Tuesday, May 18, 2021

Ask Mrs MILF – The agony aunt who’s naughty but nice

Mrs MILF red My husband says that I never pay him any attention but as soon as he looks at a girl with a great body I am all over him like a rash. Is there a tendency throughout the female species to react in such a competitive way or am I being insecure?

Hannah W., Carlisle, Cumbria

If you don’t want him over you like a rash, what are you doing with him?

 

I met a Swedish bird in a bar. She stayed three days and went through my mobile. What do you think she was upto? Could she be something to do with Julian Assange or was she just typically Swedish?

Henry J., Belgravia, SW1W

You only knew she was looking through your phone because were spying on her through the keyhole whilst she was in your bathroom. I believe you were looking through her phone at the same time. You might do better to meet someone who you don’t need to pay by the hour. If you do such, you might find you’ll have a longer lasting and less costly relationship.

 

My friend’s wife is gorgeous but my wife doesn’t trust her. How should I suggest a foursome when my wife is drunk?

Graham W., Preston, Lancashire

Foursomes seem like wonderful symmetry and terribly grown up but alas they are never as fluid (excuse the pun) in real life as they are in films. I’m not being a prude. I’m just being pragmatic. On a practical level, the bodies just don’t entwine as you’d imagine and the best you can hope for is that you’ll laugh at the time and then leave feeling awkward. You’ll end up competing, comparing and feeling odd and your wife will always subsequently have sex with you with her eyes closed. She’ll be thinking about taking your money, your children and probably your best friend in the process. Think again.

 

A lady friend came to visit me and much admired my topiary. She has now invited me back to her home and even asked me to trim her bush one evening. I do have some large equipment that I have used on bushes that I have worked on for a number of years but as the lady has a garden overlooked by a number of properties, I’m not sure whether I should encumber her with this during the initial work. Can you please advise?

Jack P., Laycock, Wiltshire

Go Hollywood. That goes for both sexes. Recent research has proven that there is a decrease in pubic lice as a result of going Hollywood. I presume the gardening analogy was just an analogy and symbolic of something else. I was at the Hampton Court Flower Show the other day. I should have asked someone there.

 

My girlfriends and I were out for a night out and they started saying odd words and terms I’ve never heard of. They were talking about ‘trichophiliacs’, ‘triolislimists’ and being into ‘forniphillia’. Are these diseases or erotic sex language? I could not bear to tell them I didn’t know what they were talking about. Can you help me as next time I would like to join in rather than just being a bystander?

Araminta G., Whitstable, Kent

You have unusual friends. In brief, a trichophiliac gets turned on by hair (the longer the better). Think about pulling girls’ ponytails at school or finding Rapunzel the sexiest of the Disney heroines. A variation of this you could share is ‘paraphilia’ – getting turned on by having your hair cut or cutting someone else’s hair (which I believe most women ‘suffer’ from). The more expensive, vigorous and thorough the haircut, the greater the state of arousal. Think Edward Scissorhands.

 

‘Forniphilia’ is a form of bondage and objectification when someone gets turned on by becoming a chair or a sofa (depending on how large their frame is). I suppose it is an extension of the phrase ‘sit on me’.

 

I have no clue what a ‘triolislimist’ is but perhaps its got something to do with threesomes, making lists and getting turned on by fog and heavy dew.

 

Mrs MILF is lady with a cupcake and a whip who’ll solve all your problems be they in the bedroom department or elsewhere.

 

Mrs MILF welcomes your questions for her weekly column. Please submit them to her via editorial@thesteepletimes.com. She does not enter into individual correspondence and she won’t visit your home for personal consultations. Some names have been changed to protect the modesty of the individuals and their problems.

 

 

Subscribe to our free once daily email newsletter here.

5e3b97728b2e4bf58c9ff7822befe328?s=96&d=mm&r=g
The Steeple Times
We research and background check our articles. If you believe we have made and error in some detail please get in touch, we seek always to write the truth and stand against a press owned by a self selected few. Please help us, we will accept all your likes, subscriptions and anonymous suport. The Editor and his team at the Steeple Times.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Esra Siebra a former business associate, not only had a phobia for undergarments, he was very shy of the opposite sex. He could not verbally interact with women, he was very uncomfortable in the company of attractive females, his instinct was to clear off in any which way.
    Esra came out of his apartment building in Jerusalem, his destination was the local market, where he procures his fruit and vegetables, a neighbours daughter approached him, she stated, “Mr Siebra, have you seen this morning what happened in Haiti” Esra responded “I see fuck all, I live in the far back of the building”. He was perceived as a very rude ,and unkind man. He was not, he was bloody shy.
    Perhaps, Mrs Milf can shed some light on this.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Advertisement
Advertisement

Become a Patron of The Steeple Times

Independent journalism will only remain independent if it is supported by clear-thinking people like you. We each have the command to make a real difference. Join us.

