“Britain’s most troublesome brolly” goes to auction on eBay after its wally owner nearly gets shot by armed police whilst carrying it
Whilst a chimney pot filled with a collection of umbrellas owned by the late Dowager Duchess of Devonshire we featured in February 2016 sold for the staggering sum of £4,375 at Sotheby’s due to its provenance, an Exeter man featured in DevonLive today is unsurprisingly not going to find his brolly selling for nearly as much after it nearly got him shot.
According to the paper’s plainly short of a real news story Chloe Parkman, “brolly wally” Mike Devlin was “swarmed by armed police five times while carrying his beloved novelty umbrella [with a samurai sword handle and a shoulder strap]” and now “has taken to eBay to get rid of it – on the orders of his other half.”
Speaking of the brolly, Devlin declared:
“You kind of get used to people pointing guns at you after a while. I lived in USA and have been to guns stores and in Germany where all cops have guns as well. But, in the UK, they seem obsessed by my umbrella.”
“I can vouch for it – it is a really strong umbrella and never breaks – but it is not a deadly weapon.” I just find the whole thing quite amusing. People accuse me of being an attention seeker, which is ridiculous. I have never called the police.”
“In all the years I was in Germany I never had a problem. The first issue I had was when I came to England and stepped off a plane and security pulled me over and wanted to know where I got it from.”
“I often get stopped by members of the public, and there have been five instances now where armed police have stopped me. On previous occasions when they discover it is just an umbrella they laugh it off. But it then culminated in them confiscating it.”
Referencing a recent incident when they pointed guns at Devlin, Devon and Cornwall Police remarked:
“We received a report of someone in possession of what looked like a samurai sword. It turns out it wasn’t a samurai sword, it was an umbrella made to look like a samurai sword. It looked realistic, to the armed officers as well.”
“I love this umbrella, had it for ages, but sadly I need to get rid of it. Why? Well, that’s an interesting one.”
“My other half doesn’t want me to get shot by the police. Y’see, couple of weeks ago, I had 4 assault rifles pointed at me, and surrounded by 8 police officers as I made my way home. This was the 5th time I have ran into armed officers (or should I say they have come running to me, including back-up units, and sending helicopters out), and whilst I have always found it highly amusing, she is, however, not overly enthused by it. I know, right! But what can I do?”
“So, here I am offering this immaculate umbrella that undoubtedly has caused more trouble in the UK than any other umbrella in British history. The winner will (reluctantly)receive the umbrella, and the police return sheet – they took it off me the last time, only for an armed officer to return it to me a few days ago.”
“The media is watching this listing (that image is from ‘The Times’), so you may even be contacted by a reporter should you win.”
“What will I spend the money on? Dunno, really – maybe a couple of drinks to drown my sorrows. Ugh, I need a drink now…”
A Brolly Wally – The very same umbrella that Mike Devlin has cleverly PR’d in ‘Devon Live’ and ‘The Times’ supposedly even can be had brand-new for just £24.99 (if you desire to walk around risking a police incident).A Brolly Wally – On the Facebook group ‘Angry People in Local Newspapers’ there was much discussion of the saga. One member, Steven Phillips, suggested: “He needs to get a less ambiguous brolly” and included a picture of an umbrella disguised as a gun.
‘The Steeple Times’ chooses the 25 best and 25 worst people of the last year and the 25 who’ll be missed and the 25 who won’t
Happy New Year to all our readers. Our ‘Heroes & Villains’ list was well received in 2019 and as we move into 2021, we join all celebrating ‘good riddance’ to the monstrous mess that was 2020.
Whilst many bombed, most especially Dominic Cummings and Donald Trump in the sphere of politics, for example, the likes of the heroic footballer Marcus Rashford and his campaign for free school meals for poor children showed that even a footballer can make a difference in a pandemic.
HEROES OF 2020
Obvious heroes of the year: Jacinda Ardern for being a leader capable of acting with good sense, Captain Sir Thomas Moore for raising £32 million for the NHS, Lord Sumption for arguing for lockdown liberty and Joe Wicks for keeping the nation healthy and turning down a £2 million deal with a supermarket.
WINNER – Bob Grace
Eternally cheerful groom Bob Grace led out his first winner after 38 years of racing at Royal Ascot in June when his trusty steed Battaash romped home in the King’s Stand. He raised the spirits of the nation and of this humble hero, one Twitter user concluded: “Bob is wonderful, be like Bob.”
Emily Bolton
One of “Britain’s most powerful civil rights lawyers,” Emily Bolton boldly fought for the likely wrongly convicted ‘Freshwater Five’ fisherman in 2020. She is tenacious and dedicated and a force for genuine good.
Steve Cotton
Alongside his cat named Hitler as his barman, “Britain’s grumpiest landlord” proved the spirit of Victor Meldrew was well and truly still alive in 2020. Summing up his approach to business and life in general, Steve Cotten remarked:
“I just make it up as I go along. I might not know how to run a pub but I know what’s wrong with every pub I’ve ever been in. There’s no landlord anywhere, nobody talks to each other. I involve the whole community – everyone knows it’s not my pub, it’s everybody’s pub… We are a dark and cold and miserable boozer – and that’s what people like about it.”
“They all know you can do what you want here, use it for what you want, come here on your own at any time of the day or night and help yourself to a tea or coffee. Everybody will talk to everybody… You can discuss any topic under the sun here, nothing is taboo… Everyone has a go serving behind the bar, we all have a laugh and everyone joins in… No one else talks to them like crap like I do.”
Bilkis Dadi (real name: Bilkis Bano)
This 82-year-old crusader and anti-Modi protester became the “voice of the marginalised” in India in 2020 and was escorted away from the farmers’ protest by the police. This heroine was included in Time magazine’s 100 most influential people of the year and remarked: “We will not stand for this division.”
Alfie Diaper
Ten-year-old “little star” Alfie Diaper recovered from a ruptured spleen in 2019 and “came back fighting” with riding successes in 2020. One Scottish reader of The Steeple Times quite rightly termed this pint-sized hero a “talented, spirited wee soul.”
Julia Donaldson
The author of The Gruffalo went down in literary history as the biggest seller of the last decade in any genre in 2020 and now sells a book about every 11 seconds. JK Rowling did not even make the top five.
Hollie Doyle
Whilst she was ridiculously robbed of the BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2020 and came third, Hollie Doyle amazingly scored 151 wins in 2020. She also broke another record in becoming the first woman to win five races on a card at Windsor and our money is on her to become a hero of 2021 too.
Alain Ducasse
In January, Alain Ducasse spoke complete sense is echoing Iris Apfel’s “more is more and less is a bore” mantra. This culinary remarked: “I’ve noted [the Dry January] trend, but I don’t want to see or hear of it, I am opposed to it… “[I want to] rid consumers of their inhibitions [with regard to wine drinking].”
Lord Fowler
The Lord Speaker of the House of Lords quite rightly argued “there are too many Lords” in December. He added: “As we have just seen, its recommendations can be overridden by No 10. The result is that a prime minister has the power on his or her own to add peers to a house of parliament that can make and, within limits, unmake laws. Is this what the public expect in the third decade of the 21st century?”
Bryony Frost
Rising-star jockey Bryony Frost became the first woman ever to win the King George VI at Kempton on Boxing Day. This true heroine of the year is undoubtedly going to break many other glass ceilings in 2021.
