Tag: Queen

Is a Republic on the way?

Nikolay Kalinin analyses the results of a YouGov poll that came out in favour of a republic and elected head of state

Breaking away from the traditionalist views of their predecessors, the youth of today in Britain recently proclaimed support for the abolition of the monarchy and the establishment of an elected head of state, a YouGov poll has found.

According to YouGov, which conducted its survey between 2019 and 2021, more than four in ten 18 – 24 year olds surveyed supported removing the monarch and replacing it with an elected representative. Meanwhile, 31% of 18 – 24 year olds were found to still support the monarchy, a 15-point decline from 2019.

Another key headline was that general support for an elected head of state rose over the past two years, from 26% in 2019 to 41% in 2021.

These results come after two years of controversies surrounding the royal family, including Prince Andrew’s juggernaut wreck of an interview on the BBC’s Newsnight regarding his friendship with pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s interview on CBS.

Nevertheless, backing for the royal family itself actually remains high – three in five support the Queen and her heirs – especially amongst the older age groups. Seven in ten people between the ages of 50 – 64 were found to still be in favour of the monarchy, whilst of people aged 65 plus, that number rose to 8 out of 10.

The results of this poll to me are not surprising. Many young people don’t like the idea of a monarchy and its disconnect from the rest of the population in general. Many also resent spending millions to sustain their palaces whilst more and more people become homeless in the UK every year.

We also have to remember that the government is planning on spending £200 million of taxpayers’ money – which could have been used to fund the NHS or to build more police stations – on a massive yacht named after the late Duke of Edinburgh. I join those questioning how that yacht will benefit the British public.

To young people, the monarchy is a reminder of an age when society was more backward, and to them there is also no need for a sovereign ruler whose very existence undermines the principle of democracy. Young people are also more likely to be critical of what they see as the cult-like attitude of the media towards the monarchy, even having ‘royal correspondents’ who report on their affairs. To them, it’s all so unnecessary and out of place in the 21st century.

Opposition to the monarchy is not leaderless; the pressure group Republic has risen to prominence in the recent years and currently has around 80,000 supporters in the country. Responding to the poll results, the organisation’s CEO Graham Smith stated: “Support for the monarchy has been sustained by the Queen’s long reign. The automatic succession of King Charles will dramatically alter the debate and public attitudes, putting the monarchy on collision course with modern British values. This latest poll is another reminder of the urgent need for a serious, honest and grown up debate about the future of the monarchy and the democratic alternative.”

Still, just as the Martin Bashir scandal and the intense hatred of the British public for ‘MeGain’ rumbles on, the royal family continues to enjoy popularity amongst the older traditionalist crowd. This comes especially as the Queen herself has reportedly been “deeply upset” by Prince Harry’s comments on his upbringing in a “cycle of suffering,” which he revealed on his new Apple TV+ series with Oprah Winfrey.

Inevitably, however, the older generation is going to die out, and the increasing republican and younger members of society will become more outspoken. There is even a parliamentary petition with almost 7,000 signatures calling for a referendum on the abolition of the monarchy, though it still needs to reach 10,000 signatures before a government response is even orchestrated.

This dissatisfaction with the monarchy can be easily reflected in Nick Abbott’s radio episode on LBC on 21^st May, in which he commented on the negative response to Prince Harry’s comments by stating: “It’s as if though we’re obsessed with time not advancing, and Brexit is a lot like that. We just want to regain some imagined past, some Disneyfication of the nation.”

Will the monarchy survive into the 2030s? Young people don’t seem especially enthusiastic for it if YouGov’s latest poll is to be believed. The scandal of Prince Andrew’s involvement with Jeffrey Epstein and other unsavoury characters hasn’t helped and nor has the behaviour of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, but the Queen remains firmly in the nation’s hearts – that is for sure.

“Replacing the monarchy with a museum” is the desire of some in the UK, but that most certainly is not backed by older British citizens.

In June 2012, ‘The Steeple Times’ featured reader favourite Anton Lorien’s tribute to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. It stands as a testament to the legacy of an esteemed lady whose service to her country is widely believed to have been exemplary.

