Category: MOVERS & SHAKERS

The snakes and ladders of society.

A chronicle of drama, scandal and success in London, Paris, New York and elsewhere

  • Heirless – Hair Horror

    Heirless – Hair Horror

    As wicked witch heiress Ghislaine Maxwell complains about losing her hair and being “forced to clean a shower with a broom,” her ‘bestie’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter for all the wrong reasons

    Yesterday, deservedly never-now-to-be-an-heir to the monarch ‘Randy’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter. Mocked as a result of Piers Morgan commenting about the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle yet swerving the Duke of York’s failure to report to the FBI for questioning, the social media outlet’s users then turned on his one-time ‘bestie’ Ghislaine Maxwell after her lawyer blubbed about her hair falling out and her being forced to do a bit of hard labour with a broomstick.

     

    Reporting on the matter, the New York Post quoted a letter from Bobbi Sternheim, a lawyer for the mucky madam and heiress to the disgrace that was Robert Maxwell. It read:

     

    “Ms. Maxwell continues to be at the mercy of a revolving group of security officers who are used to guarding hundreds of inmates but now focus their undivided attention exclusively on one respectful, middle-aged female pretrial detainee.”

     

    “Recently, out of view of the security camera, Ms. Maxwell was placed in her isolation cell and physically abused during a pat down search.”

     

    “When she asked that the camera be used to capture the occurrence, a guard replied ‘no.’”

     

    “When Ms. Maxwell recoiled in pain and when she said she would report the mistreatment, she was threatened with disciplinary action.”

     

    “She is withering to a shell of her former self – losing weight, losing hair, and losing her ability to concentrate.”

     

    “Having been incarcerated in de facto solitary confinement for 225 days and monitored by two to six guards 24 hours a day with a handheld camera dedicated to capturing her every move, except when it would record improper conduct on the part of the guards, it is not surprising that Ms. Maxwell feels she is detained under the control of the Bureau of ‘Pretrial Punishment.’”

     

    Other complaints made on behalf of Maxwell, the DailyMail.com later reported, have included that she has “been deprived of sleep and given inedible food.” They added: “Sternheim went on to claim that surveillance of her client is so strict that ‘guards forbid’ Maxwell from standing in certain areas of her six-foot-by-nine-foot cell, including telling her not to stand to the left or right over her toilet.”

     

    Supposedly also, Maxwell “has never received a properly heated meal,” been forced to drink “odorous tap water” and jail staff microwave her food “in a container that is not meant for use in a microwave.” Sternheim added: “Ms. Maxwell’s food either does not defrost the food or disintegrates it and melts the plastic container, rendering the food inedible.”

     

    Diddums, Ghislaine. What will this wicked witch want next (aside from a desk, more computers and Krug on tap)? A visit from the Pointless Celebrities crimper Nicky Clarke OBE?

     

    Pictured top: Heir-to-robber-baron Robert Maxwell pictured with his then-with-plenty-of-hair daughter Ghislaine Maxwell (left); now heir-to-nowt Prince Andrew guffawing whilst in the company of toady ‘Telegraph’ typist Camilla Tominey.

     

    Heir – Hair Horror – Ghislaine Maxwell loses her hair, Prince Andrew jokes – As wicked witch Ghislaine Maxwell complains about losing her hair and being “forced to clean a shower with a broom,” her ‘bestie’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter for all the wrong reasons.
    Heirless – Hair Horror – Ghislaine Maxwell has sported many different hairstyles over the years. Now, apparently, like the witch she has certainly become, it’s all falling out.
    Heir – Hair Horror – Ghislaine Maxwell loses her hair, Prince Andrew jokes – As wicked witch Ghislaine Maxwell complains about losing her hair and being “forced to clean a shower with a broom,” her ‘bestie’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter for all the wrong reasons.
    Heirless – Hair Horror – A snap of Jeffrey Epstein together with Prince Andrew walking next to signage reading ‘Together’ in 2010 (left); their mutual ‘bestie’ is currently incarcerated in the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn.
    Heir – Hair Horror – Ghislaine Maxwell loses her hair, Prince Andrew jokes – As wicked witch Ghislaine Maxwell complains about losing her hair and being “forced to clean a shower with a broom,” her ‘bestie’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter for all the wrong reasons.
    Heirless – Hair Horror – Amongst the mockery circulating on Twitter about Prince Andrew recently has been a diagram describing what’s been “useless since Fergie left” (Prince Andrew numbers alongside Man United and the Black Eyed Peas) and a captioned photograph of Prince Charles and Her Majesty The Queen supposedly watching ‘The Crown.’ It is accompanied by a speech bubble reading: “Fast forward to the bit where Andrew goes to jail.”
  • Southend Sexual Shed Scandal

