Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Moron of the Moment – Alexa Chung

Self-declared “human” Alexa Chung’s fashion business unsurprisingly flops; the “stuck-up socialite’s” company is supposedly very deservedly “in tatters”

Utterly boring, former presenter of the appropriately named show Big Mouth, Alexa Chung has hit the headlines yet again – and unsurprisingly given her audacity, annoyingness and arrogance, it’s very deservedly for the wrong reasons.

 

Featured in The Sun this morning, the paper’s ‘Bizarre Column’ reporter Simon Boyle reported Chung’s company, Alpha Charlie Limited, “lost almost £2.3 million and is predicting a tough 2021.”

 

Going further, Doyle revealed: “Shareholders had to pump in £1.7 million, then put in more money in June this year.” He then concluded:

 

“If Alexa really had any kind of nous, she’d have cut the ridiculous costs of her lines. But alas, the stuck-up socialite believed she knew better. Yet it seems even her posh pals have snubbed her not-so-trendy designs… Don’t go into business with a pretentious model, there’s a lesson for you.”

 

Previously this dopey drip of a designer has made headlines for claiming David and Victoria Beckham “begged” to talk to her at a party and even merged her Christian and surnames into one word, ‘ALEXACHUNG,’ to accompany her transition “from muse to founder and creative director.”

 

Now, given nobody wants to buy your tepid tat, Miss Chung, please finally copy your Amazon namesake and “Alexa off.”

 

Descriptions of Alexa Chung:

 

By herself:

  • “Starlet.”
  • “Human.”
  • “Fashion brand.”
  • “Queen of Instagram.”
  • “It’s no surprise to me that I’m in this position now.”
  • “I’m driven by a desire to communicate.”
  • “I have an emotional connection with other people.”
  • “Airports are such emotionally charged places. I travel a lot, and I people-watch. And I love that British thing of wearing your holiday outfit home but with a sensible jacket because if you are British you are never not thinking about the weather.”
  • “I’m always under scrutiny – and I always feel it.”
  • “[Modelling] warped my reality.”

 

By Lily Waddell of the Mail on Sunday:

  • “Fashion royalty.”
  • “The belle of the ball.”
  • “The biggest designer name of the moment.”
  • “A style maven.”
  • “A starlet.”
  • “A fashion genius.”

 

By Niomi Harris of the MailOnline:

  • “Usually cuts a stylish figure at showbiz bashes.”
  • “Stunning.”
  • “Allows her dress to do the talking.”

 

By Kayleigh Giles of the MailOnline:

  • “Sits front row at almost every major Fashion Week show.”
  • “Stylish.”
  • “Star.”

 

By Anna Wintour:

  • “A phenomenon.”

 

By The Sun’s Simon Boyle:

  • “Miserable, snooty model.”
  • “Galling.”
  • “Ridiculous.”
  • “Does naff all.”
  • “Stuck-up socialite.”
  • “Believes she knows better.”
  • “If Alexa really had any kind of nous, she’d have cut the ridiculous costs of her line.”
  • “Don’t go into business with a pretentious model [like Alexa Chung], there’s a lesson for you.”

 

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In October, Alexa Chung decided to pretend she was Queen Elizabeth II. The boring 16:53-minute YouTube feature was not in the slightest amusing, but, of course, this ridiculous woman accompanied her shit-show with a vain message: “And yes, I’m 36” and an announcement that she was launching her own Spotify channel.

Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.

2 COMMENTS

  1. I wonder what kind of brainless investors are backing unworthy fashion ventures like this, launched by clueless wannabes who think business is like Insta Likes !
    It sounds like it will be another flop going into administration anytime soon.. but she will shrug it off and blame Covid..

  2. It sounds like she’s just a legend in her own mind, and comes from the planet, Me, Myself, I.
    Get a proper job you Pretentious twit.

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