May 25, 2021
Maxwell Delayed

Matthew Steeples suggests that Ghislaine Maxwell’s trial being delayed is not surprising given new charges against the mucky madam; it is now time Prince Andrew spoke to the FBI, he adds

After banging on about her ‘black eye’ and her lawyers having had shared an undated image of a woman who shouldn’t be posing for pictures given she’s incarcerated anyway, the disgraced socialite Ghislaine Maxwell has finally secured a ‘win’ after her trial was given “a short continuance until the fall of 2021 to allow the defence to prepare for the additional charges brought.”

The fact of the matter in this development, however, is that the new charges brought against Maxwell recently not only extend the timeframe in question from 1994 to 1997 to 1994 to 2004 – key to the period in which the mucky madam was especially involved with the likes of Prince Andrew – but also increased her number of “minor” accusers from 3 to 4 victims. Here, now, we have before us a wicked wastrel of a woman facing a likely far worse fate and, frankly, thus, a small extension to allow her to “prepare” can be considered reasonable.

In other legal correspondence yesterday, the Honorable Alison J. Nathan stated “the Court declines to take further action at this time” in response to Maxwell’s lawyers claiming that paperwork supposedly destined for their client had been interfered with by her jailors. Dismissing yet more distraction technique by the ‘Bouncing Czech’s’ deviant daughter, Nathan also added that the trial delay must be “no longer than necessary” and after ordering both sides to quickly work towards a new proposed trial date quite rightly added:

“No [further] additional delay is necessary or in the interests of justice… Importantly, any victims and the public more broadly have a strong interest in trial proceeding without undue delay.”

Pictured top: Ghislaine Maxwell looking smug. No doubt, today, she’s feeling such at having her trial delayed, but isn’t she just delaying the inevitable? Someone sane, would seek a plea deal, but this mendacious minx has the same attitude as her fraud father and will remain arrogant to the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0HuM8Sg9u0&t=1790s
Maxwell Delayed – On Friday, I appeared on Shaun Attwood’s YouTube channel to discuss Ghislaine Maxwell’s ‘black eye’ and other recent developments in the case. Also featured was author, sex abuse survivor and advocate Kirby Sommers and a gentleman named Charlie Robinson.

Maxwell Delayed – Now, after a period of mourning for his late father, it is jolly well time that ‘Randy Andy’ faced the music and went to answer the questions of the FBI about his involvement with his ‘bestie’ Ghislaine Maxwell and the late paedophile Jeffrey Epstein. On Saturday, the ‘Daily Star’ reported that the “Queen [is] ‘trapped in Catch 22’ with Prince Andrew ahead of Ghislaine Maxwell trial” and reported royal commentator Daniela Elser claimed: “Her Majesty is in ‘dangerous territory’ regarding how [she] manages the fallout of the Duke of York’s ties to the disgraced late financier and his alleged accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell.” Elser added: “The public wants to see Andrew disciplined and forced to pay more of a price for his abysmal choices however having lost his royal job, patronages and reputation what else is there to take away? Short of Her Majesty forcing him to mow the acres and acres (literally) of palace lawn every week or pushing him out of a speeding Range Rover in front of the US Embassy and leaving him to the FBI, royal hands are tied.”

Maxwell Delayed – Ghislaine Maxwell used to pose naked at Jeffrey Epstein’s mucky mansion in Palm Beach; now after supposedly faking photos at burger joints, the alleged vegan is posing with black eyes. How times change for this daughter of the pension plunderer Robert Maxwell.

Maxwell Delayed – Last week, this not-seen-before image of Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein with Bill Clinton emerged. Given the multiple interactions between the former POTUS and the deviant duo, Clinton must, like Prince Andrew, be squeamish about what will be said about his ‘involvement’ at any forthcoming trial.

Maxwell Delayed – Responding to the delay to Maxwell’s trial, Kirby Sommers tweeted: “This ‘trial’ is going to go sideways.”

Maxwell Delayed – Going further, Sommers added: “[Her] legal strategy is to wear down the prosecution. Wear down the victims… And try to get out of jail. No way she’s releasing names. And no way does she want to stand trial.”

Maxwell Delayed – Referencing another element to the case, Sommers linked to a ‘Maza Inside’ article about a former friend of Maxwell who’ll be giving evidence against the alleged mucky madam. She quoted that ex-friend as saying: “[Maxwell] told me she could get into anybody’s pants and that girls are like candy.” Going further the unnamed “wealthy Californian woman” added: “This woman was worse than Jeffrey Epstein. She has no conscience. I wondered about a lot of things with her, sometimes.”

