At CrimeCon London 2021, I met a perfectly affable gentleman named Mark Austin. He told me that he had been made the next of kin of the Bacardi rum loving serial killer Dennis Nilsen in 2009. Furthermore, on his death in 2018, he inherited his belongings and the copyright of his rambling 3.5 million word autobiography, collectively titled Epic Nobody. He told me had several storage units full from this inheritance whilst his wife added something to the effect: “He could be utterly charming.”
At CrimeCon London 2022, I met a delightful lady from Kensington named Lindsay Siviter. She told me that amongst the true crime memorabilia in her 5,000 item Siviter True Crime Library are Lady Lucan’s tiny corset and the last cheque book of her husband Lord Lucan, undoubtedly the most famous British missing person ever.
This week, providing proof that true crime memorabilia collectors truly do value their possession of items from the most notorious criminals, a “publicity shy” 72-year-old former criminologist named Dickie Bingham has offered a reward of £1 million ($1.19 million, €1.18 million or درهم4.39 million) for a black crocodile-skin briefcase containing amongst other things a letter from the evil-to-his-core serial killing monster Peter Sutcliffe.
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Mr Bingham, originally from Writtle, Essex and the chairman of British plc – which describes itself as “one of Scotland’s oldest companies” and which claims to be involved in artificial intelligence, extended reality, distributed ledger technology, quantum technology and solar-powered engineering – supposedly lost his case on Monday after a breakfast meeting at the University of Edinburgh whilst travelling on a tram. One can only wonder if he’d been on the whisky.
The businessman now claims that the case also contains documents that could bring “vast amounts of wealth to Scotland” and of it, he bizarrely told the Mirror:
“This is potentially Nobel Prize-winning documentation. It basically shows how the universe works – we think we may have cracked it. It was lost by my own stupidity.”
“The briefcase just looks like one a barrister or advocate will use but the contents is priceless.”
“It is a theory of everything that covers the sub-atomic world.”
“That is why it is crucially important – £1 million sounds a lot but it is petty cash compared to the value of what this could be, it is crucial to the Scottish economy.”
“I’m a criminologist and worked with Peter Sutcliffe, and that’s why there’s a letter from him, there are also some diaries which have sentimental value.”
“It is the most expensive tram ride I will ever take… It’s like a James Bond film.”
Now, come on ‘Nicola Sturgeon-fish,’ get your Jimmy Krankie-like arse into gear and get it found! Nicola: Your desperate to be independent country clearly needs Mr Bingham’s wealth!
Readers have their say
5 comments
Fabulous. Such tosh. It’s taking my mind off the horrors of what’s going on in the world right now (eg polio in New York? wtf). And gives me something to keep my mind occupied till my copy of Tom Bower’s book arrives.
It must be a hoax.
I don’t beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelieve it.
A remarkable tale! With a Ghislaine doppelganger thrown in for good measure.
Nicola krankie pix are hilarious
Clearly a publicity stunt.