    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal

    Southend councillor gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities”

    Late last week, the Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’s aptly named senior reporter Christine Sexton “opened a can of sexual worms” when she wrote about “illegal” sheds erected by a councillor being “used for romps.”

     

    Sharing news of a not-so-neighbourly dispute that subsequently featured on the Facebook Group Angry People in Local Newspapers, Sexton began: “A councillor who built three sheds [complete with “fire hazard” “dodgy wiring”] without [planning] permission in his garden and let his son live in one has been facing complaints from neighbours over amorous trysts.”

     

    Pointing out that Brian Ayling – himself astoundingly a member of Southend’s development control committee, but someone who claimed “he did not realise he needed permission [for the structures]” – allowed his son to live in one of the sheds for a year, Sexton added:

     

    “Complaints to the council from a neighbour, said to be over the son’s amorous trysts with his girlfriend, resulted in the councillor being ordered to submit a planning application – which has now been rejected.”

     

    “A statement by Mr Ayling’s neighbour said: I have to listen to them participating in sexual activities.’”

     

    Going further, a fellow councillor, Matt Dent, told the paper: “He said he didn’t realise, but it’s bizarre for someone on the development control committee.” Replying, Brian Ayling, remarked: “I [have] made an official complaint on [sic] councillor Dent.”

     

    Responding to the article, one reader amusingly offered: “If the shed’s rockin’, don’t come knockin’” whilst another amusingly added: “Perhaps his son should honour the age old Essex tradition known as ‘dogging’, adjusting it slightly for the 21st century, as many have during lockdown, and start a lucrative webcam based sex show. The councillor can adjust his sights slightly and apply for permission to start a business in the outbuildings and, Bob’s yer uncle, lemonade from lemons!”

     

    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – After seven councilors voted to refuse his retrospective application to keep his outbuildings, councillor Brian Ayling remarked: “They all ganged together against me.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Earlier this month, we reported on a more typical story featured on the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ about someone getting angry about Tesco’s “shelf arrangements.” The “Southend sexual shed scandal,” however, is altogether an all-together more serious affair, yet perhaps instead if councillor Brian Ayling had turned one of his structures into a “mancave” garden bar and invited round his neighbours, it would have all worked out better.
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Readers of the ‘Basildon-Canvey-Southend Echo’ responded with merriment and mirth to the story.
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – One suggested that “making your son live in a shed is child cruelty” whilst others compared the situation to the BBC’s ‘The Archers’ current story about modern day slavery. Controversially, another remarked: “I used to lock my wife in the coal bunker, she’d come out black” – to which came the response: “Shocking, that you have ever had a wife.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Over at the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ discussion centred on use of the words “romps” and “noisy romping.” One Nikos Lefteris Christodoulou remarked: “Dodgy local councillor, planning permission woes and noisy romping all in one article!” Another, Ben Richardson, added: “If you go down to the illegal shed, you’re sure of a big surprise.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – Scandal of sex in sheds in Southend – Southend councillor Brian Ayling gets into hot water over building sheds in his garden where his son engaged in “sexual activities.”
    Southend Sexual Shed Scandal – ‘Top fan’ Kieran Clarke added: “Everything that it is to be ‘British,’ distilled in one headline!” whilst another, Mark Button, suggested that councillor Brian Ayling has a look of the late entertainer Sir Bruce Forsyth about him.
  • Mystery Meg

    Mystery Meg

    ‘Daily Star’ hilariously mocks the Duchess of Sussex and in doing so turns her into ‘Mystery Meg’

    Yesterday, the Daily Mail’s Richard Eden tweeted to share the best of the coverage of the former Meghan Markle’s High Court victory over the very publication he works for.

     

    Featuring an image of a “woman” with her eyes blacked out, the accompanying text from the Daily Star read:

     

    “A publicity-shy woman has won her privacy claim against a newspaper over the publication of a letter to her estranged father.”