Maxwell Delayed – Elsewhere on Twitter, echoing the late Caroline Aherne’s words to Debbie McGee in character as ‘Mrs Merton’ Malcolm Finch told his 4,200 followers: “Peter Mandelson used to spend his time hanging around Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell’s Palm Beach mansion. I wonder what attracted Peter Mandelson to billionaire Jeffrey Epstein?” In May 2020, ‘The Steeple Times’ reported on the late Paul Daniels’ wife Ms McGee “boasting about her connections to ‘Randy Andy’” and in June that year we also explored the somewhat curious relationship between ‘Prince of Perv’ Epstein, ‘Prince of Darkness’ Mandelson and ‘Princess of Pugnacious’ Maxwell.

May 4, 2021
Brenda’s Brew

Her Majesty The Queen launches two home brewed beers just as it is announced that drinkers have drunk stocks nigh on dry in the wake of ‘unlockdown’

This morning, just as BBC Radio 4’s Today programme announced that pubs are literally “scraping the barrel” in desperation to find beer given customers have gone wild since lockdown restrictions were eased, The Sun revealed that “Her Majesty has moved into home brewing with two new bitters” made with crops grown at her Sandringham Estate.

Said like her late mother to be “partial to a gin and Dubonnet” according to her former chef Darren McGrady, the Queen’s 5% ABV Golden IPA and 4.3% ABV Sandringham Best Bitter are being sold at a punchy price of £3.99 per bottle, but have already attracted plaudits galore.

According to the paper, one unnamed fan remarked:

“To drink beers that the Queen’s had a hand in is the stuff of legend.”

“I can just imagine her supping the first pints and giving her royal thoughts on the taste. Unlike most of the home brews I’ve tried, these are actually really tasty.”

“I’m sure Prince Philip would be very proud that the estate is producing these ales as I know he was a fan of a good real ale.”

“Good on Queenie. She always knows what the country needs – and this summer, more than ever, it’s a beer.”

Sadly, however, you’ll only currently be able to buy the beers – which are made “using organic Laureate spring barley and spring water from a nearby borehole” – if you head to the estate shop on the Sandringham Estate.

The current monarch is surprisingly not alone in lauding the benefits of beer. In February 2015, we reported that Queen Victoria once remarked: “Give my people plenty of beer, good beer, and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them.”

Brenda’s Brew – The Queen is known for having a liking for champagne, wine and gin and Dubonnet, but now she can join the masses and indulge in her very own beers.

May 1, 2021
Don’t Come On Carrie!

Matthew Steeples argues that Daniel Johnson’s “Come on Carrie: your country needs you!” call to Boris Johnson’s wine chucking latest baby mama is nothing but claptrap

The Article is one of those online titles that one can dip into from time to time and find an array of opinions about politics. It claims to show “the world in all its shades of grey” and though that’s not meant in a ‘John Major style’ (thank the Lord), the publication’s attempts to “see a story from every angle” is indeed refreshing.

Yesterday, however, the title’s editor Daniel Johnson – the brother of the controversial right-wing Vote Leave and anti-lockdown COVID Recovery Group funding former owner of the Pizza Express group Luke Johnson – penned quite frankly the most bizarre article known to man.

Daniel Johnson, also a founding editor of Standpoint and described by the Independent as having “the air of a classics don” and listed on Wikipedia for having “asserted that Islam in not a peaceful religion,” asked: “Why isn’t the Prime Minister calling for a post-Covid catch-up campaign [for British school children]?” He then turned to what he believes should happen in the wake of Prince Philip’s funeral tomorrow.

Bizarrely and from utterly nowhere, the journalist went off on a seriously odd tangent and declared:

“Our sympathy for the Royal Family is all the greater because this has been a sad time for so many others, too. After so many funerals, a wedding would not come amiss. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a divorced man in possession of the good fortune to be Prime Minister must be in want of a wife.”

“Next month Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds will have been engaged for 18 months. Once the restrictions on weddings have been lifted in June, there is nothing to stop them getting married. Not everyone would rejoice, but most people would wish them well. Royal weddings happen regularly; prime ministerial ones are rare birds. Indeed, the last time a Prime Minister tied the knot while in office was in 1822, when Lord Liverpool remarried after being widowed.”

