Sunday, February 25, 2024

Bungling Boris Beds Down With The Bamfords

EXCLUSIVE – As bungling berk Boris Johnson lives it up for free in a £20 million Knightsbridge mansion courtesy of Lord and Lady Bamford, a neighbour demands that he and his wife are told to “disembark”

Boris Johnson is one of those people who likes to live beyond his means, but now this bungling berk has well and truly hit the jackpot and is living courtesy of Lord and Lady Bamford in not only a Cotswold cottage but also in a Knightbridge mansion owned by the “incredibly richer than yow” digger manufacturing duo.


A step up from the by comparison somewhat crappy pad in Camberwell where him and his now wife ‘Princess Nut Nut’ Carrie notoriously had a police incident after a bit of wine chucking, the Egerton Terrace house that the Mirror has been touting as being worth £20 million ($24.5 million, €22.6 million or درهم89.8 million) is a far ritzier residence. Mr Johnson now counts one of Hugh Grant’s favourite dining spots, Giovanni, amongst his near neighbours and if he fancies a truly divine martini, the Egerton House Hotel is just a hop, skip and a jump away.


An adjoining neighbour to the Bamford owned property contacted The Steeple Times to comment on her thoughts on the former Prime Minister taking up residence. She understandably raged:


“I am disgusted that Carole and Anthony [Bamford] have allowed Boris Johnson to take up occupancy as the disruption is immense. I’ve seen his security detail and they are not the kind of people we want in our neighbourhood. They are obnoxious, pushy and rude. They are just like him, in fact, also.”


“The garden of the house where I live adjoins where Boris Johnson is now living in and I’ve heard him pacing around outside in the early hours ranting into his mobile phone. He sounds like a very angry man and I am worried that there could be a domestic incident between him and his wife also. She sounds like a very ‘noisy bird,’ I must say. She is a bit of a ‘fish wife,’ I do suspect.”


“I now very much hope that once they read this, ‘Lady Doors-to-Manual’ [ex-airline hostess] Bamford will be telling the Johnsons to disembark. The presence of this pillock will cause property prices to plummet. Get him gone!”


Editor’s Note – Unlike as is the case in many publications, this article was NOT sponsored or supported by a third-party.


Pictured Top – Lord and Lady Bamford (left) are a couple who like to live ‘large’ at their Daylesford estate in the Cotswolds and elsewhere also; Boris Johnson (right), pictured outside their Knightsbridge pad, is a grifter who likes to live at their expense.


Egerton Terrace
The disheveled not dishy ex-Prime Minister has been spotted wandering around the Knightsbridge neighbourhood. According to ‘The Guardian’ this morning, he is building up a “war chest but he isn’t building bridges.” His new company has managed to garner around £3.5 million in the 9 months since he left office and it is being suggested that this father of children total unknown is planning a “political comeback.”
Carrie Symonds
If you’d paid £10 million for a Knightsbridge crib, would you want a feckless father of multiple kids by multiple women and a wine chucking ex-employee of a charity associated with the sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell as neighbours? Hell no!
Rolf Harris
One wonders who’ll the Johnsons will be inviting round to dinner… They could bag a piece of artwork if they invited round the cancer ridden paedophile Rolf Harris.
Charlie Elphicke
The ex-MP and ‘Naughty Tory’ Charlie Elphicke – whose immigrant hater wife Natalie now sits in his former seat in Dover – could be another possible dining companion in tony Knightsbridge. He’s supposedly down on his uppers and in need of a bit of sustenance; Carrie could perhaps cheer him up with a bit of ABBA dancing with Josh Grimstone and Henry Newman if nothing else.
Bullingdon Club
The Bamfords might have something to fear if any of the antics of the Bullingdon Club ensue during the occupancy of their current guests. Broken windows might be the beginning of their problems, but with the former Carrie Symonds in tow, God only knows what further damage will be done to the JCB tycoons’ London home.
Will not be here anymore
A greetings card that the owners of properties on Egerton Terrace, London, SW3 might like to utilise.
Current neighbours of Boris and Carrie Johnson in the tony district of Knightsbridge have declared that they’d like a rendition of Sir Cliff Richard’s “Carrie (doesn’t live here anymore)” played and the departure of the wine chucking wench and her puppet husband Boris Johnson.
Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.


  1. In your piece on Boris Johnson you refer to him as a “berk”. You may not be aware of the fact that “berk” is a cockney rhyming slang for a fool, derived from the phrase Berkshire Hunt, and therefore “berk” means “c–t”.

    He may well be a fool in some ways, but “berk” is really not on!

  2. Just putting Boris aside for a second, why is it every time I see his spouses face, I just want to slap it silly? Could it be that she looks a total entitled, Berk, along with her, unaware of what day it is Berk of a hubby??


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