Saturday, May 8, 2021

Ask Mrs MILF: The agony aunt who’s naughty but nice

Mrs MILF redThis week, Mrs MILF deals with charming men, the complexes of being attractive, a well known cheating lover, golden showers and “finishing off”.

 

I have a partner who is very charming. My mother says: “Charm always masks lack of character, all style, no substance”. Is this true of all men who are extremely charming?

Alexandra A., Brancaster, Norfolk

Yes, it is always true of very charming men. A pity isn’t it?

 

I had a phone call last night from a woman who says she’s been seeing my lover of over a year. He’s not always around as he’s very busy with his work and as he was also defrauded, he has been understandably preoccupied. She said that she’d just dumped him after he was completely “honest” with her about his having other relationships aside from with her and me. I am going through a divorce myself at the moment and he’d told me he loved me and that he’d be there for me. This morning I had a text from him saying that he knew the woman had called and that “it’s not as bad as it seems”. I think the woman called because she wanted to know about me and to break my heart. She’s won him in my view but he’s yet to call me himself. When he finally rings, should I answer?

Emma L., Claygate, Surrey

Yours was a very long email and I’ve only shared part of it given how well known the man concerned truly is. Your lover is allegedly preoccupied with his work but has the time to see several women. I doubt he will call you as he’s probably more concerned about the papers getting hold of this. If he had the courage, he would have driven, regardless of work and knocked on your door last night. That’s what a man does.

 

The individual concerned has had the time to consider his position overnight and decided that anything he could say would be churlish and crass. He’ll have also had opportunity to speak with the other woman and he won’t call you at all. Do not call him. Your life will be simpler without this liar and with time your hear will heal.

 

You mention in your letter that this other woman has “won”. “Won” what? All she’s got is a man who is a liar, weak and scared. What a prize.

 

My boyfriend is extremely attractive and other women always look at him. I feel I have to look over my shoulder always. I also get looks from other men but he doesn’t seem to care. I don’t like it, but don’t know what to do. I love him.

Alina B., London, W1

Ugly men can be as unfaithful, cruel and duplicitous as handsome ones yet we only forgive the handsome ones. You say you also get looks from other men so you must also be attractive and therefore it’s a risk both of you take.

 

Don’t be misled into believing that he doesn’t care. He does. Keep your communications open and honest and keep reassuring each other and all will be fine. I’m from the old school: Once trust is broken, it’s broken. If more people realised that and communicated properly, people would be a lot happier.

 

My wife and I used to pee on each other. We are now divorced and I am going out with a gorgeous girl and the sex is great but I haven’t mentioned the idea of golden showers yet. How do you suggest I broach the subject?

Roger O., Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire

Golden showers are like Marmite. You either love them or hate them. I suggest you breach the topic by clearly saying something like: “My ex and I used to pee on each other. Do you like that sort of thing?” to her. You’ll get a “yes” or a “no”, because there are no “maybe” or (excuse the pun) “go with the flow” responses to this sort of situation. Do this instead of what someone I know did. He thought it would be more subtle to start peeing on his girlfriend mid sex and see what the effect was. The result was that she screamed and dumped him for incontinence.

 

My lover can never “finish me off”. Should I dump him?

Catherine M., London, SW3

Yes. Never trust a man who can’t finish you off. Your body doesn’t, so why should you?

 

Mrs MILF is lady with a cupcake and a whip who will solve all your problems be they in the bedroom department or elsewhere.

 

Mrs MILF welcomes your questions for her weekly column. Please submit them to her via editorial@thesteepletimes.com. She does not enter into individual correspondence and she won’t visit your home for personal consultations. Some names have been changed to protect the modesty of the individuals and their problems.

 

 

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    2 COMMENTS

    1. I had once been a close friend of a gorgeous broad who was a nurse at a local General Hospital. I found her to be a enthusiastic woman with a positive attitude, a fanatical Christian with a good moral compass. Whilst at the time some might have found her preaching overbearing and it was clear that she could easily induce rage, she was a good judge of audience and was only punched on one occasion. Needless to say, she was a dedicated nurse; some would say a Mother Teresa figure, due to her compassionate and empathetic approach to patient wellbeing.
      Not afraid to get her hands dirty, she was always eager to learn and help and even got sober and cut back on crack in the name of her job. In this respect she was a saint and leader, one who believed in ruling with a iron fist.
      At one meeting she suggested that a senior manager “stop giggling like a little girl” The man later killed himself.
      I became very weary of her political affiliation with the Neo-Nazi movement, being a Jew, this was a concern.
      She came to her senses and terminated her membership of the movement and sought forgiveness from God for her misguided behaviour. She was an extraordinary human being, a person who bestowed Harry Potter for the devil he was. She did not believe in sex before marriage, but had good knowledge of the subject.
      She clearly had the brainpower, spirituality and personality to be a great wife. She refused to revert to my religion.
      We sadly went our own ways. Was it good riddance or did I lose out? Could Mrs Milf shed some light on this?

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