Wednesday, September 28, 2022
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TIPPLE & FARE

A Gingerly Roller

1927 Rolls-Royce Phantom I originally owned by Edward VIII for sale; it comes with a bottle of Berry Bros. & Rudd’s The Kings Ginger Richard Biddulph of Vintage & Prestige Classic Cars gives away a...

Gaylord Gone

Iconic “Fawlty Towers-esque” Indian restaurant Gaylord in Mortimer Street, W1 permanently closes due to cockroach infestation After being served with a hygiene emergency prohibition notice in August due to it having a “serious infestation of cockroaches,”...

Anth’ Takes A Second Bite

Anthea Turner’s second wedding will forever be remembered for pictures of her biting into a Cadbury’s Flake; her third is going to be eternally linked to her fiancé’s policeman biting habit ‘Fuck I Used To...

Eating Over The Cliff

Sir Cliff Richard wins a phallic victory against the BBC and remains left out of pocket; elsewhere the condescening crooner went overboard with a menu that included three salmon dishes When he’s not crying on...

A Planted Prat

That Lewis Hamilton has chosen to open a “planet friendly” restaurant is surely a joke given his penchant for gas guzzlers Lewis Hamilton is best known for going fast in gas guzzlers, but now it...

The Dirty Diplomat

Belgravia hotel The Diplomat, which counts the helmet haired racist bigot Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben amongst its residents, has been condemned for being utterly disgusting.

Maxwell Moves On

Murky madam Ghislaine Maxwell spotted munching on a burger whilst reading a book about deaths linked to the CIA Hiding out in the Cundy Street Flats in Belgravia didn’t work out for Ghislaine Maxwell. Plainly...

The Aisle Eater

Britain’s most upmarket supermarket gets a visit from a woman who likes to help herself and eat in the aisles (in the presence of the racist bigot Marie-Claire, Baroness von Alvensleben even) One can excuse...

Tiggers & Angels

New wine tribes identified as ‘Tiggers’ and ‘Angels’ reports Matthew Steeples; both are to be avoided at all costs (unless you are the modern day Boycie)   The label ‘Tigger’ was for a short time earlier...

The Snottiest Restaurant in The World

New York restaurant that Googles any wannabe diner to see if they are rich enough has to be the most snotty dining spot in the world Fleming by Le Bilboquet is a New York restaurant...

The Death of The Power Lunch

With the closure of New York’s Four Seasons, is the era of ‘the power lunch’ well and truly over both there and in Britain? In October 1979, Esquire coined a new phrase: ‘The Power Lunch.’...

Hero of the Hour – Michael Portillo

In making ‘Gender X’ pest Jack Monroe admit she got it wrong over milkshaking, Michael Portillo proved himself a truly talented debater Jack Monroe is the kind of person who’d have justly got bullied at...

Pitchforks at the Ready

Owner of Britain’s remotest mainland pub, The Old Forge at Knoydart, goes to war with his very own locals  (who’ve set up their own rival in protest) British folk (and apparently even more so Scottish...

Five of the Best – The Royal Borough’s Best Restaurants

Matthew Steeples highlights five stalwart restaurants for your Rolodex in the Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea The Chelsea Corner 451 Fulham Road, London, SW10 9UZ; +44 (0) 20 3055 0088 The Chelsea Corner replaced the ‘no...

Ice Cream Iris

Nonagenarian Iris Apfel yet again proves herself to be a truly brilliant gem; we should all heed her life and enjoy life to the full On Thursday, the brilliantly talented wildcard this is the nonagenarian...

Five of the Worst – London Bars and Restaurants

Matthew Steeples takes a look at where you might want to not go if you wish to avoid bad service, hygiene disasters and vile customers Baglioni Hotel London – 60 Hyde Park Gate, Kensington, SW7...

The Car’s The Bar

Mini Cooper Sport nicknamed ‘Chuckles’ by owner Jay Kay to be auctioned; it comes complete with a mini bar and a disco light Described as “remarkable, funky smile-a-mile” by Silverstone Auctions, a 2000 Rover...

Barring Janet

As “arrogant, bigot” Councillor Janet Evans blocks The Steeple Times, we expose this South Kensington bar owner as utterly ridiculous and quite possibly “the rudest bar owner in London” Janet’s Bar in South Kensington sits...

The Madness of Michelin

Marco Pierre White is right to ban the Michelin Guide from his restaurant; he and others should take similar action against TripAdvisor   News that Marco Pierre White has told the Michelin Guide that he’ll refuse...

TIGing a Drunken Duchess

The boozy bird the Duchess of Sussex and the newly formed The Independent Group have something in common; this “TIG moment” lover should become their leader   The former Meghan Markle – a bizarre woman who...

Praise Be To Pret

Matthew Steeples salutes Pret for doing more than most to help homeless people get jobs and permanent accommodation; others and the government should follow suit   Pret a Manger has come under a lot of flack...

Harridan Heather

That Heather Mills has returned to the public eye is nothing but awful; please could someone just send her to Siberia?   When one thought the worst was over and one of Britain’s most loathed women...

Billing Against Brexit

As a restaurant popular with politicians adds anti-Brexit slogans to its bills, it must be highlighted that the hospitality industry is entirely dependent on immigrant workers   On Tuesday, inews reported that a restaurant in London’s...

