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TIPPLE & FARE

Wally of the Week – Tim Martin

JD Wetherspoon’s should be punished for spending nearly £100,000 on pro-Brexit beer mats at the behest of Tim Martin Tim Martin...

A Gingerly Roller

1927 Rolls-Royce Phantom I originally owned by Edward VIII for sale; it comes with a bottle of Berry Bros. & Rudd’s The...

Motoring Gin

Grade I listed Jacobean manor house on the Dorset-Somerset border for sale for the price of 170,000 bottles of gin; it comes...

Gaylord Gone

Iconic “Fawlty Towers-esque” Indian restaurant Gaylord in Mortimer Street, W1 permanently closes due to cockroach infestation After being served with a hygiene...

Anth’ Takes A Second Bite

Anthea Turner’s second wedding will forever be remembered for pictures of her biting into a Cadbury’s Flake; her third is going to...

Eating Over The Cliff

Sir Cliff Richard wins a phallic victory against the BBC and remains left out of pocket; elsewhere the condescening crooner went overboard...

A Planted Prat

That Lewis Hamilton has chosen to open a “planet friendly” restaurant is surely a joke given his penchant for gas guzzlers

The Dirty Diplomat

Belgravia hotel which counts the helmet haired racist bigot Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben amongst its residents condemned for being utterly disgusting

Maxwell Moves On

Murky madam Ghislaine Maxwell spotted munching on a burger whilst reading a book about deaths linked to the CIA Hiding out...

The Aisle Eater

Britain’s most upmarket supermarket gets a visit from a woman who likes to help herself and eat in the aisles (in the...

Tiggers & Angels

New wine tribes identified as ‘Tiggers’ and ‘Angels’ reports Matthew Steeples; both are to be avoided at all costs (unless you are...

Instagrammable Restaurants Around the World

New contributor James Greenstone on Instagrammable restaurants around the world Travel and food have become synonymous nowadays with enthusiasts wanting to...

The Snottiest Restaurant in The World

New York restaurant that Googles any wannabe diner to see if they are rich enough has to be the most snotty dining...

The Death of The Power Lunch

With the closure of New York’s Four Seasons, is the era of ‘the power lunch’ well and truly over both there and...

Hero of the Hour – Michael Portillo

In making ‘Gender X’ pest Jack Monroe admit she got it wrong over milkshaking, Michael Portillo proved himself a truly talented debater

Pitchforks at the Ready

Owner of Britain’s remotest mainland pub, The Old Forge at Knoydart, goes to war with his very own locals  (who’ve set up...

Five of the Best – The Royal Borough’s Best Restaurants

Matthew Steeples highlights five stalwart restaurants for your Rolodex in the Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea The Chelsea Corner

Ice Cream Iris

Nonagenarian Iris Apfel yet again proves herself to be a truly brilliant gem; we should all heed her life and enjoy life...

Five of the Worst – London Bars and Restaurants

Matthew Steeples takes a look at where you might want to not go if you wish to avoid bad service, hygiene disasters...

The Car’s The Bar

Mini Cooper Sport nicknamed ‘Chuckles’ by owner Jay Kay to be auctioned; it comes complete with a mini bar and a disco...

Barring Janet

As “arrogant, bigot” Councillor Janet Evans blocks The Steeple Times, we expose this South Kensington bar owner as utterly ridiculous and quite...

The Madness of Michelin

Marco Pierre White is right to ban the Michelin Guide from his restaurant; he and others should take similar action against TripAdvisor   News that Marco...

TIGing a Drunken Duchess

The boozy bird the Duchess of Sussex and the newly formed The Independent Group have something in common; this “TIG moment” lover should become...

Praise Be To Pret

Matthew Steeples salutes Pret for doing more than most to help homeless people get jobs and permanent accommodation; others and the government should follow...

Harridan Heather

That Heather Mills has returned to the public eye is nothing but awful; please could someone just send her to Siberia?   When one thought the...

