We sadly live in an era of selfies and reality television, but on Thursday an especially vacuous wench named Carmen Jordá made an utter prat of herself by posing for 40 minutes for photographs on the pavement outside Bibendum in South Kensington.

Dumb blonde Jordá, dressed in a disgusting off-pink outfit resembling a set of worn out curtains from the set of Dynasty, sat both inside and posed outside a Wiesmann convertible, but did not take a breath of air. Shamelessly this self-promoting sort clicked her fingers at her personal photographer – a nobody dressed in an equally ghastly matching pink jacket – and choregraphed her every move. An equally odd woman, one Erica Pelosini, joined in (dressed in a darker shade of pink and resembling Cruella de Ville on crack) and flashed her black underwear as she got in and out of the car.

A Dowager Duchess and her daughters sat on looking in astonishment. One stated: “I don’t want to bitch, but here’s mutton dressed as lamb.” A visitor from Egypt at the next table added: “These two are more like Cinderella’s sisters.” Spot on.

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Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Paris Hilton arriving at the event with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Paris Hilton leaving the event with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Carmen ‘I don’t travel without my personal photographer in coordinated clothing’ Jordá.
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Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Carmen ‘Plainly a woman who has to be photographed from all angles’ Jordá.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
‘I must show off my big butt’ Carmen Jordá.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
‘Time for yet another pose’ Carmen Jordá.
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Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Polish friend of Jackie Branston and wife of Norwegian billionaire Bjarne Rieber joins in on the action and takes pictures of Carmen Jordá from the pavement.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
The paparazzi had no interest in Carmen Jordá but went mental for ‘One Night in Paris.’
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Another guest decided to dress as Big Bird.
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Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Leading gatecrasher ‘Mr Frizzy’ put in an appearance (but did not make it upstairs to the actual party). “Where was David Pun?” asked one present. After all, #NoPunNoParty.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Two guests plainly who’d plainly been to PoundLand for their outfits.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Another decided to show her more than ample derriere. Kim Kardashian would have been proud.
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Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
A Miss Trunchbull lookalike also put in an appearance.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
Meanwhile, Carmen Jordá just continued to pose and pose and pose a little more.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
A local looked on and laughed.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
But all the PoundLand bird wanted to do was pose.
Don’t You Know Who I Am? Carmen Jordá eclipsed by Paris Hilton – Woman dressed in a set of curtains makes a prat of herself at Bibendum in South Kensington; Paris Hilton saunters in later holding hands with Caroline ‘#JustSaying’ Stanbury
And all Cinderella’s ugly sister wanted to do was to go to the ball.