Supporting Giovanni

Matthew Steeples criticises the ‘Evening Standard’s’ Benedict Moore-Bridger for his unjustified attack on the Knightsbridge restaurant Giovanni   Benedict Moore-Bridger is an Evening Standard journalist who has been criticised for his “lazy work” and described as...

Proudly Proudlock

Restaurateur and Chelsea beacon Michael Proudlock dies   Michael Proudlock left this earth in a fashion befitting of a bon viveur. After a “lavish lunch” at PJ’s on Tuesday 4th December, this renowned restaurateur returned to...

Caught on Caramel

Fire at Caramel restaurant in South Kensington suspected to be arson   Now, in the wake of the fire at Caramel restaurant on Brompton Road, South Kensington last week, police have released images of two men...

Caramelized

Frontage of former La Brasserie premises in South Kensington – now Caramel – burnt to a crisp   Last night, at around 3.30am, the frontage of Caramel on Brompton Road in South Kensington went up...

CocktailING

Matthew Steeples tears apart ‘ES’ magazine’s new restaurant critic for using a ridiculous non-word – “cocktailing”   In this week’s ‘ES’ magazine a prat (pictured with cartoon drawings of a wine glass and some other bizarre...

A Romantic Takeaway

Mail Online focuses on the story of the year – that Spencer Matthews and his wife went on “date night” at the British Takeaway Awards; you couldn’t make it up   You can rely on the...

Snowflake Society

Matthew Steeples supports William Sitwell and suggests his employer Waitrose develop a better moral compass before attacking him   Aristocrats have a habit of saying stupid things. That’s a fact but equally that millennials now take...

Instagrammable London

Fabio Contissa suggests the most Instagrammable restaurants and cafes to visit in London   Social networking sites have become a part of everyday life for many people especially for millennials. In an effort to attract this...

Watery Child Labour

Advert for a Quooker boiling-water tap featuring a child in pyjamas using it was plainly the choice of a deranged marketing executive   Priced at between £1,150 and £1,600 depending on specification, a Quooker boiling-water tap...

Brexiteer Tim Martin’s Dog’s Dinner

Whackjob Wetherspoons owner Tim Martin has followed up on banning foreign booze including Moët & Chandon and now banned dogs from his entire chain of pubs   Pro-Brexit publican Tim Martin has landed himself quite literally...

Wallies of the Week – Linda and Tony Gilkes

Middlesborough couple go to the press after Morrisons refuse to sell them meat pies before 9am   There are conspiracy theorists and then there’s a pie loving duo named Linda and Tony Gilkes from Teeside.   Featured in...

Caramel on The Cross

New restaurant critic David G. Lennox reviews Brompton Cross’s latest opening, Caramel London   In a knockout punch, the last of the grand old chatelaines of Kensington and the dowagers of Chelsea – not to mention their...

Cheers Macron!

President Emmanuel Macron should ignore his critics and continue to enjoy drinking wine   President Emmanuel Macron has ridiculously been accused of “putting French lives in danger” by admitting to drinking wine at lunch and dinner.   In...

Wally of the Week – Brazen bread “grabber” Charlotte Day

Healthcare assistant Charlotte Day disgracefully moans about panic buying of bread just as homeless people freeze to death   Last week, a homeless man froze to death in Chelmsford, Essex. A week before, another was found...

Going For Booze

Study reveals old aged folk who get fat and enjoy a tipple or two tend to live longer   On Wednesday in society magazine Town & Country, Sam Dangremond revealed that “drinking alcohol could be the...

Out To Lunch

As a Westminster councillor’s penchant for meals at 5 Hertford Street and the home of the owner of the ‘Daily Mail’ is highlighted, we suggest it is high time elected officials’ extravagance be reigned...

A Wine Winner

Half price bottles of wine at The Enterprise during January; price per bottle starts at £9.98 per bottle   The Enterprise in Walton Street, Chelsea is an institution that locals know and love. The staff and...

Limitless Lawless

Matthew Steeples reports on Philip Lawless’ remarkable career at the top of London’s restaurant industry   Though the raconteur restaurateur Philip Lawless recently sold his Belgravia dining spot Motcombs, his legacy lives on both there and...

More gin, vicar?

As Public Health Wales claims drinking spirits is bad for you, we rebut their frankly stupid study   On Tuesday, The Telegraph reported that a completely unscientific study by an organisation named Public Health Wales had...

A $20k Gobble

New York hotel offers a Thanksgiving dinner complete with gold-flaked turkeys and bottomless champagne for £15,100   Late last week Guest of a Guest reported that a New York hotel is to offer a Thanksgiving dinner...

The Air Went Pop

Canadian sues Sunwing Airlines because he was given sparkling wine instead of champagne   A cheapskate airline allegedly promoted a “champagne service” and then bamboozled at least 1,600 customers by serving them cheap sparkling wine.   Quebec based...

If you can’t take the heat…

Jailbird billionaire Martha Stewart bizarrely suggests nobody except murderers should be in jail   Last week, Martha Stewart spent just over an hour talking to the Katie Couric Podcast. She spoke about her time in jail...

If you can’t take the heat…

Jailbird billionaire Martha Stewart bizarrely suggests nobody except murderers should be in jail   Last week, Martha Stewart spent just over an hour talking to the Katie Couric Podcast. She spoke about her time in jail...

The Death of The Boozer

Matthew Steeples visits the Belgravia pub The Plumbers Arms and decries the death of the traditional British boozer   Last Wednesday, I happened to have to meet someone in Lower Belgrave Street, SW1 and since I...