     

    “The 39-year-old – married to a ginger bloke formerly of this land – sued a Brit publisher over a series of articles which reproduced parts of the letter sent to her 76-year-old dad in August 2018.”

     

    “She is seeking damages for alleged misuse of private information, copyright infringement and breach of the Data Protection Act.”

     

    Elsewhere last month, the Duchess of Sussex made another first in having her former name turned into both a noun and a verb. Now, we suggest that it is time for her to do something else: Learn the art of silence.

     

    Mystery Meg – Daily Star mocks the Duchess of Sussex’s victory – ‘Daily Star’ hilariously mocks the Duchess of Sussex and in doing so turns her into ‘Mystery Meg’
    Mystery Meg – Richard Eden’s missive proved popular and was retweeted 115 times and liked 684 times by 11.30am on Saturday. One response to it read: “It’s brilliant & I propose more of the MSM, especially all those banned from speaking to the dastardly duo, do the same or even better, refuse to report on anything they do.”
  • Moron of the Moment 2021 – Anthea Turner

    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Anthea Turner

    Chocolate bar chomper Anthea Turner swings into action to trend on Twitter after banging on about obesity and coronavirus

    Plainly not content with not having had any media coverage in yonks, attention seeking Anthea Turner swung into action and posted an inflammatory tweet on Thursday evening.

     

    Accompanying a picture of a masked obese woman telling an unmasked thin woman: “Put a mask on! You’re putting my health at risk!” Turner announced: “Go for it!! X.” She then followed up this morning with a link to a Daily Mail article about a new McDonald’s chicken burger. Of this, she remarked: “Lovely, just what we need.”

     

    In response, whilst Twitter users including the Labour MP Jess Phillips condemned her for “fat shaming,” others suggested the desperado was actually “angling for a job on GB News.” Another, Paul Rickett, concluded: “I’m reminded that even Eamonn Holmes found it beneath his dignity to share screen time with Anthea Turner.”

     

    ‘Shagger Turner,’ of course, has previous. In March 2020, she found herself in another Twitter storm after making a berk of herself by ‘rebranding’ coronavirus ‘Cundyvirus’ – a reference to her knicker flashing chum, Lizzie Cundy.

     

    Pictured top: Not content with having made a prized pillock of herself posing with a chocolate bar for cash on her wedding day, in recent weeks Anthea Turner has been photographed holding a carrot with her ‘bestie’ Lizzie Cundy and with a lobster on her head. Swing!

     

    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Anthea Turner – Chocolate bar chomper Anthea Turner swings into action to trend on Twitter after banging on about obesity and coronavirus.
    Turner’s incendiary tweet featured a bit of “fat shaming” but plainly was actually just intended to draw attention to her sorry, desperate self.
    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Anthea Turner – Chocolate bar chomper Anthea Turner swings into action to trend on Twitter after banging on about obesity and coronavirus.
    Adding fuel to the fire as part of her desperate attempt for attention, Anthea Turner later added: “Sadly those of us who have genuinely tried to protect the NHS by looking after our bodies are paying the terrible price for those who have chosen lazy lifestyle choices.”
    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Anthea Turner – Chocolate bar chomper Anthea Turner swings into action to trend on Twitter after banging on about obesity and coronavirus.
    ‘Princess Tippy Toes’ followed up this morning with a tweet about McDonald’s. It did not help justify her cause and deservedly all she got in response was condemnation.
    Moron of the Moment 2021 – Anthea Turner – Chocolate bar chomper Anthea Turner swings into action to trend on Twitter after banging on about obesity and coronavirus.
    Anthea Turner’s only legacy will be as a national embarrassment.
    https://twitter.com/supernannyreact/status/1359996415892721669
  • Farting Fergie

    Farting Fergie

    Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein

    Somewhat simple Sarah Ferguson – a wack job who still hasn’t declared whether she ever repaid money she took as a loan from the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – took to YouTube this week to read a “scratch and sniff unicorn fart book.”

     

    Whilst well-known as a lover of having her tepid toes sucked in the past, Pizza Express (Woking branch) loving ‘Randy Andy’s’ live-in ex-wife enthusiasm for a book about “emitting wind from the anus” was subsequently described as her showing she’s “ever the working girl” according to the MailOnline’s Claire Toureille.  

