Classic clangers from the last week
Game, set and match
Two Danish women were drinking coffee in Aubaine in South Kensington. The first said: “My next husband’s going to be tall and rich”. “Oh”, replied the other. “Yes, I don’t want another short Jewish prick. I want a man capable of producing children who’ll be tennis players”. Andy Murray better watch out.
Making God up
Daisy Lowe in a hotel in Belgravia to an agent: “My makeup artist does Kylie, she does Elle Macpherson also, she even does Madonna”. A person at the next table whispered: “Does she do God too?” Miaow.
Tell me your name
A woman on a mobile outside The Art’s Club in Mayfair was heard to loudly proclaim: “You saw my picture but you don’t know my name? Tell me my name. My picture isn’t a secret and nor is my name. If you want me, you’ll tell me my name. I’ll then tell you the deal”. A pause followed and then she added: “I don’t go to Dubai. Men there are mean to me”. She continued: “Now tell me your name”. The man on the other end plainly had grown tired of her. She finished the conversation by stating: “I’ll wait for you but I don’t want to see you. You are not funny. Goodbye”. A visit to a phone box might beckon.
“She’s quite special Eugenia… She’s like a big character”, said a Russian ‘broker’ in leather pants in the Bulgari Hotel to a male fellow compatriot. “She’s on my Facebook, but I don’t understand why she checks in at such common places. I only check in at The Art’s Club. It’s a huge institution. I do it to see who else is there and their food has never looked better so I do Instagram it all as well. This is my world. Oh my God, you’ve got to watch out where you check in. You may as well just be L’Wren Scott otherwise”. We doubt this greedy grabber will go far.
Sexing up Coya
“Where shall we go tonight?” asked an Indian man to two British girls in the St Martins Lane Hotel. “There’s only one place”, they both simultaneously bleated: “Coya”. Added the second: “Coya: It’s the only place… Anyone who doesn’t go there is small”. “Small?” came the response. “You’ve got to live it large” responded the first woman. The second grabbed the man and uttered the words she needed to convince him: “Man, we’ll have good sex later”. Did a threesome follow?
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