So, Prince Andrew, You’ve Been Publicly Shamed

As Prince Andrew becomes an ideal case study for Jon Ronson’s ‘So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed’ after his £12 million settlement with Virginia Giuffre, we ask: “Where next for this non-sweater and his spendaholic live-in ex-wife?”

Unsurprisingly, after it was announced he’d reached a preliminary settlement with Virginia Giuffre on Tuesday afternoon, Prince Andrew was yet again slammed for his poor judgment and poor choice of friends.

Totaling a sum of “more than £12 million ($16.2 million, €14.3 million or درهم59.7 million)” if The Telegraph’s Victoria Ward and Josie Ensor are to be believed, the undisclosed out of court settlement awarded to a trafficked lady who claimed to have been forced into having sexual relations and been raped on three occasions when she was just 17 marks a remarkable turnabout.

In a joint statement issued by power broker lawyer David Boies, it was declared:

“Virginia Giuffre and Prince Andrew have reached an out of court settlement.”

“The parties will file a stipulated dismissal upon Ms Giuffre’s receipt of the settlement (the sum of which is not being disclosed). Prince Andrew intends to make a substantial donation to Ms Giuffre’s charity in support of victims’ rights.

“Prince Andrew has never intended to malign Ms Giuffre’s character, and he accepts that she has suffered both as an established victim of abuse and as a result of unfair public attacks.”

“It is known that Jeffrey Epstein trafficked countless young girls over many years.”

“Prince Andrew regrets his association with Epstein, and commends the bravery of Ms Giuffre and other survivors in standing up for themselves and others.”

“He pledges to demonstrate his regret for his association with Epstein by supporting the fight against the evils of sex trafficking, and by supporting its victims.”

Responding to the statement, Los Angeles trial attorney Christa Ramey tellingly remarked: “The prince definitely had something to fear from the case moving forward, that’s why it was settled essentially without lawyers conducting any discovery,” whilst councillor Darryl Smalley of York Council added: “Following the news that Prince Andrew has reached a financial settlement in the sexual abuse lawsuit brought against him, we are reiterating our calls for his title as the Duke of York to be removed.”

Going further and totally slamming the renegade royal, media lawyer Mark Stephens told the PA news agency: “[Prince Andrew] is reputationally toast and will never appear on a royal balcony ever again and has effectively been airbrushed from polite society and the royal family.”

Pictured top – Mouthy mouse-not-a-man Prince Andrew claimed that he never went out in London without a jacket and tie, this picture proved that claim a lie (left); Prince Andrew might now do well to read Jon Ronson’s ‘So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed,’ it might offer him a little hope as he tries to forge a new life (centre) and Prince Andrew pictured guffawing in military regalia, he won’t be doing much of that in the coming years (right).

SO YOU’VE BEEN PUBLICLY SHAMED – WHERE NEXT FOR ‘RANDY ANDY’ AND ‘FARTING FERGIE’?

Given he’s well and truly pissed off Prince Charles and Prince William, aside from likely losing his position as a Counsellor of State – as was suggested by the Daily Mail’s Richard Eden in January – shamed Prince Andrew may well also soon find himself turfed out of the Grade II listed mansion where he’s lived since 2003.

The freehold of Royal Lodge – said to have an “open market value of at least £30 million ($40.6 million, €35.8 million or درهم149.2 million)” – is owned by the Crown Estate and if Prince Andrew and his live-in ex-wife (resident there since 2008) are asked to disappear into obscurity by the royal family, instead, this pair of national embarrassments could instead:

Move in with ‘Ginge & Cringe’?

Given this demanding duo like to live large and spend big, living in ‘La La Land’ in the £10.3 million ($14 million, €12.2 million or درهم51.4 million) mansion of his equally tiresome exiled nephew might well appeal to the disgraced Duke of York.

Whilst ‘Randy Andy’ could busy his days ogling Californian blondes and playing golf with the drip Prince Harry at the Jack Nicklaus designed Montecito Club, it’d be a delight for ‘Fergie’ to be close to her old mucker Oprah Winfrey. Maybe they could team up with the former Meghan Markle and make some scones and wonga together. That’d solve a few financial woes and pay for a Bentley or two.