     

    Fergie’s farts, however, have yet to gain gas and go viral. In spite of a further article by Craig Brown in the Daily Mail which asked if the fruitcake known as the former Meghan Markle would be doing a follow-up fart “30 years from now,” just 835 people have actually bothered to watch this one-time royal bang on about flatulence.

     

    Famous Farts

    Roald Dahl, The BFG

    “A whizzpopper!” cried the BFG, beaming at her. “Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?”

     

    Ernest Hemmingway, 88 Poems

    “Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.

    Come let us fart in the home.

    There is no art in a fart.

    Still a fart may not be artless.

    Let us fart and artless fart in the home.”

     

    Robert Rinder

    “I can smell a liar like a fart in a lift!”

     

    Farting Fergie – What will Her Majesty The Queen make of Sarah, Duchess of York’s decision to share stories with the world via YouTube about farting?
    Farting Fergie – Sarah Ferguson reads a book about farting on YouTube – Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.
    Farting Fergie – In February 2018, the ‘Mirror’ reported that: “The Queen once got accused of farting loudly and trying to blame it on the horses.” They remarked: “The Queen is probably one of the last people on earth you can imagine farting in public. Not only would it be mortifying to accidentally let rip while meeting her subjects, the whole world would soon get to know about it.”
    Farting Fergie – Sarah Ferguson reads a book about farting on YouTube – Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.
    Farting Fergie – ‘Fergie’s’ non-sweating ex-husband Prince Andrew was widely mocked after claiming to distinctly remember a visit to Pizza Express in Woking on the day he allegedly had sex with the then teenage Virginia Roberts, now Giuffre, in 2001. During his juggernaut crashworthy interview with Emily Maitlis in November 2019, he remarked: “I was with the children and I’d taken Beatrice to a Pizza Express in Woking for a party at I suppose four or five in the afternoon. And then because the duchess [Sarah Ferguson] was away, we have a simple rule in the family that when one is away the other is there.” Whether he actually attended has since been disputed and whether he actually consumed pizza and whether it caused him to fart remains still unknown.
    Farting Fergie – Sarah Ferguson reads a book about farting on YouTube – Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.
    Farting Fergie – On Thursday 20th August 1992, the ‘Daily Mirror’ shared what they called “the pictures they didn’t want you to see.” In them, a topless Duchess of York was shown having her toes sucked in the South of France by a Texan millionaire named John Bryan. Of the incident, the ‘Mirror’ later reported: “Royal writer Richard Kay claimed in the ‘Daily Mail’ that he received a message via pager from Princess Diana the night before the photos hit the newspaper stands. Diana’s message was simple: ‘The redhead’s in trouble.’”
    Farting Fergie – Sarah Ferguson reads a book about farting on YouTube – Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein.
    Farting Fergie – Sarah, Duchess of York pictured with the since incarcerated Ghislaine Maxwell at an opening party at Asprey in 2003. It remains unknown as to whether ‘Fergie’ ever repaid a loan from the mucky madam’s now croaked boss Jeffrey Epstein, but this week a New York court threw out mendacious Maxwell’s bid to keep her 2016 testimony about sex toys sealed.
  • Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Pauline Bridge

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Pauline Bridge

    82-year-old granny Pauline Bridge gets up at 5am daily to deliver newspapers on her bicycle; she’s quite the contrast to bicycling pensioner and funeral crasher Theresa Doyle

    In September 2017, we featured a pitiful pensioner exposed for bicycling to funerals and their subsequent wakes with Tupperware boxes to raid buffet tables. At the time, Theresa Doyle’s atrocious antics were quite rightly slammed as “shameless,” but today we can share the story of an all-together better granny on a bike.

     

    Lauded as “Super Gran” in The Sun this morning, grandma of six Pauline Bridge gets up at 5am six days per week to deliver newspapers on her bicycle.

     

    Pauline Bridge, 82, took over the round, which encompasses 32 houses in Southampton, Hampshire from her grandchildren ten years ago and reckons to have covered around 5,000 miles on her 40-year-old bicycle.

     

    Cheerfully, of why she does it, this spirited lady stated she aims to carry on until she turns 90 and remarked:

     

    “I love it and I find it keeps me fit. I start at half six and it’s about a mile and a half. I deliver to 32 houses. I cycle every day, I always cycle.”

