Saturday, October 31, 2020

Wally of the Week: Jonny Smith

Lottery scratch card faker Jonny Smith made an utter fool of himself (and won’t now be shopping at Waitrose)

 

In the wake of the scandal of the grabbing granny who attempted to cheat her way to a £33 million share of a National Lottery jackpot, The Mirror has exposed a similarly shameless yet stupid man who tried to fake his way to winning on a scratch card.

 

Wally of the Week: Jonny Smith
Wally of the Week: Jonny Smith

Wally of the Week: Jonny Smith
Wally of the Week: Jonny Smith

 

Writing on the National Lottery’s Facebook page, Jonny Smith stated:

 

“Hi National Lottery! I bought this scratchcard recently and as you can clearly see I have revealed three £250,000 figures in the end column meaning I should be able to start shopping at Waitrose in the near future”.

 

“Unfortunately both bar codes on the reverse side have been removed by a small fire”.

 

“This completely accidental inferno has also damaged the game number on the front side”.

 

“I may also add that due to my clumsiness, in a completely separate incident I have also spilt pen ink on the other identifying number in the game column”.

 

“Just my bloody luck eh!?”

 

“Just to conclude, if you don’t mind sending me a direct message to confirm that this is a winner I would be more than happy to pass on my postal address so you can send me my winners cheque”.

 

“Yours in honesty and trust, Jonny Smith”.

 

A National Lottery representative cleverly responded:

 

“We have investigated this image for you, we can tell that the ‘small fire’ that the scratch card was involved with, was very selective and clearly didn’t like the barcodes, we suggest that you completely fire proof your home to avoid such instances from happening again”.

 

“It may also be handy if you no longer use ink pens and buy pencils from now on to avoid another ink spillage”.

 

“Furthermore, looking at the image very closely it has come to our attention that the extra £250,000 on the top right hand corner has been placed carefully, however we recommend that you invest in some proper glue”.

 

“To conclude, we won’t be sending you a direct message requesting your details as this won’t be necessary, we would like to thank you for your time to contact us, we wish you every success in the future with our games – and maybe, just maybe one day you will be able to shop at Waitrose”.

 

“If you are unhappy with the outcome you can email us on thisisnotawin@national-lottery.co.uk for further investigation”.

 

Brought to book, our Wally of the Week responded: “To summarise, I don’t think I’m getting 250k”.

 

 

Subscribe to our free once daily email newsletter here:[wysija_form id=”1″]

 

7 COMMENTS

  1. He was having a laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surely you don’t think he was being serious?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Didn’t some gentleman claim on insurance for his very expensive cigars that got destroyed by fire, and got his payout? Only to be arrested for arson. I guess it was an urban myth. Thanks to the Mirror, we are up to date with essential news. .

  3. If he ever achieves his ambition he will be surprised to find that all the posh people (as he would say) have now started shopping at Lidl because the same food is 30 per cent cheaper and it as the best smoked salmon of any supermarket in Britain. I have spotted more toffs in the local Barnstaple branch than anywhere else, a baronet and an earl in there at the same time on one occasion ! Bloody funny really reminds me of that parody of the Stealers Wheel song” I’ve got chavs to the left of me pikeys to the right and I’m stuck in a Lidl with you”.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Most Popular

Word of the Week – Coronacoaster

As we face the next lockup-lockdown, a new word that will come to greater prominence is “coronacoaster” – ride it at your peril and instead try out our gin suggestions.

Dirty Dawn Can’t Take the Heat of the Coke

Dirty Dawn strikes again – Attention seeker and alleged racist and coke possessor Dawn Ward proves she cannot cope with a bit of truthful press attention.

Bog Off Bungling Boris

Matthew Steeples suggests now is time for bungling Boris Johnson to quit; he is not in control and he has no coordinated plan for Brexit or coronavirus.

A Coked-Up Cheshire Cat

Notorious prosecco “gag reflexer” and Sinitta “napkin slapper” Dawn Ward resurfaces; the Cheshire cat has been charged with racial abuse and coke...

Randy & Mucky – Time to Face The Music

Things are about to get a hell of a lot worse for ‘Randy Andy’ the Duke of York and the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell – just as her feudal family crawl out of the woodwork and a silver-haired, Savile Row suited socialist PR man tries to get her out of the clink.

Schofe Banned

As Phillip Schofield’s book is banned from sale in Wales, we ask: “Did the temperamental telly host ‘Schofe’ have another meltdown as...

Starve a Kid to Save a Quid

‘Starve a Kid to Save a Quid’ goes viral in the wake of the government’s disastrous attempt to starve poor school kids whilst Tory MPs deservedly get banned from shops and restaurants.

Mucky Madam Maxwell Unsealed

Matthew Steeples selects some of the most telling and cringeworthy remarks from the newly unsealed 2016 Ghislaine Maxwell deposition.

Feeding Brueckner

As Scotland Yard suggest Christian Brueckner will likely never be charged over the ‘disappearance’ of Madeleine McCann, Matthew Steeples argues that the British government finally put a stop to funding this pointless search and instead feed hungry children.

Outing Randy Andy

Will ‘Randy Andy’ the Duke of York erupt in anger with the outing of the depositions of Ghislaine Maxwell this morning? Could this be the non-sweater’s last stand?

Wally of the Week – Phillip Schofield

Tempestuous television presenter Phillip Schofield bizarrely claims to have been murdered in a past life because of a debt.

Filthy Natalie

Wife of ‘Naughty Tory’ turned replacement MP Natalie Elphicke turns to talking about filthy water (but avoids the topic of her jailbird hubby’s bottom groping).

Get Menendez Out of The Hole

As Erik Menendez is undeservedly thrown in ‘the hole’ in the most ludicrous fashion in California, Matthew Steeples suggests it is time both him and his equally abused brother Lyle were finally released.

Going Bonkers For A Bin

Auctioneers Christie’s sought to sell five waste bins for £230; they ultimately went for the astounding sum of just under £34,000.

Junk the Junk Mail

Instead of banning people from enjoying themselves, the government should should do something useful and ban a genuine disease spreader: Junk mail.

Picture of the Week – A Red Squirrel Riot

Images of a red squirrel fighting a pheasant for hazelnuts and bird seed are proof that both creatures can be quite feisty.

Weather Now

London
broken clouds
11.2 ° C
11.7 °
10.6 °
84 %
6.1kmh
67 %
Sat
12 °
Sun
17 °
Mon
18 °
Tue
11 °
Wed
10 °