Lady Glenconner
The former lady-in-waiting to the late Princess Margaret declared of coronavirus: ““I’ve been through the second world war and lived with someone with Aids at the beginning [of the Aids crisis]. I’m not scared of a little virus, you know.”
Agnes Gund (AKA ‘Aggie’)
A “put-your-money-where-your-mouth-is” philanthropist, Agnes Gund was described as “the last good rich person” by the New York Times in 2018 and in 2020 used money from the sale of one the most valuable artworks from her collection, a Roy Lichtenstein worth £120 million, to fund US prison reform. She has also given more than 900 significant works to the Museum of Modern Art in New York in the last 50 years.
Anders Holch Povlsen
Asos billionaire Anders Holch Povlsen led the way in rewilding in 2020. He also paid back the government £300,000 of furlough money during the year voluntarily and thus made a mockery of the likes of Sir Richard Branson and Sir Philip Green.
Patrick Hutchinson
Compassionate “fitness buff” Patrick Hutchinson carried an injured far-right racist protestor to his safety in spite of being himself black in June. Sensibly, he remarked: “Living with the image of a man being beaten to death isn’t something I could stomach. How do the police do that? They just seemed to be standing there watching it and filming with their selfie sticks. One of them said ‘well done’ to me, but I couldn’t really comprehend it.”
Jeremy King
The co-owner of The Wolseley rightly slammed Boris Johnson repeatedly during 2020. He rightly described lockdown Tier 2 coronavirus restrictions as “another knee jerk, ineffective, window-dressing, butt-covering initiative that hasn’t been thought through properly.”
Abdulkareem Musa Adam
This child refugee from a war zone in Darfur shone at Royal Ascot 2020. Accompanied by Shadn, this 22-year-old’s story was described by Clare Balding as “[showing] the incredible power of sport to bring people together and help them to heal, even after the most appalling suffering.”
Dolly Parton
In 2020, Dolly Parton gave £733,000 to fund a COVID-19 vaccine. The Guardian rightly said of her: “She understands that money is something you do, rather than something you have.”
Sister Norma Pimentel
Described as the “pope’s favourite nun,” Sister Norma Pimentel featured on Time magazine’s “100 most influential people of 2020” list. She has supported over 100,000 people seeking refuge at the border between Texas and Mexico and of her Julián Castro, former United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, remarked: “Sister Pimentel will keep changing the world, one act of kindness at a time.”
Dr. Ugur Sahin and Dr. Özlem Türeci
The “dream team” husband-and-wife team behind the leading vaccine to solve COVID-19 were amongst the ultimate healthcare heroes of 2020.
MacKenzie Scott
The ex-wife of Jeff Bezos gave £4.3 billion of her fortune to charity during 2020. In doing so, she became one of the biggest single donors to charity in a single year ever.
Santosh Shah
He didn’t win, but the unlikely star of MasterChef Professionals 2020 was this Nepali chef. He was eternally positive and widely lauded as the “people’s champion.”
Shirley Sherwood OBE
Britain’s leading botanist, after losing her tycoon husband at the age of 87, has become an unlikely star of Facebook with her videos sharing positivity and her passion for plants. She has rightly been described as the “driving force behind a revival of interest in botanical art.”
Micheline Stephen
A martini drinking 90-year-old and Dame Maggie Smith-lookalike, Micheline Stephen fought off a burglar and told him: “You’re a wee shite” in 2020.
‘Window Twerky’
Spotted on both the Fulham Road and Kings in Chelsea, this unknown woman amused many with her maniac moves during Lockdown 1.0. Her Fifty Shades of Crazy antics during that Strictly insane time were batshit bonkers but brilliant.
Tobias Weller (AKA ‘Captain Tobias’)
This heroic 9-year-old with cerebral palsy and autism raised over £150,000 for a children’s hospital during Lockdown 1.0 by completing marathons. He remarked: “It feels amazing to have completed both marathons. I feel fantastic. Thank you for clapping and cheering me every step of the way. You are all awesome. I love doing challenges so who knows what will be around the next corner?”
VILLAINS OF 2020
Previous list makers, but repeat offenders included Sir Philip Green, Sir Richard Branson, Tim Martin, Dominic Cummings, Boris Johnson, Darren Grimes, David Starkey, Sir Cliff Richard, Prince Andrew, Matt Hancock, Ghislaine Maxwell, Larysa Switlyk, Liz Hurley, Owen Jones, Richard Madeley, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Michael Barrymore, Vivienne Westwood, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump and Ferne McCann, but our winner just had to be:
WINNER – Priti Patel
When she wasn’t “minglin’” and “movin’” and misusing the English language, Priti Patel was angling for a return to the death penalty in the UK in 2020. Asked what kept her going in 2020, when even Emily Thornberry declared “gin,” the most awful Home Secretary in generations ridiculously responded: “Showing the perpetrators of crime that they have nowhere to hide and joining our police on early morning raids – reminding the criminals that we’re coming after them.”
James Abbott-Thompson
The son of calculator lacking Diane Abbott MP appeared at Westminster Magistrates’ Court in January after “spitting at a police officer and biting his colleague.” He’d previously exposed himself on a hospital ward and had crystal meth delivered to his mother’s £1.2 million home.
Victoria Baker Harber and Inigo Philbrick
Though ‘Mini Madoff’ Inigo Philbrick was deservedly was dragged to the clink by the FBI in June and remains in custody, his latest ‘baby mama,’ Victoria Baker Harber, couldn’t keep her almightily large trap shut. Shortly afterwards, she turned on one of his many victims, Kenny Schacter, and crudely tweeted: “Are you crying about cash or cock?”
Brian Basham
Bombastic PR peddler Brian Basham didn’t manage to get the mucky madam Ghislaine Maxwell out of jail in 2020. In response he angrily ranted to his friends at the Daily Mail and called Finding Ghislaine podcast host John Sweeney a drunk and someone he “despises.”
Scott Borgerson (AKA ‘Scott Marshall’ and ‘Mr Ghislaine Maxwell’)
This tech company CEO was revealed to be Ghislaine Maxwell’s “secret husband” in December. He then tried and thankfully failed to use their millions to get her out on bail in time for Christmas.
Benjamin Clark
After attacking the Winston Churchill statue in Parliament Square in September, son of a pastor Benjamin Clark deservedly got fined. His solicitor’s attempts to try to defend him quite rightly fell on deaf ears.
Lizzie Cundy
Desperate-and-will-do-anything-for-attention Lizzie Cundy, 52, turned coronavirus into a photo opportunity in a bikini made out of face masks in October. For her, nothing isn’t worth using for self-publicity.
Ellen DeGeneres
The wheels fell off for goody two shoes Ellen DeGeneres when she was shown to be anything but nice. Her attempt at an apology for allowing workplace bullying was mocked as “underwhelming.”
Alan Dershowitz
Having defended multiple rapist Harvey Weinstein in 2018, Alan Dershowitz went one stage further in 2020 when he leapt to the defence of Ghislaine Maxwell and trashed the reputations of the victims of Jeffrey Epstein.
Tamara Ecclestone Rutland (AKA ‘Miss Piggy’)
Banshee-like billionairess Tamara Ecclestone Rutland appeared on ITV1’s This Morning in April. This daughter of a man whom once disgustingly described Hitler as someone who “was able to get things done” pestered people far poorer than her to donate to the NHS. Of this shameless attention seeker, a Twitter user remarked: “No offence but this feature on #ThisMorning is embarrassing. Trying to raise £1m but they have a family net worth of almost £4bn? Good publicity stunt though…”
Charlie Elphicke and Natalie Elphicke OBE MP
Ex-MP turned sexual predator and “Naughty Tory” Charlie Elphicke and his replacement MP wife Natalie got caught out after urging fellow parliamentarians to pester the judiciary after he got sent down. She was also very nasty about immigrants.
