Monday, February 26, 2024

Feckless Farting Fergie’s Flatulent Failings

That taker of loans from paedophiles and reader of books about farting Sarah, Duchess of York thinks she can get away with keeping £225,000 in tainted cash shows her yet again as nothing but a total berk

It cannot be described as anything but “predictable” that Sarah, Duchess of York yet again finds herself in hot water given how childlike and naïve she genuinely is, but what she doesn’t yet realise is that like Aesop’s boy who cried wolf, her future antics will not be accepted.


With news that the woman once nicknamed ‘The Duchess of Pork’ and ‘The Duchess of Dork’ is refusing to repay £225,000 she took from Alphabet Capital – a firm connected to an alleged fraudster named Selman Turk and described in the High Court as nothing but a “front for apparent money laundering” – the Queen’s favourite son’s live-in ex-wife yet again brings shame on the House of York and the wider royal family.


Paid “apparently” if you’d believe the claptrap peddled out by her representatives to be a “brand ambassador for a US green energy firm” in spite of her having utterly no qualification or relation to anything to do with the energy sector, the toe sucking lover formerly known as Sarah Ferguson is said to “have considered Mr Turk, a banker, ‘perfectly bona fida.’”


Considering the wider implications at this juncture it must also be once again considered that Prince Andrew’s soppy sidekick also has yet to repay sums provided to her by Chinese investors and worse still has never confirmed if she repaid sums she took from the since croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.


Sarah, Duchess of York – a woman who likes to take to YouTube to read books about farting – has yet again truly shown herself to be a reprehensible specimen and a stagnating stain on the royal family. It is time for her to shut up and shut down and it is time for her to speed off to Siberia. Whilst she’s at it, please, ‘Fergie,’ take that rotter who paid £12 million to a woman he’d supposedly never met with you.


Pictured top – It must be asked: “Who in their right mind would trust this man?” of Selman Turk (left) and a clearly smashed-off-her-skull Sarah, Duchess of York (right).


Drunk 2
In May 2012, the drunken duchess was “forced to apologise to diners” at Osterio Dell’Arcanio restaurant in Chelsea after having “had an argument with someone who tried to take a photograph” of her in an episode of “drunken antics” whilst she was with a “rowdy group of people.” The restaurant’s sommelier, Maurizio Titone, remarked at the time: “They were a bit loud, but she went to another table to apologise for the noise.”
In another episode in 2010, the redheaded rotter tried to sell access to to the royal family for £500,000. At the time an undercover reporter filmed her stating: “Five hundred thousand pounds, when you can, to me… open doors.”
In 2018, the mother of Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie had a temper tantrum on ’60 Minutes Australia’ when questioned about seeking out cash from what she clearly must have known to be illegitimate sources.
If she had an ounce of dignity, Sarah, Duchess of York would realise that reading allowed books about farting is anything but dignified.
The Queen’s second son’s live-in ex-wife has clearly lately rather let the hooch go to her head. In excusing the ‘bestie’ of paedophiles like Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, all she does is to bring total and utter shame on her relatives. Meanwhile, taking loans from crooks simply shows her to be a greedy grubber.

The Weird Words of “Greedy” and “Needy” Sarah, Duchess of York

Of sex, her and goats: “One of the worst headlines said 82% [of the population] would rather sleep with a goat than Fergie. It’s never left me.”


Of the royal family: “They tried to put the little redhead in a cage.”


Of her life: “I have been in the gutter.”


Of food, family and dining: “As long as it is hot, wet and goes down the right way, it’s fine with me.”


“With every smell, I smell food. With every sight, I see food. I can almost hear food. I want to spade the whole lot through my mouth at Mach 2. Basta!”


“We all sit round the table and eat together. Andrew and I believe in total parent unity. We’re best friends.”


Of wanting to be a television star: “I would quite like to go on Dancing With The Stars. I would like somebody to teach me to tango. I do know the show and my children would be so proud of me.”


Of when she decided she wanted to bag a royal: “I met [Prince Andrew] when I was 12, and I said: ‘I’m going to marry him.’”


Of marriage, divorce and work: “I left my marriage knowing I’d have to work. I have.”


“I didn’t want a divorce, but had to because of circumstance.”


“I wish we’d never got divorced. He and I both wish we’d never divorced, but we did. I wish I could go back and be the bride again, but I can’t.”


Of her many, many mistakes: “I felt that I ostracised myself by my behaviour, by the past, by living with all the regrets of my mistakes, that I sort of wore a hair shirt and beat myself up most of the day thinking and regretting why did I make such a mistake. Why have I made so many mistakes?”


“You look at the devil in the face, which you do. Then you forgive, and you say: ‘OK, I’ve made almost a mistake that will never be forgotten,’ and forgive.”


“I was so out of control with desperation… I was looking for quick fixes in the places I wouldn’t normally look… I’ve been a huge, over-trusting, idiotic, stupid woman that went to look for the perfect situation, and that’s all I can say really.”


Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


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