“If a week is a long time in politics, two centuries is an aeon. There are many reasons why Boris might be hesitant, but his fiancée is no shrinking violet and is quite capable of insisting that the time has come. Little Wilfred is growing fast. The nation needs cheering up. Come on, Carrie: your country needs you!”

Aside from the fact that most of the nation would prefer Prime Minister Johnson to be focusing on getting the current out of the Covid crisis and fixing our economy, ‘Journalist Johnson’ misses the point entirely about the country’s thoughts about our serial shagging head honcho.

Whilst Tory sleaze – with the Greenshill scandal and the likes of Matt Hancock handing out multi-million pound contracts willy-nilly to his mates – is dominating the headlines, I’d argue that our country needs a little less of ‘Costly Carrie’ and not a bit more. With her penchant for £200,000 “monstrous” interior design makeovers and £12,500 deliveries of food from ritzy Daylesford, here is a Barbara Amiel-esque wastrel completely out of touch with the nation.

A wedding for Carrie Symonds would certainly cement the status of a wine chucking wench with a penchant for hanging around with members of the far-right Traditional Britain Group and working for organisations supported by the deservedly incarcerated mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell, but what would it actually do for the great British public?

“Absolutely nothing” is frankly the only acceptable answer.

Next!

Don’t Come On Carrie! Boris Johnson’s current squeeze Carrie Symonds was described by her alleged spreader of fake news about Russia ex-boyfriend Oliver Haiste (sometimes spelt ‘Haste’) as: “Any relationship with Carrie or friendship with Carrie is very intense and can often burn brightly… Never boring… Tumultuous… Intense and passionate… That passion can work the other way when she is not happy with you… It’s the most up and down relationship I have had.”

Don’t Come On Carrie! Rumours of Boris Johnson’s affairs continue to do the rounds on social media. Aside from a supposed ongoing fling with a certain tame BBC journalist, the Prime Minister has been repeatedly linked to various Russians.

Don’t Come On Carrie! The man pictured left believes “Boris Johnson was sent by Christ” to “fulfill bible prophecy” whilst a parody magazine mocked the Prime Minister with a headline: “Scumbag Exposed! My hubby had TWELVE children before WE MET!”

April 16, 2021
Heirless – Hair Horror

As wicked witch heiress Ghislaine Maxwell complains about losing her hair and being “forced to clean a shower with a broom,” her ‘bestie’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter for all the wrong reasons

Yesterday, deservedly never-now-to-be-an-heir to the monarch ‘Randy’ Prince Andrew trended on Twitter. Mocked as a result of Piers Morgan commenting about the woman formerly known as Meghan Markle yet swerving the Duke of York’s failure to report to the FBI for questioning, the social media outlet’s users then turned on his one-time ‘bestie’ Ghislaine Maxwell after her lawyer blubbed about her hair falling out and her being forced to do a bit of hard labour with a broomstick.

Reporting on the matter, the New York Post quoted a letter from Bobbi Sternheim, a lawyer for the mucky madam and heiress to the disgrace that was Robert Maxwell. It read:

“Ms. Maxwell continues to be at the mercy of a revolving group of security officers who are used to guarding hundreds of inmates but now focus their undivided attention exclusively on one respectful, middle-aged female pretrial detainee.”

“Recently, out of view of the security camera, Ms. Maxwell was placed in her isolation cell and physically abused during a pat down search.”

“When she asked that the camera be used to capture the occurrence, a guard replied ‘no.’”

“When Ms. Maxwell recoiled in pain and when she said she would report the mistreatment, she was threatened with disciplinary action.”

“She is withering to a shell of her former self – losing weight, losing hair, and losing her ability to concentrate.”

“Having been incarcerated in de facto solitary confinement for 225 days and monitored by two to six guards 24 hours a day with a handheld camera dedicated to capturing her every move, except when it would record improper conduct on the part of the guards, it is not surprising that Ms. Maxwell feels she is detained under the control of the Bureau of ‘Pretrial Punishment.’”