Laurence Fox
Actor Laurence Fox morphed from a housewives favourite and telly box treasure into a tedious twerp in 2020. His Reclaim Party became a laughing stock online and his decision to tattoo “freedom” and “space” on his hands was mocked unsurprisingly.
Mark Francois MP
This tedious Tory was pilloried online when he “disappeared” after an MP was accused of rape. He returned just-in-time to bang on and bore about the brilliance of Brexit in December. We can only hope he’ll “disappear” again in 2021.
Art fraudster Angela Gulbenkian attempted to flee to Portugal to escape going on trial in June. She was quite rightly extradited back to the UK and victims including Percy Bass of Walton Street should finally get justice against this blonde bimbo in 2021.
Julia Hartley-Brewer (AKA ‘Julia Heartless-Brouhaha’)
She’s awful every year without a doubt and will never be a hero to anyone, but in ignorantly defending a right-wing thug who’d relieved himself on a memorial to murdered constable Keith Palmer, this tedious twerp made a total prat of herself. In response, one Twitter user asked her: “Why do you as a woman think it is ok for a bloke to expose himself by getting his dick out and urinating in a public place?”
Michael Heaver
In blubbering like a baby after Nigel Farage failed to make the New Year’s Honours List, “milk bottle white” Westmonster co-owner Michael Heaver again showed himself as just one thing: “A remarkably unpleasant child.”
Lady Victoria Hervey (AKA ‘Toff Totty Vicky’)
Accurately described by the late Tara Palmer-Tomkinson as “unpleasant” and “a right snob,” dimwitted dope Lady Victoria Hervey defended Prince Andrew in 2019 and then stated: “Fuck BLM [Black Lives Matter]” in 2020 on her Instagram page. The world hope she remains silent in 2021.
Eamonn Holmes
Crackpot conspiracy theorist Eamonn Holmes morphed into the David Icke of 2020 when he declared that the “mainstream media’ was hiding a link between 5G technology and coronavirus. Him and his wife were unsurprisingly subsequently dropped from their weekly presenting roles on ITV1’s This Morning.
Dr. Walter Palmer (AKA ‘The Driller Killer’)
Having slayed ‘Cecil the Lion’ in 2015, deranged dentist Dr. Walter Palmer returned to his barbaric ways when he massacred an endangered ram in July 2020. Though he claims to be “looking forward” to his next “adventure,” one can only hope that this monster meets a sticky end in 2021.
Stephanie Pratt (AKA ‘Shady Steph’)
One-time crystal meth addict demanded shoplifters be shot in May 2020 on Twitter. Unfortunately for her, the public were on hand to remind her she’d been arrested for stealing a £1,000 of clothing from Neiman Marcus in May 2006.
Phillip Schofield
Aside from “claiming to have been murdered in a past life because of a debt” in October, Phillip Schofield attempted to rival Sir Cliff Richard and launched quite possibly the most loathed collection of boxed wines ever in September. What a plonker!
Carrie Symonds (AKA ‘Carrie Not On Regardless’ and ‘The Duchess of Downing Street’)
Boris Johnson’s wine chucking puppet mistress proved herself to be a total busybody in 2020. Despite not being elected herself, that the PM’s latest ‘baby mama’ got her own cronies into Downing Street during the year was a total disgrace.
Alexandra Tolstoy
Miserable moaning Minnie Alexandra Tolstoy bleated about not being able to live on £10,000 per week before getting £606,000 for a few of her possessions in a Christie’s auction in November. Loopy to her core, she remarked: “We’re just surviving.”
Dominic West
Aside from being caught kissing actress Lily James in October, actor Dominic West got caught breaching social distancing rules on a shoot in Wiltshire in December. He also claimed to have “jumped for joy” when he found out Donald Trump had coronavirus.
Heroes & Villains 2020 – Lizzie Cundy (left) and Inigo Philbrick and Victoria Baker Harber (right) – Examples of the worst people of 2020 without a doubt.
THOSE WHO’LL BE MISSED
Sadly, many great people were lost in 2020 and amongst those most widely mentioned were Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Honor Blackman, Chadwick Boseman, Kobe Bryant, Jack Charlton, Sir Sean Connery, Des O’Connor, Kirk Douglas, George Floyd, Dame Olivia de Havilland, Eddie Van Haylen, Irrfan Khan, Dame Vera Lynn, Diego Maradona, David Prowse, Gene Reynolds, Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sachs, Jackie Stallone, Larry Tesler and Bill Withers.
WINNER – John le Carré (born David Cornwell)
Having sensibly summed up Donald Trump’s election and the banality of Brexit, novelist John le Carré died from pneumonia aged 89 in December. Of his passing, his agent Johnny Geller remarked: “[He was] an undisputed giant of English literature. He defined the cold war era and fearlessly spoke truth to power in the decades that followed… We will not see his like again.”
Michael Angelis
Liverpudlian actor Michael Angelis brought happiness to many. He was the narrator of Thomas & Friends for 21 years and also appeared in Bergerac and Z-Cars. He died in May aged 76.
Lady Elizabeth Anson CVO (married named Lady Elizabeth Shakerley)
This first cousin-once-removed of Queen Elizabeth II was “discreet and professional.” She observed that “the very rich, the very idle, the very busy and the ones who simply haven’t a clue what to do” didn’t have the skills to organise events, so set up a party planning business. She died in November aged 79.
Sir Terence Conran
Multi-skilled and described as “the most passionate man in Britain when it comes to design,” Sir Terence Conran died in September aged 88. He once remarked: “It’s thrilling as a designer when you see something you’ve designed and built actually being used. Seeing a shop filled with people, or a restaurant with people smiling away happily, it’s like, gosh, all my dreams have come true.”
Alan Davidson
This legendary newspaper photographer captured stars at play from 1969 until his death in March aged 70. Of him, the Daily Mail’s Richard Kay remarked: “No event was off limits to Alan.”
Sir Harold Evans
Described in an obituary in the Guardian as “the most admired newspaper of his generation,” Sir Harold Evans died aged 92 in September. He will be best remembered for exposing Robert Maxwell as a fraudster and Kim Philby as a traitor. In doing so, he became the first editor to order a D-notice and summing him up, here was someone who’ll be remembered as someone “loved by his staff.”
Lynn Faulds Wood
The wife of fellow television presenter John Stapleton was best known for co-hosting the BBC’s Watchdog with him. She died after a stroke in April aged 72.
Derek Fowlds
Affable actor Derek Fowlds was best known for his roles in Yes Minister and The Basil Brush Show. He died as a result of complications from pneumonia in January aged 82.
Desmond Guinness
Brewing heir Desmond Guinness was an author and expert on Georgian architecture. He will be remembered as a “great dandy of his generation” and saved countless buildings from the wrecking balls of property developers. He died in August aged 88.
John Hays
Having doubled his workforce and saved thousands of jobs when him and his wife bought Thomas Cook in 2019, “high street hero” John Hays died suddenly at his offices in November aged 71. He considered his workers “family” and laughed off people comparing him to a “country bumpkin.”
Shere Hite (born Shirley Gregory)
Twice married sex educator and feminist Shere Hite renounced her US citizenship in 1995, was briefly stateless and then became German. She posed in the nude for Playboy whilst at university and died of corticobasal degeneration in September aged 77.