     

    Of her, one of her granddaughters, Megan, 17, added:

     

    “She gets up so early every day, Monday to Saturday without fail, in all weather conditions.”

     

    “We can’t believe what she is still achieving and she puts us youngsters to shame. She is an amazing mum and grandma – and we are all very proud of her.”

     

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Pauline Bridge: Granny papergirl on a bike – 82-year-old granny Pauline Bridge gets up at 5am daily to deliver newspapers on her bicycle; she’s quite the contrast to bicycling pensioner and funeral crasher Theresa Doyle.
    In 2017, we featured the story of another bicycling pensioner, Theresa Doyle (AKA ‘The Grim Eater’ and ‘The Phantom Mourner’). Whilst 82-year-old pensioner Pauline Bridge cycles daily to deliver newspapers, Doyle, at the time 65, was exposed for bicycling to funerals of people she didn’t know to raid the buffets at the wakes that followed six-times-per week. Of her, Margaret Whitehead of Wargrave, Berkshire told ‘The Sun’: “She got my son Kevin to give her a lift from the church to the Irish Centre for the wake [for her deceased 42-year-old daughter, Catherine]. There were a lot of people at the funeral from Catherine’s work so I just assumed she was a colleague. When I spoke to her though she told me she used to work with Catherine as a waitress. My daughter never worked as a waitress. She was eating from the buffet like there was no tomorrow.”
    Sadly, with the news moving online and print paper sales hugely down, the number of paperboys and papergirls in Britain is fast coming towards its end. Pauline Bridge claims she intends to carry on as a ‘papergran’ for at least another eight years, but will her services actually still be required?
  • Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements

    Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol

    University of York history graduate and bookseller at Waterstones (formerly Waterstone’s) and Max Minerva’s independent bookshop Olivia Clements trended on Twitter over the weekend.

     

    In spite of just having 675 followers, a tweet by Clements on Friday touched the hearts of thousands. In it, she announced:

     

    “I made a community library! If you’re in the Bishopston area of Bristol please feel free to visit, borrow, swap out, and enjoy some much needed escapism.”

     

    The response to the missive was extraordinary and aside from 1,500 retweets and 13,500 likes, thoughtful and plainly kind Clements received over 330 comments including ones from Professor Michelle Ryan who’d set up a ‘free library’ just outside of Exeter.

     

    Whilst one Mark Wicks nastily mocked this as “a really middle class thing to do with no real understanding of collection management or the role of libraries as a place maker in the local community,” unsurprisingly most celebrated this “great individual effort” in the spirit in was plainly intended.

     

    For those living in Bristol, Olivia Clements’ book exchange can be found in Elton Road, Bishopston, BS7 and those wishing to donate books should contact her directly on Twitter.

     

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements – Book exchange – Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol.
    Doing Good During Lockup – Olivia Clements shared on Twitter that she’d created a community library in the Bishopston area of Bristol on 5th February and already 13,400 pressed ‘love’ and 1,500 shared news of her generous gesture.
    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements – Book exchange – Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol.
    Doing Good During Lockup – On Saturday, Clements tweeted again with an image of the well-stocked ‘The Little Library’ and remarked: “Today’s donations for The Little Library! You guys have great taste in books.”

