Classic clangers from the last week
Firming the butt
On the smoking terrace at The Rib Room Bar, an Arabic lady told her friend: “Cycling: You’ve got to buy a bike… I’ve tired it all but running on the treadmill now… Running on the treadmill is the only way to get a firm butt”. A Jennifer Lopez in the making?
This event is no longer booking and now forms part of The Steeple Times archive.
This event is no longer booking and now forms part of The Steeple Times archive.
ABC sex
A man on the terrace at Sandy Lane in Barbados told his wife he was divorcing her for a younger woman. When she cried and said she loved him, he reminded her of the status of their sex life. “We’ve only been having ABC sex: anniversary, birthday, Christmas”, he calmly commented. She cried a little more.
Flatlining
“I bet that scummy block of flats is dear”, commented a Northerner standing outside a building in Lowndes Square, Knightsbridge to his bleach blonde wife. A passerby overheard him and responded: “Oh yes… And you get Roman Abramovich for a neighbour”. “No thanks”, answered the Northerner: “Oh him… Now, there’s a piece of bloody scum. I’d have to vomit on his doorstep every day”. Charming.
Booked
At the National Art Library at the V&A, a Peruvian woman asked: “I know you’re a library but do you have books?” What did she expect would be on offer? Porn films?
Lifted
An orange coloured Essex broad in the express lift at Harvey Nick’s: “She was well jel… She was well, well jel…” Her equally glowing friend: “Jel of what babe?” “You know, you know… My figure of course… She told me I looked like Katie Price”. Friend: “The cheek: You’re more of a Jodie Marsh”. Harsh.
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Once overheard students in a Pub discuss genetics. The skinny fellow said to his friend “How do you determine the genetics of a blonde girl? His friend had a sly grin on his face and said “I merely pull down their jeans.