Thomas Hoare (AKA ‘Mad Mike Hoare’)
This fervently anti-communist British mercenary leader died in February having led campaigns in the Congo and a failed “package-holiday coup” in the Seychelles. Of him, his son remarked: “Mike Hoare lived by the philosophy that you get more out of life by living dangerously, so it is all the more remarkable that he lived more than 100 years.”
Tony Hooper
A founder member of the Strawbs, singer and guitarist Tony Hooper died in December aged 81. He left the band after argument over whether they should be more folk or rock in 1972 and became an educational author and book jacket designer in the 1990s.
Knut Kloster
With a name that sounded like a brand of breakfast cereal, “visionary” cruise line king Knut Kloster died in September aged 91. He was best known for co-founding the hugely successful Norweigan Caribbean Line in 1966, but his attempt to build a “world peace boat” eventually came to nothing.
Sir Stirling Moss OBE
“Who do you think you are? Stirling Moss?” will go down in history as a much-quoted punchline of policemen, but this racing driver will be remembered for two other quotes also: “If God had meant for us to walk, why did he give us feet that fit car pedals?” and “There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.” He died in April aged 90 having survived falling down the lift shaft of his Mayfair home in 2010.
Geoffrey Palmer OBE
As Time Goes By star Geoffrey Palmer died in November aged 93. Of him, his co-star Dame Judi Dench concluded: “Geoffrey was master of comedy.”
Julia Peatling
This Stockwell based medical secretary loved a gin and tonic at PJ’s on Fulham Road and her Downton Abbey star dog, Poppy.
Margarita Pracatan (born Margarita Figueroa)
Cuban novelty singer Margarita Pracatan, who died in June in New York aged 89, was best-known for performing on Clive James’ television show Saturday Night Clive in the 1990s. Of her, he remarked: “She never lets the words or melody get in her way. She is us, without the fear of failure.”
Carl Reiner
Born in The Bronx, actor, author and comedian Carl Reiner joined Twitter at the ripe old age of 90 in 2012. Two days before he passed in June, he tweeted: “Nothing pleases me more than knowing that I have lived the best life possible by having met and marrying the gifted Estelle (Stella) Lebost – who partnered with me in bringing Rob, Annie & Lucas Reiner into to this needy & evolving world.”
Michael Russell
“Publisher, wit and author” Michael Russell was the creator of the spoof memoirs of J. R. Hartley, he of Yellow Pages fame. He also published Richard Spitzy’s How We Squandered the Reich – a book that described Hitler as being “like a cross between a head waiter and a chimney sweep.”
James Sherwood
Buccaneering American businessman James Sherwood revived the Orient Express, built up a chain of hotels and created the Sea Containers empire. He died in May aged 86 having once been stranded at 16,000 feet in the Andes with Princess Michael of Kent after his helicopter had to make an emergency landing.
Barbara Smoker
This “promoter of many causes now take for granted” died in April. Barbara Smoker will be best remembered for saying: “Don’t always be obedient. Obedience is overrated. You’ve got to work out your morality for yourself, not do everything you’re told. Obedience can be more of a vice than a virtue.”
Alexandra Sykes (born Alexandra Sotomayer)
The third wife of businessman Mark Sykes was vivacious and bubbly. “Wise and kind” Alexandra Sykes loved to keep fit and at a party, hers was always the liveliest voice in the room.
Helen Taylor-Thompson OBE
After having worked as a spy in occupied France in the Second World War as part of Churchill’s “secret army,” Helen Taylor-Thompson co-founded Europe’s first AIDS hospice. She died in September aged 96.
Alexander Thynn, 7th Marquess of Bath
Polygamous Lord Bath was as famed for his ‘wifelets’ as he was for his erotically styled paintings. He played an aristocrat in the 1987 video for the Pet Shop Boys song ‘Rent’ and died of COVID-19 in April aged 87.
The late Margarita Pracatan is exactly the kind of person we could do with now.
THOSE WHO WON’T BE MISSED
WINNER – Peter Sutcliffe (AKA ‘The Yorkshire Ripper’)
This evil HGV driver claimed he’d “heard voices that ordered him to kill prostitutes while working as a gravedigger” as an excuse for slaughtering at least 13 women and attempting to murder 7 more between 1975 and 1980. He died as a result of complications from COVID-19 in November.
Tariq Aziz
Saddam Hussein’s principal spokesman died in June aged 79. He had been found guilty of “deliberate murder and crimes against humanity” in October 2010.
Donato Bilancia (AKA ‘The Liguria Monster’ and ‘The Killer on the Trains’)
This Italian serial killer murdered 17 people between October 1997 and April 1998 on the Italian Riviera. A compulsive gambler with a passionate hatred for night watchmen and sex workers, Bilancia died of COVID-19 in Due Palazzi prison in Padua in December.
George Blake
This remorseless British MI6 officer turned double agent for Soviet Union believed he was not a traitor and once remarked: “To betray, you first have to belong. I never belonged.” He died on Boxing Day having caused the deaths of at least 40 British agents in Russia as a result of his treachery.
Alfred Bourgeois
This trucker molested and murdered his 2-year-old daughter and then joked about it. He was given a lethal injection of pentobarbital in December at a prison in Terre Haute, Indiana.
Anthony Casso (AKA ‘Gaspipe’)
An American mobster and serial killer considered a “homicidal maniac.” He confessed involvement in upto 36 murders and was imprisoned for 455 years in 1998. Casso died from complications related to COVID-19 in December.
Brian Daniels
A bus driver turned paedophile serial rapist, Daniels was approaching the end of an 18-year sentence for attacks on four young girls in May when it was discovered he had further victims. He died in prison in October having remarked: “I did something against kids and I was punished. I don’t deserve to live. My final punishment will be death.”
Roy Den Hollander
This American lawyer shot himself in July after being made a suspect in the murder of fellow lawyer Marc Angelucci in California and the son of Judge Salas in New Jersey earlier that month. He had been a member of the National Coalition for Men, but after being kicked out called them “wimps and whiners.”
Terry Dicks (AKA ‘Phil’)
Possibly the most bigoted ex-Conservative MP ever, Dicks termed Nelson Mandela a “black terrorist” and ridiculed a Somali refugee family buying water in a supermarket by saying “where they come from they’re happy to drink out of puddles.” He referenced himself as a “spastic” due to his cerebal palsy and said of an Observer journalist sentenced to death by his hero Saddam Hussein: “He deserved to be hanged.” He loathed gay people and was nicknamed ‘Phil’ – for “elevating Philistinism to an art form.”
Vikas Dubey
An Indian gangster and history-sheeter turned murderer, Dubey was “killed” in July after “the police vehicle carrying him met with an accident and overturned.” He snatched a pistol from a policeman trying to fix a flat tyre, tried to run away and was then shot by another officer.
Scott Erskine
This American serial killer and rapist was responsible for the death of at least 3 child victims. He died in July after contracting COVID-19 in July.
Lonnie Franklin (AKA ‘The Grim Sleeper’)
This LA born serial killer committed at least 10 murders between 1984 and 2007. The majority of his victims were black women.
Dustin Honken
This serial killer was responsible for the murders of 3 adults and 2 children in Iowa in 1993. Before being executed in July, his last words were: “Hail Mary, Mother of God, pray for me.”