Other complaints made on behalf of Maxwell, the DailyMail.com later reported, have included that she has “been deprived of sleep and given inedible food.” They added: “Sternheim went on to claim that surveillance of her client is so strict that ‘guards forbid’ Maxwell from standing in certain areas of her six-foot-by-nine-foot cell, including telling her not to stand to the left or right over her toilet.”

Supposedly also, Maxwell “has never received a properly heated meal,” been forced to drink “odorous tap water” and jail staff microwave her food “in a container that is not meant for use in a microwave.” Sternheim added: “Ms. Maxwell’s food either does not defrost the food or disintegrates it and melts the plastic container, rendering the food inedible.”

Diddums, Ghislaine. What will this wicked witch want next (aside from a desk, more computers and Krug on tap)? A visit from the Pointless Celebrities crimper Nicky Clarke OBE?

Pictured top: Heir-to-robber-baron Robert Maxwell pictured with his then-with-plenty-of-hair daughter Ghislaine Maxwell (left); now heir-to-nowt Prince Andrew guffawing whilst in the company of toady ‘Telegraph’ typist Camilla Tominey.

Heirless – Hair Horror – Ghislaine Maxwell has sported many different hairstyles over the years. Now, apparently, like the witch she has certainly become, it’s all falling out.

Heirless – Hair Horror – A snap of Jeffrey Epstein together with Prince Andrew walking next to signage reading ‘Together’ in 2010 (left); their mutual ‘bestie’ is currently incarcerated in the Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn.

Heirless – Hair Horror – Amongst the mockery circulating on Twitter about Prince Andrew recently has been a diagram describing what’s been “useless since Fergie left” (Prince Andrew numbers alongside Man United and the Black Eyed Peas) and a captioned photograph of Prince Charles and Her Majesty The Queen supposedly watching ‘The Crown.’ It is accompanied by a speech bubble reading: “Fast forward to the bit where Andrew goes to jail.”

February 17, 2021
Farting Fergie

Sarah Ferguson gets overexcited over a farting book, but still hasn’t declared if she’s repaid a loan from paedo Jeffrey Epstein

Somewhat simple Sarah Ferguson – a wack job who still hasn’t declared whether she ever repaid money she took as a loan from the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein – took to YouTube this week to read a “scratch and sniff unicorn fart book.”

Whilst well-known as a lover of having her tepid toes sucked in the past, Pizza Express (Woking branch) loving ‘Randy Andy’s’ live-in ex-wife enthusiasm for a book about “emitting wind from the anus” was subsequently described as her showing she’s “ever the working girl” according to the MailOnline’s Claire Toureille.

Fergie’s farts, however, have yet to gain gas and go viral. In spite of a further article by Craig Brown in the Daily Mail which asked if the fruitcake known as the former Meghan Markle would be doing a follow-up fart “30 years from now,” just 835 people have actually bothered to watch this one-time royal bang on about flatulence.

Famous Farts

Roald Dahl, The BFG

“A whizzpopper!” cried the BFG, beaming at her. “Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?”

Ernest Hemmingway, 88 Poems

“Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.

Come let us fart in the home.

There is no art in a fart.

Still a fart may not be artless.

Let us fart and artless fart in the home.”

Robert Rinder

“I can smell a liar like a fart in a lift!”

Farting Fergie – What will Her Majesty The Queen make of Sarah, Duchess of York’s decision to share stories with the world via YouTube about farting?

Farting Fergie – In February 2018, the ‘Mirror’ reported that: “The Queen once got accused of farting loudly and trying to blame it on the horses.” They remarked: “The Queen is probably one of the last people on earth you can imagine farting in public. Not only would it be mortifying to accidentally let rip while meeting her subjects, the whole world would soon get to know about it.”

Farting Fergie – ‘Fergie’s’ non-sweating ex-husband Prince Andrew was widely mocked after claiming to distinctly remember a visit to Pizza Express in Woking on the day he allegedly had sex with the then teenage Virginia Roberts, now Giuffre, in 2001. During his juggernaut crashworthy interview with Emily Maitlis in November 2019, he remarked: “I was with the children and I’d taken Beatrice to a Pizza Express in Woking for a party at I suppose four or five in the afternoon. And then because the duchess [Sarah Ferguson] was away, we have a simple rule in the family that when one is away the other is there.” Whether he actually attended has since been disputed and whether he actually consumed pizza and whether it caused him to fart remains still unknown.

