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Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Bored of Black Tie, Crushed by ‘The Club’

As black tie bonanzas deservedly take a bashing, we ask: “What’s next for Britain and America’s party paraders?”

 

Last May, the acerbic Spectator columnist Taki wrote a brilliant opinion piece bemoaning the ghastly affair he believed New York’s Metropolitan Museum Gala had become. It perfectly summed up the vulgarity of an age where Kardashians have replaced Vanderbilt Sloanes and where Anna Wintour and her condescending ‘club’ have seized the mantle. This week, Primates of Park Avenue author Wednesday Martin took the debate one stage further and asked: “Is it time to say bye-bye to the black tie charity ball?” in an article for Town & Country magazine.

 

Whilst Martin quoted a “titan of finance” as saying: “No one really wants to attend a gala”, she also suggested that “showing up feels somehow retro, tangible, genuine”. Society is still forced into the routine of putting on black tie and parading out in both America and Britain yet in reality, everyone would most likely rather be down their local spit-and-sawdust.

 

Aside from the rubber chicken (and vomit inducing wine), the likelihood of being stuck with nine crushing bores and the inevitable raffle of rubbish, such affairs are now mostly the preserve of a club of Z-listers and desperados. At such gatherings, you’ll find trolleyed trailer trash like Dawn Ward of The Real Housewives of Cheshire clucking with titleless tosspot twits like David Furnish and each and every Friday’s ES Magazine bears testimony to this fact. The black tie bash deserves to come to its natural end, but what on earth will replace it?

 

Bored of Black Tie, Crushed by ‘The Club’ – Death of Black Tie Balls – As black tie bonanzas deservedly take a bashing, we ask: “What’s next for Britain and America’s party paraders?” – Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Elizabeth Hurley, Tamara Ecclestone, Jay Rutland, Dawn Ward, Ashley Ward, Elliott Spencer, Stephen Fry, Alexa Chung, Esther Rantzen, Anthea Turner, Grant Bovey
The inevitable rent-a-crowd that now dominates at black tie gatherings in Britain these days is focused on daytime TV presenters and obscure reality wannabes

Bored of Black Tie, Crushed by ‘The Club’ – Death of Black Tie Balls – As black tie bonanzas deservedly take a bashing, we ask: “What’s next for Britain and America’s party paraders?” – Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Elizabeth Hurley, Tamara Ecclestone, Jay Rutland, Dawn Ward, Ashley Ward, Elliott Spencer, Stephen Fry, Alexa Chung, Esther Rantzen, Anthea Turner, Grant Bovey
Tamara Ecclestone and husband Jay Rutland (pictured with Donna Air behind them) might be moneyed, but where’s the class?

Bored of Black Tie, Crushed by ‘The Club’ – Death of Black Tie Balls – As black tie bonanzas deservedly take a bashing, we ask: “What’s next for Britain and America’s party paraders?” – Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Elizabeth Hurley, Tamara Ecclestone, Jay Rutland, Dawn Ward, Ashley Ward, Elliott Spencer, Stephen Fry, Alexa Chung, Esther Rantzen, Anthea Turner, Grant Bovey
Stephen Fry and husband Elliott Spencer are a duo willing to turn up to the opening of an envelope

Bored of Black Tie, Crushed by ‘The Club’ – Death of Black Tie Balls – As black tie bonanzas deservedly take a bashing, we ask: “What’s next for Britain and America’s party paraders?” – Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Elizabeth Hurley, Tamara Ecclestone, Jay Rutland, Dawn Ward, Ashley Ward, Elliott Spencer, Stephen Fry, Alexa Chung, Esther Rantzen, Anthea Turner, Grant Bovey
If you really want to lower the tone, invite champagne swiller Dawn Ward and her ex-footballer husband

Bored of Black Tie, Crushed by ‘The Club’ – Death of Black Tie Balls – As black tie bonanzas deservedly take a bashing, we ask: “What’s next for Britain and America’s party paraders?” – Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Elizabeth Hurley, Tamara Ecclestone, Jay Rutland, Dawn Ward, Ashley Ward, Elliott Spencer, Stephen Fry, Alexa Chung, Esther Rantzen, Anthea Turner, Grant Bovey
Alexa Chung is the ultimate guest if you want to make it to the ‘ES Magazine’s’ party pages (in spite of the fact she’s actually pretty pointless)

