cards lacking class, style and elegance, but still somehow get their wicked way into society bashes. How they get away with it remains a mystery and though there have been proposals to make documentaries about their antics, these have yet to reach the viewing public.English actress turned award winning producer Alexa Jago, however, has managed to bring the remarkable yet totally true story of a humble boy from Memphis, Tennessee who sought out and achieved his dream of getting to the top in Tinseltown to the big screen.With a (borrowed but real) Oscar and a bottle of Dom Perignon (or five), this bio-documentary of an aspiring music producer turned tastemaker illustrates the power of Instagram. In it, the star claims “social media is archival footage” and through weaving his posts into a cohesive story, Gatsby Randolph becomes a genuine and welcomed personality.
https://vimeo.com/423678137
A ‘mockumentary’ in style and deservedly lauded as “Borat meets Entourage,” Who Is Gatsby Randolph? tells the story of Memphis, Tennessee born Kobie Randolph’s transition as he seeks out fame and fortune in Tinseltown. Rather like in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel from which he takes his adopted moniker, “people were not invited – they went there” is the premise of our suave, cigar chomping protagonist.
Produced by talented English theatre and film actress turned award winning producer Alexa Jago – best known for having worked alongside amongst others Kevin Costner and for having been part of the team behind the 2015 hit Kajaki (AKA Kilo Two Bravo) – and due for theatrical release in the coming months, here is a film about a young man’s rise from poverty to the pinnacle of power and privilege living in a mansion in the Hollywood Hills.
With 101,000 followers on Instagram currently, but ironically without 101 Dalmatians, in what has been described as “a poignant wild ride through red carpets with unlimited access to all the glitz and glamour,” this bio-documentary examines not only success, but also struggle.
Reinvention is key to Kobie Randolph’s transition into his alter-ego ‘Gatsby’ and of his journey, the star recently told FilmInk: “As a filmmaker, I recognised that my own story of rags to riches was, in fact, a movie in the making.” He most certainly has achieved that and Who Is Gatsby Randolph? most definitely looks set to be one of the hits of 2022.
Pictured top – Kobie Randolph, a man described by British actor Hainsley Lloyd Bennett as making him “feel like I could take over Hollywood.” Of him, the ‘Pennyworth’ star recently remarked: “His electric spirit jumps through the screen… He projected that he was somebody, so everyone treated him like he was and that was irrespective of his race, his age and his looks.”
Here (pictured with Anna Wintour) is a hustler who threw convention to the wind and got himself in front of Steven Spielberg even.This is an amusing and lighthearted tale that echoes F. Scott Fitzgerald’s character’s intrepid pursuit of the American dream. Its protagonist (pictured here with screen sirens Glenn Close and Emily Blunt) really did get into ‘Vanity Fair’s’ Oscar after-party not only once but four times.On his journey, Gatsby Randolph met everyone from Angelina Jolie (pictured) to Reese Witherspoon.
