Overheard – 12th April

Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’

 

Do lingerie

At The Goring Hotel in Victoria an aspiring female model met with a man who could potentially become her agent. After asking: “Are you photogenic?” and “are you an English rose?” the man remarked on the young lady’s future potential. He concluded: “In a couple of years, you could be doing the young mum thing… You’re 29… Do lingerie”.

 

A pongy room

On the website SpareRoom, someone named Toni Petrov offered a room. Their advert promised a room with “free sweat” for £750 per month in West Kensington. A TV, WiFi and a “mini kitchen” are also said to be included. Send in the LYNX.

 

Overheard – 12th April 2016
A Victor Meldrew-like figure appeared at the V&A last week

Overheard – 12th April 2016
A room was offered on SpareRoom.co.uk complete with “free sweat”

Overheard – 12th April 2016
And it was revealed that Russell Brand now owns a cottage with an AGA

 

Branding an AGA

In The Sunday Times, Camilla Long shared her views on Russell Brand having bought a chocolate box property named Thatched Cottage at Mile End Reach, near Henley-on-Thames (featured in The Steeple Times whilst on the market in July 2014). She pointed out: “Russell Brand’s new home in Oxfordshire has an AGA: how radical. Yes, Russell Brand owns an AGA”. Might he become the next Mary Berry?

 

Looking like Ava

At the V&A, reader Ethel Jones observed an old man sat having a coffee in the central courtyard. He engaged in conversation with a mother and child who’d joined him at his table and asked: “Did you know that Ava Gardner lived in Ennismore Gardens? Just over there”. “Oh”, came the answer before he curtly added: “And did you know she was an utter slut?” The woman covered her child’s ears and responded: “And who on earth are you? Victor Meldrew”. The old man turned to her and put her in her place with the answer: “I don’t believe it… You look like Ava Gardner yourself”.

 

Cake with the Krays

After the woman promptly departed, a man took her place at the table. The old man chose his moment and began sharing yet more pearls of wisdom: “I had an experience with the Kray twins’ mother once. She moved in next door to my family and I found her prescription in the street. I took it round and she thanked me. Later, she sent round Ronnie and he brought me a cake. For once in my life, I was speechless”.

 

Submit comments you hear to editorial@thesteepletimes.com. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.

 

 

Subscribe to our free once daily email newsletter here:[wysija_form id=”1″]

 

6 COMMENTS

  1. I thought Ellis Jones had been banned from he V&A Reading Room. (Its true though that he was a mucker of the Krays).

  2. It is shameful that you make light of the world at a time when Madeleine McCann is missing still. Her beloved parents Gerry and Kate McCann and their Find Madeleine campaign is what you should be focusing on. Shame on Steeples Times. FIND MADELEINE, FIND HER NOW.

    • Trott, according to the blood and cadaver dogs Madeleine occupied a space in the boot of the McCanns car about a month after she “vanished”. She was also seemingly lying in a cupboard in 5a and bleeding behind the settee in said place while she exuded body fluids associated with decomposition. I don’t know if you can read but you might try Goncalo Amarales’s excellent book on the matter. On balance I’d say the best people to find Madeleine are the parents themselves. So far there is little sign that the fund has paid for anything except legal actions and Clarence Mitchell, a house extension, a mortgage, and earings. I see no proof the McCann pair are beloved by anyone (aside from the twins ) except you and a couple of other well known trolls.

  3. Entirely disproportionate public funds have been expended on the McCanns. Much I believe squandered. I wonder how much the irritating Gillian Trott is paid to toady up to the McCanns and coerce gullible people to add to their coffers? Her zealotry is shameful. Go go away woman.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Most Popular

Rich Covidiot Superspreaders

As the ‘silly season’ begins, the überwealthy are getting out-of-hand in terms of behaving ridiculously; rich covidiots must learn to behave.

Good Wishes Ghislaine

As Donald Trump repeats his good wishes to Ghislaine Maxwell and associates jump to justify why they chose to be connected, it becomes clear these people happily ignored what was so obviously in front of them.

A Grand Greek Revival

Grand Greek Revival mini-mansion in Illinois goes on sale for just £35 per square foot in spite of having been mostly renovated; it is situated within an area colonised by utopian Swedish Janssonists.

Speak Up Now Randy Andy

As a new witness comes forward, it is time for the Duke of York to finally be truly honest; if ‘Randy Andy’ is genuinely innocent, it would be his best move.

Locking Up Boris

Petronella Wyatt takes to Twitter to suggest Boris Johnson “locks himself down” given he is “57 years old, and obese.”

A Tory Whip Shocker!

Matthew Steeples finds himself in shock and agreeing with Jess Phillips MP after she calls out Tory hypocrisy over their failure to withdraw the whip from an unnamed MP arrested for alleged sex crimes.

Hero of the Hour – Tobias Weller (AKA ‘Captain Tobias’)

Nine-year-old Tobias Weller has raised £145,000 for good causes by walking two marathons in spite of having cerebral palsy and autism.

MeGain Must Stop

This morning’s revelations from Thomas Markle Jnr. are proof that the Duchess of Sussex must put a stop the almighty mess she created with her family.

Titles for the Boys and Girls – Elevation of Sir Philip May

Giving a knighthood to Philip May for “political services” is absolutely preposterous given his firm’s dubious connections; instead Count Binface would have been a better recipient.

What a Charlie!

As Charlie Elphicke is convicted of three counts of sexual assault, one must consider Theresa May’s government’s shameful decision to allow him back into parliament suggests Matthew Steeples.

Gruesome Ghislaine

Ghislaine Maxwell’s request to “keep nude photos and sexualised videos” out of her trial is yet more proof that she is nothing but gruesome.

Stunt Slams The Silent Media

James Stunt calls out Viscount Rothermere for selectively choosing to ignore a story about the connection between Boris Johnson and Laura Kuenssberg;...

Tossed Out Tommy

News that Tommy Robinson has become a ‘refugee’ is the ultimate in irony.

MeGain’s Media Muckup

The Duchess of Sussex has well and truly failed in her attempt to manipulate both the media and the public; Prince Charles must now intervene.

Burley to Barnard Castle

Kay Burley makes a mockery of Dominic Cummings on Twitter.

Finding Attention (MeGain Style)

Most commentators have missed the point about the Duchess of Sussex suggests Matthew Steeples; she has a single thing on her agenda...

Weather Now

London
overcast clouds
23.9 ° C
26.7 °
21.1 °
60 %
0.5kmh
96 %
Sat
31 °
Sun
31 °
Mon
32 °
Tue
27 °
Wed
22 °