Classic clangers from the last week
Bending the phone
In The Thomas Cubbitt in Belgravia an American was overheard to remark that she was “so excited about the new iPhone”. Her British friend responded: “It’s made by children in China, it bends like billyo’ and is the product of a company that pays not a jot of tax. Are you proud to be associated with such?” The American didn’t fluster and was overheard to answer: “I don’t give a damn, I’ll take twenty”.
“Muslims are C**TS” read a piece of graffiti in a lavatory in a motorway service station on the M4. Beneath it was the caption: “Non-Muslims are C**TS too”. Beneath that was another. It read: “You’re all C**TS”. What more could be said?
“What do you want to drink next?” asked an English banker in a pub in London’s EC4. His Belgian friend answered: “Beer, lots of beer” but was met with the response: “What kind?” The perplexed Belgian sternly replied: “Cheap beer. I don’t want to drink responsibly tonight”. The Stella flowed.
Running the road
A British business tycoon in The Berkeley Hotel in Knightsbridge was overheard commenting to his companion: “Money can’t buy you happiness”. His chum answered: “Really?” The billionaire responded: “If that really were the case, I wouldn’t be dreaming of running ******* over would I?” Watch those tyres.
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A gallon of Stella with half a dozen good old English pork pies. You can’t beat it.