Saturday, July 30, 2022

£1 Million Reward For A Letter From Yorkshire Ripper

Matthew Steeples asks: Is British plc chairman Dickie Bingham having a laugh in offering a reward of £1 million reward for a crocodile skin briefcase he left on a tram that contained amongst other things a letter from the Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe?

At CrimeCon London 2021, I met a perfectly affable gentleman named Mark Austin. He told me that he had been made the next of kin of the Bacardi rum loving serial killer Dennis Nilsen in 2009. Furthermore, on his death in 2018, he inherited his belongings and the copyright of his rambling 3.5 million word autobiography, collectively titled Epic Nobody. He told me had several storage units full from this inheritance whilst his wife added something to the effect: “He could be utterly charming.”

 

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At CrimeCon London 2022, I met a delightful lady from Kensington named Lindsay Siviter. She told me that amongst the true crime memorabilia in her 5,000 item Siviter True Crime Library are Lady Lucan’s tiny corset and the last cheque book of her husband Lord Lucan, undoubtedly the most famous British missing person ever.

 

This week, providing proof that true crime memorabilia collectors truly do value their possession of items from the most notorious criminals, a “publicity shy” 72-year-old former criminologist named Dickie Bingham has offered a reward of £1 million ($1.19 million, €1.18 million or درهم4.39 million) for a black crocodile-skin briefcase containing amongst other things a letter from the evil-to-his-core serial killing monster Peter Sutcliffe.

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Mr Bingham, originally from Writtle, Essex and the chairman of British plc – which describes itself as “one of Scotland’s oldest companies” and which claims to be involved in artificial intelligence, extended reality, distributed ledger technology, quantum technology and solar-powered engineering – supposedly lost his case on Monday after a breakfast meeting at the University of Edinburgh whilst travelling on a tram. One can only wonder if he’d been on the whisky.

 

The businessman now claims that the case also contains documents that could bring “vast amounts of wealth to Scotland” and of it, he bizarrely told the Mirror:

 

“This is potentially Nobel Prize-winning documentation. It basically shows how the universe works – we think we may have cracked it. It was lost by my own stupidity.”

 

“The briefcase just looks like one a barrister or advocate will use but the contents is priceless.”

 

“It is a theory of everything that covers the sub-atomic world.”

 

“That is why it is crucially important – £1 million sounds a lot but it is petty cash compared to the value of what this could be, it is crucial to the Scottish economy.”

 

“I’m a criminologist and worked with Peter Sutcliffe, and that’s why there’s a letter from him, there are also some diaries which have sentimental value.”

 

“It is the most expensive tram ride I will ever take… It’s like a James Bond film.”

 

Now, come on ‘Nicola Sturgeon-fish,’ get your Jimmy Krankie-like arse into gear and get it found! Nicola: Your desperate to be independent country clearly needs Mr Bingham’s wealth!

 

Tram
Mr Bingham lost his anything but shabby briefcase – which sadly cost a crocodile its life also – on a tram in Edinburgh on Monday. According to the ‘Mirror,’ to claim the reward of £1 million, members of the public need to take “the case and all the contents” to “any Scottish police station with contact details included.”
Frank Bruno
Boxing legend Frank Bruno claims he was conned into shaking hands with Peter Sutcliffe during a visit to Broadmoor by Sir Jimmy Savile in 1991. He remarked afterwards: “Savile planned it. It was not a nice thing to do me. If I had known it was the Ripper, I’d have tried to get out of it. It was a scary feeling. I’d rather shake Mike Tyson’s hand. I didn’t know a photographer was taking pictures. When the photo came out, I rang Savile and said: ‘What was that all about?’ He apologised but by then it was too late.” Bruno has since said he is “still haunted by the picture of him with Sutcliffe and issued an apology to the killer’s victims or anyone the image might upset.”
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Nicola Sturgeon Jimmy Krankie
First Minister of Scotland Nicola Sturgeon is often cited as looking like Jimmy Krankie. Of working as a criminologist, Mr Bingham remarked: “The scariest people I have ever met are politicians.” This scary looking woman’s chances of getting Bingham’s wonga might thus be rather minimal.
Dennis Nilsen
Denis Nilsen’s collection of memorabilia is all in the possession of one man, Mark Austin. There is so much of it that it has to be stored in two storage units. If someone stole it, would a £1 million reward be offered? Frankly, that seems unlikely given his heinous crimes.
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Matthew Steeples
Matthew Steeples
A graduate of the London School of Economics, Matthew Steeples is a writer and marketing consultant. He conceived The Steeple Times as a media arena to fill the void between the Mail Online, The Huffington Post and such organs as the New York Social Diary in 2012.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Fabulous. Such tosh. It’s taking my mind off the horrors of what’s going on in the world right now (eg polio in New York? wtf). And gives me something to keep my mind occupied till my copy of Tom Bower’s book arrives.

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