William LeCroy
This former soldier murdered a woman he believed was a witch in Georgia in 2001. He never showed any remorse for his actions and his last words were to his “spiritual adviser.” He remarked: “Sister Battista is about to receive in the postal service my last statement.”
Daniel Lewis Lee
This American white supremacist murdered a gun dealer and his family in Arkansas in 1996. He claimed to be innocent until the end.
Samuel Little
An American serial killer responsible for the deaths of at least 60 women, Little claimed to have killed as many as 93 between 1971 and 1997. He died in a Los Angeles County area hospital in December.
John Lowe (AKA ‘Keepers Cottage Stud Murderer’)
This puppy farm owner fatally shot his partner and her daughter in February 2014. He claimed he wanted them “put down” and himself died in a hospice in August.
Ba Ag Moussa
A Malian militant and jihadist, Moussa was shot and killed by French Armed Forces in November.
Roy Norris (AKA ‘The Toolbox Killer’)
Along with Lawrence Bittaker, Norris kidnapped, raped, tortured 5 teenage girls in 1979 in Southern California with pliers, ice picks and sledgehammers. He died of natural causes in February.
Abel Ochoa
High on crack, Ochoa killed five members of his family and tried to justify it due to being “intoxicated and in a delirium.” His final words were: “I would like to thank God, my dad, my Lord Jesus savior for saving me and changing my life. I want to apologise to my in-laws for causing all this emotional pain. I love y’all and consider y’all my sisters I never had. I want to thank you for forgiving me.”
Gordon Pinkerton
An RAF serviceman turned child abuser, Pinkerton sexually abused 6 young girls between 1963 and 2011. He was jailed in 2013 and died of coronavirus in prison in April.
Wesley Ira Purkey (AKA ‘The Claw Hammer Killer’)
Executed by lethal injection in July, Purkey raped and killed a teenager in 1998 and beat an 80-year-old to death with a claw hammer later that year.
Omar Sadiq (AKA ‘Roger’)
This Glasgow gangster and racial hatred inciter was killed by two of his associates in September. A floral tribute at the location of his shooting read: “Absolutely devastated. There was a better plan for you.”
Cathy Smith
This Canadian backup singer injected Saturday Night Live’s John Belushi with a fatal dose of heroin and cocaine in 1982. She died in August and had received a further drugs conviction in 1991 after serving 15 months between December 1986 and March 1988 for involuntary manslaughter.
Howie Winter
This mobster and leader of the Winter Hill Gang was implicated in a number of slayings in the 1960s and 1970s, but never charged. Of his demise in November aged 91, Thomas Foley, a retired Massachusetts State Police colonel, remarked: “It’s the end of a legend, but not a good legend… He is a guy that actually got away with murder.”
Pictured top: Winning Villain of 2020 Priti Patel and winning Hero of 2020 Bob Grace.
‘Nasty Nat’ Natalie Elphicke MP – wife of convicted ex-MP turned sex offender Charlie Elphicke – rightly called out for pestering the judiciary with naughty notes
When she’s not curiously crowing on Twitter about the crappy Brexit trade deals that her government keep screwing up, Natalie Elphicke MP – wife of the disgraced and deservedly jailed sex predator “naughty Tory” and ex-MP Charlie – has been getting her colleagues into the sh*t.
Reported first this morning in the Guardian, immigrant hating ‘Nasty Nat’ and the likes of the trout-mouthed Theresa Villiers, it seems, have been shamefully “seeking to influence a judge overseeing a hearing this week on whether references written in support of the former MP Charlie Elphicke can be made public.”
Admonished as “improper” conduct for their attempt “to seek to influence the decision of a judge who would ultimately rule on the basis of evidence and argument in court,” ‘Nasty Nat’ and her five colleagues – whom also included David Freud, Sir Roger Gale, Adam Holloway and Bob Stewart – should be ashamed of themselves.
Quite rightly, the Guardian also reported: “An application is being made on Wednesday by the Guardian, The Times and Associated Newspapers for release of the letters where the author is a public figure, in public office or holds or has held a position of public responsibility.”
Pictured top: Tory trashbag Natalie Elphicke MP with her filthy sex pest husband and ex-Tory MP Charlie Elphicke. The Belgravia resident turned bottom slapping brute has quite rightly now locked up. Long may he rot!
EXCLUSIVE – On the first anniversary of ‘Randy Andy’ Prince Andrew’s juggernaut wreck BBC interview about Jeffrey Epstein, authors Nigel Cawthorne and Kirby Sommers share their thoughts with ‘The Steeple Times’ reports Matthew Steeples
Exactly one year ago this evening, Prince Andrew no doubt sat down in an armchair with his batshit bonkers live-in ex-wife ‘Fergie’ onside ready to heap congratulations upon his chubby ego. The telly box centre stage in Royal Lodge, the toe sucking lover was no doubt whacking back a vat or ten of bubbles and munching on a sledge of sausages. Boringly, the non-sweater was likely just dribbling into a Diet Coke.
Speaking to The Steeple Times exclusively to mark the first anniversary of the Duke of York’s juggernaut wreck of an interview with Emily Maitlis for the BBC, Kirby Sommers, an activist, feminist, author and sex slave survivor, remarked:
“What has been fascinating one year after the disastrous interview Prince Andrew gave to the BBC is that Ghislaine Maxwell did not make a public statement of any sort in his defence. My take on this is not just an on-going acceptance that he lied and in fact did have sex with Virginia Giuffre, a trafficked victim of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, but that in addition to this: Maxwell would face a second slander lawsuit from Giuffre should she claim ‘Virginia is lying about Prince Andrew and nothing happened.’ Maxwell settled the first defamation lawsuit with Giuffre in 2017.”
“Prince Andrew’s ill-advised interview showed the world he depended on Jeffrey Epstein for financial advice and introductions on Wall Street. It appears he received additional perks from his friendship with Epstein. Furthermore, it is painfully clear to all who follow this case that Ghislaine Maxwell was not the ‘plus one’ the prince claimed her to be. His friendship with Epstein appears to have been more important than any previous relationship he may have had with Maxwell.”
“It is also apparent there are forces at work to continue to keep Prince Andrew from admitting guilt. His name was redacted in the documents that were just released from the Giuffre v Maxwell lawsuit. It is, however, in keeping with the methodology: his name, if you recall, was asked not to be mentioned by a judge in lawsuits against Jeffrey Epstein.”
“His popularity has disappeared. His name is scorned. The palace has even removed his Twitter handle from their website and souvenirs bearing his likeness from their gift shop.”
“What has to happen at this point is Prince Andrew must take responsibility for his actions. He cannot continue to be a pampered child as he approaches his 61st birthday. If not for himself, if not for his children, if not for Virginia Giuffre, then he must do so for the monarchy.”
Adding his thoughts and sharing his extensive knowledge on this first anniversary, Nigel Cawthorne, author of Prince Andrew: Epstein, Maxwell and the Palace, told The Steeple Times late Sunday:
“What do you do if you shoot yourself in the foot in front of millions of people and you are a soldier at heart? This was Prince Andrew’s night-time puzzle a year ago. You march on and hope that you won’t ambush yourself again, he must have thought.”
“Unfortunately, the prince was not blessed with good luck. He scored another own body blow when his words angered the US Attorney investigating Epstein’s sex ring so much that the full force of US legal power abroad was deployed to try and get the prince’s testimony.”
