Thursday, February 29, 2024

The Cliffmas Gravy Train 2022

How can the pugnacious pensioner Sir Cliff Richard be spending ‘Cliffmas Day’ making gravy ‘live’ in London with queue jumpers Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield when he also claims to be spending it in Fort Lauderdale, Florida also?

If the over Botoxed, creepy Christian crooner Sir Cliff Richard (born Harry Rodger Webb) were a supermarket product, you’d find him rotting in the bargain bucket, yellow stickered and somewhat past sell-by-date.


Now, on 25th December this year, the also past-their-sell-by-dates funeral queue jumpers Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield are said to be spending Christmas Day with the Mistletoe and Wine ‘singer.’ Allegedly, if you believe ITV’s advertising diatribe, they’ll be making gravy together ‘live’ in London and allegedly they’ll also be keeping the nation in good cheer as the kids fight over their cost of living crisis gifts and the elders collapse into a drunken haze unable to afford to turn on the heating even.


Aside from the mere thought of Sir Cliff’s version of “Christmas gravy” being utterly noxious – in 2016, he was slaughtered on ‘the socials’ after making gravy ‘live’ on the telly box whilst wearing an anything but saucy sequin number with soy and teriyaki sauces, yes, soy and teriyaki sauces of all things, you simply couldn’t make it up – being utterly grim, it seems the one-time mate of paedophiles numbering Lord Boothby, Max Clifford, Rolf Harris and Sir Jimmy Savile could be telling porky pies.


Whilst Zoom calling might be a solution to his convenient half-truths, ‘Cliffmas 2022’ could prove a bit complicated given Sir Cliff told the Daily Mail’s Richard Eden that he’ll actually be in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on Christmas Day. How on earth, therefore, could he be in London at the same time also?


Without that ever so convenient Concorde that used to rocket him and the likes of ‘Lady Doors to Manual’ Carole Bamford into Barbados, will this year’s ‘Cliffmas gravy’ be left as cold as this noxious nutcase’s 2023 tour schedule? We suspect there’ll be many a ‘Cliffmas Calendar’ left rotting at Heathrow come 1st January 2023 along with the convenient nonsense of a singer who shouldn’t keep claiming that he didn’t mean to be friends with the likes of evil cretins like Lord Boothby, Gary Glitter, Ronnie Kray, Rolf Harris and Sir Jimmy Savile.


Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party.


Pictured Top – The over-Botoxed ‘Summer Holiday’ singer with his possible Christmas Day 2022 chums, the much-loathed flogger of fit-only-for-the-plughole boxed wines Phillip Schofield and his queue jumping sidekick, the not-so-fragrant Holly ‘Not Mistletoe’ Willoughby.


Fort Lauderdale
With friends like these… The ‘Daily Mail’s’ Richard Eden this morning reported that Sir Cliff Richard is “off to sunny Florida” for Christmas. Eden added: “There will be no white Christmas for Sir Cliff,” but neglected to make any commentary as to whether the soppy singer had any views on white powder substances however.
Gloria Hunniford Jamie Oliver
With friends like these… The creepy Christian crooner pictured with his chirpy chum Gloria Hunniford, a woman 5 Hertford Street ‘bog photo’ posing favourite Basia Briggs seemingly has little time for, and TV chef Jamie Oliver munching on a Christmas feast back in 2016.
Graham Norton
With friends like these… With Graham Norton after doing a broadcast with him on the radio station founded by the grabber Sir Richard Branson. On 12th December, Virgin Radio cringeworthily declared: “The King of Christmas is back!” before adding that Sir Cliff had banged on about Christmas in Barbados and had stated: “The first year I spent Christmas there, it almost put me off spending it there for good. Our tree was quite tall, we have quite high ceilings, and it took me about four hours to put it up. I got so sweaty doing it, I had to have three showers! I’ve been invited to go to Fort Lauderdale in Florida this year, and of course that’s a warm, hot place too. I’m forever dreaming of a white Christmas.” Cringe or vomit now, if you need.
Gary Glitter
With friends like these, who needs enemies… With sadly still living paedophile Gary Glitter – a cretin who is due to be free in the early part of 2023. We’re told he’s headed to the Isle of Thanet, Kent – where his only known wife once lived. Will Sir Cliff be paying his old chum a visit?
Rolf Harris
With friends like these, who needs enemies… With sadly still living paedophile Rolf Harris. Though evil-to-his-core nonagenarian Harris has cancer and “can’t eat anymore” (diddums), him and his freakish wife, Alywn Hughes, are still known to like going for a curry at Cookham, Berkshire curry house that is also favoured by former Prime Minister Theresa May. Shame on them for allowing this revolting sex fiend entry.
Max Clifford Cilla Black
With friends like these, who needs enemies… With amongst others the late Cilla Black OBE – who seemed to be a magnet for wrong ‘un’s – and the thankfully croaked paedophile PR peddler Max Clifford. Unbelievably, Louise Clifford, the sex offender’s loyal to him till the end daughter, is still shamelessly trading in public relations as Borne Media after having bought the “goodwill” of her father’s vile business. How disgusting is that?
Sir Jimmy Savile
With friends like these, who needs enemies… With the monster who shagged boys, girls, men, women, the mentally disabled and corpses even Sir Jimmy Savile OBE KCSG. The pair made numerous telly box appearances together and shared not only a mutual interest in crooning but many mutual friends also.
Lord Boothby
With friends like these, who needs enemies… With the late paedophile The Right Honourable The Lord Boothby KBE. ‘Bouncing Bob’ Boothby was a sweaty, fat bisexual known for his affairs with everyone from Ronnie Kray to Lady Macmillan, wife of the Conservative Prime Minister Harold Macmillan. He has been cited as being the Tory equivalent of the ‘Bouncing Czech’ and Labour MP Robert Maxwell in terms of his deviancy.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. I made the mistake of reading some of his quotes. He got so sweaty in the 4 hours to set up the Christmas tree he had to take 3 showers? Meaningless drivel


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