Clangers overheard by readers of ‘The Steeple Times’
The perils of pork
“Bacon has ruined my life”, stated a 30-something year old banker in KX in Chelsea. She continued: “It causes cancer” and then concluded: “Now, I only eat it once a month… Ham, sausage, pork… They’re pure evil… Toxic”. Her two companions remained silent and shuffled the kale in their raw rainbow salads with their forks.
The same woman moved on to her next topic and told her friends: “My guest room is so nice. It has a housekeeper”. She waspishly followed with: “Has yours?” Her companions continued to shuffle their kale and did not answer.
Managing month by month
On personal finances, the gift that kept on giving remarked: “I only have £3,000 in my account each month… I move it around but I’m lucky, I make sure I go out with a man with a Black Amex every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. You should try it”. One companion got a fork full of kale as far as her mouth. Her near success was short-lived as she then promptly returned it to her plate.
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Sums up all that is wrong with all you morons who live in Kensington & Chelsea. Arrogant toffs, the lot of you.
20th Century Fox operated a cinema chain in America. The manager of a cinema in Brooklyn, New York received a memorandum from the Head Office informing him that the cinema will go dark after the final performance on Saturday 10 October. The cinema “going dark” was a phrase used in the cinema industry, meaning that the cinema is closing down forever, and will no longer be operational. The Manager wrote a letter back to Head Office requesting permission for the cleaners to use torch lights, enabling them to see where they are cleaning. A fool is born every minute. Bob Crow throwing a spanner in the works, sums it all up. It is not only toffs, that are arrogant.