    Five Sensible Souls of Lockup-Lockdown

    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements – Book exchange – Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol.
    Doing Good During Lockup – In March 2020, we featured the story of a “lovely gesture” by an anonymous Good Samaritan in Denchworth, Oxfordshire. Said individual paid for the local pub, The Fox, to provide fish and chips once per week for the 171 residents during the first lockdown.
    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements – Book exchange – Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol.
    Doing Good During Lockup – In March 2020, Dame Vera Lynn (20th March 1917 – 18th June 2020) told Britons to “weather the storm” of the coronavirus crisis by “pulling together.” She very correctly added: “Keep calm and follow sensible advice… Remain positive and look after each other.”
    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements – Book exchange – Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol.
    Doing Good During Lockup – In April 2020, we reported on how the 29-year-old Duke of Westminster had given £12.5 million to “provide support to NHS staff, key workers and their children and families” during the first lockdown. He remarked: ““On behalf of my family and everyone at the Grosvenor Estate, I want to say a huge thank you to all our amazing NHS staff and everyone providing critical frontline services. We are all humbled and incredibly grateful that you are working tirelessly to keep us safe and keep the country functioning.”
    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements – Book exchange – Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol.
    Doing Good During Lockup – The ‘Queen of Gorbals Gobbledygook’ Lorraine Kelly OBE quite sensibly told obese people to slim to avoid death by coronavirus in May 2020. Whilst some would suggest this cruel, the daytime presenter remarked: “This awful coronavirus is far deadlier to those who are overweight… This is not about going on a stupid faddy diet. It’s all about a lifestyle change and doing exercise you enjoy. My advice, which is hard-earned over the years, is not to have too much unhealthy food in the house, especially right now in lockdown when it’s so easy to sit watching TV while guzzling whole packets of biscuits. If you don’t buy the junk, you won’t be able to gorge on it. That’s not to say you can’t have a treat. You can. Just don’t eat a whole plus-sized bag of Maltesers or only leave a few Hobnobs in the biscuit tin.”
    Heroine of the Hour 2021 – Olivia Clements – Book exchange – Bookseller Olivia Clements deserves commendation for setting up a free book exchange in her garden during ‘Lockup 3.0’ in Bristol.
    Doing Good During Lockup – Captain Sir Tom Moore (30th April 1920 – 2nd February 2021) undoubtedly became the figurehead of fundraising and positivity from the first lockdown onwards. Aside from raising well over £30 million, his message of “tomorrow will be a good day” inspired millions. Here he is pictured in Barbados being serenaded by singer Melinda Hughes.
  • Modest Madeley (And ‘Mummy’ Finnigan)

    Modest Madeley (And ‘Mummy’ Finnigan)

    Alleged shoplifter and ‘modern day Dorian Gray’ Richard Madeley attempts to convince ‘Mirror’ readers that his relationship with alleged old soak ‘mummy’ Judy Finnigan is “normal”

    Fresh from having shared his totally irrelevant and frankly insane views about coronavirus last October, alleged shoplifter Richard Madeley has sought to get himsef back in the mix in a joint interview in the Mirror this morning with his allegedly constantly pissed-off-her-skull wife, Judy Finnigan.

     

    In a feature titled “Richard Madeley and Judy Finnigan’s heartbreaks – affair, baby loss and health battles” by ‘showbiz features writer’ Frances Kindon, no mention was made of Madeley’s possible penchant for helping himself in supermarkets, but instead the focus was on how the couple first met.

     

    Of an epic encounter that led to “the most solid union in showbiz,” Kindon gloriously remarked: “Their paths first crossed in a newsroom back in 1982 when Judy, 72, was asked to mentor a younger Richard, 64, and greeted him with the words, ‘Hello… I’m your Mummy’” before then adding that their own daughter finds “the amount of time they spend together is not normal.”

     

    Elsewhere in the puff piece, Kindon reveled in ‘Dick and Dude’s’ “natural chemistry” and celebrated their “whole lot of red-hot chemistry” and positions as “the nation’s favourites.” She referenced “hurtful rumours” about them and then even allowed “sexual oversharer” Madeley to give a riposte. In it, he remarked:

     

    “We’d gone away for a week to Cornwall with our children, and the mobile went in the car.”

     

    “It was our bosses at Granada saying a terrible rumour was being put around that you’re in a self-help institution for men who batter their wives because you’ve beaten Judy, that Judy’s in a drying-out clinic and that the children are in care. We were in the f**king car.”

     

    “We tracked it to the source… A particularly poisonous person. He’d leaked these smears and they were never published because we would have cleaned up in a libel case. But the one thing that lingered like a piece of floating sewage is this thing that Judy drinks. And she doesn’t.”

     

    Hmm… The picture above clearly tells otherwise.

     

    Richard Madeley’s ‘finest moments

    In conversation with President Clinton

    “I know what it’s like to be wronged by the press. I was once accused of shoplifting. Unlike you though, I knew I was innocent.”

     

    Of women

    “I’ve never met a single woman who’s happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I’ve never met her.”

     

    On elephants

    “So, are you telling me elephants are not born evil?”

     

    To a man crying after paramedics saved his life

    “Stop crying! This is supposed to make you happy! Anyway after the break, the biggest dog in the UK. And he really is big. Don’t miss it!”

     

    Of old women skipping

    “There’s not many better things than seeing an older woman skipping.”