Farting Fergie – On Thursday 20th August 1992, the ‘Daily Mirror’ shared what they called “the pictures they didn’t want you to see.” In them, a topless Duchess of York was shown having her toes sucked in the South of France by a Texan millionaire named John Bryan. Of the incident, the ‘Mirror’ later reported: “Royal writer Richard Kay claimed in the ‘Daily Mail’ that he received a message via pager from Princess Diana the night before the photos hit the newspaper stands. Diana’s message was simple: ‘The redhead’s in trouble.’”

Farting Fergie – Sarah, Duchess of York pictured with the since incarcerated Ghislaine Maxwell at an opening party at Asprey in 2003. It remains unknown as to whether ‘Fergie’ ever repaid a loan from the mucky madam’s now croaked boss Jeffrey Epstein, but this week a New York court threw out mendacious Maxwell’s bid to keep her 2016 testimony about sex toys sealed.

February 11, 2021
Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung
Fashion fruitcake Alexa Chung arrogantly announces that she has no interest in anything other than “endless parties” in “post-pandemic” times

Whilst over 100,000 people may have died from coronavirus in Britain to date, this morning, the Guardian’s Jess Cartner-Morley shared that alien-to-all-of-this Alexa Chung – a weird wench who once merged her entire name into one hashtag, #ALEXACHUNG – has announced that her priority is not helping others, but instead getting her glad rags on when the pandemic is over.

In response to a WhatsApp message from Cartner-Morley, fresh from running up debts of £2.3 million in 2020, ex-Big Mouth Chung supposedly, without a thought for those already gone and others on their deathbeds, ridiculously replied:

“When I think about life post-pandemic, all I can think about is endless parties… [I will be in] eye-wateringly short bodycon dresses – I may need matching knickers – and high heels.”

NHS staff and key workers will no doubt also be delighted to learn of Chung’s latest pearl and once again: “Thanks, Alexa” will resonate throughout the land.

Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung – Spoof Wikipedia-esque site Illogicopedia.org amusingly describe Alexa Chung as a “British fashion model made entirely out of wood.” They add: “She is best known for designing custom handbags for diabetic canker sores and hurling red paint at celebrities who refuse to wear fur” and conclude: “Anything you can do Alexa can do better. She can do anything better than you.”

Descriptions of Alexa Chung

By herself:
- “Starlet.”
- “Human.”
- “Fashion brand.”
- “Queen of Instagram.”
- “It’s no surprise to me that I’m in this position now.”
- “I’m driven by a desire to communicate.”
- “I have an emotional connection with other people.”
- “Airports are such emotionally charged places. I travel a lot, and I people-watch. And I love that British thing of wearing your holiday outfit home but with a sensible jacket because if you are British you are never not thinking about the weather.”
- “I’m always under scrutiny – and I always feel it.”
- “[Modelling] warped my reality.”
By Lily Waddell of the Mail on Sunday:
- “Fashion royalty.”
- “The belle of the ball.”
- “The biggest designer name of the moment.”
- “A style maven.”
- “A starlet.”
- “A fashion genius.”
By Niomi Harris of the MailOnline:
- “Usually cuts a stylish figure at showbiz bashes.”
- “Stunning.”
- “Allows her dress to do the talking.”
By Kayleigh Giles of the MailOnline:
- “Sits front row at almost every major Fashion Week show.”
- “Stylish.”
- “Star.”
By Anna Wintour:
- “A phenomenon.”
By The Sun’s Simon Boyle:
- “Miserable, snooty model.”
- “Galling.”
- “Ridiculous.”
- “Does naff all.”
- “Stuck-up socialite.”
- “Believes she knows better.”
- “If Alexa really had any kind of nous, she’d have cut the ridiculous costs of her line.”
- “Don’t go into business with a pretentious model [like Alexa Chung], there’s a lesson for you.”
Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung – Prior to coronavirus lockdowns in the UK and elsewhere, Alexa Chung was best known for hitting the party circuit and in February 2019 hosted a launch for a range of sunglasses at a restaurant named Wild By Tart. At it, she “allowed her dress to do the talking” and also “spoke of her “#MeToo moment.” She managed to find also to be snapped being kissed simultaneously on her cheeks by both Pixie Geldoff and Jack Guinness.

