Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Overheard – 8th April

Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’

 

Candy Knockers

At Scalini in Knightsbridge, two brash housebuilders from Essex sat devouring veal chops. One referenced his idols and observed: “The Candy brothers have a brilliant setup. They are like the Peter Stringfellows of property”. The other looked puzzled but the first continued: “They’ve got properties that sell as well as Katie Price’s knockers. What assets! Value for money? I don’t know. But, impressive? Hell yeah!” Try telling that to Mark Holyoake.

 

You’ve Got That Sinking Feeling

The same duo moved on to talking about their respective staff. The louder of the two offered his thoughts: “I’m so proud of Ray. He’s like the Titanic. He’s like the best ship in the world. Not because it sank but because it was the best ship in the world”. The other opined: “It still f**king sank and Ray will still f**king sink too”. All that was needed next was for My Heart Will Go On to play.

 

Housing the Godly

Two priests were spotted drinking Bloody Marys at the bar at PJ’s on Fulham Road. The first remarked: “I never quite manage to get given houses”. The second answered: “Shocking, isn’t it? I look through Country Life each week and I think: ‘All I get given each week is Communion wine’”.

 

Partying with a 4×4

A group of ladies gathered in the garden at Chiltern Firehouse after a hard day’s shopping in Selfridges. As they discussed an impending party an absent ‘friend’ was due to host, one Pucci clad creature shared her thoughts. She commented: “It’s not a party. They’re telling porkie pies. They’re just having it to show off that new Range Rover they’ve just bought. I bet they’ll block the bloody drive with it”. Miaow!

 

An Iggy Hangover

“My worst hangover was when I drank three bottles of champagne” remarked a passenger on the 14 bus. “Why?” asked her friend. “Because I had to take three days off work and because I thought I was Iggy Pop for two of them”.

 

Submit comments you hear to editorial@thesteepletimes.com. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.

 

The Steeple Times
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