Clangers overheard and snippets spotted by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’
At The Goring Hotel in Victoria an aspiring female model met with a man who could potentially become her agent. After asking: “Are you photogenic?” and “are you an English rose?” the man remarked on the young lady’s future potential. He concluded: “In a couple of years, you could be doing the young mum thing… You’re 29… Do lingerie”.
A pongy room
On the website SpareRoom, someone named Toni Petrov offered a room. Their advert promised a room with “free sweat” for £750 per month in West Kensington. A TV, WiFi and a “mini kitchen” are also said to be included. Send in the LYNX.
Branding an AGA
In The Sunday Times, Camilla Long shared her views on Russell Brand having bought a chocolate box property named Thatched Cottage at Mile End Reach, near Henley-on-Thames (featured in The Steeple Times whilst on the market in July 2014). She pointed out: “Russell Brand’s new home in Oxfordshire has an AGA: how radical. Yes, Russell Brand owns an AGA”. Might he become the next Mary Berry?
Looking like Ava
At the V&A, reader Ethel Jones observed an old man sat having a coffee in the central courtyard. He engaged in conversation with a mother and child who’d joined him at his table and asked: “Did you know that Ava Gardner lived in Ennismore Gardens? Just over there”. “Oh”, came the answer before he curtly added: “And did you know she was an utter slut?” The woman covered her child’s ears and responded: “And who on earth are you? Victor Meldrew”. The old man turned to her and put her in her place with the answer: “I don’t believe it… You look like Ava Gardner yourself”.
Cake with the Krays
After the woman promptly departed, a man took her place at the table. The old man chose his moment and began sharing yet more pearls of wisdom: “I had an experience with the Kray twins’ mother once. She moved in next door to my family and I found her prescription in the street. I took it round and she thanked me. Later, she sent round Ronnie and he brought me a cake. For once in my life, I was speechless”.
Submit comments you hear to firstname.lastname@example.org. We publish amusing and ridiculous chatter we receive and sometimes we change names and locations to protect the identities of the vain and the vacuous.
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