Post-Pandemic Pillock Alexa Chung – In June last year, utterly in love with herself Alexa Chung shared a bizarre 22:08 minute ‘video quiz’ on YouTube. In it, she helpfully announced that her lockdown activities had included “Netflix and chilling” and banged on about herself and her style tips. She suggested of the medium she was using: “The beauty of doing this on this is that you can just pause me.” Instead, 61 people unsurprisingly hit the ‘dislike’ button.
January 30, 2021
Bad Luck in Belgravia 2021?

Why has the Duke of Westminster still got Christmas decorations up in Motcomb Street, Belgravia in late January 2021? Bad luck or spirit lifting?

Last April, the 29-year-old Duke of Westminster continued the generosity of spirit of his late father by providing £12.5 million in support to NHS staff, key workers and their children and families at the start of the first coronavirus lockdown.

Now, however, as February 2021 approaches, one is left wondering what is going on with his main business, the Grosvenor Estate – owners of huge swathes of Belgravia and Mayfair as they’ve still got their Christmas decorations.

With it widely considered bad luck to leave Christmas decorations up beyond 6^th January – unless you are the Queen, who leaves up her decorations at Sandringham until February as she supposedly “likes to mark the anniversary of her late father’s death” in the presence of such – Motcomb Street, at the heart of the estate is still festooned in trees and lighting right now.

In these bizarre times of ‘Lockup 3.0,’ however, it seems the Duke may be opting to “keep the Christmas cheer going a little longer” to lift the spirits of residents “after the year we’ve all had.”

Earlier this month, the Daily Echo revealed that leaving Christmas decorations up until February is actually a medieval tradition. They quoted Dr. Michael Carter, senior properties historian at English Heritage and remarked:

“English Heritage is appealing to the public to follow the traditions of their medieval ancestors and leave festive decorations up.”

“Contrary to popular belief, the Christmas season actually continues right through to Candlemas on 2^nd February so there’s no real reason why you should take your decorations down earlier.

“The tradition that it is bad luck to keep decorations up after Twelfth Night and the Epiphany is a modern invention, although it may derive from the medieval notion that decorations left up after Candlemas eve would become possessed by goblins.”

What do you think? Will there be bad luck in Belgravia as a result of this decision or has the Duke of Westminster made a timely change turning back time to an old tradition at a time when spirits need to be lifted? We’ll be fascinated to hear your views.

Grosvenor’s Christmas decorations remain in place in Kinnerton Street, Belgravia, SW1 also.

January 24, 2021
Wally of the Week – Mike Alan

“International magician” Mike Alan goes mental with a cucumber after alleging a “razor sharp” M&S shelf “savaged” his coat and left him “looking like a snowman”

At a time when 13,000 families are worrying about ending up in penury thanks to retail rotter ‘Sir Shifty’ Philip Green’s empire collapsing, there’s one very, very angry man with bigger issues to fry with the sinking high street shopping sector.

Featured for “crying to the papers” first via the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers,’ an “international magician” named Mike Alan – a man mocked as the type that “shops in M&S but cuts a Lidl version of Richard O’Brien” – claims to have paid £75 for a coat that one commentator described simply as “I’ve seen nicer jackets on hot water tanks.”

Aptly ‘Digusted of Tunbridge Wells’ (and yes, Mr Alan just had to be from Tunbridge Wells) moaned to KentLive’s multimedia journalist John James that he was left “seething” after an encounter with a shelf in the spa town’s Calverly Road Marks & Spencer store.

Of the calamitous incident, Mr Alan – whom claims to have performed for both the Queen and the Sultan of Brunei – explained:

“I went into the store like I do most days. I don’t have a problem with the shop or the staff themselves, they’re very polite. I go to look at a tin of biscuits and as I pull them off the shelf it rips my coat.”

“I went to the desk and asked to speak to a manager and they said they didn’t have one on shift at the moment, I said ‘What are you? A corner shop?’”

“By this point I looked like a snowman walking around with all the feathers coming out of my coat. I was told to call up head office.”

Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – Especially for ‘Kent Live’ readers, “as seen on TV” Mr Alan shared an image of the damage he did to a cucumber with the offending shelf. He did not declare whether he paid for said vine plant fruit.