Bored of Black Tie, Crushed by ‘The Club’ – Death of Black Tie Balls – As black tie bonanzas deservedly take a bashing, we ask: “What’s next for Britain and America’s party paraders?” – Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Elizabeth Hurley, Tamara Ecclestone, Jay Rutland, Dawn Ward, Ashley Ward, Elliott Spencer, Stephen Fry, Alexa Chung, Esther Rantzen, Anthea Turner, Grant Bovey
No party is complete without legendary crasher and shopping aficionado David Pun; last night he was spotted lingering outside the entrance to the opening night of the 2017 London Motor Show and given his antics he even has a Twitter account named in his honour

Bored of Black Tie, Crushed by ‘The Club’ – Death of Black Tie Balls – As black tie bonanzas deservedly take a bashing, we ask: “What’s next for Britain and America’s party paraders?” – Sir Elton John and David Furnish, Elizabeth Hurley, Tamara Ecclestone, Jay Rutland, Dawn Ward, Ashley Ward, Elliott Spencer, Stephen Fry, Alexa Chung, Esther Rantzen, Anthea Turner, Grant Bovey
Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey used to host an annual ball in their garden; their marriage is now toast and the ball, for them at least, is most definitely over

25 COMMENTS

  1. They used to say of Anthea Turner and Grant Bovey: “Here come Fuck I used to be famous and Fuck I want to be famous”

  2. I totally agree about these black tie affairs. Most of the money raised at them goes on costs and the charities end up with very little. You are better off writing a cheque to the cause instead.

  3. Liz Hurley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! phwoah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll have a bit of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yum, yum, my tum, tum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phwoah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Alexa Chong looks rather lovely too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Send her to Oz if you don’t want her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. I must leap to the defence of black tie galas. The ones I have been involved in raised much needed funds for dolphins and whales and I cannot see why people wouldn’t want to support saving these beautiful creatures.

  6. Here we go again! All these people should be using their energies to support dear Gerry and Kate McCann in their efforts to find their beloved daughter Madeleine McCann. Madeleine is missing and until she is found all efforts must be put into the cause of finding her. FIND MADELEINE, FIND HER NOW.

    • Nice to see you out there looking Trott. Had it not got into your pea sized brain that Madeleine is dead? Most of the British public now believe your “dear” couple were responsible for some very dark deeds and the “Truth of the Lie” will emerge, as well as book being published in the UK.

    • This mob couldn’t give a monkey toss about poor Madeleine and what happened to her or any other of the children that go missing? And in my books they are just bunch of Jokers and no Hopers. We need to know who takes all the tens of thousands of British children every year that disappear never to be see again. Were are they now?.

  7. I also saw the Pun last night at a private view at Leica studio, there was strict guest list and a security guy at entry, really wonder how he got in.. he had the bag in the pic ! I guess he uses it to stuff in canapes from the parties!

    • Leave the Pun alone, he’s obviously a very lonely man who wants to be in with the in-crowd, please let him in! so he can die happy, poor man.

  8. I never thought I’d see ‘bored OF’ in the Steeple Times. This is the very ugly argot used by the people you’re denigrating! It’s ‘bored WITH’.
    Actually, the food at the Lincoln Centre is not rubber chicken, it’s excellent.
    And while I take your point about footballer’s wives, Housewives of This or That, the Lincoln Center effort does raise big cash for a worthy cause.

  9. This bunch of partying talent-less nobody’s are finished just like the rest of the UK . Like i said before no EU no UK. The Titanics nose dive you ain’t seen nothing yet.

  10. What’s that old slapper! Esther Rantzen going out of nick?! Wtf, she was Jimmy Savile’s right-hand man. I though the scrubber was doing 100 years in the slammer? Those poor children. And she’s still doing the rounds, what a country, wheres the justice for those poor children, it makes me sick.

  11. There’s some faces among this lot who i thought went down with the Titanic! Were did they dig this bunch of losers up from, the London Cemetery?

  12. Stephen Fry and his husband. Wtf is going on am i still on planet earth or did i have a massive great breakdown and don’t know about it? I don’t think i belong on this earth planet anymore! Hence the title name.

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