15.3 C
London
Tuesday, September 29, 2020

BoJo And The Burbot

Matthew Steeples asks: “Could the return of the ‘great lost’ burbot solve Boris Johnson from the impending fisheries negotiations crisis?”

You’ve probably never heard of the burbot (also known as the eelpout and the lingcod). You’ve sadly likely heard of Boris Johnson. Both are known for their “unprepossessing appearances” and now the former could be the unlikely saviour of the latter if his attempts to negotiate with the EU over fisheries policies fails.

 

This morning, the Guardian reported news that the burbot – the only freshwater species of cod and a fish last sighted in British rivers in 1969 – is set to be reintroduced.

 

Jonah Tosney of the Norfolk Rivers Trust told the paper: “The chance to bring back burbot to our rivers is hugely exciting… Recent work to improve water quality and to restore habitat has brought our rivers back to a good enough state to support England’s great lost fish.”

 

Burbot, it transpires, are certainly aggressive “voracious predators.” They “eat pretty much everything” and are especially partial to pike, perch and trout. Marine biologist Steve Simpson told the BBC: “There are reports of them eating birds, eating snakes, eating frogs – they really will eat anything they encounter.”

 

Like Boris Johnson (father to “five maybe six children with another on the way”), they are bizarre breeders and require “frigid temperatures under ice” for such activity. The largest ever caught, at 25lb 2oz, was also of BoJo proporitons size wise.

 

With a taste similar to American lobster, the fish is often nicknamed the “poor man’s lobster” and no doubt when Britain’s fishing industry ends up in disarray after ‘Bosie The Clown’ fails to secure a good deal, it’ll be Boris who’ll be lauding burbot as the new fish of choice for our nation’s tables.

 

#YesToBurbot #NoToBoris

 

Facebook: @TheSteepleTimes

Instagram: @TheSteepleTimes

Twitter: @SteepleTimes and @M_Steeples

 

7 COMMENTS

  1. You need to correct your proporitons Matthew. As for the Amercican Lobster. if you mean the Amercican Crayfish which is the scourge of our streams and destroys anything around it as well then that is a great analogy to what will happen when we get US involved in Trade with us .

  2. What makes you think “Bosie the Clown” (sic) will fail to make a good deal? He got us out of the friggin’ EU, when all those forces of darkness and evil, who don’t believe in the democratic vote, tried to stop him. The nation is relying on him to overcome the EU’s disastrous policies and quotas.

  3. A nice crispy beer batter with sixpence worth of chips, go down a treat. Must be wrapped in newspaper though, I know that’s not politically correct, but who cares.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Most Popular

Crackpot Cliff Can Still Breathe

‘The Daily Mail’ gets over enthusiastic in sharing news of creepy crackpot crooner Sir Cliff Richard’s new album, ‘Music… The Air That I Breathe’ whilst only 18 fans react on YouTube.

Moron of the Moment – Laurence Fox

Laurence Fox has morphed from a much loved tellybox treasure into a tedious twerp; his new political party deserves only ‘destination dustbin’

Drip & Draining Michael Jackson

IV drip and fluid bag that was “in the arms” of Michael Jackson on his deathbed sells at auction for an astounding sum.

Rotten Reeking Rolf Returns

As Rolf Harris is spotted pounding the pavements in soiled clothing, the public must be reminded that this paedo pest is still nothing but a mucky monster.

Bombshell Bill

“Bombshell revelation” about Bill Clinton dining with Ghislaine Maxwell after she was first accused is a signal he’s likely headed under the bus.

Stand Up Against Snitch O’Flock

Matthew Steeples condemns the government’s ludicrous new 10pm bar, pub and restaurant curfew and slams the snitch culture of the next likely lockdown.

A Highway Ponzi House

Montauk beach house built for Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff resurfaces for sale for double what U.S. Marshalls got for it in 2009; its price seems crazy given it could be washed away by erosion.

A Socially Distanced Showcase

An invitation from businesswoman Heather Bird Tchenguiz to a socially distanced ‘by appointment’ exhibition of the works of William Cookson in Knightsbridge this September.

Ban the InstaKiller

Wolf slaying ‘InstaKiller’ Larysa Switlyk disgracefully remains on Instagram in spite of campaign to remove her going viral on Change.org

The Collapse of The Clown

Despite all of Dominic Cummings’ efforts Boris Johnson is morphing into the most miserable Prime Minister of modern times; how much longer will the blubbering buffoon ‘Bosie The Clown’ last?

Escaping the Dick

That an escaped prisoner couldn’t get himself rearrested in spite of willingly handing himself into the Met Police seven times is ludicrous; Cressida Dick should take responsibility and resign

Coming up for Ayr

‘The Steeple Times’ analyses the top picks for today’s Ayr Gold Cup Handicap and opts for a tidy priced 28/1 option.

Neighbours from Hell

As Priti Patel is slammed by her neighbours as a ‘snitch,’ the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are voted “the famous couple Brits would least like to live next door to” along with Boris Johnson and Kerry Katona.

The Distraction of Christian B

As Christian Brueckner’s lawyer highlights that German police have found no link to ‘disappearance’ of Madeleine McCann, we suggest distraction technique is ‘in play.’

Mother Maxwell

Matthew Steeples suggests Jeffrey Epstein treated Ghislaine Maxwell like a “mother figure.”

Phillip Schofield – What a Plonker!

All-round plonker Phillip Schofield’s wine range condemned as “only fit for the bin” and “no more palatable than fizzy Ribena;” it looks like his “sh*tty offering” might go the same way as that sold by Sir Cliff Richard.

Weather Now

London
light intensity drizzle
15.3 ° C
16 °
15 °
93 %
2.1kmh
90 %
Tue
19 °
Wed
19 °
Thu
15 °
Fri
14 °
Sat
15 °