     

    Of wanting to be black

    “I hope when I’m reincarnated I come back black because you age better.”

     

    To Keira Knightley

    “Can we get some make up please, get Keira looking like a crack whore, she’d make a good crack whore.”

     

    Of an autistic teenager

    “The thing with Daniel [Wakeford, a ‘star’ on Channel 4’s Undateables] is, he has autism but is very intelligent and as we can see extremely talented. Has Daniel always been autistic?”

     

    To a caller

    “I understand you have a little lad of 12. Is it a boy or a girl?”

     

    Modest Madeley (And ‘Mummy’ Finnigan) – Richard and Judy – Alleged shoplifter and ‘modern day Dorian Gray’ Richard Madeley attempts to convince ‘Mirror’ readers that his relationship with alleged old soak ‘mummy’ Judy Finnigan is “normal.”
    Modest Madeley (And ‘Mummy’ Finnigan) – Judy Finnigan is best known for quaffing, flashing her boobs and falling off sofas. In October 2014, she inexcusably defended footballer turned convicted rapist by saying: “The rape wasn’t violent… He didn’t cause any bodily harm to the person.” Of his victim, she hypocritically then added: “She had far too much to drink.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=rcx3FUarNiI&feature=emb_logo
    Modest Madeley (And ‘Mummy’ Finnigan) – Whilst ‘Dorian Gray-esque’ Richard Madeley is best known for helping himself to champagne in supermarkets, his wife Judy Finnigan will be forever remembered for flashing at an awards ceremony in 2000.

  • Mendacious Maker-Up Maxwell

    Mendacious Maker-Up Maxwell

    Latest document unsealing in Ghislaine Maxwell case reveals the mucky madam to be mendacious and someone who makes things up

    Ghislaine Maxwell last met with Prince Andrew in London at Buckingham Palace circa 8th June 2019 during her visit to hang out with a bunch of braindead blonde bimbos at the Cash & Rocket ‘charity rally.’ Their conversational topic at that time remains unknown, but, without doubt, their mutual ‘bestie’ Jeffrey Epstein featured.

     

    At that time, aside from busying her horrid self associating with Paris Hilton and Caroline Stanbury, the mucky madam was yet to face the onslaught of what was to come in the wake of Epstein’s arrest on 6th July and subsequent suicide on 10th August that year.

     

    Now, with the release of a new tranche of previously sealed documents relating to the case brought against her by Virginia Giuffre from July 2016, ‘Bouncing Bob’s’ deviant daughter’s attempt to claim she’d distanced herself from the croaked paedophile after his 2008 jailing were laid out.

     

    In them, Miss Maxwell suggested that Epstein had “become more difficult to work with” and when asked to be more specific added: “Just general. Just doesn’t work.” Going further, she bleated: “[I] ceased to be happy in the job and I ceased to be happy spending time with Mr. Epstein.”

     

    Of learning of Jeffrey Epstein being an abuser, back then mendacious Maxwell unbelievably stated that she “had no memory of anything being amiss on his properties in the 2000s,” and threw in: “Like everybody else, like the rest of the world, [I knew of Epstein being a paedophile] when it was it was announced in the papers.”

     

    Now, Ghislaine – Please, pull the other one… Or, instead, get pompous PR peddler Brian Basham to do that for you.

     

    Mendacious Maker-Up Maxwell – More lies from Ghislaine Maxwell – Latest document unsealing in Ghislaine Maxwell case reveals the mucky madam to be mendacious and someone who makes things up.
    Mendacious Maker-Up Maxwell – Ghislaine Maxwell pictured by the Wellington Arch at Hyde Park Corner on 8th June 2019. She visited London during attendance of the Cash & Rocket ‘charity rally’ but surprisingly the Duke of York found time to give this mendacious meddler an audience at Buckingham Palace also. Less than one month later, both their world’s unfolded.
    Mendacious Maker-Up Maxwell – More lies from Ghislaine Maxwell – Latest document unsealing in Ghislaine Maxwell case reveals the mucky madam to be mendacious and someone who makes things up.
    Mendacious Maker-Up Maxwell – Another ‘connected’ person accused of making up things to distance themselves from their association with Jeffrey Epstein was financier and wannabe bidder for the British National Lottery franchise Leon Black (pictured right with Jeffrey Epstein left and Pepe Fanjul centre in 2005 in New York). In response, ‘Vanity Fair’s’ William D. Cohan remarked: “Nice try, Leon.”

  • Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung

    Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung

    Fashion fruitcake Alexa Chung arrogantly announces that she has no interest in anything other than “endless parties” in “post-pandemic” times

    Whilst over 100,000 people may have died from coronavirus in Britain to date, this morning, the Guardian’s Jess Cartner-Morley shared that alien-to-all-of-this Alexa Chung – a weird wench who once merged her entire name into one hashtag, #ALEXACHUNG –  has announced that her priority is not helping others, but instead getting her glad rags on when the pandemic is over.

    In response to a WhatsApp message from Cartner-Morley, fresh from running up debts of £2.3 million in 2020, ex-Big Mouth Chung supposedly, without a thought for those already gone and others on their deathbeds, ridiculously replied:

    “When I think about life post-pandemic, all I can think about is endless parties… [I will be in] eye-wateringly short bodycon dresses – I may need matching knickers – and high heels.”

    NHS staff and key workers will no doubt also be delighted to learn of Chung’s latest pearl and once again: “Thanks, Alexa” will resonate throughout the land.

    Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung – Fashionista shares her plans – Fashion fruitcase Alexa Chung arrogantly announces that she has no interest in anything other than “endless parties” in “post-pandemic” times.
    Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung – Spoof Wikipedia-esque site Illogicopedia.org amusingly describe Alexa Chung as a “British fashion model made entirely out of wood.” They add: “She is best known for designing custom handbags for diabetic canker sores and hurling red paint at celebrities who refuse to wear fur” and conclude: “Anything you can do Alexa can do better. She can do anything better than you.”

    Descriptions of Alexa Chung

    By herself:

    • “Starlet.”
    • “Human.”
    • “Fashion brand.”
    • “Queen of Instagram.”
    • “It’s no surprise to me that I’m in this position now.”
    • “I’m driven by a desire to communicate.”
    • “I have an emotional connection with other people.”
    • “Airports are such emotionally charged places. I travel a lot, and I people-watch. And I love that British thing of wearing your holiday outfit home but with a sensible jacket because if you are British you are never not thinking about the weather.”
    • “I’m always under scrutiny – and I always feel it.”
    • “[Modelling] warped my reality.”

    By Lily Waddell of the Mail on Sunday:

    • “Fashion royalty.”
    • “The belle of the ball.”
    • “The biggest designer name of the moment.”
    • “A style maven.”
    • “A starlet.”
    • “A fashion genius.”

    By Niomi Harris of the MailOnline:

    • “Usually cuts a stylish figure at showbiz bashes.”
    • “Stunning.”
    • “Allows her dress to do the talking.”

    By Kayleigh Giles of the MailOnline:

    • “Sits front row at almost every major Fashion Week show.”
    • “Stylish.”
    • “Star.”

    By Anna Wintour:

    • “A phenomenon.”

    By The Sun’s Simon Boyle:

    • “Miserable, snooty model.”
    • “Galling.”
    • “Ridiculous.”
    • “Does naff all.”
    • “Stuck-up socialite.”
    • “Believes she knows better.”
    • “If Alexa really had any kind of nous, she’d have cut the ridiculous costs of her line.”
    • “Don’t go into business with a pretentious model [like Alexa Chung], there’s a lesson for you.”
    Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung – Fashionista shares her plans – Fashion fruitcase Alexa Chung arrogantly announces that she has no interest in anything other than “endless parties” in “post-pandemic” times.
    Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung – Prior to coronavirus lockdowns in the UK and elsewhere, Alexa Chung was best known for hitting the party circuit and in February 2019 hosted a launch for a range of sunglasses at a restaurant named Wild By Tart. At it, she “allowed her dress to do the talking” and also “spoke of her “#MeToo moment.” She managed to find also to be snapped being kissed simultaneously on her cheeks by both Pixie Geldoff and Jack Guinness.
    Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung – In June last year, utterly in love with herself Alexa Chung shared a bizarre 22:08 minute ‘video quiz’ on YouTube. In it, she helpfully announced that her lockdown activities had included “Netflix and chilling” and banged on about herself and her style tips. She suggested of the medium she was using: “The beauty of doing this on this is that you can just pause me.” Instead, 61 people unsurprisingly hit the ‘dislike’ button.