Thursday, February 22, 2024

Sweaty Nonce Conveniently Gets COVID-19

Isn’t it “convenient” that the “sweaty nonce” Prince Andrew has caught COVID-19? The fan of young ladies aged 19 and under does have something to celebrate – a song about him is rocketing up the charts

Just as the rape conviction of his chum Harvey Weinstein – who attended his daughter’s Princess Beatrice’s 18th birthday bash at Windsor Castle with fellow sex pests Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell in 2006 – was unsurprisingly upheld yesterday in New York, the no longer so grand Duke of York has gone and rather “conveniently” got coronavirus.


Previously branded “stupid” and someone who is “going to have to live a life of ridicule for a long time,” this mouthy-mouse-not-a-man’s perfectly timed occurrence has at least saved his mother embarrassment today at the Jubilee service of Thanksgiving at St Paul’s Cathedral today.


Meanwhile elsewhere, the thankfully croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s bestie is for once rocketing up the popularity charts. A somewhat explicit song about him by a rock band named The Kunts has now made it to the UK’s top twenty trending tunes.


Pictured top – The Queen’s second son escorting his mother at the memorial to his father on Tuesday 29th March 2022 at Westminster Abbey.


Twitter reactions
Twitter users reacted to Prince Andrew having to cancel attending Jubilee events due to getting coronavirus by calling it “convenient” and referencing him as a “lying, sweaty nonce.”
“Sweaty nonce” is a pair of words that will now forever be primarily linked to a mouthy-mouse-not-a-man who paid £12 million to a woman he supposedly never met let alone allegedly abused.
Virginia Roberts Ghislaine MAxwell
The photograph – taken supposedly by Jeffrey Epstein – on the first-floor landing at 44 Kinnerton Street, Belgravia, London, SW1X 8ES, United Kingdom on 10th March 2001 that has been shared by the world’s media in hundreds of thousands of articles and analysed countless times by countless experts. It features the renegade royal with the then Virginia Roberts and the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell and it will deservedly forever haunt this reprehensible ratbag.
Harvey Weinstein Jeffrey Epstein Ghislaine Maxwell
Convicted sex offenders are clearly welcome at the House of York and once he gets better, maybe the Duke of York might invite around some old chums to celebrate. Predators he’s previously hung out with including Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell all attended Princess Beatrice’s 1888 themed 18th birthday party at Windsor Castle on 15th July 2006. The event cost a reported £400,000 and other guests numbered more innocent sorts including Sir David Frost, Pixie Geldoff, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and Kelly Osbourne.
Stuart Hall Harvey Weinstein Jeffrey Epstein
“Make new friends, but keep the old; the new are silver, the old are gold” is something that hasn’t quite worked out at the House of York. Stripped of his honours and unable to join Jubilee parties for his mum, the Duke of York will be free – when out of isolation – to spend time with people like Stuart Hall, Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein, but all three turned out to be sexual predators. The first’s out of jail and in location unknown so that might be hard, the second is rotting in the clink and the third has croaked. “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”
Bernie Ecclestone
There’s also the option of the bungling, coffin dodging Putin apologist Bernie Ecclestone. Perhaps the skinflint could bring round a Sloppy Giuseppe from Pizza Express (Woking branch), but likely the old crone might struggle to get his ex-wife Slavica Radić’s to empty a penny or two from the Bambino trust that she controls.
James Henderson Catherine Meyer
‘Simple Sarah’ and ‘Angry Andy’ could spend time (when he’s got over his “convenient” bout of COVID-19) with Ghislaine Maxwell, but she’s currently rather incoveniently incarcerated. They do have the options of the “Chanel-clad” Baroness Meyer, but she’s probably busy post-charity-tinpot-banging pompously pontificating in the House of Lords and then there is the disgraced ex-Bell Pottinger honcho James Henderson. They do say “people’s choices of friends reflect their own characters” and this lot certainly are a very curious mirror one could argue.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. Im watching Meghan float along side the Royals in an amusing display of presumptuous identity theft complete with a mirror practiced ” royal plastered smile”
    Her whole act teetering on spindly ankles and minnie mouse spike heels. I am annoyed / amused by her self image . From the first time I ever saw her.

    • How funny Jane: Minnie Mouse shoes is exactly what her mega heels always reminded me of, even more reminiscent of the Disney character worn by her former bff Jessica Mulroney. Uncanny

  2. Hahaha. Spindly ankles love it. I like to call them chicken legs..She also copied the beautiful Catherine with her bony finger on her lips. Catherine did that at Pippa’s wedding. Apparently duchess copycat has never had an original thought of her own. Strange how she loves to exploit other people’s children for her personal benefit. How brave of her to be around such racist people too. 😂😂😅😅. Please keep the 2 Montecito clowns there. Oh wait, you all don’t want them either. !

  3. Andrew- 2021 purchased a £220,000 Bentley, 2022 a new £80,000 Range Rover, 2022 £3 million in legal fees, £12 million settlement ,31 bedroom mansion with maintenance and utilities fees in the millions. Stepped down as a working member of the Royal family in Nov 2019. So where does the money come from? Why has the media failed to investigate this?His mother isn’t above using taxpayer’s funds. Sept 2010-Sky News- “Queen’s Bid For Poverty Grant Slammed.” Billionaire Betty believed she qualified for a poverty grant.

    • The curious financing of Prince has been called out on many occasions on these pages, but the person who has done the most significant work is by the ex-Lib Dem MP Norman Baker.

      Regarding the cars, many vehicles used by the royals are on leases at preferential rates.

  4. Shall we assume Andrew has whined to the Archbishop of Canterbury regarding his unpopular status. This probably after his poor Mother has drifted off in the middle of one of his late night visits to Windsor. Where does he think this refreshed and respected Andrew is coming from? He has proven over a lifetime that he has no talent for respectability. What is the UK going to do with the sad carcass of Queen Elizabeth’s favorite child? Wonder how he feels about Ms. Maxwell these days.

  5. So really, that’s the best excuse they can come up with, Covid ffs?
    What about his pathetic live in defacto frump, has she got Covid as well?
    She was very outspoken slagging off his accusers.
    It’s about time people woke up to this phony Royal bull tish, it’s from the dark ages, and has no place in 2022.
    People are living in cardboard boxes under bridges, not a mile down the road from this jubilee puppet show. Most services are short staffed and crying out for dosh. It’s about time people woke up from the fairy tale.
    PS, If I hear Charles say mummy one more time, I will slash my wrists.

    • I’ve LOVED all of it. The British monarchy has a rich & long history. The Queen is such a beautiful & gracious lady. I do find it hilarious though that the fake Montecito couple think we Americans have royalty 😂. We do have huge respect for real royalty though.

  6. Oh Dodge…yes to your comment! Geez..its like an unnaturally expensive cartoon…Im a sucker for nostalgia..and I teared up a couple of times ..I olso tear up watching the Budweiser Clydesdale commercials did feel like a last stand..Charles is a caricature of himself .. its comical…that hand in the pocket..and I can feel the Queen cringe hearing that Mummy bit . whoa..
    I love the Queen ..she is priceless…a cultural Methuselah and adorable ..


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