The price:

Well, who knows, but you can guess your bottom dollar that ‘MeGain’ would want as much as she could get for her guest cottage. She is a broad, after all, with a penchant for raking in millions from Netflix and Spotify.

We reckon:

Whilst very appealing in many ways as Americans do love royals of any kind, Prince Andrew might well to do well avoiding America for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t want a visit from the FBI and a potential criminal case after all.

Buy themselves a private island off Scotland?

Helicopter loving Prince Andrew could instead whisk his live-in ex-wife off to live on the currently uninhabited 61.77-acre Holm of Huip private island in the Orkney Isles.

Complete with its own pod of seals and once occupied by Vikings, selling agents Vladi Private Islands remark of it: “The island can certainly be described as well-connected” and emphasise that the remains of three stone houses could be “renovated and made habitable.”

The price:

Given the prince and his ex-wife are no doubt now of much reduced means, they’d welcome the thank the price has moved from £350,000 ($474,000, €417,000 or درهم1.7 million) in January 2015 to “offers welcomed.”

We reckon:

Given this island has been on the market for so long, the ‘No Longer So Grand Old Duke of York’ could probably do a part exchange on the island and trade in his Bentley for it.

However, though it’d suit the public a treat to see this pair of grubby grabbers castaway, the local wildlife may not be so welcoming of witnessing Fergie having her toes sucked on the island’s long, sandy southern beach.

Head back for a non-sweaty encounter in the Falkland Islands?

Given he didn’t totally disgrace himself and was even lauded as a hero for his actions there by some after he fought there in 1982, returning to the Falkland Islands could be a good way out for Jeffrey Epstein’s former bestie.

Joining a total population of around 3,400 people might well also appeal to the chatterbox ‘Fergie’ since it is “a very social place” and “stopping for a chat is a way of life.” She could get the locals involved in her Fergie & Friends YouTube channel. Wouldn’t that be swell?

The price:

There are no estate agents on the Falklands and to acquire land, you do require a licence from the Attorney General. A brand spanking new timber framed kit house might seem like a veritable bargain to the Duke of York and Sarah, Duchess of York as one could cost them just £80,000 ($108,000, €95,300 or درهم398,000), but there’s one major issue: Given there’s no Pizza Express in the territory, what would ‘Randy’ do when he wanted a good old Sloppy Giuseppe?

We reckon:

Andrew Windsor claimed in his 2019 BBC interview with Emily Maitlis that going to the islands caused him “a peculiar medical condition which is that I don’t sweat or I didn’t sweat at the time and that was… was it… yes, I didn’t sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an overdose of adrenaline in the Falklands War when I was shot at and I simply… it was almost impossible for me to sweat.”

Going back wouldn’t require the pair taking a container load of deodorant, but according to The Guardian: “In a place where everybody knows everybody’s business, there’s no hope of minding your own.” That might prove a bit problematic if ‘Randy’ gets a bit handy with any young lady down at the local in the capital, Stanley.

Perform a coup and take over the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s empty ‘Paedo Island’ or the incarcerated awaiting trial alleged paedo Peter Nygard’s Nygård Cay home?

Both the Duke of York and Sarah, Duchess of York liked holidaying in luxury residences owned by the croaked paedophile Jeffrey Epstein and the alleged and currently incarcerated paedophile Peter Nygård. On occasions, they even took their daughters Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie.

Despite being scenes of disgusting depravity on an epic scale, we’re certain the most rotten royal ratbags since the late Duke and Duchess of Windsor would be willing to gloss over that and focus on “livin’ la vida loca.” Fergie’s most definitely rather good at that; well, she’s actually rather spiffingly good at that until a ‘Fake Sheikh’ comes along.

The price:

Neither paedo property is likely to be in the price range of a couple who’ve lived beyond their means for most of their lives. Jeffrey Epstein spent circa £19.2 million ($26 million, €22.9 million or درهم95.5 million) on Little St James and Great St James islands whilst Nygård allegedly sought £43.6 million ($59 million, €51.9 million or درهم216.7 million) for his crib.

We reckon:

Despite lapping it up in luxury they’d never have to pay for, the ‘Rotten Old Duke of York’ and his ex-wife missus would find themselves on a hiding to nothing with these properties. After all, they wouldn’t even be able to find the coppers to keep the electricity meters running for half a day given the bills Prince Andrew’s now facing.

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