Billing Against Brexit

As a restaurant popular with politicians adds anti-Brexit slogans to its bills, it must be highlighted that the hospitality industry is entirely dependent on...

Supporting Giovanni

Matthew Steeples criticises the ‘Evening Standard’s’ Benedict Moore-Bridger for his unjustified attack on the Knightsbridge restaurant Giovanni   Benedict Moore-Bridger is an Evening Standard journalist who...

Proudly Proudlock

Restaurateur and Chelsea beacon Michael Proudlock dies   Michael Proudlock left this earth in a fashion befitting of a bon viveur. After a “lavish lunch” at...

Caught on Caramel

Fire at Caramel restaurant in South Kensington suspected to be arson   Now, in the wake of the fire at Caramel restaurant on Brompton Road, South...

Caramelized

Frontage of former La Brasserie premises in South Kensington – now Caramel – burnt to a crisp   Last night, at around 3.30am, the frontage...

CocktailING

Matthew Steeples tears apart ‘ES’ magazine’s new restaurant critic for using a ridiculous non-word – “cocktailing”   In this week’s ‘ES’ magazine a prat (pictured with...

A Romantic Takeaway

Mail Online focuses on the story of the year – that Spencer Matthews and his wife went on “date night” at the British Takeaway...

Snowflake Society

Matthew Steeples supports William Sitwell and suggests his employer Waitrose develop a better moral compass before attacking him   Aristocrats have a habit of saying stupid...

Instagrammable London

Fabio Contissa suggests the most Instagrammable restaurants and cafes to visit in London   Social networking sites have become a part of everyday life for many...

Mott 32 to open in Las Vegas

Iconic Hong Kong Restaurant Mott 32 set to open in Las Vegas reports new contributor Fabio Contissa   An iconic Hong Kong restaurant chain is set...

Watery Child Labour

Advert for a Quooker boiling-water tap featuring a child in pyjamas using it was plainly the choice of a deranged marketing executive   Priced at between...

Brexiteer Tim Martin’s Dog’s Dinner

Whackjob Wetherspoons owner Tim Martin has followed up on banning foreign booze including Moët & Chandon and now banned dogs from his entire chain...

Wallies of the Week – Linda and Tony Gilkes

Middlesborough couple go to the press after Morrisons refuse to sell them meat pies before 9am   There are conspiracy theorists and then there’s a pie...

Caramel on The Cross

New restaurant critic David G. Lennox reviews Brompton Cross’s latest opening, Caramel London   In a knockout punch, the last of the grand old chatelaines of...

Cheers Macron!

President Emmanuel Macron should ignore his critics and continue to enjoy drinking wine   President Emmanuel Macron has ridiculously been accused of “putting French lives in...

Wally of the Week – Brazen bread “grabber” Charlotte Day

Healthcare assistant Charlotte Day disgracefully moans about panic buying of bread just as homeless people freeze to death   Last week, a homeless man froze to...

Going For Booze

Study reveals old aged folk who get fat and enjoy a tipple or two tend to live longer   On Wednesday in society magazine Town &...

Out To Lunch

As a Westminster councillor’s penchant for meals at 5 Hertford Street and the home of the owner of the ‘Daily Mail’ is highlighted, we...

A Wine Winner

Half price bottles of wine at The Enterprise during January; price per bottle starts at £9.98 per bottle   The Enterprise in Walton Street, Chelsea is...

Limitless Lawless

Matthew Steeples reports on Philip Lawless’ remarkable career at the top of London’s restaurant industry   Though the raconteur restaurateur Philip Lawless recently sold his Belgravia...

More gin, vicar?

As Public Health Wales claims drinking spirits is bad for you, we rebut their frankly stupid study   On Tuesday, The Telegraph reported that a completely...

A $20k Gobble

New York hotel offers a Thanksgiving dinner complete with gold-flaked turkeys and bottomless champagne for £15,100   Late last week Guest of a Guest reported that...