“Since the prince is his own worst enemy, there really is no telling what will happen next. Although November 2020 is only the anniversary of the interview, the palace’s ‘Epstein Affair’ has been gathering momentum for almost a decade. It has been so spectacularly mishandled that it could go any which way at this point, which makes it a far absorbing drama than Meghan and Harry’s even if the backdrop couldn’t be more tawdry.”
“Is he the typical – and now much maligned – middle-aged white male relying on privilege as Epstein’s victims say, or a victim of the victims as he has solidly maintained throughout? Andrew has consistently categorically denied all allegations against him. Though soon a grandfather, the prince is unlikely voluntarily to hang up his crown any time soon.”
Likely to lose all his titles by the end of the year, Prince Andrew’s ‘annus horribilis’ is complete. The Queen is supposedly not talking to him and now the cryptically coded message we published in January from The Times (which again follows below and which could indeed have been from Ghislaine Maxwell perhaps) now likely will prove true. No more “good wishes” need follow after this anniversary.
In Memoriam – Private
TO ANDREW THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
Did you ever love someone deeply, and out they didn’t love you?
Did you ever feel they weren’t kind to you, and wonder what you should do?
Did you ever blindly trust in love, but your love didn’t want to stay?
Love only causes problems, it happens every day
You wonder how they can sleep at night
You wonder how they can feel delight
You wonder how love could ever feel light
When you are left weighed down by fright
Love hurts so much, the price you pay is high
Choosing between love and death, I’d much prefer to die
Take my advice, don’t fall in love, you’ll get hurt before it’s through
You see, I ought to know, I fell in love with you.
Pictured top: Prior to his disastrous interview, ‘Air Miles Andy’ used to jet around the world smirking with foreign dignitaries and dodgy dictators. He must truly miss those jollies and especially all that jetting. Now, on the anniversary of this juggernaut wreck, this smug sop finds himself nothing other than a social pariah.
Randy’s Anniversary – That photo (Prince Andrew, Virginia Roberts and Ghislaine Maxwell): This image undoubtedly remains likely to be the ultimate source of Prince Andrew’s undoing. He continues to deny it as a fake, but he’s failed to prove it to be such and on the anniversary of the BBC interview, his future looks even more bleak.Randy’s Anniversary – Sausage muncher Sarah Ferguson was variously said to be the person who encouraged and the person whom discouraged Prince Andrew to give the interview. Given her childlike style, we’d suggest the former. Randy’s Anniversary – In the year since ‘Andrewgate,’ Ghislaine Maxwell – pictured here with Kira Faiman and fellow jailbird Martha Stewart – has hit the clink. Remarkably, the Duke of York last met with the breathtakingly arrogant mucky madam in June 2019 when she was in London for the Cash & Rocket London-Monte Carlo ‘charity’ rally.Randy’s Anniversary – A captioned image of the Queen with Boris Johnson that went viral shortly after the interview has proven partially true. ‘Bosie The Clown’ has certainly delivered on the “really stupid” front, but equally ‘Randy Andy’ and ‘Fergie’ have kept on shoving their gumboots in the proverbial.Randy’s Anniversary – The ultimate impact of the interview was perfectly summed up by the ‘New York Post’ and on the anniversary of it, this arrogant prat finds himself seeking ever deeper into the sewage tank.
Axminster gym owner Aneesa California is wrong to announce she and upto 200 others will defy the lockdown rules; the nation should instead get its walking shoes on during Lockdown 2
We all need exercise and we’re all going to need to ensure we keep fit during the impending lockup-lockdown, but as the late great legend that was Dr. Thomas Stuttaford rightly pointed out in The Times regularly, we should remember that “walking every day is the route to fitness.”
Gyms, on the other hand and contrary to a myth created to bamboozle the masses into parting with membership fees, are not ‘essential’ and news that upto 200 owners of such premises are going to defy the rules from tomorrow is actually not to be encouraged.
Going further of his theory in 2004, the ‘Good Doctor’ quite sensibly remarked: “The emphasis on gyms, sports stadiums and workouts is well intentioned but perhaps not the way to ensure a healthier Briton. The way to living longer and to be healthier and athletically fitter into old age is to take regular steady exercise every day. Twenty minutes to half an hour’s brisk walk a day — preferably all in one go — is enough.”
The Wonders of Walking – The late Dr. Thomas Stuttaford (1931 – 2018) was a well-known proponent of walking being the best form of exercise.The Wonder of Walking – Aneesa California (pictured with her husband Jesse) would do well to heed the comments of Professor Jonathan Ball rather than defy the rules. She could, instead, for now, encourage her clients to take up walking and could perhaps get them on the path to pavement pounding.
Whilst nobody rational is celebrating ‘Bosie The Clown’s’ decision to close anywhere that generates employment and again today we most vehemently raise our objections to the shuttering of socially distanced restaurant spaces, for example, gym owner Aneesa California should not be congratulated for her announcement that she will likely refuse to close her doors.
“Absolutely [we will stay open]… I’m in contact with around two hundred gym owners across the UK and we’re all having a discussion on [staying open] as we speak.”
“Obviously Parliament has to vote on this between now and Thursday, but we’re all pushing and applying pressure on our MPs to back us in classing us as essential.”
“‘I wouldn’t say it’s breaking the law, it’s guidance, everything they have said is guidance… We are going to take a financial impact, but this is not about money.”
“I’m in touch with legal aid and other people regarding fines, which I’m willing to pay, but, right now, we’re not breaking any law.”
Elsewhere yesterday, the BBC Radio 1 analysed the facts about “gyms and coronavirus.” In a report by Christian Hewgill and Eleanor Roper for Newsbeat, virologist Professor Jonathan Ball of the University of Nottingham was quoted. He quite sensibly stated:
“You do tend to exercise quite vigorously [in gyms], that means that you can breathe rapidly and quite deeply. Therefore, we’d expect that you could potentially produce droplets or aerosols that could go on to infect other people.”
“There’s always a risk that you might interact with someone who’s infected [without either of you knowing] and that allows the virus to transmit.”
Now readers, here’s a call to action for the coming month: Get your walking shoes on and pound those pavements.
Welsh ‘mock castle’ once occupied by notorious spendaholic Lady Docker for sale for £2.85m; the Dockers were turfed out in 1956 after it was discovered they’d lavished the equivalent of £1.3m today of company money on the place without permission
Alleged inspiration for ‘The Pink Panther’ film, Norah Docker (AKA ‘Naughty Norah’ and ‘Lady Muck’) described herself as “an artificial blonde, among thousands of artificial blondes searching for stardom.”
Of her second husband, Sir William Collins, chairman of Fortnum & Mason, she announced: “He was 69, I married him for his money.”
Lady Docker used her third husband Sir Bernard Docker’s company money to create Daimler cars upholstered in zebra hide – “because mink is too hot to sit on.”
The couple also plundered the company to buy Glandyfi Castle in Wales and spent an equivalent of £1.3 million of today’s money on it.
The Grade II listed, early 19th century ‘mock castle’ became a small hotel and is currently for sale for £2.85 million.
The best known ‘occupants’ of Glandyfi Castle, an early 19th century ‘mock castle’ eleven miles from Aberystwyth in Mid Wales, were Birmingham Small Arms Company (BSA) managing director and Daimler chairman Sir Bernard Docker and his notoriously decadent wife, ‘Naughty Norah.’
The Dockers, a “spendaholic” pair said to be the inspiration for the 1963 film The Pink Panther, lavished the equivalent of £1.3 million of today’s money buying and altering the castle in 1949 – the very same year they were robbed of £1.9 million of diamonds in today’s money at their Mayfair home also.