Continuing of his subsequent lengthy less than magical correspondence with the retailer, Mr Alan – a man plainly lacking a Debbie McGee to do his biscuit buying – then angrily added:

“They’ve denied it’s sharp, so yesterday I went back in there and cut one of their cucumbers with the shelf. And they still say it’s not sharp. It’s like a razor!”

“All I’m after is for them to own up to it and give me £50 for the coat, which I’d give to a homeless charity so they could buy a coat.”

“I’m just really annoyed with their attitude. I’ve not been going in there since the incident. I’ve sent an invoice to them, I’m going to charge them for every email I send them.”

“The shelf is sharp and it’s at the same height as a child’s face. It’s a joke.”

Plainly sick of this moaning Minnie, an M&S spokesman responded: “We are giving him a gesture of goodwill to cover the cost of his coat.” Magic that, Mike.

Pictured top: Mike Alan displays his “savaged” coat for the benefit of readers of ‘Kent Live’ (left); previous encounters with retailers including Sports Direct feature on his Facebook page.

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Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ members had a field day with Mr Alan subsequently. “It’s not just any savaging. It’s an M&S shelf savaging,” remarked one Michael Burke.

Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – “This is a proper Quentin Tarantino film in the making” added a ‘top fan’ named Marcus Marr. Another ‘top fan,’ Cath Dodge, added: “Wearing a natty hat does not make you a magician, mate,” whilst one Danny Beattie observed: “I know what has a problem, and it’s not the shelf!”

Wally of the Week – Mike Alan – “That shelf could have cut a woman in half… and that’s my job!” mocked one Jim MacNee.

December 8, 2020
Hero of the Hour – Marcus Rashford MBE

As the public quite rightly rubbish a disgraceful ‘Mail on Sunday’ diatribe against the campaigning footballer Marcus Rashford, he responds with dignity and launches a book club

Two days ago, The Mail on Sunday’s Andy Buckwell and Max Aitchison launched what was this morning termed “a sinister attack on a young black man” by Jonathan Liew in the Guardian.

In their frankly completely irrelevant and unnecessary diatribe, Buckwell and Aitchison banged on about how the school meal campaigning footballer Marcus Rashford MBE had bought “five luxury homes” with mortgages “from the Queen’s bank, Coutts.”

Pointedly, aside from these perfectly legitimate buy-to-let investments, the pair trivially carped on about Rashford trademarking his name in the US and quite rightly of this Liew responded: “Virtually none of this is really anyone’s business.”

Aside from the fact that Rashford has done nothing illegal, one would have thought The Mail on Sunday could have put their resources to use instead to investigate the allegations of huge tax avoidance against the House of Commons Leader, Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Given that one Maureen Fitzsimmons’ tweet about that has been liked by 22,200 individuals and retweeted 7,900 times, one could suggest that newsworthy, but since Rees-Mogg’s activities are not much different to those of the Mail’s very own proprietor Viscount Rothermere’s very own tax affairs, they wouldn’t be wanting to touch that with a barge pole.

Elsewhere this morning, humble and decent Marcus Rashford – whom responded to the Buckwell and Aitchison jamboree by quite rightly stating: “Ok, so let’s address this. I’m 23. I came from little. I need to protect not just my future but my family’s too. To do that I made a decision at the beg [SIC] of 2020 to start investing more in property. Please don’t run stories like this alongside refs to ‘campaigning.’” – announced plans to launch a book club. Unsurprisingly, the Mail showed very little interest in that.

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Rashford sensibly addressed the hateful piece by Andy Buckwell and Max Aitchison with a civilised response on Sunday. In doing show, he showed himself as the bigger man.

Amongst those who leapt to his defence were businesswoman Deborah Meaden. One Twitter user, Jon Butterworth, added: “Wonder if Andy Buckwell or Max Aitchison ever did anything decent that helped anyone or scored a good goal.” Another pointed out that Aitchison himself supposedly lives in a £1.2 million home.

This morning, humble Rashford shared news of a book club he is working on to help children experience “escapism” from reading news. In a show of dignity, he didn’t even bother to mention Aitchison or Buckwell.

Maureen Fitzsimmons’ tweet about the affairs of government minister Jacob Rees-Mogg has attracted huge attention on Twitter. It has attracted no interest from the ‘Mail’ – how terribly surprising. Not.

November 17, 2020