2,641FansLike
2,068FollowersFollow
10,966FollowersFollow

Subscribe For DAILY NEWS

Please subscribe, like and share this very British site, it helps us grow. Your data is protected and The Steeple Times will send you an email at noon everyday that we rather trust you will enjoy.

Advertisement

Other Stories You May Enjoy

Randy Rob Deserves The Rod 2021 – Sex pestering Rob Roberts MP – Nikolay Kalinin slams the slapdash attitude of the Conservative Party to the sex pestering of both men and women by rabid Rob Roberts MP.

Randy Rob Deserves The Rod

Nikolay Kalinin slams the slapdash attitude of the Conservative Party to the sex pestering of both men and women by rabid Rob Roberts MP.
A Boat For Brenda 2021: Sir Philip Green should give his yacht to Queen – As decidedly dippy Dame Esther Rantzen calls for tyrannical twerp Sir Philip Green to hand over his gin palace to the Queen, we suggest Sir James Dyson or Sir Charles Dunstone’s tubs as other options.

A Boat For Brenda

As decidedly dippy Dame Esther Rantzen calls for tyrannical twerp Sir Philip Green to hand over his behemoth boat to the Queen, we suggest Sir James Dyson or Sir Charles Dunstone’s gin palaces as other options that could be commandeered.
Moron of the Moment 2021 – John H. Cox – Bear abusing Republican wannabe Governor of California John H. Cox deserves to be sanctioned for his senseless stunt in San Diego.

Moron of the Moment – John H. Cox

Bear abusing Republican wannabe Governor of California John H. Cox deserves to be sanctioned for his senseless stunt in San Diego.
The Plotless Pillock Prince 2021 – Prince Harry should wind his neck in – Matthew Steeples suggests decidedly dim Prince Harry has well and truly lost the plot; he should heed the words of the equally ‘woke’ wally Lily Allen and finally “wind his neck in”

The Plotless Pillock Prince

Matthew Steeples suggests decidedly dim Prince Harry has well and truly lost the plot; he should heed the words of the equally ‘woke’ wally Lily Allen and finally “wind his neck in”
Menendez Take on TikTok 2021 – Erik and Lyle Menedez convictions – As the Menendez brothers case goes viral courtesy of their newfound TikTok supporters, it is time for their case to be reassessed and their convictions reduced to manslaughter suggests Matthew Steeples.

Menendez Take on TikTok

As the Menendez brothers case goes viral courtesy of their newfound TikTok supporters, it is time for their case to be reassessed and their convictions reduced to manslaughter suggests Matthew Steeples Brothers Erik and Lyle...
Nathan in November – Ghislaine Maxwell trial moved to 29th November – Ghislaine Maxwell’s trial before Judge Nathan moved to 29th November in spite of her crackpot lawyer claiming jurors won’t be fair to her because they will want to be home for Christmas.

Nathan in November

Ghislaine Maxwell’s trial before Judge Nathan moved to 29th November in spite of her crackpot lawyer claiming jurors won’t be fair to her because they will want to be home for Christmas.
Wisdom From Wales 2021 – Analysis of election results and Labour – Nikolay Kalinin delves into Labour success in Wales in the recent elections and suggests if the party wants to win nationwide they should pay heed to what went on there.

Wisdom From Wales

Nikolay Kalinin delves into Labour’s success in Wales in the recent elections and suggests if the party wants to win nationwide they should pay heed to what went on there.
Hoping v Helping 2021 – Sue Homan slams Michael Barrymore – Sue Homan “slams” deviant disgrace Michael Barrymore for not helping secure justice for her murdered ex-husband Stuart Lubbock.

Hoping v Helping

Sue Homan quite deservedly “slams” deviant disgrace Michael Barrymore for not helping secure justice for her murdered ex-husband Stuart Lubbock.
Fagin’s Bentley – Ex-Ron Moody 1961 Bentley S2 Continental for sale – 1961 Bentley S2 Continental drophead coupé owned by Golden Globe award winning actor Ron Moody – best known as ‘Fagin’ in ‘Oliver!’ – for sale for 329% more than it sold for in 2014 after restoration. Offered by Frank Dale & Stepsons for £295,000 ($413,000, €339,000 or درهم1.5 million).

Fagin’s Bentley

1961 Bentley S2 Continental drophead coupé owned by Golden Globe award winning actor Ron Moody – best known as ‘Fagin’ in ‘Oliver!’ – for sale for 329% more than it sold for in 2014 after restoration.
A Hiding in Hartlepool 2021 – Labour loses Hartlepool to the Tories – Nikolay Kalinin shares his thoughts on Labour’s electoral hiding in Hartlepool.

A Hiding in Hartlepool

Nikolay Kalinin shares his thoughts on Labour’s electoral hiding in Hartlepool.

Popular Articles From The Past

Weather

London
few clouds
7.2 ° C
8.3 °
6.1 °
93 %
2.6kmh
23 %
Tue
14 °
Wed
15 °
Thu
14 °
Fri
15 °
Sat
14 °