Sir Bernard and Lady Docker lived at Glandyfi until 1956 when it was discovered that they’d plundered the company through the presentation of vast expenses. Aside from the castle, Lady Docker had lavishly created five show ‘Docker Daimler’ show cars covered in gold and upholstered with amongst other things zebra hide. When asked why she had done such, she coyly responded: “Because mink is too hot to sit on,” but subsequently after these and the castle had to be returned, the couple bought a Bentley Continental as revenge.
Now, today, Grade II listed Glandyfi (pronounced ‘Glandovey’) is for sale for what seems like a comparatively reasonable sum of £2.85 million, but it now comes minus the “glitzy” additions made by the Dockers. The Regency Gothic style stone and slate main building extends to 8,280 square feet over four floors and provides 5 reception rooms, 10 double bedrooms and 10 bathrooms and in addition comes with a courtyard with guest accommodation, a 1 bedroom lodge and a range of disused barns.
Externally, aside from a mature landscaped garden, the 31.43 acre plot includes a walled former kitchen garden, grazing land and woodland, but what is most impressive is the setting of what James Delingpole termed “not so much an austere, toff’s castle as a theme-park recreation of one” with “undoubtedly the most magnificent view from any house I know in Britain.”
Speaking to Anne Ashworth of The Times last time the allegedly haunted castle was placed for sale in July 2019, current selling agent Belinda Hutchinson-Smith of Strutt & Parker – whom also was involved in marketing the property to the current owners, the Holmes family, back in 2007 when she worked at Savills – stated:
“It was surreal [in 2007]. We were in a time warp. Almost nothing had changed since the Dockers moved out in the 1950s. There were 1950s newspapers strewn across the dining tables and in the bedrooms, books were left open on bedside tables. But, at the same time, the house had a magical feeling.”
In comments to the BBC in September 2014, when the former Docker one-of-one 1954 Daimler ‘Stardust’ was sold at auction for £110,000, Glandyfi’s current owner Maureen Holmes remarked:
“[Sir Bernard and Lady Docker] were clearly living the dream. From the red and white marble fireplaces to a path through the woods made entirely of upturned gin bottles, the castle oozed excess.”
“The older people around here who remember them say they were unbelievable, almost mythical figures. At a time when everyone else was still on rationing, the Dockers were thundering through the lanes in limousines made out of gold and silver.”
“The irony is, that whilst the locals felt the Dockers’ perceived wealth meant that they were utterly removed from the community, in actual fact they probably had no more money than anyone else in the area.”
Lady Docker pictured in one of the opulent ‘Docker Daimler’ show cars she commissioned her husband’s company to create; the most famous of the examples was known as the ‘Golden Zebra’ – this 1955 Daimler two-door coupé based on the DK400 chassis featured metal trim pieces plated in gold instead of chrome, an ivory dashboard and zebra-skin upholstery.Thrice married Lady Docker (1906 – 1983), born Norah Turner and also variously Norah Callingham and Lady Collins, was born in Derby and began her career as a hostess at the Café de Paris in London. In Lancashire, her name is still used as a derogatory substitute for ‘Lady Muck’ and in spite of her once extravagant lifestyle, she died in poverty at the not so chi-chi Great Western Royal Hotel in Praed Street, Paddington, London. In one of her last interviews, Lady Docker remarked: “I have always had the persistence to march on. I will continue to do that, until the day I die.” In spite of her reduced circumstances, she is said to have “retained a remarkable joie-de-vivre, downing glasses of pink champagne to the last.”English poet Thomas Love Peacock got married at Glandyfi Castle in 1820; Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan stayed at the property whilst filming ‘Springwatch’ in 2012.
The Names & Numbers – Glandyfi Castle, Glandyfi, near Machynlleth, Ceredigion, Powys, Mid Wales, SY20 8SS, United Kingdom
October 2020 – Relaunched for sale for £2.85 million ($3.69 million, €3.15 million or درهم15.54 million) through Strutt & Parker.
June 2019 – Listed for sale for £2.85 million ($3.69 million, €3.15 million or درهم15.54 million) through Strutt & Parker with 31.43 acres of land.
2012 – Whilst filming the BBC’s Springwatch, presenters Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan stayed at the castle. Strachan wrote in the guest book: “I couldn’t imagine a nicer, more comfortable place to stay… I felt like a princess in my amazing room.” Packham added: “Staying at the castle has been a total treat. Hospitality, fine food, wonderful environment, views to die for and history.”
May 2007 – Offered for sale for £1.25 million ($1.62 million, €1.38 million or درهم5.94 million) through Savills with 43 acres of land on behalf of the late owner, one Mrs Betty Piper (1914 – 2006).
January 1964 – The building is given a Grade II listing, reference 9874, and is described as “the only example [of a] Georgian country house in picturesque castellated style in the county.”
1956 – Following discovery of the Dockers’ “profligacy” and their removal from BSA, the castle is sold.
1949 – Purchased by Birmingham Small Arms Company Limited for the use of Sir Bernard and Lady Docker for the sum of £12,000 or the equivalent of £427,000 ($552,000, €471,000 or درهم2 million) today. The company then lavished £25,000 or the equivalent of £890,000 ($1.2 million, €983,000 or درهم4.2 million) today on “opulent renovations of the home.”
1906 – Following the death of Charles Jeffreys, the castle and its lands pass out of the hands of that family after 114 years.
1820 – English poet Thomas Love Peacock (1785 – 1866) married Jane Griffith (also known as Jane Gryffydh) at the castle. His fellow poet and friend Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792 – 1822) referenced Peacock’s wife “the milk-white Snowdonian Antelope.”
Early 19th century – Built to the designs of an unknown architect for George Jeffreys, High Sheriff of Cardiganshire in 1819 on an estate acquired by his great uncle, Edward, in 1792.
Some of Lady Docker’s Notable Remarks
Of herself, as she moved to London to seek fame and fortune:
“An artificial blonde, among thousands of artificial blondes searching for stardom.”
Of her vision in life:
“[To] bring some happiness back to a world left hollow by the horror of two world wars… We bring glamour and happiness into drab lives. The working class loves everything I do.”
Of her father:
“A self-made man.”
Of her male “targets” and those she viewed to be husband material:
“Through my life, I set both my sights and my price high.”
Of her chairman of Fortnum & Mason second husband, Sir William Collins:
“He was 69, I married him for his money.”
Of her third husband, Sir Bernard Docker:
“I deliberately trapped him.”
When asked to justify why she covered the seats of a 1955 Daimler in zebra skin:
“Zebra, because mink is too hot to sit on.”
On the loss of the ‘Docker Daimlers’ when they were taken away from her and her husband:
“It’s not the loss of the gold cars that makes me feel like this… And weren’t they fun? They were like my children… No, it’s that lovely party I was planning for 25,000 of the company’s workers for my 50th birthday. A tiptop affair – and now it’s all off. How could they do this to [Sir Bernard] after 17 years? Why, he’s such a hard worker that he even had a direct line to the firm from our yacht.”
Of Prince Rainier of Monaco after her son was banned from his son’s christening and she decided to burn the Monacan flag:
“I’m at war with Rainier.”
To the captain of the liner the Queen Elizabeth:
“This ship is being run by a bloody Communist! Don’t you dare touch me, you bloody Communist!”
Of some miners she invited on her yacht:
“The dear boys, I just loved them! It proved conclusively to me that the social barrier only exists in the mind.”
Of a Monaco casino employee she had allegedly assaulted:
“It was a good sock I gave that man, and he deserved it.”
Of the people of Jersey:
“They are the most frightfully boring, dreadful people that have ever been born.”
PICTURED TOP: Glandyfi Castle and the estuary beyond; Sir Bernard and Lady Docker at the castle.
That ‘The Canary’ is still lauding Jeremy Corbyn as “the best Prime Minister we never had” about sums up that sorry shower of a rag’s grasp on the current state of British politics
Whilst The Steeple Times is anything but a fan of Boris Johnson and his government, we most certainly would never have welcomed Jeremy Corbyn as Prime Minister.
On Saturday, however, The Canary – a far-left, arse-licking online rag that claims to have a “wider reach online than The Times” – saluted Diane Abbott’s former “bedfellow” (in all senses of that word) as “someone who stands for the many, not the few” and “the best Prime Minister we never had.” They went further and concluded: “On VE Day… Corbyn reminded us of the kind of leadership we so badly need at this time of crisis.”
Known for having produced many “questionable pieces” in times past, the nauseating bird that should long ago have croaked that is The Canary has hopefully finally now realised that it is now as alive as Jeremy Corbyn’s prospects of entering Downing Street. It ended its so-called “article” with a pathetic begging note that stated:
“We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out. Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?”
Nicky Haslam designed Belgravia house for sale for 33% less than in 2010 in spite of yoyo-ing up and down in price for ten years
Estate agents like to make things sound grander generally and often give a house a name rather than a number. In the case of ‘Orpheo House’ in Belgravia, they’ve done the opposite and even though technically it stands in Elizabeth Street, its listed address is the rather grander sounding ‘50a Eaton Square.’
Grosvenor Estate owned Eaton Square, developed from 1827 onwards, has variously been home to actors, politicians and statesmen. Amongst them have been Stanley Baldwin, Sean Connery, Rex Harrison, Vivien Leigh, Joachim von Ribbentrop, George Soros and Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands and most recently in 2019, the square was used as a location in the hit BBC drama series The Capture.
50a Eaton Square has had a curious history. In 1992, it was listed as the final address of the fourth and last Baron of Southborough on his death and subsequently, in 2009, it was sold to a “British music executive” according to Financial News. In 2010, he commissioned the renowned interior designer Nicky Haslam to turn it into a “trophy home” and the “epitome of comfortable luxury.” It now includes not only air conditioning and underfloor heating, but also has “secret drawers for DVDs” and “display cabinets for watches and sunglasses.”
“Super-stylish… [and] whimsical… with a Parisienne theme” according to the Evening Standard in 2016, the three-storey property fronts Elizabeth Street, but can also be accessed from a side door into Eaton Mews West – a cobbled street that has been home to Belgravia Garage since 1930.
Plainly, being next to the busy garage and car wash has put off buyers given that the property has yoyo-ed on and off the market at prices as high as £4.5 million since 2010. The real problem, however, is that the remaining 26-year lease is not enfranchisable.
Extending to 2,253 square feet, 50a Eaton Square features a double reception room, an Italian black lacquer kitchen and a small bedroom suite on its ground floor, a 25-foot by 24-foot reception on its first floor whilst a “generous” bedroom suite with dressing room, bathroom and west facing roof terrace takes up the entire second floor. A spiral wine cellar is located on the lower ground floor and a parking space within the mews is also included.
Agents Rokstone now seek the very much reduced sum of £3 million for the property.
March 2020 – Reduced in price to £3 million ($3.5 million, €3.3 million or درهم12.9 million) and still available through agents Rokstone.
November 2019 – Listed for sale on Zoopla.com for £3.45 million ($4 million, €3.7 million or درهم14.8 million).
June 2018 – Listed for sale in Square Mile magazine for £4.25 million ($5 million, €4.6 million or درهم18.3 million).
October 2016 – Featured in the Evening Standard’s ‘Homes & Property’ section at a price of £4.25 million ($5 million, €4.6 million or درهم18.3 million) with agents Rokstone.
July 2011 – Listed as the ‘House of the Day’ on the Financial News website at a price of £3.95 million ($4.6 million, €4.3 million or درهم17 million) through agents Savills.
January 2010 – Listed for sale in Square Mile magazine for £4.5 million ($5.3 million, €4.9 million or درهم19.4 million) with agents Aylesford.
2009 – Sold to a “British music executive” according to Financial News. They state: “He moved out last year while [Nicky] Haslam completely gutted the house, taking it back to bare brick and changing the ceiling heights.”
June 1992 – Described as the last address of Francis Michael Hopwood, Lord Southborough, whom died on 15th June 1992 (born 1922). Given the fourth Baron of Southborough had no offspring, the title (which was created in 1917 by King George V) then became extinct.
June 1955 – Featured in The Gazette as the address of Ambrose Dasent, an engineer and relative of the Sir George Webbe Dasent (1817 – 1896), the renowned translator of Scandinavian literature and mythology.
February 1936 – Featured in The Times as having “been sold by Messrs.’ George Trollope and Sons before auction.
The designer of the interior of 50a Eaton Square, Nicky Haslam (pictured with fellow socialite Paris Hilton).The entrance hall and staircase.The main reception room.Viewed from another angle.The room includes a bar and is opulent in its styling.A second reception room, on the ground floor, features a sitting area within a bay window.It is has a division.With a dining area beyond.The kitchen features a central island.The main bedroom suite.Another view of that suite’s bathroom.The suite comes with its own roof terrace.The second bedroom is situated on the ground floor.A floor plan of the property.
Curve shaped neo-Georgian house that wouldn’t look out of place in an Agatha Christie Poirot novel on the St. George’s Hill estate in Surrey for sale for an extraordinary sum
Featured as the main article in Country Life just 15 days after the start of the Second World War on 16th September 1939, Hamstone House on the 946-acre St. George’s Hill estate in Weybridge, Surrey was constructed between 1937 and 1938 for Herman Peter Thygesen Lind (1890 – 1956), the founder of a firm that later constructed both Waterloo Bridge and the BT Tower in London.
Now offered for £16 million ($18.4 million, €17.2million or درهم67.6 million) by agents Beauchamp Estates, this Grade II listed “classical” house is described on British Listed Buildings as being “in Georgian tradition” and of “brown ham stone ashlar,” but has a look that is more akin to something out of Agatha Christie’s Poirot novels. In 1987, Christopher Warman of The Times, lauded it as “the most important architectural centrepiece of St George’s Hill” and “[looking] like the bridge of a huge ocean going liner.”
Accessed via a Grade II listed double gatehouse, Hamstone House is curved in shape and was somewhat mockingly featured in Punch magazine as “[standing] out like the Duchess of Windsor’s flamingo brooch in a local jewellers window.” Its 8 acres of gardens and grounds were listed as “not [looking] out of place in the grandest of crematoria.”
Refurbished most recently in 2006, the 23,546 square foot freehold property now includes amongst other things 5 reception rooms, 5 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms and an indoor swimming pool. The second floor is dominated by a large roof terrace accessed via an office, from where no doubt Mr Lind no doubt planned many a business manoeuvre as he looked out across what is listed as “rural grandeur.”
Sold to a company connected to Oleg Deripaska, the somewhat controversial oligarch and associate of Peter (now Lord) Mandleson in 2001, Hamstone House was previously marketed for £5 million ($5.7 million, €5.4 million or درهم21.2 million) in 1987 according to Wikipedia.
